Weekly Pregnancy Post - 26 Weeks

It feels good to be nearing the end of the 2nd trimester. I definitely understand why people call it the honeymoon stage of a pregnancy. The nausea is gone, I'm not huge, although that is a matter of opinion, my energy level is good, and overall, I'm feeling pretty well. Bring on the 3rd trimester!

Time is moving very quickly, yet very slowly, all at the same time. In some ways, I can't believe I'm 26 weeks already. Afterall, it seems like just yesterday I was still in my 1st trimester! Yet at the same time, July seems so far away. I'm trying not to dwell on the time left, and instead spend the time in preparation. And there is a lot of preparation still! I'm also trying to enjoy every moment I have with T. Before we know it, our family of two will be a family of four. So, there is a lot of alone time to get in before that happens!

I was also hoping to post about the surprise I got T, but there were some complications. I'll post about the surprise tomorrow for sure though.

Here is my belly shot at 26 weeks pregnant. I had just walked in the door from a long day at work. :-D

Decision Made

I am happy to report that T and I have finally made a decision regarding daycare. We interviewed 6 different options. . . both home daycare and nannies. (We excluded daycare centers because they were cost prohibitive for our situation)

We finished our last interview on Saturday morning. We liked all 6 options. Honestly. We didn't see one dud. Our decision would have been SO much easier had we really not liked an option, but all options seemed like good ones. My Mom of course worried that that was because we aren't looking into these candidates enough, but I think we asked good questions. I think there just happens to be a lot of good options out there.

So yesterday, T and I said we would discuss all the options. We ran errands around the city, and then decided to lunch at P.ot Belly. My favorite fast food sandwich shop!!! First T started giving me his thoughts and what his favorite option was. And I wasn't surprised when he and I both had the very same front runner. I am always amazed at how much that man and I agree on. We definitely make a good match.

We decided to go with a nanny!!! It was a difficult decision. The home daycare offered a lot that we really liked. It was the most affordable option, by far, but at the end of the day, there was something that kept bothering us about the home daycare. We are obviously not the "typical" family seeing that we are adopting a child. Well, the home daycare we visited had an infant room, with cribs lined up. T and I kept saying that this would be too similar to an orphanage for Khalil. Khalil will already have adjustment issues, and I already feel horrible that I will only be able to stay home with him for 6 weeks before returning to work. I would feel even more horrible if I put him in a situation that felt in any way like the orphanage he came from. T and I both feel strongly that Khalil needs to get to know our house and our surroundings, so that is why a nanny won out in the end.

Then it was deciding which nanny to hire, as we liked them all. Well, we both agreed on L. She comes from a very large family, and her family is in the process of adopting 4 African American children. Also, she has traveled to Africa on a mission trip. We liked her right away! I've called her references, all which were good, and now we have to make sure her background check is clear. (I'm not that concerned to be honest, but it's a good thing to run regardless)

I'm happy that a decision has been made, and I really hope that this nanny option works out and that our children are in a happy and safe environment. I feel like T and I made the best decision for these children of ours, and I know we can cut things out of our lives to make this option possible. I'm guessing when the kids are a bit older, we'll go more of a daycare route, but when they are little babies, I take so much comfort that they'll be in their home.

I still wish I could stay at home for a while, but that isn't a feasible option for our family at the moment, so I am at peace knowing that we made the next best decision.

And here is a picture of me after making the offer. YAY. :-D

Back to Blogging

I just took a 4 day break from everything electronic for the most part. (So, if you have emailed me, I promise I'll get back to you today) :)

I took Thursday and Friday off of work and had family time. My parents were visiting and it was great to see and spend time with them. It was also great to take a break from computers. I live on computers. I am on one all day for work, reading blogs, news, and things like that. As much as I enjoy it, it's really nice and refreshing to be completely out of the loop. So, I will spend the next couple of days catching up with all of my blog friends and reading the happenings in your life.

On Saturday, I received the most wonderful package from my dear blogger friend Lyndsay, who blogs at Finding Joy in the Little Things. She has a daughter who has outgrown her baby clothes, so she sent me a box full of beautiful clothing items. It was like Christmas!!! T and I went through each and every item, and "oohed" and "ahhed" over everything and pictured our child wearing these beautiful things. It was so much fun putting them away in our closet. For some reason, the more stuff we have, the more real this all seems. So much fun!!!

Lyndsay. . . I cannot thank you enough! This was so thoughtful of you, and I am just so thankful for wonderful blogger friends like you. :) I never knew what blogging would turn into when I started it, but I have met so many wonderful people and I consider you friends in real life as well. Thanks again. :)

Weekly Pregnancy Post - 25 Weeks

How far along: 25 weeks

Gender: Girl!

Pregnancy Symptoms: You know, I really feel great. My energy level has been great, I haven't been feeling sick. I guess you could say I'm in the honeymoon stage of the pregnancy.

Maternity Clothes: Sure am. My midwife keeps hinting at my rapid weight gain. Yes, yes, I get it, but I'm SO not going to stress about it. It will come off. . . eventually.

Movement: Daily, and I'm starting to figure out this girl's sleep patterns.

