The Thing About Parenting

Today after work, I put the kids in the stroller and headed the 3 blocks to the park.  Spring finally arrived in Minnesota, and I had every intention on enjoying the 75 degree weather outside.  We got to the park, and the kids quickly ran to their favorite slide.  We were the only family at the park, but off in the distance I saw a teenage girl sitting in the grass and talking on her cell phone.  Memories of a past life quickly swarmed my brain, and I quickly went somewhere far away in my mind.

I've been in the trenches of parenting for almost 3 years, that I've almost forgotten what life was like before having children.  But this teenage girl, being able to just up and walk to a park, talk on a phone, uninterrupted, and sit on the warm grass, well, that brought back all sorts of memories of days gone by.

You see, I spent almost 30 years without children.  I of course, at the time, didn't know what having children was like, so I spent my time from 18 until almost 30 doing. . . pretty much anything I wanted to.  If I wanted to go to the store, I went.  Sit at a restaurant. Go to a movie. Sit in a park on a beautiful spring day. Get together with friends.  Call a friend. Go for a drive. Hop on a plane to visit friends or family. Date nights. Family gatherings where I get to sit with a glass of wine in my hand, carefree.  Pretty much, anything I wanted to do, I did it, and had no one to answer to.

And now, I have forgotten what that type of freedom feels like.  Everything is about the kids, as I suppose, it should be.  I often times go to the bathroom with two kids in the bathroom with me, pointing out moles on my legs or asking me 20 questions.  I eat with a kid on my lap some nights, and if not on my lap, standing right next to me, asking me to share my food.  Every conversation I have with T is cutoff by one of the kids' demands.  When I try to escape to my bedroom for a 1 minute break, I have kids pounding on the door yelling, "Mama, where are you? Mama? Mama?" When I do have the rare opportunity to get together with family and friends, I sit there, still with a glass of wine in my hand, but watching the kids, breaking up fights, disciplining them, parenting them, so it isn't the relaxed atmosphere it once was. And I wouldn't dare listen to National Public Radio in the car.  Who would let me?  Nur and TT are sitting in the back yelling, "Our music mama, our music!"

It's interesting going from a completely selfish life to one that is completely selfless.  It really is two extremes.  I don't think I ever took the time to appreciate the freedom I once had in life because I never knew what this would feel like.  When I sat around with friends, enjoying the conversation, I don't think I ever took the time to soak in the beauty of that moment. 

And if I am going to be completely honest, sometimes the dependence my two kids have on me is suffocating.  I (along with their baba of course) are their everything.  And wow, what a responsibility.  And an honor.  And something, I of course, would never ever trade.  I would however, really soak in the awesome freedom I once had.  Just like I want to soak in the awesomeness that are 2's and 3's.  Because what feels like just yesterday, my kids looked like this, and that was a pretty amazing time in my life as well, and a time I already miss. 

Life is all about enjoying the seasons, because these seasons of life pass us quickly, and before we know it, we are looking back more than we are looking forward.  Every day is precious. Every moment passes us by so quickly, and today, it took some random teenager sitting in a park to remind me of that.

Sidenote:
This teenage girl eventually met up with an awkward teenage boy, where I sat and watched them act silly with each other, and flirt, and act s.t.u.p.i.d and I vowed that moment that when my kids are that age, I will have them on very tight leashes. . . always! :)

The Daily Stuff I Never Want to Forget

This is a fun age.  These two kids are being molded daily by their life experiences and all the people who touch their lives on a daily basis.  Sure, our days can be trying and filled with tantrums and completely illogical behavior, but we also have moments of absolute brilliance and hysterics that I never want to forget.  I wanted to document some of these moments so I can carry them with me forever.

TT has had many favorite movies in her 2.5 years.  The first she was into was Barney, then it went to Sesame Street, then Caillou, then she was Tangled obsessed, and now. . . ANNIE.  That's right, we watch Annie (well, 20 minutes of it) almost every single day! And we can never start where we left off, so we are always starting it at the beginning.  TT now tells me she looks like Annie, and her favorite phrase is leaping lizards!!!  Oh my.  TT is a lovely handful.  Oh, and she is obsessed with Punjabi, only she calls him Buddha. 

********************

Nur loves a routine, and before bedtime, I have to sing the same songs to him, in the same order.  Every single night.

