Fun Friday Post

I saw this on another blog, and thought this would be a fun post that doesn't require much thought. I hope everyone has a wonderful Friday. :)

The Three's of Leah

3 names I go by…
1. Leah
2. Scrapper
3. Butt-Butt

3 jobs I have had…
1. Bloomingdales Lingerie Specialist
2. Park and Recreation Coach
3. Grant Analyst

3 places I have lived…
1. Eyota, MN
2. Minneapolis, MN
3. Brooklyn Center, MN

3 favorite drinks…
1. Mountain Dew
2. Champagne
3. Coke

3 TV shows I watch…
1. Lost
2. Dancing with the Stars
3. Real Housewives of NYC

3 places I have been…
1. Russia
2. Norway
3. Holland

3 places I would like to visit…
1. Italy
2. Thailand
3. Brazil

3 fave retro TV shows…
1. Saved by the Bell
2. Golden Girls
3. Beverly Hills 90210 (The original)

3 fave dishes…
1. Chicken Vindaloo
2. Thai spicy noodles (Chicken)
3. Kosheri

3 things I am looking forward to…
1. Babies
2. Weekend at the cabin
3. Twin's Game at their new ballpark

I have some fun posts planned for next week. Stay tuned. :)

Having Children IS a Risk

When people have a biological child, there are risks. The perfect amount of chromosomes need to come together from the man and the woman. The embryo needs to attach in the uterus. A sac needs to form. A heart needs to start beating. There are so many genetic issues that can happen. A baby can be born with so many problems and disabilities. And if the baby is born perfectly healthy, the baby can develop problems and disabilities as he or she ages.

Having children is a leap of faith.

Adoption is no different. Every aspect of adoption is a risk. We all choose the country we want to adopt from, we lay out our criteria, and we hope that we are matched with a child that best meets that criteria. Sometimes we end up with the perfectly healthy child we always dreams of. And sometimes the child ends up with health issues, both physical and mental.

Having children is a leap of faith.

I am so sad by the stories I have heard about adoptions lately. First there was the woman who sent her son on an airplane alone back to Russia, and today on CNN, I saw the story about a family who is suing their adoption agency after a Russian adoption because the child has so many issues. They adopted this little boy when he was less than 2 years old, and appeared perfectly healthy, but developed serious behavioral issues as an 8 year old. At least they aren't ready to give him up. At least there is that.

It just makes me so sad and so angry. When making the decision to adopt, there is a lot of research that must be done. When choosing to adopt from Russia, it's important to know that there is a very good chance that your child will have fetal alcohol syndrome. When adopting from Ethiopia, it is very common that your child will have lice and scabies upon arrival in Ethiopia. Every country poses different risks.

But when is enough enough?

When we decide to parent, we must be making the decision to parent the children chosen for us, either through birth or adoption. But I feel like parents of adoptees have a much easier time just relinquishing their parental rights of adoptees, when they would never do that for biological children. What if this woman's biological child was acting violently? Would she have put the biological child on an airplane to some far away land? I highly doubt it. There shouldn't be this discrepancy in biological children and adopted children. My children will be MY children. Yet too many people are just willing to get "rid" of their adoptive children. It makes me so mad.

I think the majority of us dream of having that perfect and healthy family, which includes healthy children. Many people are blessed with that, and many other families are given obstacles. Everything happens for a reason. And like every situation in life, we must find the good in it. Figure out why our lives have happened this way, and try to figure out what we can learn from the circumstances we have been given. Everything we are dealt in life is a greater lesson. We need to quit deserting the most needy of children. The children WE decided to adopt in the first place. Yes, maybe it isn't the family always envisioned, but it is the family that was given, so make the most of it.

I would never desert my children. I hope and pray both Khalil and baby girl will be healthy. But in deciding to grow my family, I am fully aware of all that can go wrong. But my children are my children. . . regardless of how they entered my family.

Total Breakdown

I knew I was going to have one eventually. There is so much going on in our lives right now, and things feel off balanced, and time is moving so quickly. Yes, it was just a matter of time.

The other day, T and I watched our niece for a couple of hours while her mama had an appointment somewhere. We've watched our niece several times, but always in her home and not ours. But this time, it was in our home. My sister hung out a bit before she had to run to her appointment, and our niece was doing perfectly. Smiling, happy baby. About 10 minutes after my sister left, our niece started crying. Let me rephrase that. . . screaming. I've always had a gift of consoling babies, but nothing would console her. It was a beautiful day outside, so T and I put her in a stroller and took her for a walk. It calmed her for a bit, but then the screaming resumed. I tried feeding her, I changed her diaper, I rocked her, I walked her, I sang to her. Nothing. T and I would pass her back and forth and both try our magic. Nothing. T finally put her in her carseat with a pacifier. When the pacifier would fall out of her mouth and our niece would scream, T was right there to put it back in. He had to stand over her for about 20 minutes, plugging the pacifier. She finally dozed off and slept for 20 minutes before the screaming resumed. My sister got back after 2 hours, and as soon as she held her baby, the crying stopped, and our niece was once again a happy baby.

After they left, I felt sad and defeated. I'm not sure why. I know our niece was just scared of these new surroundings, and that it wasn't personal. But T and I were both emotionally exhausted. I am the type of person who feels the energy of those around me, so when people aren't happy around me, I'm not happy. I couldn't stop crying, but I didn't really know why.

I think it's fear. How the heck are T and I going to do this? I was EXHAUSTED. . . after 2 hours. How will we parent two babies? I don't feel sufficient. I don't feel qualified. I don't think I have enough energy. I'm all of a sudden completely overwhelmed and scared about what our lives are becoming. So far, I've only been focusing on the excitement of it. But now, I realize that although it will be exciting, it will also be HARD. So HARD.

I ended up going to bed at 8pm crying. I had to shut my mind off and block out reality for a while. Are we really up for this? Can we really do this?

Weekly Pregnancy Post - 30 Weeks

I don't know why 30 weeks is so significant, but it feels like such a big deal to me. I'm 10 weeks away from my due date! Could that be possible?