Best Moment of the Week: Finally finished registering. Registering is so much fun! It's just a big wish list! I put everything on there, because the places we registered, Tar.get, and Baby's R Us both give you a discount on everything on the registry that wasn't purchased for you. Pretty sweet deal! And my first shower has been scheduled. YAY! It will be a co-ed shower. :)

Food Cravings: Sour lemonade

What I miss: I miss going out and having a social life. I feel like from the moment I found out I was pregnant, the nesting began.

Weekly Wisdom: When it comes to choosing who will watch your child after maternity leave, always trust your gut.

And here is my 25 week picture. I really need to start getting T to take my picture again as the quality would be much better than these mirror shots. :-D

So far, this pregnancy has been textbook. I don't know why, but I came into it just assuming that things would go wrong. Struggling to get pregnant made me a pessimist, and I figured it took me so long to get pregnant, the pregnancy would definitely be a disaster. But everything has been on track so far, from the baby's weight gain, to my measurements, to my blood pressure. I pray that things continue to be on track, and that I stay pregnant at least another 12-13 weeks. (Yes, my newest concern is pre-term labor) I fully realize that I need to spend my time in better ways than worrying. . . constantly.

A Peek Into Me

T and I babysat our niece this weekend. This has been great training for both of us. The best part was that T changed his very FIRST diaper. I stood next to him and supervised, and talked him through it all. It wasn't an easy diaper change either because my niece loves to kick her little legs. But T and our niece made it through it, and they were both happy afterwards. My sister's dog (who is more the size of a bear) felt left out during this babysitting outing. He simply wasn't getting enough attention. But, I had to practice sit-ups with my niece and get those ab muscles on her nice and strong. And she seemed to love it.

I then asked T to watch our niece for a moment while I tended to business elsewhere. (which translates to I had to use the bathroom for the 3rd time in that hour) I came back and T was singing her soccer songs. If you know T, you know he is OBSESSED with everything soccer. He and I support Manchester United. Our niece seemed to like T's song. And who knows, maybe we have a soccer fan in our midst. :-D

Wow! He's going to be a great Dad. :-D

This weekend, T and I felt like doing something in preparation for the babies. Most of the time, this means walking around a mall and being overwhelmed. And we did that for a bit when we walked around the Mall of America. Some super star I've never heard of named Emily Osment was there, so the mall was CRAZY with pre teens. We had to get out of dodge. . . and FAST! But then I had the brilliant (yes brilliant) idea to head to this store I've heard about called Once Upon a Child. What a great store! Everything is second hand. I left there buying a couple adorable little outfits that totalled $11.00. Not bad.

My first babies (plural) has been scheduled! I'm so excited! Saturday May 1st it is! I don't do well at showers. . . at least showers in my honor. I like to attend parties, but never like to be the reason a party is being held. The center of attention is just not my thing. Well, luckily my sister is making it a couple's shower so the shower will be for T and I. Much less pressure. I like it!

I have Thursday and Friday off of work this week, and am really happy about it. My parents are coming into town and we have some plans, and I'm looking forward to the much needed break from work.

T and I are down to two interviews for childcare. Our last one is Saturday, and we hope to extend an offer or sign a contract or something like that by early next week. Progress!

Live and Become

This was the newest movie that our adoption agency recommended we rent. Everytime they recommend something, T and I rent it, and so far, we have not been disappointed.

Live and Become was a movie about an Ethiopian boy whose mother had him pretend to Jewish so that he could go to Israel, be adopted, and have a better life. This boy did have a good life, but it was also a life full of confusion and loss of heritage. His mother loved him dearly, but just didn't have the means to provide for him. His entire life, he thought of him birthmom, wrote her letters, and tried to find her.

This movie really got me thinking more deeply about something that I have been pondering for quite some time.

So many of the children that are adopted from Ethiopia are orphaned in the first place because their birthmom couldn't provide for them. So many of the birthmoms would parent if they could, but they simply do not have the financial means to do it. They then make the most heartwrenching decision of their lives by choosing adoption for these children. People like myself, who are by no means rich, but much better off than these Ethiopian birthmoms come into the country, adopt these children, and the children become a vivid memory of a child only in their hearts to the birthmoms of Ethiopia.

It's sad to me, and I find that my emotions are often times torn.

I am a selfish human being. I want to adopt Khalil so badly. I will adopt him. I will love him forever, and give him the best life that I am able to give him. I will teach him all about his culture, and I will always speak positively of the birthmom who choose adoption for his life.

But at times, I can't help but feel these children would be better off if, instead of adopting them and bringing them to a faraway land, that we as a country provided financial support to the country and to these birthmoms so they could parent. I think parenting is always the best option, and so often, I feel like we are more than ready to swoop on into a country and take the children, instead of getting to the root of the problem. . . poverty.

I also know the issue isn't as black and white as this. I know that children are orphaned for many different reasons, poverty being just one of the reasons. But I can't help but be sad that so many of these birthmoms in Ethiopia have no choice. I keep saying. . . these women choose an adoption plan, but in so many if the circumstances, there is no choice, except death of their child.

