Waiting Well

For the first time since I began this adoption process, things are completely out of my control. Let's be honest. . . things were never really completely in my control to begin with, but I could control a lot of the process. I could control how quickly I filled out paperwork, wrote letters, made doctor's appointments, and all of the other things I had to do to get on the wait list.

For 4 months, I attended adoption classes and filled out the necessary applications and paperwork. For 4 months, I felt like I was controlling the pace of all of this to some extent.

Yesterday T and I received an email from our adoption agency letting us know that our Dossier had arrived. The adoption counselor also attached a what's next document to the email, and reading it, reminded me that the little control I thought I had, is now completely gone. The control freak inside of me is very apprehensive about all of this.

All of our paperwork will be in transit to a far away country sooner than later. Now foreign governments will be controlling all aspects of this adoption. There is nothing for me to do. There is no more paperwork to be filled out. There are no more adoption classes. No more Social Worker visits.

Now, all I do is wait.

And wait.

And then wait some more.

My goal is to wait really well. I want to be patient. I want to be calm. I want to trust that our referral call will come in perfect timing. As I wait, something my wise Mother said to me many many years ago keeps coming back to me.

Leah - Don't wish your life away.

I need that constant reminder. I think we all have a tendency of looking forward to the next thing instead of being appreciative of where our lives are at in this moment.

I am going to try really hard to appreciate where my life is right now. Because the referral call WILL come, and once our baby boy is home with us, our lives will forever be changed. So today, I am going to appreciate the many things that there may be a short supply of when baby boy does finally come home.

Every night, I get 8+ hours of mostly uninterrupted sleep.
T and I have so many date nights, where it's just the two of us.
On weekends, I can sleep in as late as I want.
I never have to cook or prepare food for anyone except me. If I want takeout everyday, I can have takeout everyday.
Right now, I have a big closet all to myself in the guestroom.

The list goes on and on, and these are the daily reminders I need because eventually, T and I will be a family of 3, and life will change. I know it will change for the better, but I don't want to waste the next few months not appreciating these things, because someday, I'll be sleep deprived and overwhelmed (in a good way) with caring for another human being.

T and I have a long wait ahead of us, and I hope and pray that I will wait well.

Do you wait well?

Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Thousand Word Wednesday

Because there are always too many words floating through my head, I had to change-up the wordless Wednesday thing a bit. :-D

The picture below is our first baby gifts. Yay! :-D The blanket is from my sister. She said she saw it and couldn't refuse. . . it having a monkey on it and all. And then my Mom got us the Baby's First Year book. I looked through it, and some of it made me sad because we will miss some of our baby's first year. I guess I'll just have to edit the Baby's First Year to contain the first year with us.

And that blanket is the softest thing ever. I can't wait until we see our son wrapped up in it.
:-D

This is the Day

This is the day I have been anticipating for a really long time. On June 25th, when T and I handed in our adoption application, I dreamt of this day. Then on July 14th, when T and I attended our first adoption class, I remember the instructor telling us the whole Home Study and Dossier process can take anywhere from 2-6 months.

That is why I am SO happy to have mailed in our Dossier! It took about 4 months from when we first handed in our application to mailing in our Dossier.

Before I mailed the documents, I double and triple-checked that everything was there, and in order, and notarized clearly. Then T and I headed to UPS and shipped the documents, along with our next adoption fee. It was the BEST feeling ever!

Here I am with all of the documents waiting to get mailed. :-D

So. . . What's next?

Well, now I hope and pray that I don't get a call from the agency saying they need an additional document, or they need something more clear, etc. And it wouldn't be out of the ordinary if that happened, because it happens all the time.

Assuming all the documents are up to par, my agency then mails a few of the forms to Washington DC, to the State Department, and to the Embassy of the country we are adopting from. They stamp the documents with additional approvals. This process can take 2-3 weeks, and then DC will mail the documents back to my adoption agency. Once the agency receives those documents, the documents are then shipping thousands of miles away to our country of adoption. Once received, we are OFFICIALLY on the waiting list!!!

All adoption agencies do things differently. Some are considered on the waiting list once the documents arrive in DC, but it sounds like my agency doesn't consider us on the waiting list until the documents actually arrive in our country of choice. I don't mind. We are ALMOST there, and that is a wonderful feeling! And assuming our agency doesn't come back to us and need additional documents, we are officially done with the paper chase that has taken us 4 months.

That is a WONDERFUL feeling.

Is it too Early to Nest?

Because that's what I felt like I was doing all weekend. Maybe it's because it was cool and rainy out all weekend. . . Or maybe it's because we are needing ONE document to mail in our Dossier packet. Whatever the reason, this was a weekend of nesting.