I'm feeling well. I'm happy. Taher and I have our first baby shower this weekend. I don't do well being the center of attention, so when my sister offered to throw a shower for me, I suggested we do a joint shower, which is what she had in mind as well. So, Taher can gladly take all the attention on Saturday. That is fine with me. :)

(Picture looks a lot like my 27 week picture. I think I need some new clothes) ;-)

I'm finding that logic has completely escaped me during this pregnancy. I thought it would be fun each week to post my stupid pregnant moment of the week. This week I couldn't decide between two, so here they are.

STUPID PREGNANT MOMENT(s) OF THE WEEK

I had my OB appointment and when the midwife came in, I told her that baby girl just doesn't move enough. The midwife told me that as long as I feel her everyday, things are most likely fine. Well, that answer wasn't good enough for me. So finally, the midwife agreed to hook me up to the fetal monitors and do a non-stress test on me. Basically, you sit in a recliner, with a monitor hooked up to your belly to hear the heart beat, and then another monitor hooked up to the top of your uterus to detect contractions. The midwife had me drink a little can of OJ and eat a couple crackers, and then I had a clicker thingy that I had to push everytime the baby moved. I was left alone in the room for 20 minutes. And what happened? Well, the baby moved about 20 times in the first 5 minutes. The midwife came in and said that she hopes I feel better. And you know what? I did after that. :)

I was at the in-laws for dinner on Saturday night. I had just woken up from a nap, and threw on some tights and an oversized windbreaker. (It was cold and rainy) Well, we get to the in-law's house, and my MIL (mother-in-law) keeps commenting over and over again how small my belly is. That I must be having a really small baby. That it looks like I'm losing weight. So, hearing these comments when I'm already nervous about everything was unsettling. So when we got home, I spent no less than an hour goog.ling small babies, small uterus, bad placenta. Ugh! Finally T knocked logic into me and said that as long as my midwife said my measurements were normal, then they are NORMAL, and I shouldn't listen to non medical people about the size of my belly. So logical. But like I said, logic is escaping me these days! Could my belly perhaps have looked small because I was wearing Taher's oversized windbreaker? Hmm. . .

Infertility

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week.

It has been interesting and though provoking to read other people's thoughts on the awful disease (yes, I call it a disease) that is infertility. Very few of us ever expect difficulty when we are ready to start a family, so when difficulty occurs, it scares the hell out of us. It's difficult to articulate to those that didn't struggle with conceiving. Infertility is heart wrenching. It takes something away from us, something that has always been thought of as so basic. . . having a baby. It's like dying a slow death. Our dreams die. It is painful, and it is something that changes us all forever. And regardless of if you are still going through infertility treatments, adopting, or pregnant, once an infertile, always an infertile. I truly believe that. The experience and the emotions attached to not being able to conceive on your own time will never leave you.

I was reading a blog today of someone who is posting infertility success stories. I read the first story, and it left me feeling. . . well. . . blah. This woman struggled with infertility, went through unsuccessful treatments, then she got on her hands and knees and prayed to God, and all of a sudden she got pregnant. . . without treatments. Do these stories happen? Obviously. Afterall, I just read about one.

But I can't help but feel that anyone who is able to find peace with their life and their circumstances is a success story. I read so many blogs of women who struggled with infertility, and now are parents through adoption. SUCCESS STORY. I don't think one needs to end up pregnant at the end of the story for a story to be a success. I also don't think we can all get down on our hands and knees and pray to our god and end up pregnant.

I think all of us have a different path in life. I think there is a plan for all of us. I also think experiencing any form of infertility will live with us always, and that we'll all emerge from the experience as different people.

When I started this blog, I didn't think I would ever mention infertility. It's too personal of a battle. But then I realized it is part of my story, and I'm not ashamed that I experienced a form of it. Afterall, it wasn't my fault. I had no control over it. But now that it is out in the open, I hope this blog can educate those that don't have experience with it. It's a difficult and delicate matter. Professionals say the stress level of infertility is up there with cancer and death of a loved one. Yes. . . it is that difficult.

So today and every day. . . show love and compassion to those around you. Everyone is going through something in their life, and a little kindness goes a long way.

To Khalil

Because I don't wear you so outwardly like I wear your sister, many people forget that I'm also expecting you. But your Baba and I haven't forgotten.

We think and talk about you every single day. We dream of the day we'll get the call that will introduce us to your beautiful little face. We dream about the day we can travel to your beautiful country of Ethiopia to bring you home.

We are also preparing for you. Your Baba has been buying things on e.bay just for you. He never tells me, so I'm always surprised when I get home and there are packages at the door. . . just for you! We hope you like sports, because so far, you have a couple Manchester United posters, and your Baba is hoping to get you a Joe Mauer poster, who plays for our Minnesota Twins. The walls of your bedroom are painted a beautiful blue color. You have a beautiful dresser full of books that we can't wait to read to you. And you even have some adorable clothes hanging in your big closet. (Don't tell your sister. . . but your closet is quite larger than hers)

Everyone is thinking and praying for you too Khalil. Your Grandma Su has been busy making you a beautiful blanket. She told me she prays over it while she makes it for you. (She also told me she is convinced we won't get THE CALL until she finishes it. So I hope she is almost done) Your auntie Sara bought you some beautiful books on adoption. They are the sweetest books I have ever read, and brought me to tears.

And even though I can't feel your little baby kicks, and even though I'm not carrying you in my belly, I'm still expecting.

I'm expecting you.

Show Us Your Life: How You Met Your Husband

Today on Kelly's Corner, there is a post dedicated to how you met your significant other. Here is my story.

There was once a little boy named Taher, whose parents had moved here in the 70's from Egypt to explore a new land and new possibilities. In 1977, they had a son they named Taher. Taher was born and raised in Minneapolis, MN.

And in 1979, in a small little farming community in Southeastern MN, my parents had me. I was born in raised in this small town, and Minneapolis seemed like a world away.

We were living very different lives. T was living the city life, and taking vacations to Egypt.

I was living the country life, and taking vacations to the lake up north.

