Great Children

Behind every great child is a mother who thinks she is not doing enough.

I saw that on face.book the other day, and it couldn't be more true.  I spend most of my days thinking that I'm not doing enough.  I second guess my choices, and every behavior I see from my children, I internalize and make it all about something I'M doing wrong.  Sure, I' have moments of clarity and logic where I realize that Nur and TT are still developing their brains.  They are toddlers.  They are going to have moments of irrational behaviors.  They will act out in inappropriate ways. 

So, how are my children doing?  Most days, I would say pretty well, but let's be honest, some days are downright challenging.

My Nur.  Is it just me, or does he look great in purple?  His little sister, who acts more like his big sister, has been insisting on wearing Nur's clothes.  Which means Nur sometimes has to wear her clothes.  Now he requests the purple coat, and well, it does look good on him.

This boy is smart.  Really really smart.  I could give so many examples, but one that comes to mind is, I recently hired a cleaning service.  They had only been to our house twice already.  Then one morning last week, the cleaning car drove by our house, and Nur yells, "The cleaning ladies are here!"  This boy remembers things I don't even remember.  He is so observant, and so kind.  But, he still can't take off his shoes. Actually, I think he can do it, but he won't.  Instead, he will cry when we ask him.  Asking him to pull down his pants always invokes a strong reaction from him and a fit of crying.  Take this boy out of a routine, and it's like starting WW III.  Yes, we have some triggers with Nur. 

He is on a waiting list to be checked to see if he is on the autism spectrum.  I called a great place in our city, which is when they informed me that the wait is 5-7 months.  I don't know what's going on with Nur, but I know he needs some sort of intervention, and I can't even remember how long ago I called, but I feel like we are 2 months into the wait already. 



And then there is TT.  She can seriously be the sweetest child you've ever seen.  I've caught her stealing hugs and kisses from Nur, and she is always loving up on me, but man, I don't know if I've ever known a naughtier child.  At church school this past week, she hit a boy that just wanted to play with her.  She acted out, and I was so embarrassed! Her hitting has gotten better, but she'll still wack someone when she gets emotional or frustrated.  Developmentally, she's doing great, but this child who can be so sweet, can also be so darn stinky.  I feel like half my days are just saying no and disciplining this child, which is not fun for anyone.

As a Mom, I sit and think, maybe if I did this, or that, or got them involved in XYZ, worked less, played with them more, and the list goes on. . .  and on. . .  and on. . .

Happy Wednesday!

These Days, These Moments

At times, parenthood feels like a million little moments each second of every day.  Moments of difficulty, of laughter, and love.  Moments of desperation and just trying to get by.  Joy, heartache, difficulty and hope.  And before we know it, all this time has passed and all we can do is look back and remember when.  I never want to forget these moments.

I love this boy.  Nur is the sweetest child I've ever known.  He simply wants peace in life.  He loves sharing toys with his little sister, and he loves to be held and cuddled.  He'll come up to me out of the blue and say, "I love you so much."  He'll point to Ethiopia proudly on a map. He always wants to be with people, even if it's just me sitting in his room as he plays with trains.  Nur is completely laid back and doesn't care what clothes I put on him.  He also whines until I think he can't whine anymore, yet then he does.  If I tell him not to do something, he'll put his head down and whimper.  Nur does everything on his own time and at his own speed.  Sometimes, I'm sure he's not understanding a thing I say, but then he processes, and repeats it all back to me.  Yes, this child is smart, but subtle. 

Nur is going to be a quiet leader.  He will fly under the radar, and will always win people over with his infectious smile and his kind heart.  I know my Nur is going to do great things in this life.  He's already doing great things in mine.

I love this girl.  TT is all sugar and spice.  She acts like a tough girl, yet her emotions are as fragile as most 2 year olds.  She tries to hide it when something upsets her, but her quivering lip always gives it away.  She is miss independent.  I haven't had the opportunity to pick out an outfit for this child in months.  She picks out all her own clothes, and I've chosen to just go with it, regardless of how ridiculous some of her outfits are.  TT makes friends easily, and other kids are often drawn to her.  But miss independent is often not interested in playing with them.  She's tough with her big brother and can often be found taking his toys away from him. But then she is also sweet to him and will hug him and love up on him.  She also thinks she's older than him and has taken on the first child mentality.  TT is high maintenance and keeps me on my toes constantly.  She is so smart, and funny.  She loves being with people, but also requires quiet time in her room all by herself from time to time.  She talks about things that are well beyond her years.  She loves deeply, but also has moments of being irrational where she yells and screams at people she loves.  T has often said to me that he's never known a naughtier child, and well, I would have to agree.

