Busy Adoption Week

Something I have quickly learned about the adoption process, is some of the time is unfortunately spent idling. That is how the past couple of weeks have been spent. We were waiting for our Social Worker to write our homestudy report, which we will review next week with her, and we were waiting for our international agency to receive all 5 reference letters, which were out of our control.

But this week, things will get moving again!

After work, Taher and I have a conference call with our international agency. At that point, she will mail us the Dossier paperwork, and then we can keep ourselves busy gathering ALL of the necessary paperwork. (I hear there is A LOT) And on Wednesday, we have our fingerprints taken at Citizen and Immigration Services.

I'm looking forward to having things to do for the adoption. The past two weeks have been difficult because the waiting was completely out of my control. I've learned a lot about myself, and one thing is I hate not having an aspect of this adoption out of my control. . . yet so much of it is. I need to learn how to wait patiently and not be anxious in anything.

Do you wait well?

In raffle news, you have until 5pm on Thursday to enter your name in the raffle for the chance to win a couple amazing prizes seen here!

Click HERE for the details on how to enter. I will announce the winner on Friday morning, where I will also announce the nex item(s) being raffled off.

Thank you so much for your support! It honestly means the world to Taher and I.

Be sure to check back tomorrow. I have some words I want to share on adoption and loss. Thoughts that have been on my mind for a while.

The "Dreaded" Social Worker Visit

Any adoptive parent probably was nervous about the Social Worker visit during the adoption process. I know I was!

Taher and I had about three weeks between when we scheduled the appointment and the day of the appointment. That gave me three weeks to research the heck out of what to expect, to google different stories from other adoptive parents, and to WORRY. I don't know why I worry so much, I was just very aware that the Social Worker could potentially stand in the way of Taher and I's dream of adoption. SHE could be the one who deemed us not qualified. That SCARED me!

Our appointment was on a Tuesday, so the previous weekend Taher and I cleaned and organized the house. Being just the two of us, our house never really gets that messy, but we were sure to give it a good cleaning anyway.

Let's just say Tuesday was a LONG day. I tried to be productive at work. To concentrate, to be a good employee, but my mind was obviously elsewhere. Taher and I called each other a few times throughout the day and did the countdown. She would be at our house at 4:30pm. What time is it now? Only 9am? CRAP.

My workday finally ended, and I rushed home. Taher was already there, and we straightened everything up. I remade the beds, opened the windows to get a nice breeze, instructed me cat to behave, then worried about the social worker being allergic my cat. (She wasn't)

And at promptly 4:30. . . We received a knock at the door. My heart rate immediately accelerated, and I had to do everything in my power not to giggle. Yes, that was my initial reaction. To giggle.

As expected, our social worker was amazing. We all sat in our living room, and MP told us a bit about herself and how she came to work at that agency. She then asked us to tell us about ourselves. Taher went first and gave her his brief bio. Then I went next. Then she asked us both why we wanted to adopt. The words came flowing out. It's not hard for us to talk about why we want to adopt.

After about 15 minutes, she then asked us for a tour of our house. Ahh. . . Taher, bless his heart. He gave the tour, and I followed. Taher didn't just point out to MP, here's are kitchen, here's our office, etc. It was more like, "Here's our kitchen. Leah and I redid a lot of it. We laid this tile all by ourselves and even stained the cupboards." "Oh, and here's the office. We painted, and I even hung this light." "Here's our bathroom, it's pretty dated." Oh, Taher. I seriously think he's the cutest. ;-)

After the five minute tour of our home, we then sat back in the living room, and MP went over the next step. About 10 questions that we had to answer about ourselves, our finances, our relationship, our neighborhood, Our EVERYTHING.

That was it! At about 5:15, we were shaking MP's hand, and she was on her way.

Not so bad at all. I realized I worried about nothing. (I worry about nothing a lot) MP was there to get to know us. She wasn't there to disqualify us. She is here to work with us. . . Not against us. She wasn't at our house with her white gloves checking for dust. She was there to make sure our house was a safe environment for a child.

After MP left, Taher and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. We then hugged each other, and Taher said to me with a smile. . . "We're going to be parents."

My response?

InshaAllah
:-D

InshaAllah

When Taher and I were in Egypt two years ago, I received my first lesson in the Arabic language. I love languages, and would love to speak Arabic fluently someday (along with about 10 other languages) so when people spoke, I listened carefully.