I am so happy to be adopting. It's something I've been passionate about for as long as I can remember. But I also can't help but think adoption should never be the first option. Adoption should only occur after other options have been exhausted. And sometimes, I don't feel like options are being exhausted.

T and I have been in the adoption process for 9 months now, and I have changed as a person so much during this process. Being in the adoption process has forced me to think about other people much more than I was ever forced to before. I am very pro adoption, and think that those out there that adopt are wonderful people. I know that it's not all of our faults that there is poverty in this world that forces people into these decisions. But it makes me feel so spoiled sometimes. I can't help but think about the other side of the adoption. The loss side. It is there. Present in my mind. All.the.time.

I read a blog lately about a woman traveling to Ethiopia. She met a birthmom who couldn't provide for her son. The birthom was torn up about it, but asked this western woman to adopt her son, and to give him a better life. The western woman agreed and brought this boy to the U.S. The birthmom was distraught. In this situation, couldn't something have been done for this birthmom so she could provide for her son? Am I being too idealistic here?

Just a look into my brain on this Monday morning.

Leah - Alogy

FOODOLOGY:

What is your salad dressing of choice? I don't eat salad. . . therefore no dressing for me
What is your favorite sit-down restuarant? The Rainbow. The best Chinese food in Minneapolis!
What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Pot Belly
What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Pot Belly
What are your pizza toppings of choice? Pepperoni and Cheese

BIOLOGY:

Are you right-handed or left-handed? Left
Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Wisdom teeth, a mole, a sock clip that got stuck in my nose as a child.
What is the last heavy item you lifted? I haven't lifted anything heavy in a while
Have you ever been knocked unconscious? Yes
Have you ever fainted? Yes

BULLCRAPOLOGY:

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? Heck no.
If you could change your name, what would you change it to? I don't think I would.
How many pairs of flip flops do you own? 4 or 5
Last person you talked to? A nurse

IMFAVORITOLOGY:

Season? Summer
Holiday? Christmas
Day of the week? Saturday
Month? June
Color? Purple
Drink? Coke
Alcoholic? Champagne

CURRENTOLOGY:

Missing someone? I miss a lot of people. I miss Amanda, and Anne, and Anne Birgitte, and Camilla, and Steph, and Misha, and Anja, and Mark. And so many more.
What are you listening to? Pandora
What are you watching? my computer
Worrying about? Finding suitable daycare for my children
What’s the last movie you saw? Remember Me
Do you smile often? Yes
If you could change your eye color what would it be? I like my blue eyes
What’s on your wish list for your birthday? To have two healthy babies home with me to celebrate turning 31.
Can you do a chin-up? No. Never.
Does the future make you more nervous or excited? Excited!
Have you been in a car wreck? yes
Have you caused a car wreck? No (Knocking on wood. . . profusely)
Do you have an accent? Yes. Minnesotan accent unfortunately.
Last time you cried? Sunday
Plans tonight? TV date with T.
Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? No. I fully realize as low as I've been, there is always lower.
Name three things you bought yesterday? Gas, Snickers, Vitamin Water.
Have you met someone who changed your life? yes
For the better or worse? better
How did you bring in the New Year? At a party sipping on sparkling grape juice.
Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Yes. You know how they say don't have any regrets in your life because everything happens for a reason? Well, I have regrets. And if I couldn't change my past, I would still go back in time and relive some life experiences just for the fun of it.
What songs do you sing in the shower? I don't. I usually spend my entire time in the shower praying.
Have you held hands with someone today? My boss. Just kidding. No. . . no, I haven't.
Who was the last person you took a picture of? My niece
Are most of the friends in your life new or old? Old
Do you like pulpy orange juice? No! Too hard to clean pulp off of the glassware.
Last time you ate peanut butter and jelly? Last week
What were you doing at 12 a.m. last night? Going to the bathroom
What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Seems like I was just waking up YESTERDAY to go to work.
How many televisions are in your house? 2
What color cell phone do you have? Black with a pink and white case

Things that I can't help but smile at

Look at this!!! It's a dishwasher! Okay, that may seem like a small feat to some, but I've never had one. Ever. T and I have done fine without one the 5 years we've lived in our house. We didn't even have a garbage disposal as the people who lived here before us used a compost. So, today while I was at work, we had a dishwasher and a disposal installed! This is what I came home to! YAY! T and I are doing a load right now. I'm happy and grateful for the convenience this will give us. For the two of us, we have been fine without, but we're going to be a family of 4 pretty soon, and I know we'll appreciate the convenience this handy little unit will provide us.
This would be my cat Sucar talking to me from the baby girl's crib. Sucar loves the crib, and I can usually find her hanging out in it. I think she realizes something big is about to happen. I just hope she quits jumping in the crib when the baby is born.
Our lovely curtains, with the sun peaking through! I love how they turned out, they look great open too, but for now we have them closed. I think they are perfect for the little girl room we have created. :-)
Look at that??? Windows open! In March! That may seem like a give in for some, but not for us Minnesotans. In fact, I wouldn't be totally surprised if we had a snow storm next week. But for now, it's mid 60's (heat wave I tell ya!), the snow has melted, and our windows are open. Yay for fresh air after a LONG and COLD winter.
Look! That's me! In front of my house! But the biggest thing. . . I have no coat on . In March! In Minnesota! Also no small feat.
Happy Thursday to you all! And may you all have many things to make you smile today.