TT is going to be a rule tester.  She is going to question all authority, but I have a feeling she's going to ask the right questions.  She is going to be a leader and a heartbreaker, and she is going to go through life keeping me on my toes.

My loves, my life.  So grateful.



Stay Mama

Stay Mama. Those are the two words I hear about 20 times every evening after I get done with work.  Sometimes TT says it as a statement, and sometimes she poses it as a question.  Either way, this girl is sick of me going to work most mornings and wants me to STAY HOME. 

As we get closer to bedtime each evening, TT starts asking me if I'll stay home the next day.  I never want to lie to her, so I tell her that I must go to work, but that I love her very much, and I'll always come home after work.  She'll cry and say, "but I want mama."  It does break my heart.  On Friday nights when she asks this same question, and I tell her that I will stay the next day, she dances, and screams in delight. 

I am her favorite thing in the world right now.  And although that is sometimes exhausting (like when I try to escape for a minute to use the bathroom or throw in laundry and she freaks out) but at most times, I'm flattered that this beautiful child loves me so much.  I'm flattered that she calls me her best friend and wants nothing more in the world than time with me.  I can't think of one other person in this world who wants so much of me.

The juggling of schedules is difficult for me, and some days, I admit, I look forward to going to work where I get to use another part of my brain, and where I don't have to breakup arguments all day between a 2 and a 3 year old.  But hands down, the best part of my day is when I pull into the driveway, and I see Nur and TT sitting there at the window.  They start clapping, and I see TT chanting, "mama, mama, mama."  I walk in the door, and they both run to me and embrace me and start telling me about their day. 

These two are so precious, and I am so lucky to be their mama.

On Adoption

I just received the news that the adoption agency I went through to bring Nur home is closing it's doors.  I'm not overly shocked, but I am sad for those who have already submitted paperwork for an adoption who will now have their adoption stalled out, especially for my dear friends who I met when we were both adopting our sons from the same orphanage in Addis Ababa. 

The not overly shocked comment is because lately, I've been hearing many negative things about the agency I used. These were things I hadn't heard until my adoption was complete, but I couldn't turn a deaf ear to the things I was hearing. The negative comments were coming much too often, and I have to believe there is validity behind the comments.  It makes me so sad, and honestly a bit sick to my stomach.  T and I set out almost 4 years ago to adopt a son from Ethiopia.  We felt passionately about it and couldn't wait to become parents through adoption.  Many people had given us a recommendation for an adoption agency, and after talking to them on the phone the first time, I got a great impression about them, and submitted an application for adoption. 

I look at my Nur, and I feel so much love.  I cannot imagine my life without this boy of mine.  Honestly, I barely remember my life without him in it.  My hope is that he was a true orphan.  I can't shake the stories I'm hearing about child trafficking that has and is occuring in Ethiopia.  If the trajectory of this beautiful child's life was going to change forever, I sincerely hope it was the wish of his birth parents, and not the cause of unethical practices by my former agency.  That would be a very hard pill to swallow. 

Adoption can be a wonderful thing, but it must at all times be done with the greatest amount of ethical behavior.  Adoption must be a last resort, and not something to add to the economy of a struggling country.  And at the heart of adoption, we must always keep the children front and center, because this is who it is truly about.





The Funny, The Cute, and Everything Inbetween

Sunday, we got a lot of snow in Minneapolis, so it was an inside day.  Out of boredom, TT and I decided to play beauty shop which involved her playing with my makeup, while I did her hair.  I've been curious since the beginning of time what TT would look like with straight hair.  I got out my flat iron, and found out for myself.

T and I laughed so hard.  My baby girl has long hair!!! She kept running her hands through it, and kind of liked it.  Within two hours, it once again looked like this.

I was happy to know TT will have some versatilty with her hair as she gets older. 