Taher and I visited many of his family members that live in Cairo, and the conversations were held mainly in Arabic. I would sit and listen intently to the conversations being had, and there was one phrase I heard A LOT. Everytime someone would say something they would preface it with InshaAllah. Or when they were done saying something, they would say repeatedly, InshaAllah, InshaAllah. And everytime we would leave, I would say in english, "I hope to see you soon." And again, his relatives would say back to me in Arabic, InshaAllah. Just yesterday, I told Taher's aunt that we would like to have her over for dinner soon, and again, her response was InshaAllah.

My inquisitive mind asked Taher what exactly InshaAllah meant, and he explained to me that the translation means God Willing. (If Allah wills it) He said that in the Islam faith, there is an understanding that our lives are not our own, and nothing can be done if God is not willing. God has a plan for all of our lives and if something is in God's plan, than it will happen. I was raised in a Christian household, and Christianity also has the same understanding. Our lives are NOT our own. We are not in control of most things. It doesn't matter if you pray to Allah, Budda, or Jesus. The phrase InshaAllah fits perfectly, and quickly became a phrase that I use often in my life.

InshaAllah has pretty much become my mantra when speaking about our adoption plans.

I get asked. . . "You are going to adopt a child?" InshaAllah.

"How long will it take?" Hopefully not long, InshaAllah.

"Are you adopting a healthy child? InshaAllah.

Taher and I are working very hard on the aspects of this process we can control. When paperwork comes in, we fill it out quickly and accurately and send it back to the agency. We go to medical appointments for physicals, we go to the police station for fingerprinting.

But at the same time, I have this spiritual aspect of life that things will work out exactly how they're supposed to. If Taher and I are meant to be parents to an adoptive child, than God willing, that is what we'll be. If for some reason something happens that delays or prevents us from being adoptive parents, than I also need to trust that that is the master planning. In my journey of life, I've learned some brutal lessons. I've learned there are things I can control, but for the most part, I don't have control over a lot of life. I hope, I PRAY this adoption goes smoothly. I hope that all the work will pay off, and in the end, we will have a child. But I never want to be over confident. I always want to have faith that things will work out the way they are supposed to.

Taher and I will adopt a child. . . InshaAllah.

Timeline for International Adoption

Many people have asked the timeline of our adoption. Unfortunately, we do not know. The timing varies a lot based on what is going on in the country we are adoptiong from, as well as the agency we are working with. Our agency quoted a timeline, but that is always subject to change.

If I had to go out on a limb, I would say best case scenario is that we will have our child in 9 months. Worst case scenario I would say 2 years. Now saying that, the best case could be shorter and the worst case could be longer. Let's just say there are A LOT of variables in adoption.
Below is a high-level overview of all the steps that will be involved in our international adoption.

1. HOMESTUDY
(A homestudy can take anywhere from 2 months to 6 months. A homestudy does not just involve a social worker coming to our home. That is actually just one part of the entire homestudy process. Instead, a homestudy involves gathering of paperwork, social worker interviews, adoption classes, and things of that nature. And when I say paperwork, I mean PAPERWORK. The most I've ever seen or filled out. It is a thorough process.)

2. DOSSIER
(A dossier is required for all international adoptions. It is a bunch of paperwork that will be submitted to our country of choice and translated into their language. This will include certified copies of birth certificates, marriage certificates, fingerprints, and many many more things. This also takes a while to compile. Once the dossier is sent to our country, we are OFFICIALLY on a waiting list.)

3. REFERRAL
(Once we've been on the waiting list for a while, we will get our child's referral. We will be sent a picture of a child and the child's medical records. We will have a certain amount of time to accept or reject our referral.)

4. COURT
(After accepting our referral, we will then have to set a courtdate in the country we will be adopting from. Depending on how busy they are, it could be a month to three months after our referral. Once we pass court, our child will be legally ours!)

5. TRAVEL
(After the child is legally ours, we will then travel to the country and the orphanage to pick up our child and bring him or her home.)

Like I said, this is just a high-level picture of the steps in our process. Where are we at currently? We are somewhere in the middle of the homestudy and the dossier as we are working on both of them at the same time. As you can see, we have a ways to go in this process.

And because I love posts with pictures, here are a few pictures from our weekend. We had a wedding on the North Shore, and it is truly a beautiful area of the state. The weather was gorgeous, the views were beautiful, and we were surrounded by friends. A great weekend.

You know me. . . Who are you?

