Conversations with Siblings

The first year or so with Nur and TT was about survival.  It was difficult, and I longed for the days where I would see the advantages of having kids so close in age.  Thes day has come, and I marvel at watching the relationship between these two develop. 

At first it started as an acknowledgment of each other.  If one child couldn't see the other, questions came.  "Sissy?" "Sissy bye bye?"  And they both call each other sissy, so we hear this a lot in our household!

Then it developed into playing with each other.  At this age, parallel play is still so common, and it's fun to watch them want to play with each other.  If TT is playing with a toy, Nur will come up to her, and say, "Nur turn."  And TT will do the same thing.

Dinner time has become interesting.  These two sit across from each other, and TT plays the clown role.  She will do something naughty, and Nur will laugh at her.  These two are definitely on the same team in life. . . I can already tell that.

And then the past couple of days, they've had real conversations with each other!  I have stood back and just listened and smiled.  Saturday, they were both in the living room, and Nur came up to TT and said, "Hi."  She then said hi back.  Then he asked her, "Outside?"  She screamed outside and then they both went to get their shoes.  Weren't they disappointed when going outside wasn't on my agenda. ;)

Then last night, as we were winding down and getting ready for pajamas, Nur and TT started playing with magnets on the fridge.  Nur asked TT, "Ducky?"  (We have a duck magnet on the fridge."  TT said, "No Ducky."  Nur asked, "Doggie."  TT replied, "No Doggie."  Then Nur asked, "Caillou?" And TT responded, "No Caillou."  Okay, again, nothing profound, but watching these two communicate melts my heart. 

I also wanted to share a couple photos from our weekend.

Things From My Life

When I go to work in the morning, Nur always asks for a hug, and then a kiss, and then another hug, and then another kiss.  It is so hard to walk out that door.  I have never known a sweeter child.

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Yesterday at the park, TT got up the nerve to say hi to a little boy.  He said hi back, and then took her nuki out of her mouth and threw it on the ground.  He then walked away, and she picked her nuki up and put it back in her mouth.  The boy walked over to her, and TT threw it on the ground because she thought the boy was going to do it again.  Her feelings looked so hurt.

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TT learned how to open doors, so this weekend we had to get doornob protectors for all the doors, especially the pantry.  She had started helping herself to food!

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My Mom stayed with us one night this weekend, and yesterday when Nur woke up, I went into his room to get him, and he said, "MeMaw?"  It was precious. :) 

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We had nothing going on Friday night, so decided to hop on the light rail and go for a ride.  The kids were ecstatic, and kept saying, "choo-choo!!!" 

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I bought the kids their very first soccer net! I'm hoping these two will both be superstars!  Or at least I hope they'll have fun playing. :)

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I think Nur may have pink eye.  His eye is real red, and watering, and this morning woke up crusty. I'm going to have the nanny look at it throughout the day, and if doesn't improve, we'll go to the doctor later today.

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At school on Saturday, while the parents were away, I found out that TT got sad about something and started crying, and Nur came up to her and held her hand.  He is the best big brother in the world.

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Sunday we went to the Mall of America, and decided to take the kids out to eat at one of the restaurants there.  The kids were perfect!!!  I was amazed! And it makes me so happy knowing that we can start doing more things with them like that, as T and I are big fans of eating out.

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Does anyone have school loans?  Anyone go through ACS for their school loans?  Well, not to be negative, but they suck!!!  I keep getting late notices from them, and then I call, and everything gets resolved.  I called yesterday and asked to speak to a supervisor, and she informed me that my money is going to the wrong account, because my loan has two accounts, blah, blah, blah.  I told this woman that is HER problem.  My job is to PAY MY BILL, which I'm doing.  It is ACS's job to make sure the money goes to the correct place.  I was livid, and got NO WHERE with the customer service supervisor.  Frustrating!!!

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And to end on a more positive note, it is once again nice outside, and we are enjoying being outdoors and going for walks, and to the park.  Having so much fun. :)

The Pacifier

When I was pregnant with TT, I had grand plans on what type of parent I would be.  One of the things I had decided was that I would definitely wait until TT was at least a month old to introduce the pacifier. (we call it the nuki in our house most of the time) And perhaps TT would be a child that would never need a nuki.  That was my hope.

