An Update of Everything

Because I've been taking  a break from blogging, I have all sorts of new things to blog about. (You may want to read this post in installments. It has the potential of being long!) If I can find the time, I plan to update this blog every month or so. That's my goal at least! I've thought about just quitting all together, but I think I have the time to update every so often. . . and I've noticed I definitely feel less pressure when people have low expectations of how often I'll update.  Ha. :)

(I started this post mid November, and just finished now.  Hopefully the info is still current)

Nur UPDATE

Nur's adoption was finalized!  This was a very exciting day in our lives.  Just a little background.  T traveled to Ethiopia alone in August.  TT was less than a month old, and I was still healing from the birth, so there was no way I could be at our scheduled court hearing in Ethiopia.  Because of that, I signed a power of attorney form for T, and he showed up on both of our behalfs.  Because of that, Nur entered the US on an IR-4 visa, meaning that when we arrived, we had to readopt him.  If I had been at court in August, Nur would have come over on an IR-3, meaning he would have been an American Citizen the moment we landed on US soil.  So, after we got Nur home, we started the readoption process.  And in early December, we walked into the courtroom, testified in front of the judge, and the adoption became final, and Nur became a US citizen.  It was a joyous day!

For the special occassion, we got Nur a new blue blazer, tie and dress shirt.  Is he handsome, or what?  And not to take away from his baby sister.  She's pretty darn beautiful herself. :) And I must say we were pretty humorous in the courtroom.  We walked in, and TT spit up EVERYWHERE.  Their cousin C was walking around in her little Ethiopian dress.  And Nur was blowing bubbles.  We seem to make a spectacle everywhere we go. :)

At the courthouse before were were told absolutely no pictures.  Apparently, not everyone at court is there for happy reasons like us.  There are also kids there in really difficult situations.

The day after Nur's adoption was finalized, Nur turned 1! Also a joyous day!  Throughout the adoption process, T and I really kept hope that we would have Nur home for his 1st birthday.  We really wanted to help him celebrate.

We gave him a little cake, and quickly learned our lesson that our son will no longer have cake. . . until perhaps his 2nd birthday. :)  Yes, Nur was up ALL night after eating cake. We were exhausted!

His birthday was wonderful.  We kept the celebration small, and only invited family over to celebrate, and Nur did such a great job interacting with everyone.  We put him in a traditional Ethiopia outfit to honor his heritage. 

The theme of the party was futbol.  Cause, well, I'm married to T. . . who is absolutely obsessed with the sport.  Need I say more? :)

That's right Nur! You are 1!!! This is right after we all sung to him.  He was so funny! He just looked at us with the most peculiar grin, probably wondering why we were all looking at him and singing this weird song he had never heard before. 

Nur received so many wonderful gifts! He loves to play, and will play for hours with T and I on the floor. And he loves toys that make noise and talk to him.  It just fascinates him! 

TT enjoyed Nur's birthday part also.  And Nur is so kind to his little sister and shares toys with her.  They are starting to interact so much.  I love it!

Nur has made leaps and bounds since coming home. Everyday I'm amazed at all the new things he is learning, and everyday, he lets us see his personality more and more.  Some of the things Nur is doing now is, he can feed himself little finger foods.  We used to have to feed him everything, and when we would try to teach him, he would throw a fit.  Now, we place food on his tray, and he happily puts them in his mouth! His hand eye coordination has improved SO much, and he now has that whole pincher grasp down.  His absolute favorite thing to feed himself. . . ger.ber puffs.  He LOVES them.  LOVES THEM.

Nur has also become quite mobile!  We have him working with a PT specialist, and it's really helping him build strength! Every day, he learns something new! He has mastered crawling now.  He also can go from a laying down position to a sitting up position, something his PT wanted to see.   Just today, he pulled himself up on furniture, and by the time I post this, I guarantee there will be more.  His PT specialist (Who is through early intervention) is sure that Nur will test out and be completely up to speed by the end of summer.  She said he is pretty much a 9 month old in terms of development.  Considering that is only 3 months behind his age, I'm pretty darn impressed with that!

Even his looks are changing!  His cheeks are getting chubby, and we love it!  He's really starting to fill out more!  Not only that, but his hair is starting to come in so thick, which is causing us to wonder what we'll do with it. Right now, we are just letting it grow, and it's beautiful and soft.  Nur loves to eat, and we love to feed him.  Everytime we feed him, I feel like we are a step closer to getting his weight up there where the doctors want it to be. 

Nur is an absolute joy to our lives.  Everyday, I am learning new lessons about life from him, and everyday I am completely humbled to be his Mom.  Being a Mom is a blessing, and at the same time it's hard.  The love I feel for my children is the same, but everyday I am realizing that my parenting techniques have to be different for each child. Nur is adopted.  He did come from an orphanage.  Because of that, I do need to alter my parenting techniques.  This is all a learning process, and I just hope I'm doing this all good enough. 