Weekly Pregnancy Post - 24 Weeks

How far along: 24 weeks

Gender: Girl!

Pregnancy Symptoms: You know, I really feel great. My energy level has been great, I haven't been feeling sick. I guess you could say I'm in the honeymoon stage of the pregnancy.

Maternity Clothes: Sure am. My midwife keeps hinting at my rapid weight gain. Yes, yes, I get it, but I'm SO not going to stress about it. It will come off. . . eventually.

Movement: More and more movement this week. I feel them every day now. I just sit at my desk at work, and when she starts moving, I sit there and touch my belly. People are starting to look at me, but whatever, I plan on enjoying every moment of this.

Best Moment of the Week: We got the curtains hung in the girl's room. YAY! They look great. The room is really coming together and I can't wait to show you guys picks of it. I'm pleased so far. :)

Food Cravings: Easter egg Reeses. So yummy!!! They are thicker with more peanut butter inside than normal reeses peanut butter cups. Yes. . . I've had just a few of these. ;-)

What I miss: My skinny jeans. My waist. My heels. Feeling pretty. But I don't want it to sound like I'm complaining. This has been the most wonderful and blessed experience and I wouldn't change a thing.

Weekly Wisdom: Even though I feel fat and ugly, apparently T thinks I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. I suppose that's enough. :)

And in two weeks I have a very special pregnancy surprise for T! I can't wait to tell you all about it. I definitely will, but T reads my blog so I can't post it for two more weeks. I'm excited though. :-D

And Happy St. Patrick's Day to all of you!!! Here are a couple photos from a recent trip to Ireland. :-D Enjoy! :-D

I Wouldn't Have it Any Other Way

Yesterday after work, T and I went to visit my sister and our niece. It was time for a bottle, so I suggested that T give her one. T had never fed a child before. Although T comes from a huge family, most of them live in Egypt, while T was born and raised in Minneapolis. He was the youngest sibling in his family, so he wasn't around children that were younger than him.

I felt so much joy watching T give our niece her first bottle. I think T enjoyed it too. He just kept smiling at her. Pure joy. :-)

I often think about the past two years of our life together. Everyday, I'm finding that our wait to be parents happened for different reasons. I have no doubt that our wait ended up being a blessing. I will also admit that during this two years, I often struggled to find the blessing in our wait.

But lately, I think part of the blessing is is that it gave T and I time to grow and learn, which will make us better parents in the long run. It gave us two more years as a couple. Two years that even though struggling, we enjoyed. We traveled, we laughed, we got to know each other even better as a couple.

This two year wait also allowed my older sister to have the first grandchild. A child that has blessed our family beyond measure. I'll never forget when she told me she was pregnant. My first IVF had just failed. She tried to tell me as delicately as possible. I remember feeling such joy for her, and such sadness for me. All at the same time. Now I'm convinced that part of my waiting was because my older sister was supposed to have the first child.

As I babysat my niece last Friday, we watched the Adoption Story on TLC. I told my niece all about adoption, and I told her about Khalil and the baby in my belly. My niece listened intently as I told her all about the gift of adoption, and even though she is just a little baby, she stared at me intently, and I felt like she was listening. I have no doubt that my niece will be a wonderful older cousin. She will grow up with my two little ones. What a blessing!

I couldn't have written this story better myself.

Making Strides in Daycare

This will be a busy week for T and I, as we have 3 interviews for possible daycare options, and then another one next week.

The two options we are looking at currently is a home daycare and then a nanny option. We actually have two interviews of each, and hope after these 4 interviews, that we'll be able to make a decision. We are finding that there are pros and cons of each of these two options. Home daycare will be a bit less expensive than a nanny, but at the same time, there is something really appealing about having a nanny come to our home and to have our children in their home environment.

As I was calling our daycare options last week, I had a huge epiphany. (Okay, this is really something that should have occurred to me WAY before the time it actually did) But last week, I realized that whoever takes care of our children is going to have a huge influence on them and their lives. I know, I know. . . I should have realized this long before I did. . . but I didn't. As I called around to various daycare options, I had the daycare providers on the phone talk about their religion, what they feel politically, and it hit me. Not only do we have to find a place that we feel our children will be safe and happy, we should also try to find a place that best represents T and I's values. Wow! just one more thing to think about!

I'm excited about the 4 different home daycare and nanny options we have on the table right now, and I'm hoping by the time we do our last interview, that we'll be confident in the direction we want to head. But if not, we'll head back to the drawing table.

Have any of you interviewed daycare providers and/or nannies? Any questions that I must ask and things to really pay attention to? I'd love feedback on this. :)

4 Months on the Waitlist

I started this big long post earlier in the week with the intention of publishing today. It was all about how today marks 4 months on the waitlist, which means T and I could get a call at any time. Our agency estimates the waitlist time before referral is 4-6 months, so hitting 4 months is huge!!!

