The Importance of a Diverse Neighborhood

When adopting a child who is not the same race as you, I think it's really important to be in an area where diversity exists, and where your child doesn't feel completely out of place for his race alone.

I never want Nur to feel like he doesn't belong.  I fully realize that he will most likely have some identity issues because he is adopted.  But I don't want him to also have issues because he is surrounded by the privileged white people.  I always want Nur to feel special, loved, accepted.  I want him to feel like an individual, but to also know that there are people who look just like him. 

MN Public Radio just did a great story the other morning on race in our state (our state which is full of Scandinavians. . . much like myself) and how it's becoming more diverse.  They then stated that my neighborhood is the most diverse one in the state. . . with approximately 70% of the people in my neighborhood being non-white.  The school district we live in is very diverse, and made up of mostly African Americans. 

Our church down the street has only black members.  I have visited and was encouraged to visit more, but I would be the sole white person.  I guess that's okay.  One of my children's doctors is African, and their primary nurse is an African American.  One of their teachers is Lebanese, and in their class, there is a family from Somalia and a family from Ethiopia. 

Why am I telling you all of this?  Because I think it's important that when we make the choice to have someone from a different race join our families, it is really important to look around us.  It's a hard realization when we look around and realize that we surround ourselves with people who look just like us.  Diversity is a good thing.  I know my family has already benefited from the diverse area we call home.  And I never want Nur to question his looks.  Afterall, he is a beautiful brown boy, and I never want him to think that being paler (like his mama) is what he should aspire to. 

Nana and Gidu

I don't know if I've ever blogged about T's parents, but they are amazing people, and amazing grandparents.

Meet Nana

 Meet Gidu

T and I quickly pushed these two out of their comfort zones when we announced to them that we planned to adopt a child. . . and no less. . . a child from Ethiopia.  Adoption is definitely not the norm in the Muslim faith.  Instead, they think that children and families should be preserved and that a family member should raise the child. . . within that child's own culture.  I can't say I disagree with that at all, unfortunately, that isn't always a possibility. 

Even though Nana and Gidu initially met our adoption with trepidation, they soon became the supportive and loving parents that I knew they would.  And then they met Nur.  Their first and only grandson, and it was love at first sight, and they have been the most wonderful and doting grandparents our kids could ask for. 

This summer, our nanny informed me that she needed to go part time until November.  An internship opportunity came up that she didn't want to miss out on.  I panicked.  Thinking I would need to find a different nanny.  But instead, Nana and Gidu stepped up and offered to help with our children twice a week. And, they refuse payment, and acted insulted when I tried to stick a check in their pockets.  Nana and Gidu live 10 minutes from us in the summer, and then around December, they head to Egypt for the winter.  The timing of all of all of this couldn't have been more perfect.

The kids LOVE them.  They get so excited on their Nana and Gidu days.  They run to them in excitement when they walk through the door, and they behave so well for them.  Nana always brings her own food with, which helps me so much in terms of food prep.  Nana is the BEST cook ever.  She feeds my children her speciality. . . that we fondly call Nana's Soup.  She also brings over other traditional meals.  Nana and Gidu teach my children Arabic, and they are quickly learning some easy phrases.  Nana also has shown TT that she doesn't need a pacifier, and she has started potty training them.

Ramadan began on Friday, and even though Nana and Gidu are fasting from sunrise to sunset, they still find the energy to love on my children, and to feed my children healthy meals when they can't enjoy any of it until the sun sets for the day.

They have been a true blessing in our lives.  They love our children.  They teach our children, and help out with our children.  They are amazing and wonderful people, and they have opened my eyes to other religions, and other ways of living.  We would be lost without them.

The Face of Adoption

Nur has been home for a year and a half.  Every day, we move farther away from Ethiopia and closer to the rest of our lives.  I miss so much about Ethiopia, and I hate that it's becoming a distant memory for me.  At times I wonder if Nur remembers anything about it at all.  I vow to bring him back.  Someday. 

It didn't take long for Nur to simply feel like my son.  It wasn't immediate, and it didn't just happen one day, but somewhere in the past year and a half, he and I have developed a bond that only a mother and child can develop.  Yes, Nur is adopted, but I would never introduce him as my adopted son.  He is simply Nur.  The best son I could ever have asked for.  A son with the gentlest soul I have ever seen.  A son I can't remember not being part of our lives.

Adoption.  Never far from my mind.  Something that I'm so grateful to have experienced.  Something so profound that I still haven't grasped the reality of it.  At times, I sit sadly amazed at how much I have altered Nur's life.  I'm happy he has parents who can provide for him.  But I remain sad for the fact that he will never know anyone that he shares genetics with.  Sad that he has lost so much of his culture and identity.  We have altered the course of his life. . . as he has altered the course of ours.  We are both people that will never be the same because of each other.