I received so much wonderful advice during the adoption process, but one of the best things I heard was to remember that Nur is still a baby. . . even though I have a baby even younger than him.  And everytime Nur tests my patience, I try to remember just that.  He IS a baby.  A baby who has been through much.  A baby who deserves all the love and patience in the world.  And I know I'm not a perfect mother to him, but I try my hardest, and I have no doubt that Nur feels the love coming from T and I. 

TT UPDATE
And then there is TT.  She also has been a complete joy to our family.  She is changing so much daily, and I also feel so lucky to be her Mama.

I've started TT on baby food, although I must admit, she isn't very interested, at all.  At her last doctor's appointment, she was in the 36% for weight, so I am trying to plump her up a bit.  She is learning all sorts of new things, such as rolling over.  This girl absolutely hates her tummy, but lately I've been putting her on her tummy, she makes herself into an airplane, and then she rolls over to her back.  The first time I saw her do this, I screamed with excitement, and I think it scared her a bit. Oops!  When I put TT down in her crib, she wakes up in a whole different position.  I don't see her move in the night as I'm sleeping as well, but she must be doing a lot of wiggling around.

TT can be on the shy side, and it takes her a while to warm up to a crowd.  If someone is holding her and she doesn't feel comfortable, her bottom lip comes out, and you know it's a matter of seconds that the tears will be coming.  When we are home as a family of 4 though, there is no shyness to be had!  She plays, and plays a little rough!  Remember how I mentioned earlier that Nur's hair is really growing?  Well, TT's favorite thing is to grab his hair.  And naturally, he doesn't like it.  TT is also obsessed with this blow up soccer ball we have.  Seriously, everytime the ball comes around her, she screams at the ball, and then when we take the ball away, she's calm.  Then the ball comes back, and she screams again and tries to attack. (Future soccer star perhaps?) She also interacts with Nur quite a bit.  He's more softspoken, and she gets in his face and just screams and talks to him.  He never knows what to make of it, and he'll just look at me like, "Is this girl for real?"  It's so much fun to see our children interacting.  I think they are really used to each other now, and I have no doubt that TT has no memory of a life without her brother. 

TT also loves to laugh.  I can get her laughing so hard, and it's hilarious.  She also likes to talk a lot.  In the mornings when it is just the two of us getting ready because the boys are still asleep, she likes to scream.  I constantly hush her so we don't wake anyone up.  Yes, a bit futile hushing someone her age.  And I'm not going to lie, I love the sound of her voice. :)

TT may be the worst napper ever.  Although I hear she naps great for the nanny.  ERGH!  But for T and I, she would much prefer to be up.  I think it's because we are so cool and she likes to hang out with us. :)

TT is sweet, kind, and adorable.  She has been such a joy to our lives, just as her brother has.  We are beyond blessed. 

THE ROUTINE

We have a schedule worked out for the most part.  I wake up with TT in the mornings.  She gets up anywhere from 4am to 5:30am.  I feed her, and then I bring her into the bathroom with me as I get ready.  She has this fun little bouncy thing she plays in, and we talk, and laugh and hang out while Mama showers, puts on some makeup, does my hair, and gets ready for the work day.  Nur is usually still sleeping at this time.  At about 6:15, I wake T up for his day. He showers, and I play with TT and get her dressed.  I then leave the house around 6:30am for my work day.  Nur usually wakes up around 7, and T feeds him breakfast and takes care of TT until the nanny shows up at 8am.  Once she shows up, T leaves for the day.

At the end of the work day, I rush home to relieve the nanny.  I usually get home around 4pm, and the kids are usually just getting up from their naps, and it's usually time to feed them both. I put Nur in his high chair, and feed him dinner, while at the same time, holding TT and feeding her a bottle.  We talk (mostly me) about our days, and I sing songs to them.  They both LOVE music.  After they've both eaten, it's time to go to the living room and play.  I usually put on pand.ora radio for all of us, these days it's usually my Christmas Music Station, and we play on the floor until T gets home. 

T then gets home, and the 4 of us play on the floor together.  There are so many fun and educational toys that our kiddos have, so we try to incorporate some learning into our fun!  Around 6pm, we do baths, get the kids into their pajamas, and then we go to our lower level and play.  You see, we have upstairs toys, and downstairs toys. :)  We play for about 30 minutes, and during this time, T and I may enjoy a sandwich or pizza or something like that.  (Must admit, we aren't doing a ton of cooking these days)  At about 6:30-6:45pm, we bring the kiddos upstairs, do a final diaper change, get bottles ready, fill up vaporizers (that help with the constant colds both Nur and TT have, and double as white noise) and start the bedtime routine. (Nur currently wears 2 diapers to bed. . . seriously necessary! And no worry people. . . he doesn't have a diaper rash. His bum is very healthy)

Once the kids are in bed, we pick up a bit, perhaps finish eating dinner, perhaps do a load of laundry, sometimes cuddle and watch a movie, and sometimes, we go to bed too!  And then the next day, we repeat.