Of course. . . my thought process has changed a bit since the news of the changes in Ethiopian adoption.

Yesterday was an emotionally difficult day. The policy change doesn't bother me, afterall, I truly believe the change is in the best interest of the children and that is the the most important thing. And if I wasn't nearly 6 months pregnant right now, I think I would have taken the news very differently. I may have moaned over the extra cost and the time away from work, I definitely would have moaned about how difficult it would be to leave my son and travel back to the states until my next trip, but the entire situation would have been far less complicated than it is now.

Ever since the adoption process started for T and I, we've been hoping the process went quickly. When we heard the average wait time until referral was 4-6 months, we hoped we'd be much closer to 4 months than 6 months. Now, our entire thought process has changed. Now we are actually hoping we don't get a referral until July at the earliest. That would give us time to give birth and make it to Ethiopia. Our agency still isn't 100% sure if both parents need to travel to court, and if both don't, than we our fine. Our agency also mentioned because of our special circumstances, perhaps something could be worked out. I'm holding onto hope that that is the case.

T and I spent much of our day yesterday explaining this new change to people. One person asked T why we didn't just cancel the adoption. I try not to let these comments go to my heart. Obviously anyone who would make that comment doesn't know anything about adoption. It's hard to explain to people that have no knowledge of adoption that I already am madly in love with this boy. Even though we haven't even been placed with a specific child, I love him. When I envision my family, there are two children. . . Khalil is there, and his baby sister. Cancelling the adoption IS NOT an adoption. It will NEVER be an option. I wish certain individuals in our life would realize how much this means to us. This adoption is just as important to us as my pregnancy. Imagine the loss I would feel if I lost the baby in my belly? Well, that is the same loss I would feel if we lost our referral. To me, suggesting that we cancel the adoption is just as painful as hearing why don't you just abort the baby. Seriously, it's the same thing to me. Both of these things are SO important to us. Times get tough. You don't just give up.

T said something very wise to me yesterday. He said that if our adoption is delayed, we'll end up with a different baby than we would have originally ended up with. But he said he is confident that whoever we end up with is the child that is MEANT for our family. I completely agree.

No one said international adoption would be easy. From the very beginning, our agency told us that things are always changing. And then getting pregnant during the process. . . we knew this would complicate our situation even further. But at the end of the day, T and I are ready for anything that will come our way. We are ready to be parents, and we are ready to fight for the right to be parents. We will be ready to fly to Ethiopia twice (or a million times) for our son. We would do anything for that little boy. We will somehow find a way to make this all work.

And a picture. To me, spring represents hope. Here is my front yard. Look at that! Grass!!! Okay, it's brown, dead, grass, but it's grass. Spring is just around the corner, and with spring, I feel renewed hope in everything.

Changes in the Adoption Process

I have so many posts started because all of a sudden, I have a lot going on, but for today, I thought this issue needed to addressed first.

I've been hearing from some of my blog friends that the Ethiopian adoption process will be changing. Currently for the Ethiopia program, parents only need to travel once. The travel occurs after you have passed court which makes the child legally yours. Parents have never had to be present at court because we have a power of attorney representative in Ethiopia who speaks on our behalf. So, there has always been just one trip to pick up your child, and that trip lasts approximately a week. . . unless of course parents want to extend the trip longer. This was one of T and I's biggest draws to the Ethiopian program. Don't get me wrong. . . we LOVE to travel, and try to find every excuse to do so, but tickets to Ethiopia are not cheap, and we don't get a lot of vacation time at our jobs, so two trips was never practical for us.

Anyway, back to what I've been hearing from my blog friends. I've been hearing that Ethiopia is changing their travel policy, effective immediately. Both parents will now have to go to Ethiopia and attend the court hearing that makes the child officially yours. Then the parents need to travel back to Ethiopia for the visa appointment. (it's usually not possible to just stay the entire time because the visa appointment may be a month or so after the court date)

When I heard this, I frantically called my adoption agency as I hadn't heard anything about these changes. I was praying I was hearing false information, but my blog friends heard this directly from their agency, so I feared it was true. My agency told me that the decision isn't 100% for sure yet, but it is definitely leaning that way, and we should know for sure by the end of the week. Basically my agency told me that we should plan for it though. I think that's a good indication that this will be happening for sure.

The reason for the change is because there have been instances of adoptive parents going over to Ethiopia to pick up their child, and remember, the child is already legally theirs at this point, and then heading for home without their child. I can't understand why anyone would do this. It is really upsetting that this has happened. In adoption, the most important thing in the process is the safety and well being of these children. If traveling to Ethiopia twice helps with the children's safety and well being, than of course, it is a much needed change in the process.

And to be honest, it's not even the added expenses that are stressing me out. It's the fact that Taher and I have officially been on the waitlist for 4 months. (I was going to do a big post on this, but I guess this one will have to do) Our agency quotes wait times for referral at 4-6 months, so T and I were guessing that we'd get our referral in April or May. Once a referral is received, it can take a couple weeks (or longer) to get a court date. Well, I'm due July 7th, and this would put me well beyond the stage of traveling. . . let alone international travel.