As much as I hate that Nur has already lost so much in his life, I'm so grateful that our paths found each other.  I'm so lucky to be this boy's mama.  To see him grow, to see light enter his eyes, and to see him feel like a part of something.  Adoption looks differently for everyone.  But for me, and for my family, it's been a blessing beyond all understanding.  It was that one defining moment in my life when I realized nothing would ever be the same again.  That my life was forever changed.  That I was forever changed.  And I owe it all to my son.

Life with TWO 2 Year Olds

I am by no means an expert, afterall, I've only had two 2 year olds for 6 days now.  But I have a feeling the next 6 months with my two 2 year olds will be very interesting.  I'll get to watch Nur and TT grow, and learn, and develop.  I'll also get to watch them tantrum, and be irrational and emotional.  Bring it on!!!  It's going to be a great year. 

I have no doubt the terrible 2's exist.  But I've also had my pediatrician say that he thinks life between 1 and 2 is harder than life between 2 and 3.  I've also had friends tell me that when their child turned 3, life got really hard.  So, I'm sure it's all dependent on the individual child. 

I've been dealing with 2's since December, and it is an interesting age.  I'm noticing in both of my children the highs are very high, and the lows are very lows.  I can have a child that goes from downright giddy to having a complete tantrum in a matter of seconds.  I have two children that can now communicate exactly what they want, but don't have the comprehension to understand that they don't get everything they want.  I have two children that can do a lot of physical activities now, but they still don't realize the danger of other activities

The communication piece to this age always amazes me.  The things these kids can say now.  I'm often in complete awe over it.  Sure, sometimes the fact that they can talk so much isn't a good thing.  Like when TT was having a tantrum yesterday, and knocked over something on purpose.  Nur got in her face, and said, "No TT.  You in time out!"  Well, this set off my darling daughter even further, and she pushed her brother, and yes, she did get a time out.  But more times than not, the things they say are completely endearing.  Today as I was leaving for work, TT started crying.  Nur came up and grabbed her, and said, "It's ok TT."  Nothing melts my mama heart than seeing a brother and sister who care about each other more than they care about anyone in the whole world.  It's what I always dreamed. 

Another thing I really enjoy about 2's so far is their ability to independently play.  As much as I love to get on the floor with my kids and play, sometimes the dishes, laundry, dinner, sweeping, etc needs to get done.  The past week, I have been amazed at how well they both play.  Nur sits and lines up his car, and TT plays with her My Little Ponies and her new house she got for her birthday.  They can now sit and play for 30 minutes all by themselves.  I'm right there, but I'm getting something done.  And I know this will only get easier with time. 

Every age has their challenges, and I know 2 won't be any different, but so far, I'm going to look at all the wonderful things that come with being 2.  And I hope that this year brings many good things for my kids, such as:

• Complete elimination of sippy cups
• Potty training
• Better eating skills so I can quit cutting up most foods
• Continued vocabulary growth

And so many other things.  It's going to be a great year!  I can feel it.

The Party

I  decided to keep TT's birthday party fairly small.  2 year olds can be a bit unpredictable, and I remember for Nur's 2nd birthday (I probably remember because it wasn't that long ago!) that he didn't react well to guests and was more overwhelmed than anything.  I wanted to avoid that this time around, so T and I kept the invite list to immediate family only.  Our parents and siblings and their kids.  It really was the perfect size.  AND. . . it's been way too hot to sit outside in MN lately, and our house is small, so all of these factors played into it as well.
We really prepped TT hard for her party.  We talked about it a lot, and although she had no clue what was really going on, we tried to explain that people would be coming over to see her, that she would get to eat cake and open presents, and that she must be very sweet to everyone and say thank you for the gifts.  I literally engrained this in her head for 2 days straight.

Her party was Saturday at 3pm, and here is the cake I got her.

Unfortunately the cake suffered a bit of a casualty.  I went early Saturday morning to pick the cake up, and then I put it in the fridge.  Well. . . my TT now can open the fridge, so she lifted the cake out because she wanted cake.  Oh well. . . not worth stressing about a lopsided cake! ;)

When guests started showing up, TT would scream through the window from excitement.  She then greeted guests at the door with the biggest hugs ever.  This is just SO not TT.  She takes a long while to open up to people.  It was fun to see her so excited and really understanding that everyone was here to see her. 

T and I went the easy route and ordered a 6 foot sub and had other appetizers.  People ate and visited and then we opened presents.  TT was really into that this year.  She'd hold it up and say, "Wow."  She even did a fairly good job thanking people.  It was more like yelling across the room without making eye contact, but it's a start. 

The best was when my mom came in with a very large gift.  TT started yelling, "Oh my goodness!" "Oh my goodness!"  I didn't even know the child knew that phrase!  She was gifted with an art easel, and she thinks it's the best thing ever.