After a semester at a college near my hometown, I decided to move to the "big" city and attend a private Lutheran College in Minneapolis. Taher also attended that school, yet, our paths didn't cross until our senior year of college.

My senior year of college, I had an on campus job working at the library. It was an easy job, and allowed me to study my entire work shift. Taher worked in a different area of the library, and one day he approached me because I looked familiar to him. Turns out, he and I had a lot of mutual friends. I remember thinking T was very handsome, but after learning he was Muslim, I quickly decided that he and I would just never work. (I'm so glad that I got over that religious barrier quickly) T and I started talking more and more, but that was it.

Around that time, my college advisor informed me that I needed one more science credit if I was to graduate in the fall. Being last notice, there was only one science available, and it was Physics. (PUKE! Sorry for you Physics folks, but I thought it was HARD!) Well, as luck would have it, Taher just happened to be a Physics major, and he was always studying in the classroom next to mine, so I asked him if he would tudor me. Taher tudored me to a passing grade (barely) yet we still remained only friends.

Over that winter, we lost contact almost completely, and besides seeing him on campus every once in a while, we basically had no relationship whatsoever. But then that spring, Taher called me out of the blue because he had seen a story about me in my college paper. (I think it was because I attended a rally that our Governor at the time, Jesse "The Body" Ventura) spoke at. He asked me if I wanted to hang out, and I said sure.

That night as we hung out, Taher came right out and asked me if I would be his girlfriend. It totally caught me off guard, because at this point, we hadn't even been on a date. But we were driving around a lake, Taher was helping me apartment hunt for after graduation, and he just flat out asked me. And of course I said yes. I had been wanting this relationship to develop for months!

11 months later Taher and I were engaged, and a year and a half after our engagement, we were married. And I've been happily married to my best friend for five and a half years. It may not have been love at first site, but it is a love that will last forever.

Fundraiser Prep

When T and I started the adoption process, we were full of ideas of how to raise some money. Here we are, 10 months into the process, and we've failed on most things fundraising unfortunately. We applied for some grants, and didn't get any, we were able to raise some money through raffles, which was wonderful, we threw around some other ideas, but nothing really took shape.

So, in about 3 weeks, we are going to try our next fundraiser. . . a yard sale!

We went around our house and found a lot of stuff we are willing to sell. And there is a lot of nice stuff too! But, with expecting two little ones, we need the space, so we have to get rid of some stuff. Some of the stuff we're selling is Egyptian artifacts that we bought while in Egypt a couple years ago. It's beautiful stuff, but we just need the space. We then asked our friends if they had things they wanted to get rid of, and we had so many friends donate wonderful things.

We plan on holding the sale on May 15th and 16th, and if it's bad weather, we'll reschedule to the following weekend. My biggest fear is that we're going to have all this stuff to sell and no one will come.

I have a little experience in Marketing and Advertising, so we've been trying to do just that! I took out a classified ad in our local newspaper that will run for two weeks. I've been making a ton of signs to put all over the neighborhood (I've made 7 so far and plan on making several more) and T and I plan on walking around to the local businesses and churches to see if we can hang flyers there. And of course we'll advertise on face.book. (What's a sale without advertising on face.book?) ;-)

We're hoping we get a lot of traffic for our sale and that we are able to make some money to cover the cost of traveling to Ethiopia. . . ahem. . . twice.

And here is a sneak peak at some of the things we'll be selling.

(And if I was an organized blogger I'd have pictures, but unfortunately, I'm not)

5 piece bedroom furniture set in mint condition. . . Living room furniture including a coffee table and two end tables. . . outside patio furniture. . . stand alone dresser with built in bookcase. . . vanity with a mirror and a chair. . . table and chair. . . baby clothes and gear. . . jewelry and jewelry box. . . European and Egyptian treasures. . . handpainted Russian tea set that I bought while in Russia. . . dishes. . . movies. . . children's books. . . adult books. . . TV. . . VCR. . . small grill. . . old laptop. . . microwaves. . . AND SO MUCH MORE!

If you live in Minneapolis/St. Paul, or as we Minnesotans affectionately call it, the Cities, plan on stopping by on May 15th or 16th. Just shoot me an email and I'll provide an address for the sale.

And if anyone has any more ideas on how to get traffic to our event, I'd love to hear your ideas.

Weekly Pregnancy Post - 29 Weeks

"Do I look pregnant?" That is a question I ask too often to T. He is always so sweet, and doesn't point out my complete neurosis. Instead, he always replies, "Yes, you definitely look pregnant."

It's really difficult to explain how I feel. I must look pregnant because people comment on my belly constantly. Logically, I KNOW I'm pregnant. But a part of me looks in the mirror, and all I see is me looking back, a little heavier than usual, but not pregnant. I wonder if this is what it's like to have an eating disorder, and be stick thin, yet look in the mirror and see a fat person staring back?

I am enjoying my pregnancy, but I wish I wasn't so driven by worry and fear. I wish I could relax and just enjoy that this is my reality. But instead, I look in the mirror and squint my eyes, and try to see a pregnant woman staring back. I poke my belly, hoping that something will poke me back on the other side. I turn to the side and try to see a baby belly, instead of a beer belly. I nervously prepare a baby's room, and hope and pray that eventually I'll have a baby to put in the crib and in the clothes. I try to enjoy other people's conversations about my pregnancy, but really, most of the time, I don't want to discuss it, for fear that speaking outloud about it will in some way jinx it.

I started reading a book by the Dahli Lama this past week, and have really tried to up my meditation. It is providing me with a calmness that I desperately need right now.

I can't wait for this all to feel real to me, but I know that may not happen until I see this baby that is supposedly in this belly of mine. I haven't always been this crazy. . . I swear. I guess I'm more affected by infertility than I thought I was.

Adoption Updates

I've been getting a lot of questions lately regarding updates to our adoption, so I thought I would dedicate this post solely to that purpose.

Basically, we don't hear from our agency. . . ever. But they told us that was to be expected. They also told us the next time we receive a call from them, it will be because we have a referral. So, if my phone rings and it's an area code from Oregon, I will be beyond excited! :) In the meantime, anytime they have questions for me, or want to check in with me, it's all done over email. I like that they do it this way. I'd hate to get a call from the agency, and pick up all excited, only to have them ask me about paperwork. Unfortunately when waiting, there isn't a lot of correspondence. It is really just a lot of waiting, and nothing else.