Away in a Manger

I'll Love You Forever

Goodnight my Someone

When at Night I go to Sleep

God is So Good

Jesus Loves Me

You Are My Sunshine (verses 1 & 2)

I wouldn't dare leave one of these out, or Nur may be up all night.  No joke

********************

TT currently goes through 5 outfits a day. I can't keep up.  It's ridiculous, but I don't want to damper her creative and independent attitude.  But oh my.  Oh and she sleeps with every Barbie at night.  Her favorite is her Michelle Obama barbie.  Yes that's right. . . we named her Michelle Obama.

********************

We are working on Nur saying Mama and Baba when he wakes up in the morning.  He's gotten in the habit of just playing quietly in his crib, so we don't know if he's awake, and we want him to know we are here always.  He's not doing so good at this.  When I do walk in the room, he says, "When I wake, I need to say, 'Mama, Baba, I'm awake.'"  Only, he never really says it.  Still working on it.

********************

TT, the Diva, has been waking me up for inappropriate reasons in the night.  The other night, I was sound asleep, when I heard her say frantically, "Mama, Mama, I need you now.  Mama!!!"  I ran in her room to make sure she was okay, and she calmly told me, "Mama, I can't find my nuki. Please get it for me."  Really? Really?!!!  The day she turns 3, it's gone!

********************

TT is uber silly.  She insists on picking out Nur's pajamas every night (And I think Nur kind of likes this also) and sometimes she insists he wear her pajamas, and she wears his.  Having kiddos that are basically the same size has it's advantages!

********************

The kids have both been way over the LONG Minnesota winter.  Lately, they've been getting so upset by the snow, that when they wake up, they run to the window and if the snow is still there, they yell, "Go away snow!"



********************

If TT can't find her words, which is rare, as she has many words it seems, she will reenact a situation for me.  The other day, she started crying and I didn't know what had happened.  I was trying to find out when she instructed me to watch her.  She then pretended to bang her head on the table, and then started a fake cry.  It's actually a very useful way of communication. 

********************

And speaking of comunicating, TT's favorite word right now is "cause."  Her sentences  run on and on, and go something like this.  "Mama, Nur came over to me cause he wanted to look t my book cause he likes this book, cause I said no, cause, I'm busy."  Her statements always have T and I in hysterics.  

There are so many more, but I wanted to give everyone a quick glimpse into our fun household at the moment. :)

Update on My Nur

Nur continues to be the most loveable 3-year old there ever was.  He is just a great child, with a big and kind heart. He is an amazing son, and an amazing brother to TT, and everyday, I'm grateful for the opportunity to be his mama.

I finally got the call yesterday that Nur's number was up for extensive autism testing.  When I originally called the place that comes highly recommended in this city, I was told 5-7 months was the current waitlist.  That amount of time seemed like forever to wait, but Nur will have his testing done in the middle of June, and I'm looking forward to the opportunity to get him in fron of some great specialists for an evaluation. 

When I share with people who know Nur that we are getting him tested to see if he is on the autism spectrum, I am usually met with people telling me there is no way he has autism.  Perhaps they are right, but I can't get it out of my mind that there is something going on with him.  I also think the majority of people have a certain idea of what autism is, which is why it is hard for them to believe that Nur is on the spectrum.

I want to be clear about something, the autism spectrum is wide, and it ranges from high functioning to low functioning.  "Autism is a spectrum disorder, which means that symptoms and characteristics present themselves in a wide variety of combinations. Related disorders include Asperger's disorder and Pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specific (PDD-NOS)."

Of course I hope Nur meets with the specialists and I find out that he is not on the spectrum and that certain behaviors he exhibits are normal, 3-year old behaviors.  But as his mama, I need to follow my instinct that is telling me he needs to at least be evaluated, and then we'll go from there.  I've never been a person scared of the truth.  I personally want to know what's going on, and especially with this type of thing, where early intervention is best. 

Nur is a very smart, kind, behaved, and loveable child.  And whether we find out he's on the autism spectrum or not will no change this.  What it will do however, is give us, and especially Nur, the tools needed to thrive in this world. 

And hey, these specialists may tell me Nur is not on the spectrum.   I will say, I will be very surprised if that happens.

These Little Lights of Mine

It was a really amazing week at home.  I have daily guilt about working outside of the home, and even more guilt about the fact that I enjoy working outside of the home.  My number one goal of the week was to love big, smother the kids with ME, and do fun activities with them that we usually don't have the time or energy to do.  I think I succeeded in my goals!

