Weekly Pregnancy Post - 39 Weeks

I can only speak for myself, but it seems like at this point in the pregnancy, is when you forego the thought that you may actually have a baby, and instead, become fairly convinced that you may be pregnant forever. That's how I'm feeling right now.

Last week at my appointment with my midwife, I was 1 cm dilated, and 50% effaced. I go to another midwife appointment today at 11:30 (CST) and am hoping (but not expecting) that there has been progress.

I've been taking it easy the past few days. Up until this point, I've been going like crazy, and I just can't do it anymore. I feel bad because I've missed some social engagements I've rsvp'd for, I haven't returned calls from dear friends. The truth is, is that I'm tired right now. I'm also introspective. I prefer to be at home with T or alone, and really take things in. I've been extremely reflective on my life, all of the blessings in it, and how drastically it is about to change. Not only that, but I'm still working, and it takes every ounce of energy to show up to my job everyday, so I don't have energy for much else. I hope you understand my friends. . . and hope you know I am not intentionally blowing anyone off.

I told T that I want to spend the weekend with him doing special things. As you have probably noticed, I am in a state of mourning over my current life, and how much it will change. It's a weird thing. . . to want a family so badly yet mourn the life you'll be leaving. But that is me right now. So, this weekend T and I will go to a movie (Yes, I am SO dragging his butt to Twilight Eclipse. Can't wait!) and then my sis and I are getting pedicures on Saturday. I also plan on doing a lot of house organizing and just hanging.

T is convinced that this will be a 4th of July baby. I would love for him to be right. He's right about most things, so who knows. Me though, I feel like I could be pregnant for at least another week.

Any of you care to guess when this baby girl will enter the world?

Nurseries

I think I'm finally done with the babies' nurseries. I know I already posted pics of baby girl's, but I've since done more to the room, so I thought I would attach those as well.

Her closet, full of cuteness

Bumbo. . . Full of receiving blankets to keep her nice and swaddled

Dresser, full of clothes and full of my mess

Changing table, with drawers full of little diapers and shelves full of blankets

The crib

Bookshelf, full of books, toys and soft things

We are nearly done with Nur's room also. There are still a couple finishing touches I would like to put on the room, but I wanted to share pictures of what the room looks like at the moment, because it's nearly finished.

Some clothes in his closet. We'll get him a lot more when we see him and really know what size he's wearing.

Dresser that is already full of pajamas and cute outfits
His crib. The blanket on the left was the first gift he ever received, a soft monkey blanket from his auntie S. The blanket on the right is the prayer blanket his Grandma S made for him.
Bookshelf full of toys and books! And of course T had to put his touches on his son's room, hence the poster of favorite soccer star, Wayne Rooney.
A chair that I can't wait to read books to Nur in. And you can see more of T's influence on the room.
This is a view from the entrance to the room.

These rooms have definitely been keeping T and I busy. We love to walk by them many times a day. And if T can't find me in the home, it's a sure bet that I'm sitting in one of these rooms, going through closets, and just looking at the rooms, imagining what it will be like when they are both filled with our children. It will be a dream come true.

Is This Our Last Week?

This weekend, I was extremely reflective. I kept saying to T, "Someday I want to do this with you, or that with you." "Someday I want to travel here with you." I have this feeling life as we know it is about to change. And although we are both ready for the changes coming our way, I can't help but feel a sense of loss also.

Last night, T and I took a little walk around our neighborhood, and I informed him that I had a feeling this coming weekend (4th of July weekend) would be our last weekend just the two of us. I think the following weekend, one of our two children will be with us. I told him I wanted to spend the entire next weekend doing special things. . . the two of us. I felt the need to give T a few extra hugs and kisses yesterday. My heart swelled with love even more than it usually does everytime I glanced at him over the weekend.

I have no doubt our lives will be better. I have no doubt that T and I will continue to see and do the things important to us. But it's still a weird feeling knowing that so much change is on the horizon. I almost can't comprehend it.

Such Sweetness

Who doesn't love coming home from work and having a package at their door? I get all excited still, and it's even more exciting when the package isn't for me, but for my children.



