The Thing About Parenting

Today after work, I put the kids in the stroller and headed the 3 blocks to the park.  Spring finally arrived in Minnesota, and I had every intention on enjoying the 75 degree weather outside.  We got to the park, and the kids quickly ran to their favorite slide.  We were the only family at the park, but off in the distance I saw a teenage girl sitting in the grass and talking on her cell phone.  Memories of a past life quickly swarmed my brain, and I quickly went somewhere far away in my mind.

I've been in the trenches of parenting for almost 3 years, that I've almost forgotten what life was like before having children.  But this teenage girl, being able to just up and walk to a park, talk on a phone, uninterrupted, and sit on the warm grass, well, that brought back all sorts of memories of days gone by.

You see, I spent almost 30 years without children.  I of course, at the time, didn't know what having children was like, so I spent my time from 18 until almost 30 doing. . . pretty much anything I wanted to.  If I wanted to go to the store, I went.  Sit at a restaurant. Go to a movie. Sit in a park on a beautiful spring day. Get together with friends.  Call a friend. Go for a drive. Hop on a plane to visit friends or family. Date nights. Family gatherings where I get to sit with a glass of wine in my hand, carefree.  Pretty much, anything I wanted to do, I did it, and had no one to answer to.

And now, I have forgotten what that type of freedom feels like.  Everything is about the kids, as I suppose, it should be.  I often times go to the bathroom with two kids in the bathroom with me, pointing out moles on my legs or asking me 20 questions.  I eat with a kid on my lap some nights, and if not on my lap, standing right next to me, asking me to share my food.  Every conversation I have with T is cutoff by one of the kids' demands.  When I try to escape to my bedroom for a 1 minute break, I have kids pounding on the door yelling, "Mama, where are you? Mama? Mama?" When I do have the rare opportunity to get together with family and friends, I sit there, still with a glass of wine in my hand, but watching the kids, breaking up fights, disciplining them, parenting them, so it isn't the relaxed atmosphere it once was. And I wouldn't dare listen to National Public Radio in the car.  Who would let me?  Nur and TT are sitting in the back yelling, "Our music mama, our music!"

It's interesting going from a completely selfish life to one that is completely selfless.  It really is two extremes.  I don't think I ever took the time to appreciate the freedom I once had in life because I never knew what this would feel like.  When I sat around with friends, enjoying the conversation, I don't think I ever took the time to soak in the beauty of that moment. 

And if I am going to be completely honest, sometimes the dependence my two kids have on me is suffocating.  I (along with their baba of course) are their everything.  And wow, what a responsibility.  And an honor.  And something, I of course, would never ever trade.  I would however, really soak in the awesome freedom I once had.  Just like I want to soak in the awesomeness that are 2's and 3's.  Because what feels like just yesterday, my kids looked like this, and that was a pretty amazing time in my life as well, and a time I already miss. 

Life is all about enjoying the seasons, because these seasons of life pass us quickly, and before we know it, we are looking back more than we are looking forward.  Every day is precious. Every moment passes us by so quickly, and today, it took some random teenager sitting in a park to remind me of that.

Sidenote:
This teenage girl eventually met up with an awkward teenage boy, where I sat and watched them act silly with each other, and flirt, and act s.t.u.p.i.d and I vowed that moment that when my kids are that age, I will have them on very tight leashes. . . always! :)