I received an adoption alert from my agency last week, and basically it said that we will for sure have to go to Ethiopia twice for the adoption now, once for court, and once to pick up our child and bring him home. But the good news is that only one parent will need to be at court, as long as the other parent signs over power of attorney rights. So, poor T will need to go to Ethiopia twice. (And hopefully the second time to pick up our son will be with me) I think T is actually excited for this extra opportunity to meet our son. I just feel badly for him, because he only gets a couple weeks of vacation a year, and both will be spent with Ethiopia. That means he won't get a lot of time to spend with me and baby girl once she's born, and he won't be able to spend much time at home with Khalil when we have him home. That is hard. But I'm so proud of T, and so lucky to have him as my husband.

Our agency unfortunately doesn't let us know where we are on the waitlist, and the reason they do this is because children are matched with parents out of order. The way our agency explained this was that Ethiopia really tries to match the right child with the right parents. I kind of have a hard time with this notion. I mean, how are you going to see a little baby, and know that he's meant to be with us, just based on a one page letter we wrote to the Ethiopian government? But, this is how they do things, and I guess I should try to trust the process. I have "met" many people adopting through our same agency. I know some that received their referral at around the 4 month wait, and I know some that waited almost 8 months. I guess I don't understand why some are picked over others, but they are. Unfortunately, I don't know how much longer T and I have to go, but I trust that whatever child is placed with us, is meant to be our son.

So these are the adoption updates of the day. If you have any further adoption questions that weren't answered, feel free to leavea question in the comment section.

Lessons Learned Along the Way

What happens when you don't get everything you want, when you want it? I suppose that depends on the individual and what we do with this. Me. . . I took it as a lesson, and I'm grateful for all the things I learned along the way.

It took me a while to see the lessons in my experience. For a while, all I was able to see were the inequities in this world. Yet. . . are there any chances in this world? A part of me believes that everything happens for a reason, and that things happen to test us and help us grow as individuals. But we have to be open to growth. And once we are open to it, amazing things can happen.

• Don't wish your life away. Every day of our existence, there are gifts to be had. If we are so focused on wanting and waiting we will forget to enjoy today. I learned that I don't want to wake up in 5 years and realize that I missed so much of my existence.


• Choose battles wisely. So many things just aren't worth fighting about. Anytime you experience something in your life that is profound, perspective is quickly obtained. Certain things just don't seem important anymore.


• Have compassion for people. Everyone is going through something, so don't be quick to judge.


• Find the good in every situation we go through. The good often comes through the lessons we learn.


• Try to find peace in everything. There is always peace to be had. And peace starts within ourselves. Be at peace with our circumstances if they are such that we cannot change them.

I find hope in the darkest days, and focus on the brightest. I do not judge the universe.
- Dalai Lama

Really? You did That?

Happy Friday! I don't know about you, but this Friday couldn't come soon enough for me. For some reason, it was a really long week! I'm looking forward to some beautiful weather this weekend, and T and I may even tackle our spring cleaning.



On of my blog friends, Al, over at Mission-Motherhood, inspired this post. A couple days ago she was waiting for her blood results to tell her if she was pregnant, and she asked her blog friends to distract her by leaving comments on her blog with some of their most embarrassing moments. Well, it was a riot to read, and although it wasn't meant for me, it helped pass time for me at work when I desparately needed time to pass.



So, here is my most embarrassing moment. (I actually have many, but will stick to the first that came to my mind)



It was the summer between my sophomore and junior year of high school, and the weekend of my town's big yearly celebration. (Think parade, street dance, softball tournament, dunk tank) I was at a friend's house in the country, and we were looking for entertainment, so we decided to steal signs. Stealing signs is highly illegal, but was also highly common in rural MN. We would steal a sign out in the country that said cow crossing, and then put it up on Main Street in our town. Lame I know, but hey, it was entertaining.

So, it's late out, pitch black, in the country, and me and a few friends start stealing a sign. I am on a friend's shoulders, and we're unscrewing the nails, when all of a sudden we see headlights. As I mentioned, stealing signs is highly illegal, so we all make a run for it. And as I mentioned, it's pitch black, in the country, and the only thing we could see were the dim stars in the sky.

I thought I saw an embankment that I could hide by, so I jump, head first into it. Well, what I was really seeing was a barbwire fence that kept in those country cows. I wasn't sure what hit me. I remember saying out loud to my friends. I'm hurt. I think I'm really hurt. The fence stuck into my face, half an inch below my eye. (Yes, totally aware that I'm lucky to have my eyes still after that) My one friend looked at my bleeding injury, and determined that it was pretty deep, and that I would definitely need stiches. Well, stitches were out of the question. It was midnight. What was I going to do? Wake my parents up to bring me to the ER to get stitches cause I'm an idiot? Out of the question! So, we cleaned the wound up, and I went home.

The next day I woke up and my eye was black and blue and a cut starting half an inch below my right eye, and going all the way down my face. (I told my parents that I was injured playing hide and go seek. I have since come clean) ;-) The worst part was that I had to march in the marching band the next day looking like that! I was the hottest drummer in the band. Ha. ;-)

So, that is my fun Friday story of the day.

Do any of you have embarrassing stories? I'd love to hear them. It will make 5pm come that much quicker. :-D

We are the Lucky Ones

Adoption has been in the news so much recently. Or maybe, adoption is always in the news, but now that I'm a prospective adoptive parent, I pay closer attention.


First there was the story of the adoption agency who tried to have two people from India adopted, even though these Indians turned out to be in their 20's. Then there was the case out of Haiti, where a religious group on a mission trip to Haiti after the devastating earthquake tried to illegally remove several Haitian children out of the country. Then in my local newspaper, there was a story of a Russian boy whose adoptive parents gave up custody of him because of his behavior, and then this boy pulls a gun on his junior high class. And then the same day, the story broke of the woman who sent her adopted Russian son back to Russia with a note saying how crazy he was and that she couldn't deal with him.


