T and I continue to make more progress and check more things off of our list. Yesterday, we interviewed a pediatrician and we really liked him, so our two children now have a pediatrician! We had an interview with him, where we could ask him all sorts of questions. We are less concerned about our baby girl, because she will follow the normal pediatrician protocol, but we are a little worried about Khalil so that is what we mainly discussed. The clinic we found is very knowledgeable about adoption, and the pediatrician especially knew about Ethiopian adoption. I'm not going to lie. . . It scared me when he started talking about all that can go be going on medically with an adopted child from Ethiopia. Scary!
The pediatrician then wanted to let us know that it would be best not to have our son home the first month our daughter was born. I told him it's completely out of our hands. He wanted to let me know that we basically won't sleep for an entire month, so adding a child to that mix could be completely overwhelming. Good to know.
Sometimes I am very aware that I have no idea what we are in for. How could I? Until we have our children home, we really have no idea just HOW hard it is going to be. I'm also aware that most of the time I decide to block out how difficult this will be. I choose to focus on the positive, such as the cuteness, the hugs, kisses, and smooches, all the things we'll show them. I realize I should also start focusing on some of the more difficult aspects of our situation. Such as having a newborn at the same time I'm trying to form attachment to a 7-8 month old baby. The crying all night, the splitting myself between two babies, finding time for my husband. I do think of these things from time to time, and they ARE scary.
When I bring these fears up to T, he always assures me that we WILL get through them. And I'm confident that we will. I just hope we get through it with as little battle wounds as possible.
24 comments:
It will be a lot but you are right that you can't know what to expect until you are experiencing it. I think it is so important that you and T have such a strong relationship and are both so committed to both baby boy and baby girl that you guys will come through it even stronger. I have confidence in you guys!!!!
Hey Leah,
I think you have the right approach: concentrate on the good things but be aware of the struggles too. There's no point in worrying about things that 1. you have no control over and 2. may or may not happen.
This is all so exciting for you!!
I hope you keep posting when the little ones arrive! I'm expecting my first in September :)
Take care,
Elise*
You are right - it is completely out of your hands. Hopefully you can have some help from family/friends? There's no getting around the fact that it is going to be difficult, but like T said, you'll find a way to make it work somehow!
Hi Leah,
I came across your blog the other day. We were in a similar circumstance with our daughters. They are three months apart. We got pregnant while waiting for our referral from China. Our biological daughter was 8 months old when we brought home her sister, who was 11 months. It was really hard for the first bit. But like anything else we would have good and bad days....but what a blessing!! We are so thankful for the two of them and cannot imagine one without the other. Remember to laugh at the crazy moments. I kept thinking..this should be a reality show b/c there were moments that were just out of control!! I am looking forward to following your journey. We are adopting again and just started a blog minus1project.blogspot.com. Unfortunately, we didn't have one with our first adoption journey, but are enjoying blogging about this one. God's blessing on your two sweet arrivals and on the months ahead!! Please, feel free to contact me if I can be of help or support. Don't ever doubt the timing of these two blessings!!
Kelly
It will be rough at first, but I think you will get it all under control before you know it. And the end results.....so worth it. I am so happy for you!!! :)
I'm glad you found such a great doctor!! Even though the timing is out of your control, it's inevitable that baby girl will be pretty little when K comes home. So sure it will be hard, but years from now it will seem like the blink of an eye. Some crazy days for a lifetime of being a mom to 2 beautiful kids?... I'm thinking it's worth it!
One of the things I think we have to remember as parents is that it always takes more than just love to raise a happy, healthy, functioning child. However, I always stop to think about 1 Corinthians 13 in the Bible.
Love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy...
And these three remain: faith, hope, and love. And the greatest of these is love.
You all have the hope, you have the faith - look at where that has gotten you!
LOVE is behind all the things that it does take to raise a child. Attention, understanding, patience, discipline...they all have their basis in love.
You guys are so far ahead of many in loving your children. I don't have any doubt you will be overwhelmed, scared, exhausted, sad, anxious...EVERY new parent of any child (1 or 2, biological or adopted) feels those things as they are adjusting to parenthood. But I also have NO doubt that the love you have for them will conquer those.
Take it from me - you're going to be EXHAUSTED. But you're going to look back on this time with such wonder and amazement, your hearts will soar. You two are about to be blessed beyond measure. And every exhausting, overwhelming, difficult moment will be worth it.
You'll be...complete.
so exciting that you have a ped now! even if he did scare you... T is right, you'll get through it! and there will be hard times i'm sure, but the joy and the love will make it SOOOO worth it!!!
You guys will be rockstars at this parenting thing!!! It was meant to be!!!
I don't know if you have done this or not but check with your insurance company and know their policy on adding the babies to your plan. My step daughter had a baby in Feb and didn't know that she only had two weeks to add her and didn't do it until it was too late. Now they are without health insurance until the next time they allow open enrollment.
