InshaAllah

When Taher and I were in Egypt two years ago, I received my first lesson in the Arabic language. I love languages, and would love to speak Arabic fluently someday (along with about 10 other languages) so when people spoke, I listened carefully.

Taher and I visited many of his family members that live in Cairo, and the conversations were held mainly in Arabic. I would sit and listen intently to the conversations being had, and there was one phrase I heard A LOT. Everytime someone would say something they would preface it with InshaAllah. Or when they were done saying something, they would say repeatedly, InshaAllah, InshaAllah. And everytime we would leave, I would say in english, "I hope to see you soon." And again, his relatives would say back to me in Arabic, InshaAllah. Just yesterday, I told Taher's aunt that we would like to have her over for dinner soon, and again, her response was InshaAllah.

My inquisitive mind asked Taher what exactly InshaAllah meant, and he explained to me that the translation means God Willing. (If Allah wills it) He said that in the Islam faith, there is an understanding that our lives are not our own, and nothing can be done if God is not willing. God has a plan for all of our lives and if something is in God's plan, than it will happen. I was raised in a Christian household, and Christianity also has the same understanding. Our lives are NOT our own. We are not in control of most things. It doesn't matter if you pray to Allah, Budda, or Jesus. The phrase InshaAllah fits perfectly, and quickly became a phrase that I use often in my life.

InshaAllah has pretty much become my mantra when speaking about our adoption plans.

I get asked. . . "You are going to adopt a child?" InshaAllah.

"How long will it take?" Hopefully not long, InshaAllah.

"Are you adopting a healthy child? InshaAllah.

Taher and I are working very hard on the aspects of this process we can control. When paperwork comes in, we fill it out quickly and accurately and send it back to the agency. We go to medical appointments for physicals, we go to the police station for fingerprinting.

But at the same time, I have this spiritual aspect of life that things will work out exactly how they're supposed to. If Taher and I are meant to be parents to an adoptive child, than God willing, that is what we'll be. If for some reason something happens that delays or prevents us from being adoptive parents, than I also need to trust that that is the master planning. In my journey of life, I've learned some brutal lessons. I've learned there are things I can control, but for the most part, I don't have control over a lot of life. I hope, I PRAY this adoption goes smoothly. I hope that all the work will pay off, and in the end, we will have a child. But I never want to be over confident. I always want to have faith that things will work out the way they are supposed to.

Taher and I will adopt a child. . . InshaAllah.

Domestic or International Adoption

Where to adopt from was definitely one of the larger decisions Taher and I have had to make throughout this process. There are many options out there, and it was very important that Taher and I made the best choice for our family. We were first drawn to domestic adoption for many reasons. The U.S. has millions of children that need homes. Not only that, but when adopting domestically, it is possible to adopt a newborn baby, which isn't possible in the majority of international adoption situations. These were the two biggest pro's for us. But, the more we learned about the domestic adoption situation, the more we realized this may not be the best option for us.

When adopting domestically, The adopting couple puts together almost a scrapbook which details their lives, who they are, what they can offer a child, and things of that nature. The birth mom in most situations will then handpick the couple she wants to adopt her child. There are open adoption situations, as well as closed adoption situations. With domestic adoption, you can be placed with a child very shortly if chosen by a birthmom. Or, you can wait for years and years and years. It is all about being selected, and it is all about how strict your criteria is in a child. That is something that scared me. I think Taher and I are great and have a lot to offer, but what if we were never picked?

Another aspect of domestic adoption that scared us a bit, was that the cost could vary quite a bit. It could be very inexpensive, or it could be very expensive if certain birth mother costs needed to be covered.And the final and strongest reason we decided against a domestic adoption, was because birth mother's can change their minds, and 1 in 5 birth mother's DO change their minds and decide to keep their child. Don't get me wrong. . . I believe birth mother's deserve to have their rights protected. Absolutely! The gift that birth mother's give adoptive parents cannot be expressed strong enough. I just know that Taher and I couldn't deal with that heartache. We couldn't deal with preparing for a child, only to find out that the child would not be ours afterall. I also want to add that I know many couples that went the domestic adoption route. They had beautiful situations, they adopted beautiful children, and now have relationships with the birth mothers. Their children are thriving and happy. I don't want it to seem like domestic adoption isn't a good option, because so many families have been created this way, and for a lot of families, it was the only option and the best option. It just wasn't the best option for Taher and I.

Adoption and the decisions surrounding adoption are personal, and no one has the right to judge those decisions. In life, everyone must do what's best for them, and Taher and I have a lot of peace and happiness about where we are adopting from. Because this post already got way longer than I was expecting, I will post soon about the international adoption process, and why we decided to adopt from the country we are adopting from.