This week I got a beautiful package at the door all the way from my friend A in Norway. A is the first real Norwegian I'd ever met. I mean, I had met many people whose Grandma had come from Norway and things like that, but this was a real life girl. . . actually from Norway. :) We ended up getting placed together as roommates my sophomore year of college, with two other women also.



A is the most wonderful person, and after that year of school ended, we kept in touch, and A has been back many many times to visit T and I. We haven't lived together since 2000 (holy crap! 10 years ago!) but our friendship remains strong through the use of internet. . . and of course plane rides across the Atlantic. :)



She just had a baby last July 11th, and although I'd love baby girl to share A's daughter's birthday, I also wouldn't mind having the baby MUCH before that date. Hee hee. :)



Here is the beautiful gift from A and her daughter. . . straight from Norway. I love the culture my babies will experience through life and through friends. :)



Thanks so much A! You're the best! :)
Hope everyone has a wonderful Friday and weekend!

Don't Go Anywhere Nur. . . Baba and I ARE coming

Yesterday our agency called to let us know that all the paperwork needed from Nur's region of birth have been received. That means documents can FINALLY be submitted to court and we can FINALLY get a court date. Right. . . Nothing is that easy. Now it turns out they also need colored copies of our passports, and THEN we can get a court date. I can handle that. Things move quickly when they are in my control instead of Ethiopia's. T and I are on this, and these copies of our passports will be on their way across the ocean shortly. I have no doubt about it. I am still VERY hopeful that we'll get a court date before the courts close. WE CAN DO THIS!!!

When we started the adoption process, I sped through the paperwork because I was ready to be a mom. . . now. I knew the quicker I was with the paperwork the sooner I'd get a son. Now, the quickness I possess is something very different. I have seen Nur. He's my baby. My son. Now my quickness isn't just for me. . . it's mostly for him. It's because I know the best place for my baby boy is in our home. I know that it's with me and his baba, and his baby sister that will be here shortly. I want him home so he can feel the love of a mother and father. So he can know what it's like to be loved and held, and hugged and kissed. I want Nur home so he can meet his Grandma and Grandpa, and his Nana, and his Gidu. So he can meet his aunts and uncles, and his 3 girl cousins who can't wait to play with him.


Although I'm scared out of my mind to be a mom to two babies, I feel a sense of urgency like no other to start parenting Nur. To get him everything he needs in life. He's my son. And I'm completely in love with him.

Weekly Pregnancy Post - 38 Weeks

I can't believe that I will be able to meet one of my children in the next two weeks. Seems too good to be true.

I know I'm getting close, because so many women who got pregnant around the same time as me, or even after me, have had their babies. I'm ready to have mine. Really really ready.
T and I have found a name we both love! I had a little hesitation, but we love it, and are going with it. I can't wait to share it all with you.
Did you know that your brain shrinks during pregnancy? Seriously. I read about it in one of my pregnancy books. I totally believe it. Most days I struggle with forming an intelligent sentence. Yesterday I slipped to two people our baby girl's name. Yes, it's time for her to come out. :)
I want to give T the husband of the year award. Although my body is the one doing all the work, I'm sure my pregnancy hasn't been easy on him either. He gives me daily foot rubs, runs to the store on demand when I'm having a random craving, and my cravings usually involve sugar. He has picked up his house responsibilities so I can rest. He has done so many other things and I am very very grateful. I'm sure he's looking forward to this pregnancy being done as much as I am.
Im hoping that the next two weeks are very uneventful. That my baby girl stays healthy, and makes her entrance sooner than later. I hope I can continue to work up until the very last minute. I hope that I can remain patient during this home stretch. And I hope that for the rest of my life, I never take this blessing for granted.

Photo Shoot

A friend of mine is starting her photography business and she asked me if I would be her "subject" as she wanted to to some maternity shots. I happily obliged, and I'm so impressed with my friend's ability to take wonderful pictures!

We have over 100 photos, but I thought I would start by just sharing a few that really spoke to me.

At times I have struggled to embrace all of this, but these pictures have really helped me. Enjoy. :) And do you have a favorite one? I didn't think I would like the bare belly shots, but my favorite photo is the second to last one of myself.