Yes. . . Adoption has been in the news a lot recently. And the stories being told aren't painting a positive story about adoption.

Yet, I remain to think adoption is a very positive thing. I realize that the majority of adoptions do go smoothly, with maybe a hiccup here and there, but at the end, forever families are created.

People decide to adopt for all sorts of reasons. The majority of people I have encountered, myself included, are adopting to grow their family after it wasn't possible (or affordable) to grow their family biologically. The majority of people that I know would never have adopted had they not had trouble conceiving. I also know people who even after not being able to conceive, still couldn't fathom adoption, and I continue to think extremely high of those who have the heart for adoption.

I know for myself, I never had this view in my head of, let's go save the children of Africa! I've always had an interest in adoption, but the more I think about it, the more I wonder if it was always more for my selfish wants in life.

After all the negativity in the news, I have many people coming up to me and commending me for adopting a child out of Ethiopia and that I'll be saving him. I don't fail to recognize that I'll be giving him a life full of opportunity, but I also don't fail to recognize that he will be saving me much more than T and I will be saving him. Khalil will give T and I the opportunity to parent, an opportunity up until a few months ago we were unsure was possible. Khalil will give us the opportunity to be a complete family.

In a perfect world, there would be no orphans. In a perfect world, biologically parents would parent their offspring. But then, if we were living in a perfect world, what happens to all of those people who want to parent but can't? Who would become these people's children if there were no orphans in the world?

Adoption is a wonderful thing. And although I recognize that adoption is also wonderful for all the children in the world who need and deserve parents, I also recognize that adoptive parents are gaining much more than anyone else in this process.

Yes. . . we are the lucky ones.

Weekly Pregnancy Post - 28 Weeks

Things are moving along nicely I believe. I now see my midwife every 2 weeks. I'm looking forward to the extra appointments and extra reassurances.

I have a hilariously ditzy story about my appointment last week. I had the 1 hour glucose monitoring test that tests for gestational diabetes. I got to the clinic, and had to down this drink in 5 minutes. I've heard mixed reactions on the drink. My opinion is that it is tolerable, but it was a bit too thick for me, and I can go the rest of my life without trying it again. So, I guzzle this drink in 5 minutes, and then I had my appointment with the midwife. Everything seems to be going well. After the midwife appointment, I still had about 30 minutes to spare before my blood test. (The blood test needs to be done 1 hour after I drink the orange drink) So, I decide to walk around the hospital for a bit to kill time. As I'm walking, I ran right into a Subway restaurant, so I of course went to it and ordered a sub. And I was feeling EXTRA hungry, so I ordered a foot long sub, and a large lemonade. I was sitting there and eating, and checking my watch to make sure I wouldn't miss my blood draw. As I'm almost done with my food, I had a moment of clarity. Holy crap!!! They are going to test my glucose levels!!! I'm NOT supposed to eat between drinking the orange goo and getting my blood drawn. CRAP CRAP CRAP!!!

I went back to the clinic for my blood draw, and the nurse mentions that as soon as this is done, I can go eat lunch. (It was 12:30 by this point) I explained to her that I accidently just ate, and that I'm usually MUCH smarter than that. She just laughed at me. She said she would still take my blood, but that there was NO way I would pass this test, and if I did, it would be a miracle. But she said after eating all those carbs, and the sugar in the lemonade, I was definitely failing. She said she would let me retake the 1 hour test though, instead of jumping to the 3 hour glucose monitoring test. A small feat I suppose.

So, I went back to work, and an hour later the nurse called. She was ecstatic on the other line and said that I had PASSED the test, and that my score was 109! She said, I quote, "You can eat dessert for dinner the rest of your pregnancy." Seriously. She said that.

I am very happy I don't need to retake the test.

In other pregnancy news (Okay, this post is too long already but I must bring this up) is the whole kick count thing. My clinic mentioned that in the 3rd trimester, women should occassionally count their baby's kicks, and that a baby should kick at least 10 times in an hour. Well, this has my a bit alarmed. You see, my baby seems to have two active periods every day. Once in the morning, right after breakfast, and once in the evening. I have hours in the day where I don't feel anything. So sometimes I poke my belly, and I'll get a little poke back. But I'm wondering, is this normal? Should I feel my baby more? I'm wondering if I need to be calling my clinic. Yes. . . I've been a bit worried about this.

So that is my pregnancy update for this week.

And below is the reason cameras on cell phones should be banned! T and I were grilling in our backyard on Sunday, enjoying the beautiful day, and he snapped this photo on his cell phone, and I had no idea! He showed it to me, and we both got a big laugh out of it. And his response was, "well, you said you wanted pictures of yourself while pregnant!"

This is SO not what I meant by that. ;-)

Snapshots of Life

Sometimes I like to post simple, upbeat posts that contain pictures, because who doesn't love a post with pictures? ;) I've done this before, but basically I just randomly go to my picture folder on my computer and drag 5 pictures onto my desktop and then post about that moment on this blog. I have so many pictures on my computer, and it's a fun way for me to revisit certain moments of my life. I don't choose my coolest pictures, I really just take random 5 and then post about them. So, here is today's random 5.


1. Here I am on a night train from Cairo to Luxor. The train leaves at about 10pm, and arrives in Luxor at about 7am. I had never been on a sleeper train before. It was an adventure! The rooms are SUPER tiny and have bunk beds that fold out. I got the top bunk. Lucky me! ;-) T and I were sleep deprived, and being goofy about our upcoming adventures in Luxor. Here I was, trying to put my scarf on my head like the Muslims do. I failed. . . miserably. But I've still always loved this picture. :)

2. If you live in MN, chances are you have a cabin. We have a great cabin in Northern MN on a beautiful lake. One night, the fish were biting SO much, that as soon as we cast our line off the dock, a walleye would bite the bait. Seriously, we've never had so much fun fishing. :) And it's ironic that I like fishing, because I don't eat fish. But, the walleye never goes to waste at the cabin, as the rest of my family loves it.