You know, that reminds me of what a few people have done to me... I'm so tired of it and it is so annoying. I don't appreciate the negative comments. "Oh, you're never going to sleep, oh twins are going to be so hard, oh you have no idea what you're in for..." blah, blah, blah!
And YES, it IS going to be hard. And I know there is no way I can prepare myself for how hard it will be. BUT, we will get through it. I have support, you'll have support, and we'll make it through the tough times because, well because we have to do what we have to do. Right?
You and T sound like you have it together. You'll be fine, and I'm sure the joy of finally being parents will outweigh the difficult times.
Hugs
LOVE Jessica's comment, btw!!!
Leah you'll be just fine! Sleep deprived...but your going to be such a great mama!! Fortunately you have T to help you through everything! :)
You are going to grow in leaps and bounds when you have both of these kids home. I am sure you will have growing pains, but in the end, everything will be the perfect picture you have painted in your head. You will figure things out as you go, and you will get into a routine, which will greatly help you get your feet back under you. Just remember that in those moments where you feel like you are in over your head.
The bottom line is, you WILL figure it out. You're going to be great at this!
*hugs*
Hi! I've just come across your blog and read it all! Feel like I know you a bit now. Seems to me considering all you have been through, the quality of your character and the love you are surrounded by you are going to be just fine. xxx
You are peobably not going to be getting much sleep when Khalil comes home anyways so I say the more the merrier! :)
It is going to be hard, but ALL parenting is going to be hard!
Having a good attitude and lots of support is a great start!
We just finialized our home study to adopt our second!!! :)
it'll be tough but you will do fine!!!
Exciting about the pediatrician!! Glad you found one.
You're so strong and amazing. You give me so much hope that if we had the opportunity to adopt and be pregnant, we could do it. :) I admire ya
I say definitely focus on the good things because it really does make a difference! You could always get a good baby that sleeps a few hours (5-6) and then you will be set :)
Yes it will be hard but you'll do great! You just make it work. Can you believe that a year ago you had no idea that you would soon be a mommy to two precious little babies??? Wow, a lot can change in a year, huh? I am so happy for you and excited as you check things off your list!
Leah, I know my Situation with the Twins is different from yours. but only because of your babies age difference. It's amazing how much love and time there is for everyone in your family. It seems now there won't be enough time, but I promise you there will be! The time with T just will be mixed in with time with the babies. and of course those precious moments after the babies are sleeping you get to lay in your husbands arms and giggle about your long day.
The only thing I can't imagine doing that you will be doing, is going back to work. I'm so very tired at the end of the day In my home, There is no way I would have the energy to give an 8hr day to a job too. BUT like I said, My situation is a lot different than yours. 8 month old babies are so much fun Leah! newborns are actually harder I think. ( this is my opinion!)
Everything will work out exactly the way it was supposed to. remember our lives? were already Mapped out before we were born. Enjoy loving 2 beautiful babies. Don't worry too much about the hard part. and remember, Every time the babies cry, It IS ok to allow one to cry to take care of the others needs. You do not have 8 arms. and you don't want to do something for one too quickly. they won't be "starving" and or abandoned. one just may need to wait 5 minutes for you to change a diaper before you can feed the other one. It will break your heart for the first couple of weeks. but you will see what I mean in time. You will be an excellent mommy!!
Leah, we hvae been home from Addis for 12 hours, and I can tell you ALL about what medically is going on with your kiddo. All the Toukoul kids have the same crap running through their systems. I didn't get to see K/N. They are REALLY upright about those policies. :( So sorry.
And as someone who has been up at 2am and (now it's almost 5am) with a baby on a different schedule and who is a little overwhemled by his new surroundings and having two homegrown kids that need love while I am tired and jetlagged and trying to bond with the new baby, AND a newborn on the way, I can tell you yes. You are going to be tired. Really really tired. So what. The docs will help us fix all the crap going on with our babies, and I really believe 98% of it is fixable. Like, raging bronchitis and out of control mucus and some gawd-awful something that makes their poop disgustingly potent. And as far as you and T goes, having this intense situations for Andrew and brings us together. We become a force. Let the difficulty become a way to make you a team. You can do it! And I don't know if T is traveling alone or not, but now that we've done it, don't let him go alone. He needs a good friend or your dad or mom or something. You NEED another person that week and for your flight home. Seriously. This is getting long, but I promise I will share as much as I can since I am the only one that can even sorta relate to what you will be going through.
Ooh, except for that commenter who also did it. I love finding out I am not as crazy as I thought. :)
K is gonna do great. He is going LOVE having a family. Jesse Tafese does.
Anytime things get overwhelming, just stop, take a deep cleansing breath and know it is just a moment in time. You will get through it all with wonderful memories.
I agree with Deanna. There will be moments but the good will outway the bad moments!
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