Attachment

Over the weekend, I received an update from our adoption agency. Basically, with the new law change in Ethiopia, extra paperwork is needed from the region our child was born, and that paperwork is still not received. It is frustrating, yet completely out of my control. Once that extra paperwork is received, we are being told that we should get a court date fairly soon. It kills me to think of Nur sitting in an orphanage when we are so ready to have him home with us. . . his forever family. I know this new law was made to protect children, but in the short term, it's hurting them by having them stay in an orphanage setting longer. And the orphanage Nur is in is great, I am sure. But it's not home. There is no place like home.

Having Nur sit in an orphanage has gotten me thinking a lot about the attachment process when he comes home. The longer he is in an orphanage setting, the longer attachment will take. I know what I would do for attachment if I didn't work outside of the home, but that is not an option, so unfortunately I will have to do an attachment plan that works for our lives. And yes, I already have some major mommy guilt about this, but me working outside of the home is an absolute must, and that is just the sad reality of the situation.

Here are some attachment things that I plan to do and hope that these things develop a strong bond with Nur.

1. Wear Nur in a baby bjorn as much as possible as soon as I meet him. This will help me and I to form a bond by having such close contact with each other, and it will also help other people in my life to not just grab him from me, as in the early days, it will be so important that T and I are the main providers for Nur.
2. When Nurcomes home, our nanny will be with our baby girl, and I will be at home with Nur for approximately 6 weeks. When he cries, I will run, when he's wet, I will run, when he needs anything, I will run. I want him to know immediately that I am here for him for every need that he has.
3. Every day, I will work on body contact with Nur After bathtime, I will take time to give him lotion rubs. I've heard this is great for relaxation for babies (whether adopted or not) and it can be a bonding moment between the two of us.
4. T and I will limit how much exposure to other people that Nur has initially. This is going to be hard, because we are going to want to show him off to EVERYONE, but for the first month or so home, our family of 4 is going to keep things simple, and spend a lot of time together just in our home.
5. When feeding Nur, I will work on eye contact with him as much as possible. So much trust is built through eye contact.
6. T and I will try to get Nur into a routine immediately. One that involves feedings at the same time, and many cuddles and books before bedtime. Consistency will be so important in his life.
7. We will try to limit overstimulation. Our instinct is going to be to spoil him rotten with things he never had while in an orphanage, but because his life was so simple, that is what he is used to, and we are going to try to keep his life simple when we bring him home.

Here are some of the things I have thought about. Does anyone else have any attachment ideas?

To T on Father's Day

I remember the first time I ever saw you interact with a child. It was our first niece, and my heart melted. You are a natural and children are drawn to you. I think it's because you don't take yourself too seriously, and because you are truly a kid at heart.

From the moment I fell in love with you, I have been looking forward to seeing you as a father. I've imagined you holding our children and rocking them to sleep ever since our wedding day. I've dreamed about what our family would look like, and which one of us in the relationship would be the push-over parent, and which one would be the strict one.

I've often imagined the joy that being a father would bring to you.

It hasn't been an easy journey, yet here we are, two and a half weeks away from meeting our daughter, and hopefully only a short time away from meeting our son. What a difference a year makes.

I remember last Father's Day so well. I had already come to the conclusion that you and I would not be parents. Our first IVF had failed the month prior, and we were going through our second IVF. The funds for adoption didn't seem present at the time, and I felt like I had been a major let down in your life. I decided I needed to get away for the weekend, so I went to my parent's house. Father's Day Sunday, my Dad and I went to church. . . just the two of us. I was so angry. Not at you, not at God, not at anyone in particular. I was just simply angry.

It being Father's Day, I knew I couldn't get through church without the pastor mentioning it. I dreaded it being mentioned, because I so wanted you to be a father. And then it came. . . the pastor wished all the Father's in the congregation a happy Father's Day. But then he went even further, and said a prayer for all of those men longing to be fathers. I sat next to my own Dad and cried, and hoped that no one would see my pain. I also prayed for men longing to be fathers. . . I prayed for you. And for the first time in a long time, I let my heart soften, and I let the anger dissipate. It was only then that I was able to imagine another path to parenthood. Another path to making you a father.