It is amazing watching Nur and TT discover new things, and seeing excitement through their eyes.  I will never tire of that.  I was as excited (if not more) about our week of activities because I couldn't wait for them to experience all of it. 

Day 1 of being at home, the kids woke up to signs at their breakfast spot letting them know that mama was staying home and we were going to the zoo!  I left out the important detail that Grandma and Grandpa would also be joining us at the zoo.  We pulled into the zoo parking lot and TT spotted Grandma and went crazy, yelling and clapping.  It was a really fun day, and I know my parents enjoyed seeing the zoo through the eyes of a 2 and a 3 year old.

Nur and TT loved dragging Grandma and Grandpa around to every animal and proudly showed them everything that they found exciting.  We ate lunch at the zoo, and got home later than we usually nap, and both kids fought naps so I didn't get the "me" time I was craving.  But, TT discovered the movie Annie and it's now her favorite, so we sat and watched the movie.  It was a great time. That night, the kids went to bed excited because mama was going to stay the next day! :)

The next day came around and I didn't tell the kids where we were going, but I did tell them we were going to spend the day with my BFF and her baby girl.  I drove to the Mall of America and we met my friend there.  It was SO much fun.  My friend is a fashionista and helped me buy cool jeans and not jeans that look like "mom jeans."  I came away with two pair and I was happy about that.  We walked the mall, went into stores, and then my beautiful friend took my family out to eat.  TT absolutely loves my friend's baby and helped feed her a bottle, give her a nuke, push her stroller, and was just so sweet.  We spent 4 hours at the mall.  Wow were we tired when we got home!

 A glass of "mama juice" at noon at the Mall of America?  Don't mind if I do!

We got home at 2pm which is about 2 hours after we usually lay down for naps on any given day, but I tried to put the kids down anyway.  They both passed out the minute their heads hit their pillows and slept for 2 straight hours.  I got amazing me time during their naps.  I listened to chick music (aka Indigo girls) and I cleaned and organized while watching the Baby Story in the background.  I had candle lits, my house was clean (albeit temporary) and I just enjoyed the blessings surrounding me. 

They woke up around 4pm, and I knew T would be working late and I didn't feel like just hanging around the house, so I brought the kids on another adventure.  It was so fun this week putting them in the car for an adventure.  They never knew where they were going, but we always ended up somewhere fun and exciting!  This time, it was Chuck E Cheese.  The kids went crazy! We've only been there once, and they were little then, so this time, they really enjoyed all the rides and games.  I gave them both tokens, and they ran around.  They had a blast!

Chuck E himself made an appearance, and the kids thought that was pretty cool.  Another fun day spent with my loves.

And yes, my TT did go to Chuck E Cheese in her Rapunzel dress.  Most days, I choose not to argue about what this child will wear, as long as it's weather appropriate, pretty much anything goes. 

It was a fun and full day, and my feet hurt by the end of it.  The kiddos were exhausted and went to bed with no problems whatsoever.

We got up the next day with more fun in store.  I told them I had a surprise for them, and that's it's somewhere we've never been before.  This got them loaded in the van with no problem.  We arrived at a massive indoor park.  I mean massive.  WOW!  But then the best surprise of the day, COUSINS would be joining us.  TT is VERY close to her cousin C.  They are only 7 months apart (C is the older cousin) and TT talks constantly about her cousin C and that she's her best friend, and that she loves her so much.  The kids were just so cute together.  Nur also loves his cousins and had so much fun at this park.  He's a little dare devil and I had so much fun crawling through tunnels with my little man. 



The kids all had so much fun, but want to hear something?  I live in this hell. . . also called Minnesota.  It is ridiculous! It's the end of April and we are still having winter.  I drove home white-knuckled in sleet and snow.  Gross gross gross!!!

On Friday, we had the "joy" of waking up to 12 inches of snow.  A part of me wanted to just do nothing ALL day, indoors, but well, I braved the snow and took Nur and TT to the Mall of America (MOA) once again.  This time, we focused on hanging out at the amusement park.  Yes, if you have never been to the MOA, it has a large, full-sized amusement park right inside.  Let me tell you, this was so much fun.  I thought the kids would focus on the smaller rides, and we did do plenty of the smaller rides, but we also rode a ride called the Log Chute that was a water ride, where we sat in a log looking boat, and there was a huge hill that had my stomach turning.  The kids insisted, and had the best time. We ended up going on the ride 3 times.  We also went on a 3-story ferris wheel, that again, had me nervous, and the kids thought it was amazing.  Hearing the kids' constantlaughter and seeing their smiles made today that much better.  We seriously had the best time ever. 