First, I decided the closets in our house needed major organizing. First I started with T's. Right now, he and I have our own closets because all of my stuff is in the guest room. . . aka, the future baby's room. Well, his closet was a disaster! Sorry for throwing you under the bus T! ;-) After organizing his closet, which even involved some color coordination, I went on to the hall closet. This is the space where we keep linens, medicine, lotions, etc. Equally a disaster. I went to a local dollar store and found these great plastic, stackable organizers, and went to town. This is a closet that I try to not even look in because it's been a complete disaster area. After organizing everything, I realized we had about 3 of everything! I'm sure we look in the closet for stuff, can't find it, and then go out and by it. I'm mad I didn't take any pictures of the finished closet, because it is so darn organized! And now that it is so organized, it looks like we have SO much more room. 2 closets DONE!

After that, T and I decided to blow off the football game on TV, and head to Ikea to look at baby furniture. It was a smart idea going during the game, as Ikea wasn't as packed as it usually is. (A few years ago, T and I made the rule of never going to Ikea on the weekends because that place gets extremely over crowded) We found a lot of great baby items and got a lot of ideas on how we want to decorate the baby's room. I didn't see my dream crib at Ikea, but no worries, I ended up finding the PERFECT CRIB at Tar.get. It's gorgeous! The best part is that the crib converts into a toddler bed, and eventually, it converts into a full-sized bed. This may be the only bed we'll have to buy for the monkey. :-D

So, it's official. I'm definitely nesting. I am hoping and praying that the final document arrives today so I can overnight it to our adoption agency. I'm trying not to be anxious, but I'm losing that battle so far. ;-)

Did you do major nesting when you were expecting?

If you haven't done so already, you should join this week's raffle! You won't be disappointed, and this will be yours! The raffle ends Thursday at 5pm.

Bursting at the Seams

That's how I feel anyway.

T and I are officially waiting for just ONE document to come in the mail, and then we can mail in our Dossier. Of course the document we are waiting on is completely out of our control. (This adoption stuff has really been teaching me important life lessons about control and letting go) I'm hoping and praying we can submit the Dossier next week. I know that once we're on the wait list, things will only get harder, but I still want to get to that point. Then I won't feel guilty buying our monkey things. It will just feel more real.

The document we are waiting on will come notarized, so T and I decided that we would take the stack of papers (times 3 copies) to the bank and have them all notarized. Well, we got the banker from hell. She was very rude, managed to get all of our documents severely out of order, which took me a good hour to put back in place when I got home, and her commission expires January 31st, 2010. Even MORE incentive to hurry up and get these documents mailed.

Not only that, but when we got home, I started stressing about all the documents. Is the notary seal clear enough? Did we fill things out correctly? I'm nervous for the agency to receive all this paperwork and then come back to us and see things need correcting.

We are ALMOST there though.

In other news, I am bringing back the raffle tomorrow, and I have a wonderful handmade item by a fellow blogger that I will be raffling. Be sure to check in tomorrow and be sure to tell your friends. :-D

Adoption in the News

A couple of weeks ago, my local paper ran a large, two part series, on adoption. The first part of the story can be read here, and the second part of the story here.

The story wasn't one of those happy, fuzzy, warm stories about the gift of adoption. Instead, it focused on the dark and corrupt situations that can happen during international adoption. I cannot tell you how many people called me when they read the article, saved the paper for me, or asked me if I read the articles. The story featured in these articles is heartbreaking. My heart goes out to the woman who wanted to be a Mom, prepared for it, bought clothes, cribs, and set up a nursery, only to end up not being able to adopt those children.

I did read the articles, and what I read was scary. T and I's adoption agency has done a really good job at preparing us for the downside of international adoption. I am also very happy to say that before we choose an agency, we did a lot of research. I cannot tell you how happy I am that we did. One of our agency finalists is one of the adoption agencies mentioned frequently in these articles. I was initially drawn to this agency because of their size (very small agency) and because of the wait time to get matched with a child was very small. . . probably the shortest time I've seen of any agency. The woman mentioned frequently in these articles is one I shared many phone calls and emails with. Everytime I had a question, this woman would email me back immediately or give me a phone call. It seemed like a good agency.

I cannot even tell you why T and I decided on a different agency. Maybe we have a little bit of luck on our side? After we signed with our agency, we learned that they are hague accredited. I wasn't specifically looking for that, but once again, I had luck on my side.

Adoption is a really big deal in my home state of MN. Minnesotans adopts the most children than any other state in the country. I'm really proud to be from a state with that wonderful statistic. Because adoption is so common in this state, this article received a lot of attention.