I can't wait to see you in this role. I can't wait to see our children love, respect, and admire you as much as I do. You are going to be wonderful.

Happy 1st Father's Day.

Weekly Pregnancy Post - 37 Weeks

Okay, so I'm not pregnant in this picture, but I do like the picture, and well, I forgot to take a picture this week. I don't think my belly has changed much since last week, so I guess this picture will just have to do for now. ;) And hopefully within the next few days I'll be able to show you some professional shots of myself. A friend of mine is starting her photography career and asked if I would be her maternity subject. She has a lot of talent, and I have no doubt the pictures will turn out beautifully.
Apparently, 37 weeks is considered full term. Meaning if this baby was born today, her lungs would pretty much be mature and she'd have an excellent prognosis. I still have a feeling I'm in this for at least another 3 weeks.
I had a mini-breakdown yesterday. I don't know if it's from the hormones, not sleeping well, or what, but I had a day full of stress that started when I stumbled across a blog of a woman whose baby died in her womb at 40 weeks pregnant. My bloggy friend Emily left me a comment the other day on my blog from your yoga instructor that said, "Don't indulge imagination." I love it, and thought of that quote several times yesterday during my above mentioned mini-breakdown. I've just come so far is all. I have this fear that all of this will go away. Today I'm trying to be positive and push away any negative thought, and be grateful for today. Not always easy, but I really am trying.
I've had many women who have had babies in the last year come up to me recently and ask me if I'm miserable, because at this point in their pregnancy, they were miserable. Am I miserable? No. And from day one of this pregnancy I have vowed not to be one of those women who complained about every.single.symptom of pregnancy. Pregnancy is a blessing. I can handle the aches, pains, and uncomfortableness that comes with it. Am I ready to have this baby? Definitely. But I'm not miserable, and if I had to, I could be pregnant for another few months. (If I HAD to) Maybe I'm just lucky with this pregnancy. Or maybe the power of attitude is that powerful. Whatever the case, I'm grateful for how well I feel and hope it continues until baby girl enters the world.
Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.
- Benjamin Franklin

Nur. . . Please Come Home

I'm to the point now where I'm not even waiting anxiously by my phone or frantically checking email for an update on Nur and a possible court date. I remember receiving Nur's referral on May 4th, and being on the HIGHEST of highs. How quickly 6 weeks of hearing nothing will kill that buzz.

I know that things are taking longer because of the new laws in Ethiopia. Had we made that deadline to only travel once, we probably would have had a court date within a week or two. Honestly, that's how quickly people were getting court dates. But now with the new law in place, things are backed up, and everything is taking a lot longer. I'm not as anxious as I thought I would be. I guess it's because the timing of our lives up until this point have always worked out in the end, so I have no doubt the timing of Nur coming home will work out as well.

People are always asking us. . . Did you hear about a court date yet??? The answer remains no, and honestly, I don't expect to hear about one this week, or even next week. If I do, I guess I will just be pleasantly surprised.

But I know our family will not be complete until he is home, so I hope that is soon.

I leave you with an updated picture of our son. . . as much as I can legally show you until he is legally our son anyway. :)

Is It Really June?

Not only is it June, it's the middle of June.

I remember last June so well. It was June 25th when T and I submitted our first application to adopt. As I sat there filling out the application, I wondered where I would be the next June. Would we have our referral? Would we have a better idea when our son would be home? And now here we are, June, a year later, and we DO have our referral. We have seen pictures of our son, and we are just waiting anxiously to hear about a court date.

I also remember last October. I had just found out I was pregnant, and I wondered what life would be like in the summer of 2010? When June rolled around, would I still be pregnant? Would I actually be expecting another baby in just a matter of weeks? And here I am, still pregnant. I'm still expecting another baby.

Yet I fear and I have so little faith and trust in all of it.

Sometimes it is hard for me to admit how riddled with fear I am. When I first found out about the pregnancy, I wasn't planning on blogging about it at all. Then one of my blog friends asked for an update a few times, and I decided maybe there was an interest in the pregnancy as well as the adoption, and perhaps I would dedicate one day a week to the pregnancy. I feared doing it though, because I didn't want to alienate anyone. I struggled with infertility long enough to know the sting of a pregnancy announcement. I didn't want to inflict that kind of pain on anyone else. So, I always tread dangerously around the topic of my pregnancy.

