4 Months on the Waitlist

I started this big long post earlier in the week with the intention of publishing today. It was all about how today marks 4 months on the waitlist, which means T and I could get a call at any time. Our agency estimates the waitlist time before referral is 4-6 months, so hitting 4 months is huge!!!

Of course. . . my thought process has changed a bit since the news of the changes in Ethiopian adoption.

Yesterday was an emotionally difficult day. The policy change doesn't bother me, afterall, I truly believe the change is in the best interest of the children and that is the the most important thing. And if I wasn't nearly 6 months pregnant right now, I think I would have taken the news very differently. I may have moaned over the extra cost and the time away from work, I definitely would have moaned about how difficult it would be to leave my son and travel back to the states until my next trip, but the entire situation would have been far less complicated than it is now.

Ever since the adoption process started for T and I, we've been hoping the process went quickly. When we heard the average wait time until referral was 4-6 months, we hoped we'd be much closer to 4 months than 6 months. Now, our entire thought process has changed. Now we are actually hoping we don't get a referral until July at the earliest. That would give us time to give birth and make it to Ethiopia. Our agency still isn't 100% sure if both parents need to travel to court, and if both don't, than we our fine. Our agency also mentioned because of our special circumstances, perhaps something could be worked out. I'm holding onto hope that that is the case.

T and I spent much of our day yesterday explaining this new change to people. One person asked T why we didn't just cancel the adoption. I try not to let these comments go to my heart. Obviously anyone who would make that comment doesn't know anything about adoption. It's hard to explain to people that have no knowledge of adoption that I already am madly in love with this boy. Even though we haven't even been placed with a specific child, I love him. When I envision my family, there are two children. . . Khalil is there, and his baby sister. Cancelling the adoption IS NOT an adoption. It will NEVER be an option. I wish certain individuals in our life would realize how much this means to us. This adoption is just as important to us as my pregnancy. Imagine the loss I would feel if I lost the baby in my belly? Well, that is the same loss I would feel if we lost our referral. To me, suggesting that we cancel the adoption is just as painful as hearing why don't you just abort the baby. Seriously, it's the same thing to me. Both of these things are SO important to us. Times get tough. You don't just give up.

T said something very wise to me yesterday. He said that if our adoption is delayed, we'll end up with a different baby than we would have originally ended up with. But he said he is confident that whoever we end up with is the child that is MEANT for our family. I completely agree.

No one said international adoption would be easy. From the very beginning, our agency told us that things are always changing. And then getting pregnant during the process. . . we knew this would complicate our situation even further. But at the end of the day, T and I are ready for anything that will come our way. We are ready to be parents, and we are ready to fight for the right to be parents. We will be ready to fly to Ethiopia twice (or a million times) for our son. We would do anything for that little boy. We will somehow find a way to make this all work.

And a picture. To me, spring represents hope. Here is my front yard. Look at that! Grass!!! Okay, it's brown, dead, grass, but it's grass. Spring is just around the corner, and with spring, I feel renewed hope in everything.