Sunday, my kiddos' Sunday School class sang in front of the church.  It's a big church, with a lot of people, and I highly doubted my children's emotional intelligence to be able to pull it off.  Sure enough, TT sat with me in the front pew, but Nur? He was all about it.  He got up in front of the church, and once the music started, he went to every child, and even the conductor, to shoosh them and tell them to be quiet.  I couldn't stop laughing. 

Last night, the four of us were sitting around playing together when I smelled an awful odor.  TT then yells, "Nur, quit tooting! It's icky!"  TT, I completely agree!!!

Nur has been all about me lately, and on Saturday, when I finally get to be with my kids all day, Nur happily exlaims, "Mama stay with me all day!"  He ended up saying it about 20 times that day.  And every night before bed, TT grabs my cheeks and says, "Mama stay tomorrow."  I feel so bad that by the time she wakes up, I'm already out the door.  I love my kids and want to gift them with time. I do my best. 

This weekend, I let the kids empty their piggy banks and we all went to a toy store and I let the kids pick out a toy.  Nur picked his out within 5 seconds.  Some sort of tractor and play doh toy.  TT looked a bit longer, and then decided she wanted a Little People's castle that came with Snow White and Cinderella.  We go to pay, and I handed the cashier a bunch of crumpled up $1.00 bills, and put the toys in a bag.  TT started freaking out cause she wanted her money back.  Yeah, she's a bit young to realize the price of things apparently. 

These are some random happenings in my life currently.  Happy Tuesday!

One More, Mama

I love music, I grew up with music, which included singing a round of Dona Nobis Pachem every evening while doing dishes, and as soon as my Nur and TT arrived, music became a constant in our lives.  As the kids have gotten older, music and the songs we sing has evolved quite a bit.  I used to sing each child two to three songs before bed, and somehow that has evolved.  They both have their favorites and our routines, and the list of what I sing my kiddos before bed keeps growing.

Tonight was just another bedtime.  The kids go to bed at 8pm, and I have a very guilty pleasure on at 8pm on Monday nights.  (Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, I know, right?) And at times, I want to rush the routine. You know, because I have total nonsense to watch on the TV. Our night time ritual involves brushing Nur and TT's teeth before bed.  Then my little Nur stands on the bathroom counter, and says, "Away in a Manager Mama?" I sing Away in a Manager, and then he asks, "Forever?"

I'll love you forever

I'll like you for always

As long as I'm living

My baby you'll be.

"Jesus Loves me?"  "Goodnight?"

Goodnight, my someone,
Goodnight, my love,
Sleep tight, my someone,
Sleep tight, my love,
Our star is shining it's brightest light
For goodnight, my love, for goodnight.

Nur then looks at me with his big brown eyes, and says, "Ok.  Goodnight Mama. I love you."  Every night.  I then kiss on my little man and T takes him to his room where they have a ritual of their own. 

Then it is TT's time.  I alligator wrestle her to get a diaper on (if you've never wrestled an alligator, I volunteer you to try on my daughter) She then starts her stalling tactics.  "I need to say goodnight to baba." "I need a drink of water."  Then finally, it is time for her songs.  Her list of must sings before bed keeps growing, and growing, and growing.  First, she always asks me to sing, "You are my Sunshine."  Verses one and two. . . naturally.  This is our song.  Anytime it comes on our internet radio, TT will drop everything to run to me yelling, "our song" and embrace me. After that, it is "Goodnight."  (see above) She then asks for "When at night" which is from Hansel and Gretel.

When at night I go to sleep

fourteen angels watch do they keep

Two to whom is given

to guide my steps and soul to heaven

"Jesus loves the little children, mama" "Jesus loves me?" "God is so good?" And my new favorite that TT can't go to bed without hearing, "Take me out to the ball game, mama."  I then put her in her crib and say goodnight, and always, without fail, as I open the door, she has just one more request. 