Something I realized after getting pregnant though is that the pain doesn't just end with a positive pregnancy test. The effects of infertility can last a lifetime, even if you do overcome it by getting pregnant, adopting, and becoming a parent. Everyday, I experience a level of fear that is not normal, and that would most likely not exist had I gotten pregnant easily. I'm often embarrassed by my level of fear.

To further explain my fear, when I got pregnant, I ordered a doppler immediately. For those that don't know what a doppler is, it's what the doctors use to listen to the baby's heartbeat. Yes, I have rented one for this entire pregnancy, and I use it way too often. After a good's night sleep last night, and not feeling the baby move all night, I woke up at 5 in the morning to listen to the heartbeat. It sounded good, but I was angry at myself for waking up at 5am to check. Why can't I have a little faith?

Then the other day I worked on the birthplan for the baby to give to my midwives. I basically said that I don't care how the birth happens, as long as I have a baby that is healthy and alive after the birth. My midwives will probably read this and think I'm crazy. But honestly, nothing else matters to me. Unplanned C-section? Who cares! Episiotomy? I'll deal! Vaccuum? Forceps? WHATEVER! I want a baby that's alive. Even when I found out I was pregnant 9 months ago, I never thought that would be the outcome at the end of this. Now that I'm a little over 3 weeks away, I see that it is a real possibility. I may actually birth a baby. I can't fathom it.

I've stopped myself short of asking the midwive to just take my baby out now. Because NOW, the baby is alive. She's healthy. I can't guarantee that will be the case tomorrow, or in 3 weeks.

I am completely riddled with fear, and the next few weeks are going to be long ones. Infertility sucks. Regardless of the outcome.

And on a happier note, pictures of T and I from the US vs England game. :)

Step By Step

T and I continue to make more progress and check more things off of our list. Yesterday, we interviewed a pediatrician and we really liked him, so our two children now have a pediatrician! We had an interview with him, where we could ask him all sorts of questions. We are less concerned about our baby girl, because she will follow the normal pediatrician protocol, but we are a little worried about Khalil so that is what we mainly discussed. The clinic we found is very knowledgeable about adoption, and the pediatrician especially knew about Ethiopian adoption. I'm not going to lie. . . It scared me when he started talking about all that can go be going on medically with an adopted child from Ethiopia. Scary!

The pediatrician then wanted to let us know that it would be best not to have our son home the first month our daughter was born. I told him it's completely out of our hands. He wanted to let me know that we basically won't sleep for an entire month, so adding a child to that mix could be completely overwhelming. Good to know.

Sometimes I am very aware that I have no idea what we are in for. How could I? Until we have our children home, we really have no idea just HOW hard it is going to be. I'm also aware that most of the time I decide to block out how difficult this will be. I choose to focus on the positive, such as the cuteness, the hugs, kisses, and smooches, all the things we'll show them. I realize I should also start focusing on some of the more difficult aspects of our situation. Such as having a newborn at the same time I'm trying to form attachment to a 7-8 month old baby. The crying all night, the splitting myself between two babies, finding time for my husband. I do think of these things from time to time, and they ARE scary.

When I bring these fears up to T, he always assures me that we WILL get through them. And I'm confident that we will. I just hope we get through it with as little battle wounds as possible.

Weekly Pregnancy Post - 36 Weeks

How many pregnancy photos do you see of women holding alcohol? Probably not many. . . but I assure you. . . I was drinking lemonade and this is T's Guiness. Monday night we decided to blow off our birthing class and attend the World Cup Kick Off Party at a local pub. And if you wore an international jersey, you got a free pint. Lucky T. . . He got two free pints that night. . . thanks to his pregnant wife. I felt a little bad about blowing off our birthing/parenting class. If I never master the swaddling, you'll know why! I can't wait for the World Cup! The biggest sporting event in the world. It will be so much fun, and will help time pass. The US vs England game is this Saturday. YAY!