3. Here is T and I at the western most point of continental Europe, which is in Portugal. It was 85 degrees this day, with not a cloud in the sky. T and I fell in love with Portugal, and decided this is somewhere we could definitely live!

4. T and I took a cruise down the Nile. The cruise started in Luxor (hence the night train we took there) and ended in Aswan. I have been on a Caribbean cruise before and it wasn't my thing. Too many people. But this cruise ship was perfect. It was MUCH smaller than the ocean liners, and only held about 100 people. This is the top of the ship. This pool had the COLDEST water ever. T and I were the only Americans on the cruise. The rest for the most part were Germans. The Germans would always try to talk to me in German, and when I told them in English I didn't understand them, they then spoke LOUDER German. Well, I don't understand loud German either. It was pretty comical.

5. T and I went to Alexandria, Egypt, where his parents own an apartment. You can see the sea from the apartment, so one day, we took a walk down to the beach to get a better view of the Mediterrean Sea. I kept looking at the sea thinking. . . wow! Greece and Turkey are on the other side of this massive body of water.

So, these are my random pictures of the day that give you a snapshot into my life. Some might be repeats as I've done this before. I'm not sure.

Do you have any favorite pictures?

Meeting a Blogger

After work on Friday, I headed about an hour and a half south of where I live to visit a fellow blogger friend who was in town at the Mayo Clinic. When I told people I was going down to Rochester to meet a blog friend, people kept commenting that it would be "weird" meeting someone I've never met in person and only online. Well, it wasn't weird at all. I wasn't nervous because I felt like I already knew Michelle for ages. I knew we'd have no problem finding plenty of things to talk about.

Michelle and I have been following each other's blogs for ages, and when she found out T and I were doing a fundraiser for our adoption, she immediately volunteered to make us this beautiful vase to raffle off.

I remember at the time being so shocked by the kindness of "strangers." T and I were humbled beyond belief that people were willing to help us in our adoption efforts.

So, when I found out Michelle was going to be in my home state, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to meet her in person.

And let me tell you. . . she is exactly what I thought she would be! We met at her hotel, and then she, her husband, and beautiful daughter and I all went out for Italian. We talked, and talked, and talked, and could have talked for hours more. But with a 14 month old, that isn't always possible. :-) It was amazing, because I felt like we had always known each other, and I certainly didn't feel like this was our first meeting. I felt like we were just old friends catching up after time apart. And to make things even better, Michelle received good news at the doctor. :-D

If you ever want to follow a blog of an amazing woman, check out Michelle's blog here.

Michelle - I SO enjoyed meeting you and your beautiful family. Thank you SO much for the baby gifts AND for dinner. Wow! Wasn't expecting any of that. I'm so happy to call you a friend. :-) Seriously. . . I feel like we are kindred spirits. :-D

Sometimes I get tired of blogging, and wonder why I continue to do it. Sometimes I get less than positive comments, and sometimes I feel over exposed. But then I meet people like Michelle, and it reminds me of why I blog. It's for the relationships I have made. We all have things in common, which is why we follow each other's blogs. Sometimes I wish this world was smaller so we could all live closer to each other, as I'd so love to meet all of you beautiful bloggers in real life.

So, if any of you are ever in the MN, let me know, as I'd love to meet you too! :-D

And here is Michelle and myself.

Where Should I Live?

I thought I would do a light and fun post on this beautiful and sunny Friday morning.

I took a survey here and it has you answer a bunch of questions, and then based on those answers, tells you where you should live. As many of you know, I currently live in Minneapolis, MN, and find it a good fit, but the survey said otherwise.



1. Los Angeles, CA

2. Honolulu, HI

3. San Diego, CA

4. Baton Rouge, LA

5. Baltimore, MD

6. Albuquerque, NM

7. New Haven, CT

8. Washington, DC

9. Boston, MA

10. San Francisco, CA



Interesting, because none of these cities are cities I have ever considered living in. Okay, well, that's not true. I have thought about DC before, and Boston, but I think that's it. Interesting that my first choice is the west coast, as I've always seen myself as an east coast girl. (Although T would LOVE to live in California and mentions it to me often) Only one place in the south came up, and the south is definitely a place I've never considered living. No offense to my southern friends, but I'm definitely a yankee. ;-) And surprisingly, no cities in the midwest came up on my list. Maybe I'm not a midwestern farmer's daughter type.


And since I have no plans on moving any time soon, this quiz was really just for fun. :-D

My Blog Routine

• Wake up early in the morning and think of something that I want to blog about. It usually comes to me immediately. If not, I go to the next step.
• Read all the blogs that I follow
• If what you wrote touches me in some way, like 99% do, I then comment on the blog. If I comment, it's cause I think your post was super cool. I never comment for the sake of commenting.
• After reading all the blogs I follow, I once again ponder what topic I should write about on this day. (This is me. . . pondering)

• Finally, I write my blog post. Usually, it is about the whole growing the family bit, but sometimes, I write about other things in my life as well.
• After writing my post, I then read the blogs that are found on the left hand side of my blog. These are blogs that I would love to be a follower of, but that don't have that option on their blog. (really, I think everyone should have that option)
• After reading the 50+ blogs I follow, and commenting on the ones I feel compelled to comment on, then I feel satisfied about my day as a blogger.
• Then of course I check on blogs what seems like way too freqently to check for updates.

Ah. . . The life of a blogger.

And here are some other interesting blog facts about me:

• If you are waiting on a pregnancy test after a procedure or waiting for a referal, watch out! I will totally stalk your blog. Daily. Several times a day. I LOVE when people get good news and mourn with you when the news isn't so good.
• I love all the blogs I read (otherwise I wouldn't read them) but I am very aware that only some of the blog authors would most likely be my friends in real life. Some blog readers I just feel connected to, and I know if we lived in the same, we'd get along brilliantly.
• I read a stat somewhere recently that said something like of every 20 person that reads your blog, only 1 will comment. Why don't more people comment?
• I am fully aware that there are some people in my real life that I clash with that read my blog. Hey? We clash. Why are you reading about my life? Go do something else. Please. (okay, that was mean of me to say, I apologize for being mean, but really. I know you don't like me. I accept that. But go away)
• Sometimes blogging leaves me feeling super duper exposed. I go home to my parent's home town for holidays, and people come up to me letting me know they read my blog. Sometimes I don't realize all who are reading. Sometimes I forget that this isn't my personal diary only for my eyes. I need to remember that more often when I blog.

