It has been interesting and though provoking to read other people's thoughts on the awful disease (yes, I call it a disease) that is infertility. Very few of us ever expect difficulty when we are ready to start a family, so when difficulty occurs, it scares the hell out of us. It's difficult to articulate to those that didn't struggle with conceiving. Infertility is heart wrenching. It takes something away from us, something that has always been thought of as so basic. . . having a baby. It's like dying a slow death. Our dreams die. It is painful, and it is something that changes us all forever. And regardless of if you are still going through infertility treatments, adopting, or pregnant, once an infertile, always an infertile. I truly believe that. The experience and the emotions attached to not being able to conceive on your own time will never leave you.I was reading a blog today of someone who is posting infertility success stories. I read the first story, and it left me feeling. . . well. . . blah. This woman struggled with infertility, went through unsuccessful treatments, then she got on her hands and knees and prayed to God, and all of a sudden she got pregnant. . . without treatments. Do these stories happen? Obviously. Afterall, I just read about one.
But I can't help but feel that anyone who is able to find peace with their life and their circumstances is a success story. I read so many blogs of women who struggled with infertility, and now are parents through adoption. SUCCESS STORY. I don't think one needs to end up pregnant at the end of the story for a story to be a success. I also don't think we can all get down on our hands and knees and pray to our god and end up pregnant.
I think all of us have a different path in life. I think there is a plan for all of us. I also think experiencing any form of infertility will live with us always, and that we'll all emerge from the experience as different people.
When I started this blog, I didn't think I would ever mention infertility. It's too personal of a battle. But then I realized it is part of my story, and I'm not ashamed that I experienced a form of it. Afterall, it wasn't my fault. I had no control over it. But now that it is out in the open, I hope this blog can educate those that don't have experience with it. It's a difficult and delicate matter. Professionals say the stress level of infertility is up there with cancer and death of a loved one. Yes. . . it is that difficult.
So today and every day. . . show love and compassion to those around you. Everyone is going through something in their life, and a little kindness goes a long way.
13 comments:
So true, so true. I agree that an IF success story in no way is strictly defined by the end result of a child--be that through treatments or surrogacy or foster parenting or adoption. I think the true, genuine success story is the one in which an individual finds some measure of peace and resolve surrounding their infertility--and this takes many, many shapes. I would even go as far to say that my IF peers who weather this highly stressful and emotional disease (indeed, a disease) with grace and resilience and unfaltering support of their peers are successes.
Love this post!
Excellent reflections- I am hoping to get my act together to post on this topic this week, too.
(And, by the way, I LOVE that you moved your tickers so I don't have to scroll ALL the way down to see them!!!)
Great post, Leah! Thank you for sharing your story with us! I feel so grateful to know you and to have had you as a support through this journey!
This is so true...and infertility can strike at any time. I was worry about infertility due to having children so late in life. I was very surprised when I conceived my son at 36 on the first try. Now, however, at the age of 39, after miscarrying and pregnancy not happening again thereafter, I am really nervous and scared that my son may be my only. It doesn't matter if you are trying for your first, second or third child, when you cannot conceive it is heartbreaking and scary. I am there right now.
Connie,
You are so right. . . It doesn't even matter if we already have a child. When things don't go as planned it is just plain hard. :(
And Trinity. . . I love the word resolve. The perfect word when describing infertility.
I love this post, Leah. Very well said. I hope that I can get my thoughts together this week for NIAW, but I fear I'm too fragile at the moment to formulate any sort of coherent thought on it.
Well said, Leah. I truly believe that infertility is a part of me forever - however my family is built. I cannot ignore the years of trying to conceive and also the pregnancy loss. They helped shape me into who I am today. I also agree that success stories can take many forms, and that giving birth to a biological child is not the only way to have a success story!
Great post. Thanks for sharing!
Amen, Leah! I think infertility has made me a much more compassionate, aware person. I guess that is a little blessing from this long struggle that we need to appreciate.
beautiful...we experienced almost a year and a half of trying to get pregnant with our first born...Well, then obviously something changed with my body :) great post, kristi
Leah, great post, thanks for sharing! I loved the stat that the stress is up there with cancer... that is so true and it is indescribable. I know that some people just pray and it happens for them, but I think that that can be said very insensitively, as if I don't pray, or my faith isn't as big as yours. I don't believe that. A girl told a friend of mine after her failed IVF, and my recent loss, "well I've been praying for this baby, so I know it'll be fine". The insinuation was that we had not. I believe that God has different plans for all of us, and not everyone is to have a biological child, so I can see where that made you feel blah! Does me too! I have to believe that you and I wouldn't have considered adoption if we hadn't had IF (it is a disease) and then our babies-to-be wouldn't be coming to live where God intended them to be! So, thank you again for posting this, and I'm still so excited to see pictures of both of your sweet children!!!!
I don't think infertility is only about what it takes away from us. I think it is also about what it teaches us. For some, it is that building a family isn't only brought on by a pregnancy, but that it can also be built by adoption. I also feel like it helps us to become better, more compassionate people when we accept the positives that can come out of something so difficult to bear. It is hard for me to watch IF destroy the lives of people. It is hard for me, a woman who is infertile, to watch her friends begin the process, knowing full well the heartache that is before them. Also knowing that all I can do is offer my love, support, and knowledge when it is accepted.
One thing infertility has taught me is that there is no black and white. Everything is gray. Never judge anyone else for having what you want and don't have because you never know what they had to go through to get it.
Infertility is so many things, bad and good.
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