As with everything in life, there are no guarantees. T and I trust that we are working with a good and reputable agency, but things can always go wrong. We are paying all of this non-refundable money, and tomorrow, the country we are adopting from could close their doors to international adoption. There are many unknowns, and at times this whole process can feel very risky.

Daily I try to let go of the things I can't control. And I know I can't control the stability of international adoption. I just hope and pray that the it stays stable so T and I can bring home our little monkey.

Adoption Fears

When Taher and I started to ponder the idea of adopting a child, there were a few fears I had, and continue to have. These are separate fears from the daily worries of, will I fill out all the paperwork correctly? Will we be able to afford this adoption? Will we eventually get placed with a child? Although those are daily fears, I also have many fears completely unrelated to the adoption process.

This summer, my Mom and I were driving home from our cabin. . . Just the two of us. I had already discussed with she and my my Dad the possibility of us adopting, but Taher and I hadn't filled out an application yet, nor had we made up our minds 100% that we were going to adopt. I felt extreme emotion about adopting, afterall, adoption is no small decision. The choice to bring a child into your life, whether through childbirth, or adoption, is always a HUGE decision, and one that must be explored fully.

A while into the conversation with my Mom, I just started sobbing. I then asked her, "Will you love this child the same as you will love your other biological grandchildren?" I didn't ask the question to insult my Mom and her ability to love, but instead, it was a legitimate concern of mine.

I remember her response very clearly. She spoke with the certainty and clarity that only Mothers can.

"Leah, are you really worried about how your Father and I will love this child? Because you don't need to worry about that. Are you instead worried if you and Taher will be able to love this child the same?"

Through the tears and emotion I was feeling, I thought long and hard about what my Mom just asked. Taher and I have also talked about this, and we are both 100% sure that we will love this child as our own. This will be our child, and we are fully convinced that no other child will ever be loved as much.

I do still worry however. My sister is currently pregnant, and is expecting a baby girl in about 6 weeks. And on Taher's side of the family, we have two nieces. Although none of us know what my sister's baby will look like, my nieces look so much like family. They are a perfect combination of their Mother and Father. They even have a little of their Nana and Gidu (Arabic for Grandfather) in them. It was easy and instant for everyone to love them. For 9 months, we all watched M's belly swell. We all were very used to the idea that she had a living being inside of her. It is the same way for my sister S. We watch her belly grow. We feel her little girl kick. We prepare.

Taher and I's experience will be so different. We are nearing 4 months of our adoption paperwork. This is about the point that many women start showing a bit. My body remains unchanged. I won't go to a hospital to give birth to my child. Instead, Taher and I will travel thousands of miles away, to a country we have never been, to meet our child. Our families will see us leave MN as two people who are not parents. We will then arrive back to MN as parents, with a child in our arms. This child will not look anything like us. This child will not look like his nieces. This child will not look like anyone in my hometown, will not resemble his grandparents at all. This child will not be a newborn who sleeps the majority of the day. This child will not resemble my aunts and uncles or cousins.

Instead, this child will already be a few months old. He will already have a personality. He will look completely exotic to everyone.

Adoption IS different than a biological child experience, and I realize that. I just hope and pray that everyone in our lives will love this child as if I was giving birth to him. Deep in my heart, I know they will. Taher and I have wonderful families who love and support us. But I still have these fears.

Even though I haven't met this child, and even though there is a possiblity that this child hasn't even been conceived yet, I already feel protective over him. I want him to be surrounded by the love that I was surrounded by growing up. I want him to be a member of our family. I don't want him to be Leah and Taher's adopted son.

I simply want him to be Leah and Taher's son.

All About Adoption

When T and I received our I-171H. . . Which is the approval from the Department of Homeland Security, we were both shocked!

The way most Dossiers go, is that I-171H is the last thing to come. And as soon as it comes, you send your paperwork to the agency, who then sends it to the country of adoption. Because it can take so long to receive that approval, T and I were taking our time with the Dossier paperwork.

So, on October 1st, when the approval came, I all of a sudden panicked and realized that holy crap! We can submit our Dossier and be on the official wait list. . . just as soon as we finish the paperwork on our end. Unfortunately, the paperwork wasn't (and still isn't) complete. But we are SO SO SO close! We were thinking it would be at least another month before receiving the I-171H. Basically, everything is done that is in our control. We are still waiting on a notarized reference letter, which I am told will be mailed to me tomorrow, and then we are waiting for T's job situation to pan out. He is a contractor and his contract is nearing completion, so we didn't want to put his current position down because then we would need to update it fairly soon when he either got a new contract or full-time employment. So, we've been holding off on the employment stuff, and are hoping that that situation is resolved this week.