I'm really scared that because of T and I's special circumstances, and because of the new laws for Ethiopian adoption, that our adoption could be pushed back. I mean, I just won't be able to head to Ethiopia this May or June if we get a referral. The airlines wouldn't even let me on a plane that pregnant.

As with so much in my life, this is completely out of my control. I keep telling myself that the worst case scenario is that our adoption is delayed a bit. As long as we have Khalil in the end, I will be okay. But, I'm not going to lie. . . It is still stressful.

And head over to Mandy's blog at Campbell Family Party of 3. I did a guest blog on whether adoption cures infertility. I have copied the article in full below.

Does Adoption Cure Infertility?
By: Leah


Is your infertility resolved?

That is what T and I were asked during our first homestudy visit by our social worker.
I wanted to laugh at her question and tell her how ridiculous of a question I find it. But, I also wanted to adopt a child so I gave her the response she was looking to hear.

"Yes, our infertility is resolved. We are not sad at all about it anymore."

Our social worker gave us an approving nod and moved on to the next question.

What I really wanted to tell this social worker was, that in my opinion, infertility is never resolved. To be resolved, that means that we're over it. That it is no longer a part of our lives. That it isn't something we think about on a daily basis.

But to me, infertility is like a death. Time lessens the grief, but the grief and the loss are always present. Adopting 10 children won't take away the pain of infertility. Nor would I love those 10 children any less because they were adopted. Adoption and infertility are completely separate entities in my mind.

I'll never forget meeting with a Psychologist who experienced infertility and was never able to have biological children. She told me that not being able to have biological children will always be her greatest disappointment in life. I think that is the case for most people. Their wounds will heal and their pain will lessen. They will find new joys in life, they will find new ways to parent, and they will be wonderful parents. But the loss will always be there.

There is no cure for infertility. Science has made great strides to make it possible for almost everyone to have biological children, but science still has a long ways to go.

I believe that infertility deserves the same compassion and understanding that any major disease deserves. And although I do not believe adoption cures infertility, I am so thankful that adoption is an option for so many people. Back in the day, if a couple couldn't conceive, they were forced to live their lives without children. I am thankful there are other ways to parent because some of the best parents I know are people who could not have biological children. It would be a great disappointment for these wonderful people not to have the right to parent, and it would have been even a greater disappointment if these kids never had the opportunity to have these wonderful people as their Mom and Dad.

Weekly Pregnancy Post - 23 Weeks

How far along: 23 weeks

Gender: Girl!

Pregnancy Symptoms: Something moving in my tummy. A bigger body. Weighing more than I've ever weighed my entire life.

Maternity Clothes: Definitely. And I even found some pretty cute ones. I can't wait for spring though as my options will become more plentiful.

Movement: More and more movement this week.

Best Moment of the Week: Definitely the kicks that are becoming more frequent. It makes it all so real! I'm starting to actually believe that I'm pregnant and that this isn't some sick joke.

Food Cravings: Spicy Chicken Basil Noodles. (My favorite Thai Dish) Reeses Peanut Butter Cups.

What I miss: A glass of wine. Being able to put things in my mouth such as food and medications and not have to read labels to see if there is a pregnant woman warning on it.

What I'm looking forward to: My monthly OB appointment on Thursday. I love my appointments! I love leaving knowing that at that exact minute, everything appears to be okay. The reassurance it gives me is priceless.

Weekly Wisdom: It's really okay for me to be excited about my pregnancy. I can be excited for myself and at the same time, sad for those women who are struggling with trying to get pregnant themselves. The same way I was able to be excited for my friends who got pregnant, while being sad for myself at the same time. Both emotions are okay. I no longer need to carry the guilt of being pregnant around with me. But I will never stop hoping and praying for all of those beautiful women out there struggling with this. I want you to know if you're reading this, that I think and pray for you all daily, and will continue to do so.

Total Randomness

1. Does anyone ever watch Real Housewives? (Whether it be of Orange County, NYC, or whatever?) This show is sadly one of my guilty pleasures in life. I don't know what exactly draws me to it, but I've been watching it on a pretty regular basis lately. Well, for the most part, these women disgust me. I watch this show and see these women as a great example of how females should NOT behave.

2. Sometimes I fear I underestimate how much work two little ones so close in age will be. I've been reading some blogs lately from people in somewhat similar situations as I'm in, and they are always talking about HOW hard it is, how they never sleep, how they live their life in complete exhaustion. I'm a bit scared, but I know there is nothing that can properly prepare me for it. I'm not going to understand just how much work it is until it happens.

3. Do you have any people in your life that just don't go with you. . . at all? You find that your relationship is more combative than anything? I have a couple people like that in my life, and it's time to just cut them loose. Why do we keep people in our lives that don't add value and happiness? For me, it was always because I wanted to avoid confrontation. But my priorities in life are shifting heavily, and I think it's time to only have people in my life that bring value.

