Adoption is heavy stuff. Having an adopted son, I just don't take any of this lightly, so I spent approximately 2 hours watching the documentary and trying to contain the sobs. (Afterall, I was enjoying my quiet time, and didn't want to risk waking up my family members)
Adoption is a very easy part of our lives right now. My Nur is only 3 and a half years old. He hasn't put together that he's adopted. He tells me all the time that "Nur was born in Ethiopia." He then goes and shows me a map and can find Ethiopia perfectly. But really, he doesn't get what being born in Ethiopia means. He also points to a picture we have hanging in our living room of an Ethiopian woman, and proudly exclaims, "Ethiopia Mama." But again, I don't think he gets what that means. He also tells me constantly that "Nur looks just like baba." And well, they do both have brown eyes and brown hair, so I guess that isn't completely inaccurate.
But, his little brain hasn't put together the complexity of the situation. Living where we do, I barely even get looks anymore about my unique looking family. I should note the other day, at the local gas station, an African American woman came up to me and said, "Are these two babies your foster children?" I quickly said, "Adopted" and smiled. She then went on to tell me how wonderful she thinks that is. I of course then realized that she must have thought both were adopted, but whatever, right? For the most part though, I don't get questions. I don't get looks. This is my family. My Egyptian husband, my Ethiopia son, my half-Egyptian, half everything else daughter, and of course me. We are just one of million blended families living in this country. Unique, we are not.
But we WILL get questions someday. Eventually, Nur's friends will question why he looks so differently than his parents. Nur will ask us details about his adoption, about his life in Ethiopia, about his story. And if I'm being completely honest, a part of me is really nervous for Nur's awareness. I'm not ready. I struggle to keep my head above the proverbial waters on most days, let alone study what parenting an international adopted child looks like. I need to do better. I need to plan our first trip back to Ethiopia as a family. I need to incorporate more of Ethiopia into our lives, I need to be ready for the questions, and I need to do everything I can for Nur to put together the pieces.
My heart daily breaks for those children who live this reality. Yes, I know Nur is one of the "lucky" ones. But this child has lost so much, and just like these Chinese girls, he will always live somewhere inbetween.
3 comments:
I haven't heard of that documentary. Thank you for sharing! And I will be sure to have a box of tissue next to me.
Leah, what an interesting post. For those of us without adopted children, I don't think we realize how complex adoption really is. Thank you for sharing your perspective with us. You will learn and know what is appropriate to tell Nur to help him understand his past and also why he is now an integral part of your family. Heather
Just like with almost everything in parenthood, we never feel fully prepared or equipped to handle a situation...but then, something interesting happens, when thrown in the midst of something new, we figure it out and get through it. The same thing will happen when you get asked the hard questions you know will eventually come. I have complete confidence that you all will handle it will the same grace and love and sensitivity that you've handled everything up to this point!
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