I have a lot of fun and exciting posts coming next week about where exactly Taher and I are in the adoption process, and when we can expect to get our "monkey" home. (Monkey is our term of endearment for kids. We've called our beautiful nieces monkeys for years, and we can't wait to call our baby a monkey) I also want to talk about the gender we have chosen for our child (yes, you can select the gender) Next week you will also get to "know" my better half a little better, as he plans on doing guest posts once a week. . . we are truly in this together, and I wouldn't want to be in this with anyone else. :-D

Over the past week, ever since Taher and I announced to people our adoption plans, I've received many beautiful emails congratulating us. I've also received comments from about 20 different people saying HOW THE HECK DO I LEAVE A COMMENT???

So this my friends, is your how to leave a comment tutorial.

1. After you read the latest post, underneath the post, kind of towards the right hand side, you will see the word COMMENTS. Sometimes it will say 0 COMMENTS, sometimes it will say 5 COMMENTS. (It all depends on how many comments I've received on that post. Click the COMMENT button.

2. You will then have a little box displayed where you can type a comment. Type away.

3. It will then ask for your identity. If you don't have a google account set up, check the anonymous box. If you do check anonymous, just be sure to sign your name when you type a message.

It's as easy as that! I promise! :-D I've also had so many people tell me this week, I read your blog, congrats! And it's usually people that I had no idea were reading my blog. So come out hiding, say hi. :-D

So, did you come across my blog today for some reason or another? If you did, say hi, introduce yourself. I'd love to "meet" you too! :-D

Stay tuned for all the exciting information coming next week, but for now, I leave you with a picture.

Many Thanks

I want to take a break from the logistical aspects of adoption (before I bore everyone to tears) and I want to thank everyone for their support. Taher and I have been flooded with emails from family and friends on facebook, via email, and via this blog. And we are both humbled beyond belief at the kindness people have shown us. People have offered to donate items for our fundraising efforts, people have given us many fundraising ideas, and people have made themselves available to help us with anything we need. Truly humbled.


Part of the application process involves having friends and/or family members write letters on your behalf. Taher and I choose wonderful people to serve as our references, and I wanted to share one of the letters written on our behalf.



Writing on behalf of Taher and Leah Omar:

I have known Leah for over 20 years, as we grew up in the same hometown. In addition to sharing experiences with her in our hometown, we also graduated from the same college, Augsburg College, and have remained friends since.

I have known Taher as an acquaintance at Augsburg and as a friend since he and Leah were a couple and subsequently married.

Leah and Taher's lifestyle and character is one that is built on support; the support of family, friends, and each other. The couple gets along well and has a healthy, communicative relationship. They are responsible, ethical, and self-aware; and this serves them well as individuals and as a couple. Their individual lives are a product of the family support system that they have received, this is something that they will pass on and will be a valuable attribute to their children. Their lifestyles are reflective of their individual characteristics and they have created a loving family environment between themselves which is ready to share that love with another.

The strength of the Leah and Taher's marriage is the individuals which make up the marriage. Both Taher and Leah have strong characters that they share and appreciate with each other. In their marriage, Taher and Leah have wonderful communication skills and are able to support each other as they are, not with an expectation of what each individual wants. This genuine love and respect for each other is a great strength, and it is from this position of love, and not necessity, that they will adopt a child. More so, the couple knows what responsibility is and they are engaging in this process with their eyes as open as can be to what raising a child will entail.

I have seen both Leah and Taher interact with children in a way that would leave me extremely comfortable if I left my own children with them. They are responsible and caring and seem to get great joy out of the experience of being around children. They speak dotingly of nieces and love their time with them. Both Taher and Leah are sensitive, tenderhearted individuals who relate well to children, yet at the same time have the capabilities to also teach and help children grow. In short, they interact exceptionally as adult role-models to children.

An adopted child would be a wonderful addition to the union of Taher and Leah. These two people come from unique backgrounds, yet they are able to appreciate their own uniqueness and grow together rather than allow it to be a hindrance to them. An adopted child would be fortunate to be a part of this setting and would find love, understanding, eclecticism, and proper discipline from Taher and Leah. A child whom they adopt would have above all a sense of self-worth because of who that child is, and their future child will find love from the Omar’s just for being that special child.

I recommend Taher and Leah as parents without reservation and see no reason why they should not adopt a child.




Nothing about this process feels normal to me. Probably because this process and experience is so different than anything I've ever experienced. Reading such a positive letter from someone I consider a great friend makes me realize without a doubt that Taher and I have so much love and support in our lives. And for the 10th time in this post I say to you. . . I am truly humbled.