4. Lately, I feel like my life is straight out of the movie Groundhog's Day. Monday morning, the alarm goes off at 6am, I get up and ready for work. I work for 8 hours. I come home, and do it all for the next 5 days. Then the 2 day weekend comes. Always enjoyable, and then the pattern repeats itself at Monday at 6am. Sometimes I can't believe this is my life. I hope I find a way to break this pattern.

5. When is the right time to solidify daycare? It hasn't been on my radar much after the last home daycare place I called said it was way to early to reserve a spot. So, when should I reserve two infant spots in a daycare? Should I be worried that I haven't done that yet?

6. T and I have been planning the garage sale we plan to hold in early summer. We are really looking forward to it, and it will be our last fundraising effort in terms of the adoption. We are hoping we'll already have a referral by that point, and that the money can help with airfare costs and hotel fees for while we are in Ethiopia.

7. Sometimes I read other blogs, and wonder if I'm doing enough to prepare. Should I be doing more? Should I have more done at this point? Most of the time, I'm at a loss of what to do next.

8. When are most baby showers held? Just wondering the appropriate time for showers, as some people have asked me.

9. Spring is almost here in MN! Guess what I saw in my front yard this weekend? Grass!!! For the very first time in a LONG time. It's wonderful. :-D Although, this is MN, so that means tomorrow we could get a foot of snow. But, I'm really hoping that we are done with snow for the winter. Bring on the spring!!!

10. My face.book days are numbered. The majority of the people I am friends with, I am SO happy I have connected with. You know, the former high school classmates and people like those. I'm hesitant to quit face.book because it really is my means of staying in touch with people who don't live in my area. But sometimes I feel like it has allowed me to just passively watch other people's lives without making an effort to really find out what's going on with them. And I know people do that to me too. They read my updates and that's them keeping in touch instead of them picking up the phone or email. I don't know. . . I just think my time is almost near to quit. It's the people that I really want to keep in touch with that are keeping me on it.

11. Does anyone know where the blogger Yaya went? I loved reading her blog, she had just gotten a referral, and bam! Her blog seems to be gone. Just wondering if anyone knows what happened?

These are just some of the random thoughts going through my head on this Monday morning. I have some more posts coming up later this week that I hope will be interesting.

Also, have you ever read my blog and thought to yourself. . . "I wish Leah would blog blog about this or that?" Well, feel free to leave a comment here, as I'm always up for post suggestions.

Oh, and T started his guest post this weekend. According to him, he finished 4 sentences. Hey, it's a start! ;-)

And because I think posts with pictures are so exciting, I randomly went into my picture file on my work computer, and randomly grabbed a couple of photos without looking, and these are the two pictures of the day. I have so many pictures on my work computer, so I thought I'd randomly show some on this blog, and it's fun to be completely surprised at what pictures I will find, as I haven't looked at these photos in ages.

Happy Monday Everyone!


Lisbon, Portugal, our honeymoon.

Taher hanging out on the beaches in Alexandria, Egypt on the beautiful Mediterrean.

Bringing Happiness to Others

Being sick this week, allowed me to be home a couple days, which allowed me to watch Oprah. One of the days I was home, Roger Epert was on the show. For those of you who don't know who this is, Roger Epert is a film critic, and after a recent battle with cancer, he lost part of his jaw and his ability to speak. It was a very uplifting episode, and a quote from his journey really hit home for me..

"I believe if at the end of it all, according to our abilities, we have done something to make others a little happier and something to make ourselves a little happier, that is about the best we can do. To make others less happy is a crime. To make ourselves unhappy is where all crime starts. We must try to contribute joy to the world. That is true, no matter what our problems, our health, our circumstances, we must try. I didn't always know this, and I am happy that I lived long enough to find it out."

This really hit home for me. This passage is so simple. It's so easy to do. Yet how many of us focus our lives in making other's happy? I try from time to time, but not hard enough. And lately, I have seen the happiness that others have brought into my life, and I realize I'm not doing a good enough job at spreading the happiness.

It's hard to name all of the wonderful things people have done for me recently to spread happiness, but I'm going to try.

M made me a beautiful vase to auction off on my blog. I've never met this amazing woman in real life, yet she took time out out her family life to do this wonderful and thoughtful thing for me..........F, another woman I've never met, made a wonderful gift for me to auction...........People I've met and never met donated money to make the adoption costs a little bit easier..........D donated beautiful things for me to sell at a garage sale this summer..........K donated a crib and changing table to me and Taher..........A sends me handwritten notes with CD's she makes. She also donated money to our fund, and she always let's me know she's thinking of me..........My parents and T's parents have given us baby furniture and clothes, things that help with the expenses of preparing for two little ones.

There are so many more things that I'm not thinking of, but my point is, so many people have brought happiness into my life, and not because they expected anything in return.

This has motivated me to want to spread happiness also. I'm working on a project, where every week, I will focus on one person in my life, and do something for them. I will also focus on never being the reason for someone's unhappiness.

I too, want to live a life of purpose. And just like Roger Ebert said, I am so thankful that I lived long enough to learn this lesson.

Surviving the Wait

All of us are waiting for something in our lives. Whether it be waiting for the clock to strike 5pm so we can go home from work, whether it's waiting for the big party Friday evening, or waiting to get married this summer, or waiting for that family reunion. . . We are all waiting for something.