36 weeks pregnant. Could I really just have a month to go? Seems a bit unreal to me actually. I feel like I've been really productive and I feel nearly ready for the first baby. I've been busy checking things off of my checklist, and feel like I've made decent progress. Here is what I've accomplished so far:

1. Set up interviews with local pediatricians. Apparently, you're suppose to interview a couple before choosing one. T and I are hoping to find one with experience with adoption. We are going to a local urban clinic, so I think we'll be able to have some luck there.

2. Applied for FMLA for my leave! Hard to believe that I only have about a month left of work before this baby comes. I am thankful for FMLA, but disappointed by the US's policy on maternity leave and work/life balance. Something needs to give.

3. Hired a temp for my job. I start training her in next week.

4. Got a carseat, and now T and I just have to figure out how to install it. We got Khalil one too! (Both donations. . . SO thankful!)

5. Put the finishing touches on baby girl's room by buying a kick arse bookshelf with some baskets. Her room is done! Her clothes are clean! Her hospital clothes are picked out!

So, that is what I've been working on.

Happy Wednesday everyone!

Blogging About Blogs

Exciting, right?

I started this blog in August to document the adoption process. The adoption process isn't always real exciting, as there are many times of simply waiting and nothing else. But, I always want to keep up with my blog, so I find other things to blog about. Then in December when I announced I was also pregnant, that added another element to my blog and something else to write about. How many of our blogs start as one thing, and then morph into something else? I have a feeling it's pretty common.

I often think about when I'll stop blogging. I thought about stopping once my children are here, but I feel like I owe it to everyone who has followed this journey to at least let you all in on a glimpse of two babies. . . 6 months apart. (hyperventilating over here!) But I think I will stop eventually. I also plan on quitting face.book once and for all, and really work on simplifying my life. (That's my plan. . . We'll see how it works)

But I would miss my blog friends, that's for sure. Let me tell you about one of my blog friends Mandy from The Campbell Family Party of 3. This woman is BEYOND amazing, let me tell you. This year she sent me a Mother's Day Card. My first one EVER. It was the most thoughtful thing ever. Then she decided to make Khalil and Baby Girl a gift. Look at these. How precious! The made in Ireland one totally cracked me up. Hee. hee. :)How could I ever say goodbye to all the wonderful people I've met? I think that would be too difficult. I guess we'll see what happens.

And does anyone have any blog pet peeves? I thought it would be fun to document them. And if your blog has any of the things I mention, please do not be offended. This is just my list, and I guarantee my blog annoys people as well.

BLOG PET PEEVES

1. Music to your blog. Okay people, I do the majority of my blog reading at work. When I open your blog, I don't want to hear music. Not only that, but a lot of times I already am listening to music via pand.ora radio. So then when I open your blog, the music really clashes with my music.
2. Word verification. I'm sure there is a great security reason behind this, but sometimes I just want to leave a comment and then be done with it. I don't want to have to verify some random word.
3. Grammar. Okay, I don't proofread my blog, and I guarantee every post of mine has at least one error. . . if not several. But I've read some posts that are SO bad, it detracts from their wonderful message.
4. Disappearing blogs. There are some blogs that I followed that just disappear. One day I'll go to them, and they are gone. What??? At least say goodbye. I think about the people who have disappearing blogs, and I just hope they are okay because it would take something severe for me to just shut down without an explanation.

So, that is my list. Any blog pet peeves you have?

Could It Be?

My blogger has been down all day, but it seems to be working now. (Knocking on wood that I don't write some thought provoking post to only have it disappear) My solution. . . I'll write a non thought provoking post so if it does get erased, because blogger is crazy today, I won't really care so much. :)

1. STILL no word on a court date. I know I have said this before, but adoption is a huge rollercoaster. After getting our referral, I was on cloud 9. I couldn't quit smiling. Well, that was May 4th. Today is June 7th, and still no word. It's difficult, but it's life.

2. T and I made a lot more progress on Khalil's room. We went to IKEA over the weekend. Love that store! We only have a couple finishing touches left, and then I cannot wait to share pics. Perhaps even this week?