After opening her wonderful gifts, I placed TT in a chair and we all sang happy birthday to her.  When I was a child, I would cry when people would sing to me.  It intimidated me that everyone was looking at me and singing.  I hated it.  Well, my daughter may not look like me, but she acts like me.  Half way through, her bottom lip came out, and she just sobbed.  Poor thing was scared.  She quickly recovered and ate her cake. :)

After cake, the kids all played.  TT and Nur both adore their cousins, and played so well with them.  They all had a GREAT time.





As the party was wrapping up, TT came and sat on my lap and said, "Love you Mama."  Melted my heart.  I feel very grateful that my kids have so many people in their lives that love them.  It was a great second birthday filled with memories to last a lifetime.

TT - Today You are 2

To my beautiful TT,  today you woke up crying just after midnight.  Usually, I would let you cry for a few minutes, and then perhaps rub your back until you dozed off again.  But this time, I walked in your room, and you stood up and said, "Sleep Mama," and I grabbed you so quickly and brought you into bed with me.  (which meant I kicked your Baba out of the bed and banished him to the guestroom)  The thought of getting to spend every moment with you on your 2nd birthday was exactly what I wanted.

At 5:30am, you started waking up slowly, playing with my hair, and talking gently, I rolled over and said, "Happy Birthday TT" and you screamed in delight, and yelled "TT birthday!!!"

Yes my beautiful daughter. . . today you are 2. 

We walked into the kitchen, and you saw this, and screamed, "Wow!"

When I told you that you needed to wait until Nur and your Baba were up to open presents, you quickly started yelling their names, until they finally got up.  You loved opening your presents, and when you were finished, you looked at Baba and asked, "More presents?"

We then spent a few hours at the zoo looking at animals and eating unhealthy foods, and enjoying our time as a family.

As I write this, you are sleeping soundly in your bed, and I am thinking of how much I love you.

I love your independence, and how strong willed you are.  I love that even though my "baby" is 2, you still indulge me in acting like my baby.  You are most likely going to be my last child, and you must know how badly I want to keep you young, and you indulge me daily in cuddles, and kisses, and you insist on being held by me.  I'll never tire of this sweet child.  I will hold you as long as you'll let me. 

I love the bond you have created with your brother.  I love how you don't even remember a life where the two of you weren't joined in the bonds of sister and brotherhood.  I love your kindness towards him, and how you make sure he is included in absolutely everything.

I love how excited you get about things.  Such as when Nana and Gidu come to the door, you schriek and scream with delight.  Or at the zoo today, when I told you we were going to see a lion, you were so excited, that you turned around, and started saying goodbye to all the other animals we had just visited.  "Bye Bears!!!"  "Bye Tigers." 

You have enriched my life and everyone's life you have touched in so many ways.  You are pure joy, wrapped up in this little spunky package, with crazy Egyptian hair.  It's hard to believe that you're 2.  I can hardly believe it.  It seemed like you were just born.

I love you, and I hope you have the best birthday yet baby girl! :)

I hope to be like them someday

T and I headed to Vegas for a few days and left the kids with my parents. It's always hard to leave them, but I know they are so safe and loved while in my parent's presence, and that makes leaving that much easier. 

My parents are amazing people.  Just all around amazing.  The way they support me as a mom is unprecendented.  I hope someday that I can be the parent to Nur and TT that my parents are to me.  No really. . . they are AMAZING!!!

Not only did they watch the children for a few days, but they also cleaned and organized our home.  Our garage is completely clean and organized.  My Dad finished painting all the trim work on our home, after he spent hours scraping old paint (And it was in the upper 90's in the good old MN)  My parents and youngest brother also cleaned up our yard.  They mowed our lawn, they weeded, they cut down dead trees and brush, they planted flowers, and the yard looks amazing.  The inside of the house is also amazing.  My mom scrubbed the bathroom, cleaned floors, and rearranged furniture.  Laundry was done and put away, and everything was impeccable.  We got home from the airport with a freshly baked apple pie in our kitchen. 

I try to give my parents the thanks they deserve, but they always tell me that it's such a privilege to get to spend time with my kids.  And I know it's a privilege, but to take care of 2 kiddos AND get to house and yard work that we've been neglecting for much too long. . . I just don't know how to properly show my appreciation for that.

I don't know how they do it?  T and I never are caught up.  As much as I would like to be, I feel like we never get to it all.  Perhaps my parents have just had more practice at this homeowning business. 

Whatever it is. . . I am eternally grateful to my parents.  First, for loving my children so richly and deeply, and second, for loving me so much that they ease the burden of life for me. 

I have the highest standards to live up too.

Painted the first weekend of June, but now the white trim is also complete