For me, it's my children.

Somedays, the waiting is harder than others. Somedays I walk by the two empty bedrooms in my house, and peak in the closets at the boy's and girl's clothes hanging so nicely in the closet, just waiting to be worn. Sometimes I hold my adorable little niece, and the desire for my children becomes so strong. I can't wait to know what it feels like to be Mama. Sometimes I hear about a great exhibit at the children's museum, and dream of the day Taher and I can take our lil monkies there. Or take them to the art fair, or the zoo.

Somedays, the waiting is definitely harder than other days.

Somedays, I find the waiting easier than other days.

Some days, Taher and I get home from work, and decide to have a lazy evening. We get into our "comfies," order takeout, and decide what movie to watch on the tele. We then cuddle on the couch until we fall asleep. Somedays I wonder if Taher and I have taken our last big vacation in a while. I fondly remember our amazing vacations, and how easy it was to live our life as jet-setters. On these days, the waiting is easier.

The past couple of days, I've been sick, and I found myself wondering how I will take care of kids when I don't have the energy to take care of myself?

Somedays I come to the realization that Taher and I's day as a married couple with no kids is nearly over. We can't continue spending our money on ourselves only. We won't be able to continue being selfish in how we live our lives. We can't just come home from work and decide that we will do nothing productive that evening. We won't be able to order Indian takeout whenever we feel like it, because I suppose we'll have to feed the kids too. (And I don't know if spicy foods is good for little baby bellies)

Sometimes the realization that life is changing hits me hard. I'm happy it's changing. I'm ready to be a Mom, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I AM scared. I'm scared that T and I will hardly ever get one on one time together. I'm scared I won't be able to see my friends as much as I would like. I'm scared I won't get to experience my international travels which I'm so passionate about. I'm scared that I will be so tired that I'll be walking around in a cloud constantly.

On days where the fear sets in, the waiting becomes much much easier for me. And instead of praying that time speeds up a bit so I can have my children here with me, I pray that time slows down a little, so I can enjoy every last second as a family of two.

Weekly Pregnancy Post - 22 Weeks

How far along: 22 weeks
Gender: Girl!
Pregnancy Symptoms: Something moving in my tummy.
Maternity Clothes: Definitely. And I even found some pretty cute ones.
Movement: More and more movement this week.
Best Moment of the Week: Daily movements. Before, the movements were off and on, but now, I can feel them pretty much everyday. It's always such a happy and reassuring feeling. Another wonderful thing is that our baby responds so much to T's voice. When he talks to my belly, she always seems to kick. It's great. :-D
Food Cravings: Chocolate!
What I miss: Being able to medicate myself when I'm sick.
Weekly Wisdom: Being sick is no fun. I feel like I already know what it's like to be a Mom and constantly worrying about my child. I've had a bad cold/sinus infection, and I've been so worried that the coughing, sneezing, and just feeling horribly hasn't affected the baby in any way.

Unfortunately no baby picture this week. I lived in my pajamas for the past two days and didn't get around to taking a picture. There hasn't been much change since last week though. :-D

Projects

I want to apologize for how bad of a blog reader and commenter I've been lately. I'm suffering from an awful sinus infection, and have been in the horizontal position for days. I finally broke down and went to the doctor to get antibiotics. I hate medicating myself at all, but I couldn't handle the pain anymore. Hopefully I'm on the mend.

Also, thanks for those who commented that you like the new look of my blog. Kelsey did the makeover, and if anyone is looking for a makeover, I would definitely recommend Kelsey. She was awesome, and SO quick! I emailed her, and she got to work immediately. Seriously, so worth it, and she really does a wonderful and professional job. I love the new look, and was looking for something new and refreshing, and I definitely got it. :-D

Taher and I have been extremely busy with projects. We have mainly been working on the girl's room, and as soon as we get a referral for Khalil, we'll start on his room as well.

We still have a lot to do, but we've made A LOT of progress.

Taher painted the walls a beautiful green color. (T and I love color, if you haven't noticed) We cleaned out the old office closet, and now it's a closet that has clothes in it. Exciting!!!

BEFORE

AFTER

BEFORE

AFTER

BEFORE

AFTER

My Mom then came up this past weekend and brought the crib that she and my Dad bought us. She and I put it together all by ourselves, and it was surprisingly easy. I love the look of the crib, and now all we need is bedding.
There are still things we need to do to this room, but I'm really pleased with the progress so far.

March 1st, 2003

This was the day that Taher proposed to me.

It was a perfect day. It was mild Minneapolis day. . . about 35 degrees outside, with a lot of snow. Taher told me to get dressed because he had something special for us to do.

He brought me to the Falls in the city, which is a place I love. When I turned around, I saw a bench with beautiful flowers and champagne. Taher then asked me to be his wife.

It's hard to believe that was 7 years ago. Time goes by so quickly, and I am constantly being reminded to never take anything for granted in life. .. especially the relationships we have with people.

I love you Taher! Thank you for asking me the easiest question I've ever had to answer.