3. Even though I don't have my kids with me yet, I'm already trying to play fair. If baby girl gets something, Khalil needs to get something. Well, baby girl has a wardrobe to die for! (It doesn't hurt that her cousin is 6 months and our girl keeps getting hand-me-downs) Well, I felt bad so I went and did some shopping for Khalil. I'm trying to buy clothes that are 9 months and older. Although I'm guessing when we get him, even though he'll probably be 8 months old at that time, that he'll fit into 6 months clothing. He's a peanut, but I have no doubt that America will fatten him up. :)

4. Our house currently looks like a baby zone! The rooms are nearly ready, we have a pack-n-play up, toys. Now we just need babies!

5. I have a lot of fun posts planned for this week, so I hope blogger behaves!

And I leave you with a sunset from my favorite place in the world. Our cabin in west central Minnesota.

Happy Monday ya'll!

Blog Issues- be back soon

It's Not Just About Me

Yesterday, I posted my thoughts on creating an interracial family. I'm excited about it, and ready for it. But even though it's T and I adopting this baby boy, others will be affected by our choices as well. I realize that having an interracial family will affect our extended families as well, and not just us.

I remember being young and asking my Dad what he would think if I married an black man. (I think I asked him this a lot back in the day, because at the time, I was very convinced that I would be marrying Scottie Pippen) My Dad always had the same answer for me. He wanted me to do what made me happy, but he would be concerned about our children and who they would identify with, being biracial.

Well, I'm afraid this adoption has pushed and challenged the family more than I could have ever realized. Not only am I bringing someone of a different race into my immediate family, but I'm also giving my parents a grandchild of a different race, my siblings a nephew of a different race, etc. And the most amazing thing of all of this? ALL of them are completely embracing it.

They all "oooh" and "ahhh" over his picture. They talk about the weekends at the cabin we'll have. They talk about how much they love him already. They have been nothing but completely accepting. I appreciate this so much from them. They have been completely onboard from day one.

And then there are T's parents, who at first didn't react how I would have liked. Because of religious reasons, they weren't completely on board with adoption. . . and definitely not a child from Ethiopia. Afterall, if we had to adopt, why didn't we do it from Egypt? These same people now have a picture of Khalil on their coffee table. They just bought him a beautiful crib, they are constantly buying our little guy clothes, and they can't quit talking about him. Wow.

I KNOW how loved Khalil already is. And he isn't just loved. . . he is accepted. Fully.

Sometimes to truly break down barriers, you just have to go ahead with things and force a little change. Who would have thought that my all white family, and T's all Egyptian family would fall so deeply in love with a little boy from Ethiopia? I'm going to be honest. . . I had my doubts. Yet everyone loves him and is anticipating his arrival just as much as T and I. And it just doesn't get any better than that.

An interracial Family

This Memorial Weekend T and I spent a few wonderful days at our cabin. We LOVE it there. It's a place to relax and live the simple life. Something we all need from time to time. While at our cabin, our other relatives were also at their cabin, which is right down the road from ours. These family members of ours have a very diverse family. You know how it goes. . . white man marries black woman. White man and black woman have child. Child is brown. Yes, very diverse, and very beautiful I might add.

This got me thinking a lot about our own family, and the effects of adopting outside of your own race, marrying out of your own race, and the long term effects that may have on the family. T and I are very aware that we are adopting an Ethiopia child. We have seen our son, and he has the most beautiful black skin I've ever seen. (Oh, I just want to squeeze him and give him kisses everywhere!) But over the weekend I had an epiphany. Not only will Khalil be black, but when he grows up, if he chooses to have children, his children will be darker skinned also, and their children, and so on. I may be the last white person in our family. (And I apologize for my terms black and white. Really, my skin is more peach, and currently filled with lovely brown freckles. But you all get what I mean)

And then there is T. T is 100% Egyptian, and that bloodline will change as well. We'll have a daughter who is 50% Egyptian, and a son who is 100% Ethiopian. And if our daughter is blessed and wanting children someday, her children will only be about 25% Egyptian. . . unless of course she marries an Egyptian man. But you get what I'm saying.