As we get into a routine more and more, we are finding that we have a little bit of alone time.  Recently, T offered to take both kids while I went to the mall.  (I texted about 5 times in the 1 hour I was gone) Then later that day, I agreed to take both kids, while he went to his cousin's house to play video games.  We try to give each other a break here and there as much as possible.  But, we rarely get breaks cause, well, being alone with two babies isn't the easiest thing in the world.

US. . . AS IN T AND I

And then there is T and I. Definitely not as interesting as our kids, but I thought I'd update on us as well. Let's just say, life is busy, hard, and tiring, yet fulfilling. These aren't complaints. . . just truths. And the truth also is that I wouldn't change our situation for the world. We love our children more than words could ever express. But yes. . . It is a lot of work, as we knew it would be.

Everyday, T and I struggle with spending quality time with each child of ours.  I know for me, I try to have special alone time with each child.  My mornings I have alone time with TT as I get ready for work.  After work, I try to bring Nur to his room while T is with TT and share a moment with him.  I usually just smooch him, hug him, change his diaper, and tell him how much I love him.  Yes. . . I would like a lot more time a lone with both kids, but it's difficult right now to find that.  I think as they get older, that will become easier. 

We also haven't left our children with other caretakers yet.  Well, we've left them with my sister for a couple hours while we shopped for the kids, but that's about it.  I would love to go to a movie with T, and I think Nur is ready for us to leave for a couple hours, but asking anyone to watch two babies is a lot to ask anyone.  They are both in diapers, they both have high needs, they both can get fussy.  I don't know, I just don't feel comfortable asking anyone such a huge favor yet.  And no one is really offering either, so I think we'll just wait until they get older.

Somedays, I really struggle.  These days are usually after a night of little sleep.  Somedays this all feels like too much.  I don't always know how I will continue.  I break down a bit.  Other days, I look at us with complete amazement that WE ARE DOING THIS, and we aren't doing half bad.  I can go from one extreme emotion to the next in little to no time.  I know there are people out there with twins.  I know there are people out there with a lot more children than I have.  And wow. . . do you amaze me.  All I know is that I struggle at times with all of this.  And when I struggle, I then feel guilt, because I have two babies.  We are at a wonderful point in our lives.  A time I never want to forget or take for granted. 

ATTACHMENT
One of the biggest obstacles of adopting a child is forming an attachment.  We've been home for over 2 months now, and I think we've really made leaps and bounds in this area.

I will say this. . . I wouldn't change the timing of our story.  If I changed it, there wouldn't be a Nur, and there wouldn't be a TT.  But I will say this.  Having children 7 months apart, getting pregnant during the adoption process, adopting out of the birth order, and bringing home a 10 month old when we had a 3 month old at home, has probably hurt the attachment in some ways.  When T and I were just adopting and not pregnant, we had all these wonderful ideas about no one else holding Nur, or feeding him, or changing him, etc.  But, anytime we go somewhere, someone jumps at the opportunity to do all these things for him, and we're usually too tired, or too badly needing the help to object. 

Despite the difficulty, I do think the attachment process is going well, and I think we've made leaps and bounds the past couple of months.  Nur used to SCREAM if anyone left the room for even a second.  Now, he happily plays with his toys, and when I enter his view 5 seconds later, he smiles at me. Or, now that Nur is mobile, he just follows me, which I love. Nur definitely knows who mama and baba are.  He will reach his arms out to us when someone else is holding him.  I feel like he definitely prefers us. Nur knows his sister well, and I don't feel like there is any jealousy or anything like that.  They are both fixtures in each other's lives, and I think they actually like each other. :)

Nur rarely cries between bites of food anymore or when finishing a bottle.  He knows that there will always be food. . . something I fear he didn't know before.  His sleeping habits have improved, and now when he wakes up, he doesn't cry bloody murder, he just makes his voice known so we know he's awake.  He used to scream when he woke up, which was never a great transition from sleeping to being awake. I mean, can you imagine waking up screaming?  Not a great way to start the day!

Nur smiles more.  He talks more.  It's as if he has made the choice to let us in.  I feel like this choice was made out of trust.  I know this is still a work in progress, but I definitely think he trusts us so much more than he ever has before. 

There are things that I wish we were doing better.  There are times I wish there was more of me so I didn't always have to feel like I was making a choice between Nur and TT, but for the most part, attachment is going really well.  We are a family, we all love each other, and daily I will work to make sure Nur knows he is as much a member of this family as everyone else. 

So, that is our lives at the moment.  I'm off of work this week, so I had time to post about it. :)

I hope you all have a very wonderful NEW YEAR!