We are so darn close to being on that waitlist now, I can almost taste it! My initial goal was December, and now I'm thinking I could be mailing all the Dossier paperwork as early as next week.

I've heard being on the wait list is the hardest part, but I just want to get there so badly. What's been hard for me is filling out all the paperwork, and knowing that we're not even on the list yet. I just want to get on the list. I have a feeling all of this will feel so much more real once we're on it.

My goal is to mail out the Dossier no later than Friday of next week. I hope this is all possible.
:-D

Ireland Week. . . Part 5

This will be my final installment about our trip to Ireland.

It was a really wonderful trip, and a place that I would definitely go back to, and hope that someday I am lucky enough to go back to.

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Our last day in Ireland, the weather matched my mood. It's always hard to leave a place, and leave loved ones that you don't see often enough. It's also hard to get mentally prepared for the 2 flights you are facing, for a total of 10 hours in the air, and another 5 hours sitting in airports. We spent much of our last day getting our suitcases in order and things organized for the long journey home. We then headed downtown and walked around, shopped, and said our goodbyes to the city.

We then had a few furry friends that we had to say goodbye to.

The next morning, we got up early and started the journey home.

After an 8.5 hour flight over the ocean, we could finally see the skyline of Chicago.

One of my favorite quotes about travel is this:

"A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it."

I love that quote. When I booked this trip, I was going through a difficult time in my life. I wanted to get away with my husband. I wanted to be distracted by the beauty and awe of a new place, and I wanted time away to reflect on this past year of my life. For me, getting away helps me to rediscover who I am. My purpose. This trip did exactly that for me. And although sometimes I choose to go far away to sort through things, only when I come home do I find what I'm really searching for.

Next week I will get back to adoption updates. I have quite a few actually! So much has happened in the past week with the adoption, and I can't wait to update you! I will also be getting back to Friday raffles next week, and I have a great one, so be sure to check in to see what will be raffled off!

Certainly, travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living.

- Miriam Beard

Ireland Week. . . Part 4

One of my very favorite parts of traveling to a foreign place is the people watching. I love soaking in a culture of people. I love watching how people dress, how people act, their mannerisms and things of that nature. . . When they think absolutely no one is looking at them.

Every time I leave Europe, I feel like I'm leaving behind part of my heart. I often reflect on if I'm living where I should be living, or if I was meant to live somewhere else.

Here are some candid pictures I took in Ireland. In most circumstances, no one knew they were being photographed. I say most because a couple pictures I got caught. ;-) I loved just sitting in a cafe on the street and watching the people go by.

Ireland Week. . . Part 3

I mentioned in my previous post that when we got back from our long day to the west coast of Ireland we crashed. Well, we did, but not after having some cheese and wine with A and G. A was heading to London the next day, so it was kind of our goodbye. Goodbye for now that is.

We slept well that night!


The next morning we woke up, and decided a day in the city was in order! Ireland is only around 4 million people total (about the same size as the state of MN) and almost half of them live in Dublin. Dublin is a beautiful, European city, and we really enjoyed taking in the sites. We took the Luas (the public transportation) into downtown Dublin.



We walked along the beautiful brick streets, and then grabbed lunch and sat in a park, and people watched. Dublin has great people watching!


We then decided to take a tour of Christ's Church. Christ's Church is a beautiful church in Dublin. It was built long before the US was rediscovered by Europeans. It's always amazing to travel to other countries whose history goes back way before that of our own. It makes me realize how new our country is. Christ's Church is also the location that Handel's Messiah was first performed after Handel had the piece commissioned by the king. It was a beautiful church.












After visiting Christ's Church, we did more walking around the city. In Dublin, and in many European (and probably US cities) there are people called buskers who perform and things for money. It was fun to see them.

(Yes, this is not a statue. . . It's a real man. Kind of scared me when I walked by and he moved)















We then met my cousin at Trinity College. Trinity is a world famous University where many famous people attended. (Bram Stoker, Oscar Wilde, Jonathan Swift, just to name a few) My cousin just received her Master's Degree from Trinity, and she was nice enough to show us around.

The most famous part of Trinity College is the Book of Kells. The Book of Kells contain the four gospels of the New Testament, and was transcribed by Celtic Monks ca 800. Taher and I went into a dark room where the Book of Kells is held under thick glass, and pictures are absolutely forbidden. So wasn't I surprised when we uploaded all the pictures from our trip and I saw Taher had taken a picture of this.

After touring Trinity College, we decided to go on one more tour. Ireland is know for making Guiness and Jameson, and both places give tours and explain how the world famous alcohol is made. We decided to check out the Jameson tour.