Such a fun, fun week with my loves.  We did so many things out of the ordinary of everyday life, and I'm sitting here on a Friday night grateful for every moment.

I learned so many things this week, that I thought I would share.

1.  Doing things on the weekdays makes such a difference in terms of how big of a hassle outings are.  We never had to wait in life for anything, which is not the case on the weekends.

2.  Having a 2-year old that is potty trained is great, but when she has to go, and we are nowhere near a bathroom, can be an issue.  My solution fr this today when she told me she had to go potty, just as we had sat down for lunch was to put one of Nur's diapers on her, and tell her it was okay to go potty in the diaper just this one time.  That seemed to take care of that!

3.  Going on constant outings with the kids is a lot easier than idle time.  My kids are pretty easy when we are out and about.  I struggle more when we are at home trying to figure out what to do and how to keep them entertained. 

4.  2 and 3 year olds haven't quite grasped gratefulness.  (At least mine haven't)  I didn't hear many thank you's, and I didn't hear any "Youre the best mom ever!"  Someday I hope, someday.

5.  Let's face it, all mom's work.  Period.  Whether you work in the home, out of the home, or a combination of both.  Being a mom is HARD.  We all juggle a ton.

6.  Seeing the joy on our kids' faces will never get old.

7.  Nap times rule!  Whether we nap at the same time or watch a chick flick, or do laundry, or whatever we decide to do, the me time is so necessary.

8.  I feel more rested this week even though our days have been full because I'm focusing 100% on parenting and not about that other thing I call my day job. 

9.  If I was a stay at home mom, and if every week was like this week, T would need to have quite the job to afford this lifestyle.  All this stuff adds up!

10.  I need to make it a habit to take more days off just because, and spend this time of time with the kids on a more regular basis.  This week was amazing in every way.

Hope you all had a great week also. :)

Enjoying Parenthood

A few weeks ago, my nanny informed me that she would be taking the week of April 15th off of work.  My initial reaction was to find backup care, but then I decided to take the majority of the week off as well.  I look forward to updating you all on the fun I have planned for the week.  I'm really looking forward to the week I will get to spend with the kiddos and all the fun we'll hopefully get into.

Being a mom is truly my greatest joy.  There are so many hard moments in this, but I'm trying to push through them and realize that every "moment" that comes to our family is an opportunity to show Nur and TT what is right from wrong.

I've been reading a great book called "The Whole Brain Child."  I'm trying to use examples from this book on parenting, and T and I have been trying to be the most consistent parents as possible and this consistency has caused our timeout chair to be used a lot this weekend.  (mostly by the girl child)  But you know what?  She's getting it.  She's really really getting it. 

Just a few pictures from life in our house as of late.

Nur and TT LOVE their older cousins.  TT idolizes them.  She looks like them, and thinks they are the two coolest girls who ever graced the planet.  They are pretty cool, and they are great big cousins.

This weekend, we attended a party through the school district and it was a pajama party.  TT had the great idea to wear matching PJ's, and these two were so excited for the party.



I love watching them learn and grow on a daily basis.  Then this weekend, I needed to get downtown to look for something, so I decided to call my salon and see if TT could get in.  She had an opening, so I drove TT downtown to the big fancy salon, and oh my, she loved it!  And her mullet is gone and she is officially the Egyptian Shirley Temple. 

And finally, the weather in MN is playing a big joke on me.  It's the middle of April and it's cold! And snowy! And I am NOT pleased about this!!!  Today the fam went to many stores looking for double joggers, and then we ended up buying one online, but here is TT keeping her hood up so the rain and sleet wouldn't hurt her face.

I still have news I want to share (soon I'm hoping) and I can't wait to update on my week at home with the kids.  Hope everyone has a great week.  



Oh, My Nur

Today something amazing happened.  My kids took 3 hour naps, and T decided that he wanted to nap as well, so I was able to enjoy our entire (clean) family room to myself.  I did an hours worth of ironing and decided to watch a documentary that I've been wanting to see called "Somewhere Inbetween" that follows 5 Chinese adoptees now living in the United States.

