All of us are waiting for something in our lives. Whether it be waiting for the clock to strike 5pm so we can go home from work, whether it's waiting for the big party Friday evening, or waiting to get married this summer, or waiting for that family reunion. . . We are all waiting for something.
For me, it's my children.
Somedays, the waiting is harder than others. Somedays I walk by the two empty bedrooms in my house, and peak in the closets at the boy's and girl's clothes hanging so nicely in the closet, just waiting to be worn. Sometimes I hold my adorable little niece, and the desire for my children becomes so strong. I can't wait to know what it feels like to be Mama. Sometimes I hear about a great exhibit at the children's museum, and dream of the day Taher and I can take our lil monkies there. Or take them to the art fair, or the zoo.
Somedays, the waiting is definitely harder than other days.
Somedays, I find the waiting easier than other days.
Some days, Taher and I get home from work, and decide to have a lazy evening. We get into our "comfies," order takeout, and decide what movie to watch on the tele. We then cuddle on the couch until we fall asleep. Somedays I wonder if Taher and I have taken our last big vacation in a while. I fondly remember our amazing vacations, and how easy it was to live our life as jet-setters. On these days, the waiting is easier.
The past couple of days, I've been sick, and I found myself wondering how I will take care of kids when I don't have the energy to take care of myself?
Somedays I come to the realization that Taher and I's day as a married couple with no kids is nearly over. We can't continue spending our money on ourselves only. We won't be able to continue being selfish in how we live our lives. We can't just come home from work and decide that we will do nothing productive that evening. We won't be able to order Indian takeout whenever we feel like it, because I suppose we'll have to feed the kids too. (And I don't know if spicy foods is good for little baby bellies)
Sometimes the realization that life is changing hits me hard. I'm happy it's changing. I'm ready to be a Mom, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I AM scared. I'm scared that T and I will hardly ever get one on one time together. I'm scared I won't be able to see my friends as much as I would like. I'm scared I won't get to experience my international travels which I'm so passionate about. I'm scared that I will be so tired that I'll be walking around in a cloud constantly.
On days where the fear sets in, the waiting becomes much much easier for me. And instead of praying that time speeds up a bit so I can have my children here with me, I pray that time slows down a little, so I can enjoy every last second as a family of two.
14 comments:
Waiting is the hardest thing that I have done so far in life. I understand both sides of your comments. My husband and I are trying to cut back on our spending now. Way to have a good attitude about it :)
I LOVE THIS POST. Because I am so thankful for our marriage and the time we are spending with just each other now, no matter how hard we're praying for children. Sometimes I seem to be able to take a step back and just reflect on that while we're finishing dinner or making some spontaneous plans- we won't be able to do that once our kids are here!
I have been praying for you guys, that your little boy and girl will come home safely this year!
Waiting was the hardest part!
When I would get stressed out about the wait DH would be zen about it - but then he would get stressed about it and I could be calm for him. It's hard - but once it's over it will immediately become a distant memory!
We still go to the indian restaurant! When our daughter was really little - I just took things along that she could eat. Now, she will eat a few things but still doesn't like spicy dishes. We can always convince her to go when we tell her she can get a mango lassi!
Leah, I feel exactly the same way. I'm tired of waiting and so ready to be a mom, but at the same time I want to enjoy these times of just the 2 of us!
This posts really resonates with me...becaues I think I can be future-oriented to a big fault. It's such a habit. I have been making diligent strides this year to pay more attention to the NOW. And it's been a challenge because we have a busy spring--lots of milestones, trips, visits with friends, etc. planned. I'm trying to keep my mind right here, right now, though.
Good for you for keeping your spotlight on you and T for now. Have fun, eat lots of spicy things, veg and just BE. :)
I TOTALLY relate to this post!! I am also very fearful and it can be consuming. It is such a weird feeling of wanting time to go slow and fast. I'm here for you!
This is SO true! I felt exactly the same as you when I was waiting, and the truth is that at the beginning the change was very hard to adjust to - not being able to do what you want when you want is strange! But that being said, I wouldn't trade mommyhood for the world! It is great that you are enjoying this special time of being just the two of you, and when your little ones arrive, it will be a whole new kind of wonderful :)
Yes, it is different. We used to just go places at the drop of a hat, eat at expensive places, decide we were "done" and just didnt do anything. Life changes... But it doesnt have to be a hard one. We dont go out as often as we used to, but when we go, we take the babies and, as a result, they are excellent at restaurants and church and everywhere else. When we are tired, we take a family nap. When we are "blah", the babies lift us up. You can do it. And it will be a wonderful addition to your life. :) (But you know that already!!!) :)
I'm sure that life will change incredibly... but I also think it's important for parents to find time to be together without kids, and to find time to spend time with friends. It won't be the same, that's for sure, but there are ways to keep some of that with time. I totally hear you on this issue - the waiting is so hard, but there are things that we can treasure to help us through.
So, so true and something I struggle with. I think the waiting for a specific date might make it a bit easier to focus on the now, but then again, when you know it's coming you just want that date to get here already so you can finally cuddle your little one.
Keep on enjoying the time as just the two of you while you can!
I have all of these same feelings! I love, love, love your blog makeover, it looks great, and I know you're going to be an amazing mommy!
Hang in there, you're already over halfway done!!
Nice, honest, post. The thing is, the waiting never ends. It just changes. You wait for the first words, the first steps, the first day of school, and on and on... and it seems the wait is always a mixture of anticipation and dread. Your life is going to change drastically, and I promise that you will never look back with regret.
I'd say it's a very good sign that you're already keeping in mind how important it is to nurture the core relationship that started the family.
I have totally thought about this too!! There is nothing else on this earth that I want more than to be a mother, but I think I have gotten so USED to the waiting in a way that it is almost impossible to imagine a different life. I have thoughts about not getting to spend time with my husband and all the "hard" things that will come with a child, and I think if I would have gotten pregnant the first month I would have hardly had any time to think about it. But I'm sure once we both have ou children in our arms we won't be able to imagine life any differently :) Thinking of you as you wait.
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