But let me paint a picture for you.  It was our first night home from the hospital.  My baby was up screaming.  My milk hadn't come in yet, she was hungry, I was tired and hurting.  Let me introduce the first time I broke the parenting rule.  Exhibit A: The Nuki.

Unfortunately, the nuki situation has only gotten worse.  TT is obsessed.  OBSESSED! 

So many beautiful TT pictures are ruined by this big, plastic nuki in her mouth!

Oh, and our family pictures. . . I try to remove the nuki for pictures, and look what happens.

So, a lot of our family pics unfortunately look like this.

I choose my battles.

But now as TT nears 2 years old.  (holy crap! 3 more months!) I have tried to implement the get rid of the nuki plan.  Besides the fact that the nuki can cause speech delays and issues with teeth, it's also just not an attractive look, and I hate seeing 3 and 4 year olds with a nuki hanging out of their mouth. 

We told the nanny that TT only gets the nuki at nap time.  According to our nanny, TT never even asks for her nuki during the day.  The minute I get in the door though, and I pick TT up, all I hear is Nuki , nuki, nuki.  Sometimes I give in because after a long day at work, I just can't handle the constant whining. 

Someone gave me a tip to cut the tip off, so I did that with one of her nuki's yesterday.  She still went on sucking it.  It kept falling out, and she'd pick it up, and put it right back in.

I'm thinking of going cold turkey when she turns 2, but that just seems so cruel.

If I ever did this baby thing again, I think I would never introduce the nuki!

The Parenting Plunge

Yesterday, T went out and bought us a minivan!  I knew it would happen eventually, and I'm not going to lie, I really love it.

I don't think we'll have more kids, but I still like the space.  In our sedan, our entire backseat was Nur and TT's carseats, so there wasn't room for much else.  Now we have a lot of storage for those weekends at the cabins, trips to Grandma and Grandpa's house, and things like that.

I put the kids in the car yesterday, and realized they had never ridden in another car before.  They loved the van!!!  They sit so high, that they can see everything out the windows.  (Pics taken before we installed their car seats)

I thought I would be more sad saying goodbye to the Mercedes, but it was time, and I'm loving our new family vehicle. :)

Nur Found His Words

*** Note. . . I am referring to my kiddos as Nur and TT, and I now have the daunting task of going back through nearly 400 posts and changing them.  Wish me luck! ***

For the past month, I noticed a big change in Nur.  He initiated conversation so much, and there were no words that he couldn't say.  He would ask me what something was, and I would tell him, and then that became a new word. 

A couple of months ago, Nur had about 5 words in his vocabulary.  To be completely honest, I wasn't worried.  I knew we would have an uphill battle with his vocabulary, and I wanted to bring in intervention as soon as possible to have Nur as ready as possible when he is school aged.  I always knew in my heart that eventually things would click for Nur.  I just wasn't expecting it to happen so quickly!

On Friday, we had a visit with Nur's speech therapist.  She was blown away.  Nur's therapist, Julie, handed him a toy, and he said, "Thank you Julie."  I had tears in my eyes at how far he as come.  Julie then did flashcards with Nur, and he could name every single picture.  He knew the names of things that I didn't even realize he knew.  Julie said she highly doubts Nur will qualify for therapy for much longer.  In fact, she said he is exactly where the majority of 2 and a half year olds are.  He knows about 300 words.  He went from 5 words 2 months ago to over 300.

I'm just so happy for my son.  Being able to communicate through words will open his world up so much.  It will help boost his self confidence, and express himself in a new way.

Today as I was leaving for work, he expressed himself in the sweetest way possible.

Mama, Hug?
Mama, Kiss?

I will never tire of hearing that beautiful voice?

Being Mama

I knew it was happening.  It's been happening for a long time, and I'm sure it's very normal and that all Mom's can attest to it.

Let me take you back.

A couple of weekends ago, T and I decided to have his parents come to our house during naptime so he and I could run errands, go to lunch, and a pedicure! Yes. . . that is right. . . my husband got a pedicure.  He loved it, and the nice women at the salon talked him into painting his toe nails.

We were driving around, running our errands, when I said, "Mama is hungry."  T looked at me like I was crazy.  I gasped at what I just said.  "Mama is hungry."  I just referred to myself as Mama.  Instead of I.  Instead of Leah.  I referred to myself as Mama. 