Some evenings, the bedtime routine goes on for 30 minutes.  Last night as I was holding TT and singing her these songs, I had a realization that someday, she'll want nothing to do with my song, or letting me rock her to bed every night.  Someday, Nur will roll his eyes as I break out into song, and I have no doubt that he'll think I'm super uncool.  Last night as I rubbed TT's back, and smelled her curls against my face, and felt her chest moving in and out, I realized I want to slow time down, not speed it up.  Real Housewives of Beverly Hills will be there when I'm done with the bedtime routine.  My kids are at an age where all they crave is more of me.  Sure, that sometimes means I sing the same song 25 times a day.  But I will miss this someday.  Someday, I'll look back at when my kids were 2 and 3, and I'll want so badly to step back in time. 

I hope I remember how precious this time is everytime one of my kiddos asks for just one more.



A Ball to Remember

This past weekend, TT and I left our boys at home and went to a Princess Ball in our city.  I told TT about two weeks before the ball that it was happening, and she was so excited! She kept telling everyone that no boys were allowed.  This actually was not the truth, but we did decide to make it a mama/daughter outing, and it is one I will never forget.

TT chose to wear her Belle costume, and she was definitely the "bell of the ball."  We did her hair in pigtails, and she wore a beautiful crown and sparkly shoes.  I felt like I was getting my little girl ready for prom. (and it's cold in MN, hence the turtleneck under the dress)

I never know how TT is going to do in public venues.  She tends to get overwhelmed by crowds and people in her space, so I was a little nervous that this event would overwhelm her.  We got to the ball, and there was a red carpet that welcomed us indoors.  I took TT's coat off and she started doing her princess spins.  We walked into the dance area, and there was Cinderella herself! TT just stared and stared at her.  I knew she wanted to talk to her, but I also know my TT is on the shy side and gets comfortable with situations at her own speed, so I didn't force it.  Finally, TT worked herself up to meeting Cinderella.  She took off her crown, and walked over to Cinderella, and handed her her crown. This scene totally melted my heart. 

The ball was full of little princes and princesses, and an awesome DJ.  TT had her snack at a table, and then we hit the dance floor. 



The scowl isn't because TT wasn't having fun, it was because she didn't want her picture taken.  "No more pictures mama!" Okay, I may have gone overboard.

We invited TT's cousin and best friend to come, and we were so glad she was there also. She was also Belle, and these two could have danced all night.  I must say, I don't know where TT gets her rhythm from. This girl can seriously dance.  All night, she was right by Cinderella, and even held her hand a couple times.



I loved watching TT watch Cinderella.  Her big brown eyes followed her every move.  Hands down one of the best parts of being a mom is my children's innocence, and watching the world through their eyes.  I could have just stared at TT all night as she stared at her surroundings. 



If it's even possible, I fell in love with my baby girl even more that night.  I love the girl she is becoming. I love her free spirit and her innocence, and her desire to take in the world around her.

And just like Cinderella's ball was over at the stroke of midnight, our ball was over at the stroke of 7:30pm. TT and I went to the car, and I buckled her into her carseat, when she told me she needed to go potty.  In that moment, I was very glad that I carry a spare in the back of the van.  She and I crawled in the back, I hoisted up her Belle dress, and she went potty.  I buckled her back in to the carseat, and threw out the urine, where it almost turned to ice before hitting the ground.  But for that hour and a half, life was magical.  

Food and Toddlers

One of my biggest stressors as a parent is feeding my children.  I want to give them good and healthy meals, and I want to have the time and energy to make home cooked meal.  But, I will admit, I have a horrible diet myself.  I always have, and was told that when I got older, I would start eating healthier, but, I'm 33, and I still eat quite poorly.  (aka, I don't eat veggies, at all.  Very limited meats and fruits) So, teaching my children to eat healthy when I am a poor role model for them has proven challenging.

We eat breakfast at our house around 7:30-8am, depending on wakeup times for the day.  Right now, Nur likes peanut butter toast and a bowl of cheerios, and TT likes to eat a nutrigrain bar, and perhaps also a bowl of cereal.  They both like a glass of apple juice first thing in the morning.  Juice was one of those things I had every intention on being very strict about, yet they drink a glass (or more) everyday.  They also both take a vitamin every morning for breakfast. 