Adoption is heavy stuff.  Having an adopted son, I just don't take any of this lightly, so I spent approximately 2 hours watching the documentary and trying to contain the sobs.  (Afterall, I was enjoying my quiet time, and didn't want to risk waking up my family members)

Adoption is a very easy part of our lives right now.  My Nur is only 3 and a half years old.  He hasn't put together that he's adopted.  He tells me all the time that "Nur was born in Ethiopia."  He then goes and shows me a map and can find Ethiopia perfectly.  But really, he doesn't get what being born in Ethiopia means.  He also points to a picture we have hanging in our living room of an Ethiopian woman, and proudly exclaims, "Ethiopia Mama."  But again, I don't think he gets what that means.  He also tells me constantly that "Nur looks just like baba."  And well, they do both have brown eyes and brown hair, so I guess that isn't completely inaccurate.

But, his little brain hasn't put together the complexity of the situation.  Living where we do, I barely even get looks anymore about my unique looking family.  I should note the other day, at the local gas station, an African American woman came up to me and said, "Are these two babies your foster children?"  I quickly said, "Adopted" and smiled.  She then went on to tell me how wonderful she thinks that is.  I of course then realized that she must have thought both were adopted, but whatever, right?  For the most part though, I don't get questions.  I don't get looks.  This is my family.  My Egyptian husband, my Ethiopia son, my half-Egyptian, half everything else daughter, and of course me.  We are just one of million blended families living in this country.  Unique, we are not.

But we WILL get questions someday.  Eventually, Nur's friends will question why he looks so differently than his parents.  Nur will ask us details about his adoption, about his life in Ethiopia, about his story.  And if I'm being completely honest, a part of me is really nervous for Nur's awareness.  I'm not ready.  I struggle to keep my head above the proverbial waters on most days, let alone study what parenting an international adopted child looks like.  I need to do better.  I need to plan our first trip back to Ethiopia as a family.  I need to incorporate more of Ethiopia into our lives, I need to be ready for the questions, and I need to do everything I can for Nur to put together the pieces. 

My heart daily breaks for those children who live this reality.  Yes, I know Nur is one of the "lucky" ones.  But this child has lost so much, and just like these Chinese girls, he will always live somewhere inbetween.

Stretched Thin

I have a feeling the majority of mom's feel stretched thin.  We want to be great at every role we have in life, and in wanting that greatness, sometimes all we can be is average at everything we take on. 

As a woman, my family is everything to me, but that doesn't change the fact that I am also a financial provider, along with T, for our little family.  I have a demanding career that get's me to work early, and has me logging on late at night.  And I have two kids who at times feel neglected because of it. 

My Nur has been an absolute trooper.  Most days, he is his happy self, who enjoys playing, and reading books, and being together.  This child is such a blessing and can be the easiest child to parent.  Which is necessary, because I have a daughter who can be challenging at times.

My darling TT has been so out of sorts.  Every day when I get home from work, she is thrilled to see me.  I try to be intentional about giving her and Nur all of my time and devotion when I'm home, and our evenings have been going well.  Then, I give the warning that it's almost time to brush our teeth and go to bed for the evening, and this is when her mood changes.  She gets clingy, she cries, and starts yelling, "No mama work.  Mama stays!"  She melts completely and just holds me and sobs.  She knows that the following morning, when she wakes up, I will already be at work.  She struggles so much with this.  And T and I are struggling with her behaviors. 

TT has been potty trained since around the age of 2, yet she has started using pee as a weapon.  When she's upset about something, she'll wet her pants.  And this girl has amazing bladder control, which leads me to believe this is intentional.  I don't know what to do about this.  And I can't be upset because I understand that her behaviors are for legitimate reasons that currently are beyond my control.  I don't even think she's being naughty.  I think she is having a difficult time with the lack of time she has with me. 

And the hard thing, is even if we pinched our pennies and decided to live off one income, I don't know if staying home would be for me.  I like having a career.  I like using a part of my brain that isn't used as a mother.  I like having adult conversations and people thinking I'm smart.  Don't get me wrong, I like being a mom more than any of these things, but it's the balance of both roles that keep me going. 

This is the current road my family is navigating.  I picked up a book I've really been enjoying called "The Whole Brain."  I just started it, but it seems to be getting at the reasons behind certain behaviors.  I'm also taking a week off of work in a couple of weeks, and plan to love deeply and smother two kiddos the entire week.  I've been thinking of fun activities to do every day, and I can't wait for this much needed time with them.

There is also a big change on the horizon for my family, and I'm hoping to know more by the end of the day.

There is nothing easy about this season of life, and I remind myself daily that it's just a season.