I've completely lost my identity.  I went 30 years without being a Mom, but now that I am one, that has taken over my entire life.  I get home from work and have a kid in my arm until the moment they go to bed.  I wake up, and have a kid in my arm until the moment I go to sleep.  I shower with kids, go to the bathroom with kids.  Change clothes with kids.  (While they sit and point and say booby and giggle) 

As much as I love being a Mom, I've let other areas of my life slide.  I used to be a loving wife, but now, I barely have time for anything, so I hope that husband of mine knows how much he's loved, cause I certainly don't have energy to tell him most days.  I used to have friends, where conversations didn't revolve around kids and their eating and bathroom habits.  I used to have passions.  I loved reading, writing, traveling, politics, spending time with friends.  And now? I'm too tired for passions.  If I do have free time at the end of the day, the only thing I have energy for is terrible reality television. 

At the root of all of this are the best intentions.  I want my children to know how fiercely I love them. I want them to know that when I am physically present, I am always engaged.  I want them to have the BEST life possible.  I want them to feel safe and secure.  I am so focused on all of these things, that I can't be focused on much else. 

But I feel an unhealthy imbalance going on in my life, and I'm trying to fix it.  I'm looking for a way to focus more on my husband and our relationship, and more on myself.  I'm finding that with so many things pulling at me, I need to be more intentional with every relationship in my life. 

TT - 21 Months

And the months keep passing by!

TT is a talking machine.  She asks for what she wants. . . which usually sound something like, Caillou? Mickey? Baby? Cracker? Juice? Milk? Mama? Baba?  Oh, and my personal favorite, "Sissy?"  Yes, she calls her big brother sissy!  He started calling her that, and she started calling him that.  Which beats what she used to call him. . . cock.  This girl LOVES her brother.  She doesn't like being apart from him ever. 

TT is possesive of me!  I am hers.  She'll be playing, and Nur will want to come sit on my lap, and she appears out of nowhere to force herself on my lap.  She is strong willed and determined.  And I'm constantly setting limits with this girl.  (And I think I will be for as long as I'm raising her)

TT is starting to do so much better with separating, and during our Saturday morning school, she barely cries for 5 seconds when I say see you later.  She's starting to be more social, and continues to adore older girls.  The other day, we were at our local park, and there was a girl playing their with her dad and siblings.  This girl was immediately drawn to TT, and would help her down the slide, and hold her hand while walking to the swing.  The girl didn't speak much english, but kept referring to TT as baby.  And TT was EATING up the attention. 

TT is big into dressing up and making wardrobe decisions for herself.  I'm trying to let her have fashion freedom, but man, this girl should not be allowed out of the house in some of her outfits.  Ha!

TT has started "sleeping in" until 5:30am, and this mama is enjoying the 30 minutes alone I get in the mornings.  I'm actually going to work looking put together.

TT has a great sense of humor.  She is always acting like a clown and making that brother of hers laugh.  She loves to laugh, and joke, and have fun.  She is really becoming a little girl!

Funny TT story.  While at my parent's house for Easter, I was "lucky" enough to share a bed with her.  She woke up in the middle of the night, rolled over, and said right to me, "chicken?"  Then she started giggling and fell back asleep. 

This girl will forever keep me on my toes!

Nur - 28 Months

Nurl is so many things.  One of the many things I see in Nur is his kindness.  This boy has the kindest and sweetest heart I've ever seen in a child.  He will gladly give hugs and kisses to those who ask for them.  But his affection is no longer misguided.  He knows who his family is, and he knows when someone is a stranger.

As I get ready for work, Nur will come up to me, hug my leg, and say "love you mama."  When TT is sad, he'll give her a hug and say, "Cry Sissy."  When he does something he knows he's not supposed to he'll say, "sorry mama."  He plays gentle, gives love unconditionally, and just has a very kind soul.

