Adoption has been in the news so much recently. Or maybe, adoption is always in the news, but now that I'm a prospective adoptive parent, I pay closer attention.
First there was the story of the adoption agency who tried to have two people from India adopted, even though these Indians turned out to be in their 20's. Then there was the case out of Haiti, where a religious group on a mission trip to Haiti after the devastating earthquake tried to illegally remove several Haitian children out of the country. Then in my local newspaper, there was a story of a Russian boy whose adoptive parents gave up custody of him because of his behavior, and then this boy pulls a gun on his junior high class. And then the same day, the story broke of the woman who sent her adopted Russian son back to Russia with a note saying how crazy he was and that she couldn't deal with him.
Yes. . . Adoption has been in the news a lot recently. And the stories being told aren't painting a positive story about adoption.
Yet, I remain to think adoption is a very positive thing. I realize that the majority of adoptions do go smoothly, with maybe a hiccup here and there, but at the end, forever families are created.
People decide to adopt for all sorts of reasons. The majority of people I have encountered, myself included, are adopting to grow their family after it wasn't possible (or affordable) to grow their family biologically. The majority of people that I know would never have adopted had they not had trouble conceiving. I also know people who even after not being able to conceive, still couldn't fathom adoption, and I continue to think extremely high of those who have the heart for adoption.
I know for myself, I never had this view in my head of, let's go save the children of Africa! I've always had an interest in adoption, but the more I think about it, the more I wonder if it was always more for my selfish wants in life.
After all the negativity in the news, I have many people coming up to me and commending me for adopting a child out of Ethiopia and that I'll be saving him. I don't fail to recognize that I'll be giving him a life full of opportunity, but I also don't fail to recognize that he will be saving me much more than T and I will be saving him. Khalil will give T and I the opportunity to parent, an opportunity up until a few months ago we were unsure was possible. Khalil will give us the opportunity to be a complete family.
In a perfect world, there would be no orphans. In a perfect world, biologically parents would parent their offspring. But then, if we were living in a perfect world, what happens to all of those people who want to parent but can't? Who would become these people's children if there were no orphans in the world?
Adoption is a wonderful thing. And although I recognize that adoption is also wonderful for all the children in the world who need and deserve parents, I also recognize that adoptive parents are gaining much more than anyone else in this process.
Yes. . . we are the lucky ones.
8 comments:
It's always unfortunate when outlier cases (like those you mentioned recently portrayed in the media) color the way the public views a specific event/milestone like adoption. Or infertility even, with the whole octomom crap. Grrrr.
Anyway, it chaffs me when folks look at adoption like it's some grand magnanimous gesture, like you're saving a child from a horrible life elsewhere. Sometimes that makes me think that other people believe that to grow up in Ethiopia (or wherever) would be such an awful-terrible-no good thing, and to me that smacks of cultural bias. What's "better" is so subjective, you know?
Even with domestic adoptions, those I see at work daily, I will hear my colleagues say "this is for the better" and I get so irritated. Better for whom? You don't really know. People make the best decisions that they can during a difficult circumstance. I just had someone say this the other day over a 17yo girl who was making an adoption plan for her baby--she was crying, confused, had mixed emotions about her plan. The nurse said to me afterward once the birth mother had signed the paperwork, "This is for the better." And I felt like choking her for it.
Sorry, I'm rambling. But I agree, you and T are the lucky ones. :)
I am always very uncomfortable when people tell me how lucky our future child is. I want to say, "really?" I know they are saying it to be nice to me but I think people not informed about adoption forget about the tragedy that occurs for a child to become available for adoption. I have found that I just say back that I actually think it is the other way around. And then try and leave it at that. I'm so happy for you guys and I hope the call comes soon!! XOXOXO
Adoptive parents are definitely the lucky ones in the process. To get the opportunity to parent and love a child that you would not otherwise have been able to is the greatest gift.
Great post.
Very well said.
Yes, you and I are definitely on the same wavelength lately! :)
I so agree with you on the comments about how our Ethiopian child will be so lucky. I already believe - with all of my heart - that WE will be the lucky ones. No question about it!
You are lucky... and Khalil is lucky to have you and T.
The media is always going to focus on the sensations situations... it's sad that it ends up casting a negative light on adoption. Everyday there are SO many more happy, wonderful experiences of adoption - I can't wait until it's YOUR turn!
My brother and SIL are trying to adopt from Ethiopia and having a really hard time. It's so sad. It's sad that adoption has to be so hard for some people. :(
Adoption has already changed our lives already and Matthew isn't even home with us yet! There's just something about it that changes you for the better. We are the LUCKY ones!
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