I have no doubt that all of this "mixing" would bother some. But not me. It excites me. I see beauty in so many different colors, features, and cultures. It makes me proud that generations down the line, when I am no longer on this earth, that our family, the family T and I created, will look very different. I can't even imagine what it will look like, but I am confident it won't be the blond hair, blue eyed look of my family, or the strictly Egyptian look of T's family. We will be completely blended.

I grew up in an all white community. I remember talking about our genealolgy and going around the room and discussing our heritage. I am a bit Norwegian, Swedish, Irish, English, and German. That was the main mix of everyone in our class. Once in a while we would get someone who had Dutch or French in them, but it was mainly all western European heritage. It makes me proud to think that someday I could have a great grandchild who says, I am part Egyptian, part Ethiopian, part Irish, and part Norwegian. A unique mix, but a mix that is possible.

Some people get nervous about adopting outside of their race, and I get that. But me, I'm excited for it. I know it will not come without problems, but I'm proud that I'm able to marry outside of my race, and adopt outside of my race.

Someday, I imagine the world all some shade of brown, with much less distinction between the races.

Weekly Pregnancy Post - 35 Weeks

I've heard that expectant women (however women are expecting) get to a point when the baby is near and realize what is done cannot be undone. That life will be changing drastically. That life as you know it is about to change. Well, I'm officially at that point.

When I got pregnant, I decided early on that I wasn't going to be like those "other" pregnant women. I wasn't going to be an emotional mess. Well, unfortunately, I have become just that. . . an emotional mess. And let's not forget, I'm also highly irrational.

I'm mostly excited, but I'm also scared. So much is changing. A part of me can't wait to meet our babies and another part of me wants to prolong this time alone with my husband. Afterall, that's the only life I've known the past few years.

In terms of the actual pregnancy, it seems to be going well. At my OB appointment last week, when I was 34 weeks, I was measuring 35, so it seems like this baby is growing by leaps and bounds. I'm starting to get really swollen, especially my hands and feet. I don't think the 90+ degree weather is helping this cause at all. To people who don't know me, my fingers probably don't look huge, but they are twice as big as usual, and look like sausage links to me, and are starting to feel arthritic. It's all worth it, and I know that.

I've been sleeping with my CPAP, and according to T, it works brilliantly. People keep asking me if I'm getting a better night sleep. I felt like I was sleeping fine before, so no, not really. But I'm sure T appreciates not hearing me gag for breath all night long.

Baby girl's room is pretty much complete. There are some organizational things I want to do still, but we could bring her home anytime and I would feel like the room is ready. So, I guess I should say the room IS complete.

Now all we need is baby girl. (Who is still nameless I'd like to add)

Adoption Updates

I'm back after a long weekend away from technology. It was wonderful! :)

Late last week, we received an update on Khalil. I had completely forgotten that we would be receiving monthly updates with his medical status and updated pictures, so I was pleasantly surprised when I received an email from our agency with updates on our boy! He's grown so much! T and I actually had to put his original picture and his new pictures side by side so we knew if it was the same boy. Well, it is, and he's doing beautifully. He's gaining weight, which is great, and he's really starting to develop distinctive features. It was so wonderful to get an update on him. Makes the waiting a bit easier.

We still have not gotten a court date, but we have heard from our agency that it's being worked on, and that the courts are busier than usual due to the new process change in Ethiopia. The waiting is hard, but I'm confident that the timing will work out exactly how it's supposed to. Also, it sounds like once we get a court date, T will be traveling to Ethiopia within two weeks of that notification. So at least when we hear, the court date will be near, instead of months and months away. Our agency said they are confident this will all happen before the courts close in August due to the rainy season. I hope so!!!

Things are moving. . . and with adoption, things are never moving quickly enough, but they are moving. It's definitely hard not to be with Khalil, but we are trying to stay positive and stay busy. I had a beautiful shower this weekend and Khalil (and of course baby girl) got so many wonderful gifts. Yesterday T and I started on Khalil's room. We put the crib up, and a few other things, and it's really starting to look great! I can't wait to show you all pictures, but there is still a lot to do in his room before that happens.

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday weekend. Now I must get going and catch up on blogs. I'm WAY behind!