Nur is so vocal these days.  I'm amazed.  This  boy went from knowing about 5 words just a couple of months ago, to knowing and speaking well over a hundred words.  I don't know if his therapist is just that amazing, or if something just clicked in him.  But he speaks constantly.  And he initiates the words.  He is actually communicating!  I'm trying to implement some parenting techniques I've read about and watched on the Super Nanny.  Last night, Nur was whining.  He was standing next to the door of the pantry, just whining.  I got down to his level and told him that we use words in our family, and that if he wanted something, he needed to use words and not whine.  He looked at me, silently and confused, and I instantly felt bad for Nur.  He looked frustrated, and I realized he probably doesn't have the word for what it is he wants.  And a few seconds later, he said, "raisin please."  He communicated what he wanted! This may not sound huge, but as we've been dealing with awful tantrums the past few months, Nur's ability to communicate verbally with us is HUGE.

Nur continues to love cars, and trucks, and buses, and balls.  He can just sit and play with these things all day.  He is so incredible.  He also loves brushing his teeth, and of course meal times! :)

Nur also loves going to the park.  His favorite thing to do there is to go on the swing.  I'll push him high, and he'll say, "airplane mama!" He loves when I tell him that he is as high as an airplane. 

Nur is such a joy in my life.

Raising a Child of a Different Race

In so many ways, this post is a few years too early.  Right now, Nur is a needy toddler who feels part of a family unit.  He is a son, a big brother, a grandson, a nephew, and a cousin.  I'm not sure if he truly understands that he looks different than his parents.  Someday I know the real challenges will begin.

Even though Nur is only 2, I do my best for Nur so that he never feels like he doesn't belong.  I feel like I never do enough for Nur and acknowledging his background.  I try, but then I get wrapped up in daily parenting, and at times, I feel like I haven't nurtured this topic enough.  And this subject is not going away.

I will tell you this. . . love isn't colorblind. It's not supposed to be.  Every day when I see Nur, I acknowledge his appearance.  He has the most beautiful bronze skin I've ever seen.  Truly, this boy has the most beautiful skin.  I see his big dark brown eyes with his enviable eyelashes.  I acknowledge his muscular, yet thin frame.  And speaking of skin. . . Nur is so dark, that he can disappear at times.  This weekend, before bed, my family was all watching a show.  Nur was snuggled in with T, under the blanket, and only his face was showing.  TT started to panick, and kept asking, "Where's Sissy?" (Her word for Nur. . . and his word for her)  T and I just laughed because he was RIGHT THERE.  Nur and TT laughed after the fact too, only when she realized he was right here with us all.  Yes folks, my son is dark brown.  It's okay to notice that.  I do.  Every day.

And although love isn't colorblind, love does have a way of pushing the past farther into the past.  When I am with my son, I don't think constantly, "he's adopted." That is so far from my mind.  And yes, of course he IS adopted, and that is something that we will always discuss, to me, he is just my son, whom I love like crazy.  When I introduce him to people, I introduce him as my son.  That is what he is.  At work recently, someone new to my group was admiring a picture on my desk of Nur and TT.  Another co-worker felt the need to come over and say, yes, that is her son. . . he's adopted.  It bothered me.  Nur doesn't need that introduction.  For one, it's obvious. . . for two. . . he's simply my son. 

There are things I try to do for Nur.  We have black dolls in our family.  And our books? Many of the characters are also black.  We intentionally hang out in diverse settings.  Which isn't hard in our neighborhood.  In fact, just last night we went to a park, and at one point, I told T that I felt the need to point out that I was the only white person at the park.  The school we take the kids to is also diverse. We attend with a very nice Ethiopian family, and a very nice Somali family.  Nur may not look like his Mama, Baba, or sissy, but I want him to know that he looks like many many other people on this planet, and that the way he looks is perfect.  It's how he was perfectly made. 

We take Nur to a barber shop to get his hair done by another black male. I don't claim to know anything about Nur's hair.  I will gladly pay the big bucks (okay, it's only $15.00) to have an expert do his hair.  Because you know what? I'm white.  I am not going to pretend for one minute that I am the expert on being black.  I have no clue.  But what I can do is find resources for Nur who do have a clue. 

Parenting a child of a different race has taught me how much of this world is made for white people.  It's something I could ignore before, but I can't anymore.  And I'm not sure who and when it was decided that white people are superior.  Jesus wasn't white.  Mohammed wasn't white.  The majority of the world are not white.  Who decided this? 

In a few years, this post will be very different.  Raising a child of a different race will get more difficult.  I just hope that through my parenting, I set the foundation with Nur that he is perfect the way he is, and that he should be extremely proud of his background and of the traits his birthparents passed down to him.