For the first time since I began this adoption process, things are completely out of my control. Let's be honest. . . things were never really completely in my control to begin with, but I could control a lot of the process. I could control how quickly I filled out paperwork, wrote letters, made doctor's appointments, and all of the other things I had to do to get on the wait list.
For 4 months, I attended adoption classes and filled out the necessary applications and paperwork. For 4 months, I felt like I was controlling the pace of all of this to some extent.
Yesterday T and I received an email from our adoption agency letting us know that our Dossier had arrived. The adoption counselor also attached a what's next document to the email, and reading it, reminded me that the little control I thought I had, is now completely gone. The control freak inside of me is very apprehensive about all of this.
All of our paperwork will be in transit to a far away country sooner than later. Now foreign governments will be controlling all aspects of this adoption. There is nothing for me to do. There is no more paperwork to be filled out. There are no more adoption classes. No more Social Worker visits.
Now, all I do is wait.
And wait.
And then wait some more.
My goal is to wait really well. I want to be patient. I want to be calm. I want to trust that our referral call will come in perfect timing. As I wait, something my wise Mother said to me many many years ago keeps coming back to me.
Leah - Don't wish your life away.
I need that constant reminder. I think we all have a tendency of looking forward to the next thing instead of being appreciative of where our lives are at in this moment.
I am going to try really hard to appreciate where my life is right now. Because the referral call WILL come, and once our baby boy is home with us, our lives will forever be changed. So today, I am going to appreciate the many things that there may be a short supply of when baby boy does finally come home.
Every night, I get 8+ hours of mostly uninterrupted sleep.
T and I have so many date nights, where it's just the two of us.
On weekends, I can sleep in as late as I want.
I never have to cook or prepare food for anyone except me. If I want takeout everyday, I can have takeout everyday.
Right now, I have a big closet all to myself in the guestroom.
The list goes on and on, and these are the daily reminders I need because eventually, T and I will be a family of 3, and life will change. I know it will change for the better, but I don't want to waste the next few months not appreciating these things, because someday, I'll be sleep deprived and overwhelmed (in a good way) with caring for another human being.
T and I have a long wait ahead of us, and I hope and pray that I will wait well.
Do you wait well?
Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
17 comments:
i do not wait well... but i'm learning! it's exciting that they've received your dossier though! hopefully it'll get to your country soon and you're wait won't be as long as you're planning on!
Great Post Leah. The waiting game for all new mothers is almost unbearable. Paper pregnant or physically pregnant it's a game we wish we could control.
Once your new family member is safely in your arms, you will forget all the "extra stuff" like sleep, closet space, date nights etc.. Your only wish will soon be that your little one is safe and happy , warm and fed, and cuddled into your arms with no wants in the world. Date nights can still happen and so can wonderful sleep in's with the help of Family. Not only will you enjoy those spared personal times but you will appreciate them in a new way.
Waiting well with you,
Morning
Great post!
We are so on the same page right now! My mother has given me very similar advice and I know it is true. She tells me to practice patience even in the smallest of moments like sitting in the doctor's office when your appointment was 20 minutes ago! I just hope this whole process helps me to be a more patient person!
Oh, can I relate with you on this! I am already not doing a good job waiting... and we're not even really waiting yet (still need our USCIS approval). I like your thoughts about appreciating the parts of life that we have now that will change when our little ones come home. I have a hard time seeing the forest through the trees sometimes, though!
Found your blog on the Big ET blog list. We too are with the same agency you are with, and received our referral a week ago (we were on the waiting list for 4 months, 3 weeks and a day).
Our process has been long and occasionally seemed never ending. We're overseas and it took us 10 months to complete our Dossier (on top of it got USCIS denied TWICE, happy happy joy joy, lol).
Just thought I'd stop by to say "hi". Really enjoy reading about your journey.
God bless,
mel
Just sent you an e-mail. Let me know if it made it through.
mel
Leah! Thanks so much for sharing this post! We're about a week away from a very similar wait! I am going to make sure to appreciate every second too...such a great reminder!
Those ARE very wise words from your mother. I often have to tell myself the same thing. I have found lately that I tell myself a lot, "I am just happy to be in this moment." I am always excited for tomorrow, but I am glad I am here right now.
I am happy for your wait to begin because it means the time between now and the day you get your baby is ticking down!
Thank you for finding my blog! I love meeting new friends esp. through this wonderful family of adoption.
As you know, we also used the same agency and were very pleased through the whole process.
I loved reading your last post. It's good that you are keeping a level head and appreciating the part of your life right now that doesn't include young children! ;) I say this because I was woken up at 4:45am by two amazingly beautiful Ethiopian darlings. I wouldn't change it for the world, but sleeping in is a thing of the past for a long, long time for me! :0)
I hope your wait is short, but of course, in perfect timing.
The hardest part about this waiting time is that there is not much you can do... BUT, you can do more than just wait... you can also pray! : ) It is nice to know that when we are not in control our God is!
We were on a waiting list that we could check however often we wanted. We choose to only check once a month. It was a way to help us track our progress without being obsessive.
Good perspective on waiting. I wish you could bank sleep!
Good luck on your wait! : )
I'm NOT a good waiter, but at the same time I don't want to focus too much on what's to come, and miss the here and now (similar to what you wrote in your blog). So, I'm trying hard to tell myself to wait with ease and let the time go by as it always does.
Definitely take advantage of your "couple" time now, because once peanut is here that time is gone, as you know. So try to make the most of it during your wait.
You have the right attitude about it all. It is out of your control now, so you may as well do the only thing you can do and Wait Well. You will be a great mother.
I am definitley guilty of not living in the moment. What a good reminder.
SO true! I don't know if I wait well...I guess some days are better than others. I love your perspective on it and I hope you and T are able to enjoy these last child-free days :)
Hi Leah! Thanks for coming over and commenting on my blog awhile back. I've seen yours on Julie's a few times and it's been fun to read. I really liked the reminder in this post to enjoy our lives NOW. One of my favorite quotes from our church is "find joy in the journey."
It can be so easy to forget that, though!
My waiting was always up and down. Much preferred the up days. But we didn't have as smooth a journey as you did getting to this stage.
Make a list of things you want to get done before you receive your referral and check them off as you go. Helps pass the time.
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