Choosing what country to adopt from

As with everything in the adoption process, Taher and I had to make a decision that was best for us. We live in a very big world, but not every country in this world was an option for us to adopt from. In many countries, adoption is illegal, in other countries, you can only adopt there if you are a citizen. So when it came down to it, we only had a handful of countries to choose from. (Of course, if I were Madonna, I could adopt from any country, but I digress)

The most important considerations for us when choosing a country were cost, length of time before bringing a child home, age of child, gender of child, time spent in foreign country, and how a child from that particular country would fit into our family. For all of those reasons, we came to our country of choice pretty easily. I've been receiving many questions regarding some of these factors so I thought I would answer the questions right here, because in my experience, if one person is curious, many people are curious. :-D 1.

Cost: Adoption costs vary from country to country. Many people wonder why adoption costs anything, afterall, if a child needs a home, a child needs a home. The costs are for other things, such as court fees, visa fees, paperwork fees, agency fees. A large chunk of the money also goes towards helping our country of choice maintain and care for the children until they are placed in a good and loving home. How much will our adoption cost? When it's all said and done, I would say anywhere from $20,000 to $30,000. Ouch! But SO SO SO worth it.

Length of time: This varies a lot. It varies from agency to agency, and the time frame is constantly changing. The process can take anywhere from about 6 months to about 2 years. It's a long and grueling process, and I am sure my patience will be constantly tested. But in the end, it will all be SO worth it.

Age and gender of child: The country we are adopting from has boys and girls available for adoption. The age could range anywhere from 3 months old to almost a year old. This is another one of the unknowns.

Time spent in foreign country: Taher and I will travel together to meet and bring home our baby. We will probably spent a week or so in this foreign country, finishing up paperwork, and getting our child a visa to enter the U.S.

These are some of the reasons we chose the country we did. If you ever have questions, feel free to leave them in the comment section. I'd be curious too. :-D I was curious about all of this until I spent hours and hours doing research, reading books, and going to adoption classes. Now I feel very informed about the adoption process, and I'd love to share my knowledge with others. :-D

Domestic or International Adoption

Where to adopt from was definitely one of the larger decisions Taher and I have had to make throughout this process. There are many options out there, and it was very important that Taher and I made the best choice for our family. We were first drawn to domestic adoption for many reasons. The U.S. has millions of children that need homes. Not only that, but when adopting domestically, it is possible to adopt a newborn baby, which isn't possible in the majority of international adoption situations. These were the two biggest pro's for us. But, the more we learned about the domestic adoption situation, the more we realized this may not be the best option for us.

When adopting domestically, The adopting couple puts together almost a scrapbook which details their lives, who they are, what they can offer a child, and things of that nature. The birth mom in most situations will then handpick the couple she wants to adopt her child. There are open adoption situations, as well as closed adoption situations. With domestic adoption, you can be placed with a child very shortly if chosen by a birthmom. Or, you can wait for years and years and years. It is all about being selected, and it is all about how strict your criteria is in a child. That is something that scared me. I think Taher and I are great and have a lot to offer, but what if we were never picked?

Another aspect of domestic adoption that scared us a bit, was that the cost could vary quite a bit. It could be very inexpensive, or it could be very expensive if certain birth mother costs needed to be covered.And the final and strongest reason we decided against a domestic adoption, was because birth mother's can change their minds, and 1 in 5 birth mother's DO change their minds and decide to keep their child. Don't get me wrong. . . I believe birth mother's deserve to have their rights protected. Absolutely! The gift that birth mother's give adoptive parents cannot be expressed strong enough. I just know that Taher and I couldn't deal with that heartache. We couldn't deal with preparing for a child, only to find out that the child would not be ours afterall. I also want to add that I know many couples that went the domestic adoption route. They had beautiful situations, they adopted beautiful children, and now have relationships with the birth mothers. Their children are thriving and happy. I don't want it to seem like domestic adoption isn't a good option, because so many families have been created this way, and for a lot of families, it was the only option and the best option. It just wasn't the best option for Taher and I.

Adoption and the decisions surrounding adoption are personal, and no one has the right to judge those decisions. In life, everyone must do what's best for them, and Taher and I have a lot of peace and happiness about where we are adopting from. Because this post already got way longer than I was expecting, I will post soon about the international adoption process, and why we decided to adopt from the country we are adopting from.