Weekly Pregnancy Post - 27 Weeks

27 weeks! According to most baby books, that means I'm officially in my 3rd trimester!

My OB appointment is Friday, and I'm a little nervous. I'm getting the test for gestational diabetes, and I'm also getting the RhoGam shot because I'm one of the 15% of people in the world with negative blood. (The good thing is that I'm O Negative. . . Universal donor!) I'm not nervous about the shot, afterall, I'm quite used to giving myself multiple shots a day, but I am nervous about gestational diabetes. You see, I was one of those women who from the moment I found out I was pregnant, I decided I was going to gain weight anyway so I may as well just indulge in anything and everything. I haven't craved the fruits and veggies this pregnancy, instead I've craved the chips, the chocolate, the candy. So, I fear I may be in for a rude awakening on Friday.

It's interesting, because the entire time I was trying to get pregnant and worrying about getting pregnant, I would tell myself, as long as I get pregnant, I will stop the worrying! Well, I apparently was lying to myself, because the worrying never stops. I worry about the well-being of this baby CONSTANTLY. I worry that she isn't kicking enough, I worry that the umbilical cord stays away from her neck, I worry about her health. Yes, I worry about EVERYTHING.

I try to remind myself that I'm doing everything in my power to make a healthy place for this little girl, and the rest is out of my hands. I've also heard from women who have already had their babies that the worry doesn't stop once you deliver. In fact, it only gets worse.

The pessimist in me keeps waiting for the ball to drop. I keep waiting for the bad news. This pregnancy has been so good and healthy. But that's not what I'm used to. I'm used to things being complicated. I'm used to being hurt. I need to change my attitude.

5 Months on the Waitlist!!! And Giveaway/Contest

This week marks 5 months on the waitlist! I can't believe it, but that's what my ticker on the bottom of this blog says, so it must be correct!

Our agency quoted the average wait time once you're on that waitlist to the time of a referral to be 4-6 months. We are right in the middle of that. Not only that, but I follow blogs from other adoptive parents from my same agency who are looking to adopt a baby boy. One blog I follow (where the woman also happens to be pregnant) received their referral for a baby boy after 5 and a half months. That means Taher and I are potentially only 2 weeks away from a referral. OH MY GOSH!!!

The excitement I'm feeling is so hard to articulate. The emotions around adoption can be so up and down. When we were filling out paperwork for months, adoption was always on the forefront. Then in November, we made it to the coveted waitlist, and action around adoption just stops. There are no more papers to fill out, no more classes to attend. All there is to do is wait. And wait. And then wait some more.

Sometimes, my mind (and body for that matter!) become exhausted thinking of all we have going on in our lives. Sometimes I wish life wasn't quite so hectic. I don't do well with hectic. I like a peaceful life, and nothing about life is feeling peaceful at the moment. But then I realize I wouldn't change a thing. The hectic things going on in my life right now are what allows time to pass somewhat quickly.

Taher and I are hoping for a May referral. May. The month after THIS month. May. Just around the corner!!!

So, I want to have a little contest here with a great prize I'll be giving away. Leave the date you think we'll get our referral. (Day and month) Whoever is closest to the actual date of our referral will win a fabulous prize. I promise, you won't be disappointed in what you receive. :) All you have to do, is leave a comment on this post with the date, and you are entered into the fabulous giveaway. :) And if people guess the same date, I will draw between the winning names at the end.

YAY FOR 5 MONTHS ON THE LIST!!!

The Family Reaction to our Adoption

I've seen this post going through blog world, and I thought I would address how our family reacted, as it's been on my mind for quite some time, and I really want to put it out there. I've actually started this post several times, and never liked the tone it ended up taking, so I always ended up erasing it. So, if you are reading this, I finally mustered up the courage to post on this topic!

T and I had been discussing adoption between the two of us for quite some time, but last June 2009, when we decided that we were 100% going to adopt, we decided it was the right time to discuss with our families as well. We were thinking no one would be surprised by our decision to adopt. Afterall, both sets of our families knew about our struggles to conceive, and knew that we had even tried IVF, which also didn't work.

For the most part, our families were very supportive. I remember telling my Mom and Dad first, and they were elated, and not entirely surprised. They were excited to have another grandchild (my sister was pregnant at the time for their first grandchild) and if they did have any apprehension of our Ethiopian adoption, they didn't voice those concerns to us. My siblings were also very excited. My sister started talking about having a playmate for her daughter and the cousins growing up together, and how close in age they would be. My two brothers were excited, and one brother even told me that this is the way it was supposed to be. T and I were receiving a lot of support, and it felt great.

We then told T's family and the reaction was a bit different from his parents and I learned many lessons on religion and culture that I didn't know before. I was assuming we'd have a similar reaction from them. . . a reaction of happiness. They also knew of our struggles to get pregnant, and they knew how much T and I wanted to be parents. I think I've mentioned this before. . . T's parents are from Egypt, and they are Muslims. I had a fast teaching on the Qur'an and learned that adoption is frowned down upon in that religion. T's parents made that quickly known to us, and I would be lying if I said their reaction wasn't hurtful. I don't know what people in Muslim countries do if they cannot have biological children, because adoption usually is not an option.

After their reaction to our adoption, which was less than favorable, I took to studying the Qur'an myself, and found the following verse:

"...Nor has He made your adopted sons your (biological) sons. Such is (only) your (manner of) speech by your mouths. But Allah tells (you) the Truth, and He shows the (right) Way. Call them by (the names of) their fathers; that is juster in the sight of Allah. But if you know not their father's (names, call them) your brothers in faith, or your trustees. But there is no blame on you if you make a mistake therein. (What counts is) the intention of your hearts. And Allah is Oft-Returning, Most Merciful."