It was a really great tour. We learned about how whiskey is made, and we learned why Jameson tastes better than many whiskeys. . . Apparently it's all in the triple distillation process. (See, I was paying attention) :-D

At the end of the tour, our tour guide asked for volunteers to taste test three different kinds of Whiskey. Taher and my cousin were selected as taste testers. I was very fine that I wasn't selected, as I don't drink whiskey. At all.

Taher and my cousin both selected properly, and were given certifications as official whiskey tasters. Nice! :-D

After our long day of walking (no wonder those Europeans are so thin!) we decided to get a table outside and enjoy a pint. One of my favorite things about traveling is taking in the people and the culture of where we are.

I can't wait to show you some of my candids of the Irish people tomorrow.

Ireland Week. . . Part 2

For those of you who commented, yes, my hair is quite darker. Still not sure what I think. Two days before we left to Ireland, I went to the salon to get my highlights touched up. I'm naturally

a blond, but usually get highlights to make my color a bit prettier. I told my hair colorist to do whatever he wanted. He got really excited, because apparently he's always pictured me with dark hair. So, here it is. The good news is I can always go back eventually.

:-D

After a day of sightseeing in the country, a night out in the city was in order. My cousin brought us out to a couple of bars, and we had a great time talking and enjoying the city life.






Taher has a friend from high school living in Ireland, and one night he went out with him to watch a futbol (that is soccer for the Americans) match. No worries. . . Taher is not taking a picture while driving. The steering wheel is on the opposite side as ours, and the driving is on the left-hand side. Now THAT took some getting used to.





After our night out in the city, we decided to do a day of sightseeing in the city. We visited the famous Kilmainham Jail. This jail played an important part in Irish history, as many leaders of Irish rebellions were imprisoned and some executed in the jail by the british. This jail was build in 1796 and it was a very interesting tour. I learned so much about the unfortunate history of Ireland during this tour. The British imprisoned and executed the leaders of the 1916 Easter Rising here. So so so interesting. I love history.






The next day, Taher and I decided to do a tour to the west coast of Ireland. Dublin is located on the east coast and is on the Irish Sea, and we thought it would be fun to check out the west coast and see the Atlantic. So, we got up early in the morning, and loaded on to the paddywagon and headed west.



The drive west was spectacular. We stopped in Limerick Ireland along the way, and the entire drive was full of beautiful countryside. Unfortunately, we also dealt with the tourist from hell. There is one in every tour, right? Taher even managed to snap a picture of her. (I apologize if this is anyone's Mom or Grandma)



So, a little about this woman. She was sitting near Taher and I on the paddywagon, so we couldn't help but overhear her. First, it started with her comments about our tour guide, who I thought was wonderful. He was telling us the history of the land, and he was obviously Irish (seeing that we were in Ireland) and she was making fun of how he talks. He was pronouncing "th" like "t" and that wasn't okay with her and she kept commenting on it. And loudly! She then started insulting all French people. At one point in the tour, we drove by a bar run by President Obama's relative, as Obama has Irish heritage. Everytime our tour guide would say Obama, she would hiss. . . loudly. Okay, I don't care what your politics are, just please have respect for the tour guide. So yes. . . This was the "ugly American" of our tour.


Moving on to our wonderful trip. . . :-D


We then stopped at a traditional Irish restaurant in Doolin Ireland and had a delicious lunch. Yummy Irish food. MMMMM.






At this point, we were SO close to our final destination, which is the number one tourist site in Ireland (The Cliffs of Moher) but we had one more stop first.



We stopped at a beautiful location right on the Atlantic, and instead of the trees and greenery like on the east coast, the landscape was all rocks. And like Taher does in every location we visit, he wanted to show his love for me.









After driving all day long to get from the east coast to the west coast. . . We were finally at our place of destination, the Cliffs of Moher. It is one of those places that pictures cannot even do justice. You sit there, and take in the scenery, and then snap photos, and then look at your photos, and know very well that nothing can capture what you are seeing with your own eyes. Nothing. It was THAT beautiful. I can see why it is the number one site to visit in the county. Gorgeous. Beautiful. Overwhelmingly Large. Wonderful. Taher and I took around 50 pictures of the Cliffs of Moher, and it was hard to narrow the pictures down, but I tried.











(Click on the pictures below to enlarge. You can get an idea of how big the cliffs are by seeing the teeny tiny people standing on top of them)















It was a wonderful day in the country. We arrived back to Dublin fairly late this night. We went back to my relatives house, and CRASHED. After a full day in the country, the next day was all about the city life.


To be continued tomorrow. . .