We do a snack around 9:30am, and TT's favorite snack is a pickle and a cheesestick, and Nur's is some sort of cracker.  Then we do lunch anywhere from 11 to noon.  As I stated, I'm not a big vegetable person but I try to make sure the kids get some at every meal.  The problem is, is they don't love a lot of different types of vegetables, and that is most likely due to me not giving veggies to them at a very young age.  Their favorite are green beens and edamame, and TT will also munch on carrots.  Nur still has many texture issues, and doesn't do good with foods where he really needs to bite down.  We also try to do a fruit at every meal, and some favorites are strawberries, apples (cut up with no skin for Nur), rasberries, peaches, and pears.  Then comes the main course.  Nur loves anything with a red sauce, and TT won't touch it.  TT wants meats at every meal.  She LOVES meat, any type.  I've been buying rotisserie chickens for her and getting her chicken that way.  Cause I clearly don't know how to make meat.  I mean, I can cook ground up hamburger or a chicken breast, but that's about it.  I try really hard not to become a short order cook, but I struggle because Nur and TT want very different main courses. 



Dinner is around 5pm, and I try to give the kids a large variety of foods.  Sometimes, they flat out refuse to eat what I make, which makes me stress that they are going to be hungry later.  I've heard people say that it's too bad if they don't eat what I make, and I get that, but they are only 2 and 3.  I really don't want them to go hungry.  Some things I do for dinner are chicken enchiladas, homemade soup, hard boiled egg, spaghetti, meat of some sort (again, just for TT).  And to be completely honest, some nights it's mac-n-cheese, grilled cheese, chicken nuggets, french fries, or anything that I know will get eaten and that there will be no complaints.

The kids also still drink whole milk.  Most pediatricians say that after 2, kids should have a more reduced fat milk, but my kids are both hanging on at 20% on the weight scale, so I've decided to keep them on whole a big longer. 

I try to make sure my kids get a variety of foods, and I try to make sure they are getting the right amount of calories on a daily basis, but I will never be a mom who home cooks all the meals, or has my children eat green or organic.  I would love to be that mom, but I think the first step would be for ME to be that type of eater, and I would say I'm pretty set in my ways.

My kids are happy and healthy children, and I remind myself of that when I start to stress about food.

The Winter Months

See this picture of my TT?  That is how I feel most winters. From approximately December 1st until about March 1st, there is no going outside to play.  It's cold in MN this time of year.  I mean really, really cold  (I think it's about -20 today, if you really care to know)  As Nur and TT get older, our winters are getting better.  I'll never forget our FIRST winter.  Now that was an awful winter.  I had a 6 month old, and a year old child, who were very difficult to entertain. 

The picture above? Yes, that is our very first winter.  Also affectionately called the longest winter of my life, and sometimes, I just call it HELL ON EARTH. 

Things have gotten a bit better, but I'll be honest, most days, my kiddos don't get outside.  At all.  T and I despise the cold, we have a nanny who comes into our home, so there isn't a reason they leave every day, and, it's just not safe to be outside in this cold.  So we spent A LOT of time indoors. 

Here is how I'm currently keeping my two loves busy.  One, we have Curious George sessions in the mornings and in the evenings, right before bed.  Pre-kids, I was going to be very strict on TV watching.  And don't get me wrong, it's still not a free for all.  But when they wake up, we do allow a little TV watching, and right before bed.  Let me tell you, this winter, the kiddos wake up around 7:30.  Their first winter, mornings startedat 5 to 5:30am, so this in itself makes things much easier. 

We play a lot of dress up and pretending.  And because TT has the more dominant personality, poor Nur also is a princess many days. 

We are really into trains right now, and spent hours at Nur's train table.  Nur loves when I play with him, and loves building BIG trains. 

 

We read  ton of books!  Nur is really into tractor books, and TT is really into Clifford, Fancy Nancy, and her all time favorite book is called, "Please Baby Please."  We will sit for along time jus reading and reading. We love to play play doh, and draw pictures.  We love to sing songs and do actions for all the different songs, we love to prctice the alphabet and numbers, and play with "pretties."  We build forts, and play in caves.  Oh, and all this only takes an hour. :)

We try to get out of the house whenever possible.  The kids go to school once a week, and Sunday School every Sunday.  There are some local indoor play places that we frequent, and we try to get the kids involved in diferent activities when we can. 

MN winters are no joke.  If my wonderful family didn't live here, I'd move to a warmer climate in a heartbeat.  But here we are, in -20 weather,and trying to make the best of it.