This was the verse they were basing their opinion of adoption off of. But to me. . . I read this verse differently than they were reading it. (How typical that a religious verse have many interpretations. This happens in the Bible and other religious books as well) To me, Allah cares what's in your heart. And I know that my heart has the best intentions. I also know that many orphans in Ethiopia don't have a known father. I also know that the Prophet Muhammed himself said that those who will care for an orphaned child, a life in paradise will be waiting them. Muhammed himself even adopted.

I sat down with T's parents and spoke about my research on the Qur'an. They still have a ways to go in terms of coming around fully to the adoption, and I try not to hold resentment when they just do not know any better, nor do they know anyone who has ever adopted. This is new to them, and I need to remind myself of that. T and I are progressive young people in their eyes. T and I embrace the unconventional. Something I do know is that his parents love us and will love our children. And I want to add that T's sibling and family have been so supportive. Our little nieces (his bro's children) talk to us a lot about this boy cousin they are going to have soon. Melts my heart. :)

And it's not just Islam that frowns on adoption. Some other religions do as well. There are Indian religions, predominantly Hindu that believe that adoption ruins the family line, and that children shouldn't be removed from their families and culture and placed in another family and culture.

I have been hesitant to share this story, because there is enough bias and bigotry with different religions already. I don't want someone to read this story and think negatively about any religion. I believe people's beliefs, whatever they may be, deserve respect. I also believe that too many times in religion, the "rules" end up being man-made, and not true to the text of the religious book. And this was definitely true with Islam and the Qur'an. Once I read the Qur'an, I felt like the passages on adoption were being misinterpreted.

And I'm not going to lie. . . It has taken me a while to get rid of the hurt I feel. It was very difficult hearing negative opinions on adoption when it is so close to my heart, and when it is the way to create a family for so many people. I don't believe having difficulty conceiving means that a couple should live childless. To me, adoption is hope.

These were some of the reactions we received. I didn't mention the many more that we received, and 99% of the reactions were joyful elation. It's taken me a lot of thought and prayer to realize that not everyone is up to speed on adoption. T and I have been living and breathing adoption, but others in our life have a learning curve.

All I care about is that when our Ethiopian boy joins our family, that he is treated as nothing less than a member of the family. Because he will be our son. And we will love him as fully as we know how to love. I hope that when Khalil comes home, that the negative reactions and the hurt they cause me, will quickly disappear, and that I'll see these same people love our son.

Taher's Corner

I am Leah's husband Taher, and she has been asking me to do a guest post ever since she launched this blog, so here it is.

Leah and I spoke of adopting even before we were married. I always thought it was going to be the second child (and still may be). As you all know the road to get to this point seemed insurmountable at many points and how it plays out over the next few months will be interesting. I’m incredibly excited to be a father and the anticipation of meeting my daughter and son is usually what’s top of mind these days.

This current journey to create/achieve a family is in its last third now. Last year was a complete kick in the teeth with all the emotions that arise from infertility. I’ve read that infertility is the second most traumatic experience a person can go through; only second to the death of a spouse. Low self esteem, questioning any sort of irresponsible behavior from the past that could have contributed to infertility. The list goes on and when ultimately the doctors didn’t have a diagnosis for our infertility, it was MADDENING.

I’ll never forget the two worst days of 2009. The first was the day of “extraction” of Leah’s almost 20 eggs, mostly mature. Leah was under anesthesia and the doctor failed to extract an overwhelming majority of the eggs; the ones he did manage to get, were immature. I was now thinking how I was going to tell Leah the only thing she wanted to know when she came out from under the anesthesia. I was gutted. She came in and out of slumber 3 times (I managed to stall until she was completely cognizant). Finally, she asked “How many?”, and I replied “Six."

I was angry. Angry at the most knowledgeable doctor in the State of Minnesota regarding infertility. I instantly felt as if I was at a Circus Carnival where someone was selling Elixir and I happened to be the fool who bought into it. This elixir cost fifteen thousand dollars and it did not work. Days of injections after injections and trips to the pharmacy. I think I’ve seen all the porn at that doctors office over several visits.

The second worst moment of 2009 was United’s loss at the hands of the Catalans in the Champions League Final in Rome.

After moving on with our adoption, I really started to think more towards my son. All the great times ahead of us as a family. In truth, I really didn’t have time to get into dreaming about my family when the dream changed yet again. One morning I was woken from my deep slumber by a frantic Leah, telling me something and speaking a mile a minute. I thought, “Kill the bloody spider yourself!”

She told me she was pregnant. =)

As to the future, I’m going to try and raise these children by showing them the best aspects of different peoples and their cultures. Something Leah and I value to our core.

A Gift for Taher

Right now, I'm trying to soak everything in. I am beyond blessed, and don't want to take any of that for granted for even a moment. I have felt so blessed with the adoption (and I can't wait to update more on that soon!) and then to get pregnant on top of it, I'm basically walking around pinching myself constantly. . . wondering if this is all something I really deserve?

I wanted to surprise T with a nice gift. I found a local place that does 3D ultrasounds, and then puts them on a DVD set to music of the entire 20 minute ultrasound. (Mine was closer to an hour) This place I found has huge rooms that hold up to 50 people so the expecting mother can bring family and friends, but I decided to go alone and surprise T.

He got home from a friend's house, and I told him to come here, I wanted to show him something, and I had the DVD in the player, and showed him bits and pieces of the ultrasound. I then showed him the pictures.

The ultrasound was an amazing experience. I got to see my little girl on the big screen for an hour. I got to watch her movements, watch her suck her thumb, watch her grab her toes and kick her lil legs. I watched her lil hands rub her eyes, clearly tired and needing a rest. I was able to look at her features, and I see so much T in her. It looks like she has big, full lips, and already has hair on her head.

T really liked his gift. This is something he and I will treasure always, and I know he appreciated the gesture.

Through all of this, I've realized that I'm constantly looking for ways to make this all real, because I still feel like I'm living in a dream. After watching our daughter on the screen for an hour, I'm really starting to believe that this is happening.

My gift to Taher was also a gift for myself.

Be sure to check in tomorrow where the LONG awaited guest post from the husband will be posted. :)