I have a feeling the majority of mom's feel stretched thin. We want to be great at every role we have in life, and in wanting that greatness, sometimes all we can be is average at everything we take on.
As a woman, my family is everything to me, but that doesn't change the fact that I am also a financial provider, along with T, for our little family. I have a demanding career that get's me to work early, and has me logging on late at night. And I have two kids who at times feel neglected because of it.
My Nur has been an absolute trooper. Most days, he is his happy self, who enjoys playing, and reading books, and being together. This child is such a blessing and can be the easiest child to parent. Which is necessary, because I have a daughter who can be challenging at times.
My darling TT has been so out of sorts. Every day when I get home from work, she is thrilled to see me. I try to be intentional about giving her and Nur all of my time and devotion when I'm home, and our evenings have been going well. Then, I give the warning that it's almost time to brush our teeth and go to bed for the evening, and this is when her mood changes. She gets clingy, she cries, and starts yelling, "No mama work. Mama stays!" She melts completely and just holds me and sobs. She knows that the following morning, when she wakes up, I will already be at work. She struggles so much with this. And T and I are struggling with her behaviors.
TT has been potty trained since around the age of 2, yet she has started using pee as a weapon. When she's upset about something, she'll wet her pants. And this girl has amazing bladder control, which leads me to believe this is intentional. I don't know what to do about this. And I can't be upset because I understand that her behaviors are for legitimate reasons that currently are beyond my control. I don't even think she's being naughty. I think she is having a difficult time with the lack of time she has with me.
And the hard thing, is even if we pinched our pennies and decided to live off one income, I don't know if staying home would be for me. I like having a career. I like using a part of my brain that isn't used as a mother. I like having adult conversations and people thinking I'm smart. Don't get me wrong, I like being a mom more than any of these things, but it's the balance of both roles that keep me going.
This is the current road my family is navigating. I picked up a book I've really been enjoying called "The Whole Brain." I just started it, but it seems to be getting at the reasons behind certain behaviors. I'm also taking a week off of work in a couple of weeks, and plan to love deeply and smother two kiddos the entire week. I've been thinking of fun activities to do every day, and I can't wait for this much needed time with them.
There is also a big change on the horizon for my family, and I'm hoping to know more by the end of the day.
There is nothing easy about this season of life, and I remind myself daily that it's just a season.
9 comments:
It is really tough. I just hope things get better as they get older and can communicate better.
Eager to hear about the changes. I'm sorry TT is having such a hard time right now. Since I have started the babysitting gig LB has been struggling with sharing me. It's rough. I hope things get better soon and I'm eager to hear your news.
Oh, and I totally get your desire to continue with your career but I also don't want you to think that staying home means you don't get to have adult conversation or that people won't think you are smart. Definitely there is more adult conversation at a job but if you get out and about with your kids then there is time for talking with other parents. You may have to pause conversation to referee a fight over trains but it can still happen. :)
Poor TT! Poor you!
Not sure if it's an option for you, but switching from full time to part time was the absolute best professional decision I ever made. I am one of those very few (and very lucky) women who actually feel like they have a balanced life.
Enjoy your week off with your sweethearts - and good luck with the potential good news! Can't wait to hear about it.
I dont think that you dont 'use' part of your brain when you stay home. It takes a lot of time to stay involved in outside things, but I think it's important that the kids see me not just as MOM but also as a woman too. I take classes, read books, have adult conversation, and host people at the house. I'm mom first; that's my job and my vocation. But at the same time, I'm still Michele.
That being said, I have plenty of friends who swear they'd never stay home. Whatever you do, you are making a sacrifice. There's no easy answer. I can say that there are days I wish I had an outside job (especially when I think of additional therapies for Bobby and how much they cost, etc) but every day, I count my blessings that I can be here.
Hey Mama!
Thanks once again for sharing! I always enjoy reading your posts, even the tough ones like this. Keep your chin up, follow your gut, and continue to love the heck out of those little ones! Being a mom really, truly is the toughest job on earth!
That's so sad. I am with you with the wanting to work and be at home. I think I need both. Wish I could work less for more family time. Enjoy your vacation.
Hi Leah, I've missed your posts! It seems like there is no easy answer. I think by trying to be fully present with Nur and TT when you are at home in the evenings, you are giving them the gift of your time. I agree with the person who asked if you could go part-time. That's what we have done, and it has worked out very well for our family. I feel like I have the best of both worlds (but I do know that all careers aren't that flexible). Enjoy your week break hanging out with Nur and TT. Thanks for sharing. Heather
Hi Leah,
I don't have any suggestions or answers that will help you feel less "stretched thin". You already seem to understand yourself quite well and that helps when you have to make choices.
About TT- she is a smart little girl, and I think she is likes to have "control" as do many other kids her age. (don't we all?) when kids are young, you can sometimes divert their wanting control over things they have no choice over to other things that they can have a choice about. There are many ways to do that. As one example, when it gets to be that time of night when TT has her meltdown, try to divert her attention. Tell her that you cannot stay home, but you will let her choose something of yours while you are away. Maybe have her get all ready and in bed first. Then let her choose an item from a box . Make sure it is something you are willing to let her have for a day- a scarf, a piece of jewelry, a little notecard, a picture of you, a pretty Kleenex pouch,etc. Make sure she gives it back and let her choose again the next day. You can even make it conditional on her not throwing a fit. Diversion works well for preschoolers, not so much for older kids.Do it while you still can. Ha! Ha! Good Luck.
Diverting a preschooler's attention like
I just love this post! I have a friend who tells me all the time "I don't know how you stay home!". And I get that I can't imagine not, but can seriously understand enjoying working and being not just "mom" and only using that part of your brain! This toddler stage is tricky with these strong-willed little girls! C currently likes me to "get in mama" to her crib at night for "nuggles" and "hold you mama". And it's hard to say no, but she's figured that out and now tries to manipulate me to stay longer and longer. I hope you figure out a good plan with S to help her handle your leaving better. That pic in the sunglasses is too cute for words!
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