Stay Mama

Stay Mama. Those are the two words I hear about 20 times every evening after I get done with work.  Sometimes TT says it as a statement, and sometimes she poses it as a question.  Either way, this girl is sick of me going to work most mornings and wants me to STAY HOME. 

As we get closer to bedtime each evening, TT starts asking me if I'll stay home the next day.  I never want to lie to her, so I tell her that I must go to work, but that I love her very much, and I'll always come home after work.  She'll cry and say, "but I want mama."  It does break my heart.  On Friday nights when she asks this same question, and I tell her that I will stay the next day, she dances, and screams in delight. 

I am her favorite thing in the world right now.  And although that is sometimes exhausting (like when I try to escape for a minute to use the bathroom or throw in laundry and she freaks out) but at most times, I'm flattered that this beautiful child loves me so much.  I'm flattered that she calls me her best friend and wants nothing more in the world than time with me.  I can't think of one other person in this world who wants so much of me.

The juggling of schedules is difficult for me, and some days, I admit, I look forward to going to work where I get to use another part of my brain, and where I don't have to breakup arguments all day between a 2 and a 3 year old.  But hands down, the best part of my day is when I pull into the driveway, and I see Nur and TT sitting there at the window.  They start clapping, and I see TT chanting, "mama, mama, mama."  I walk in the door, and they both run to me and embrace me and start telling me about their day. 

These two are so precious, and I am so lucky to be their mama.

On Adoption

I just received the news that the adoption agency I went through to bring Nur home is closing it's doors.  I'm not overly shocked, but I am sad for those who have already submitted paperwork for an adoption who will now have their adoption stalled out, especially for my dear friends who I met when we were both adopting our sons from the same orphanage in Addis Ababa. 

The not overly shocked comment is because lately, I've been hearing many negative things about the agency I used. These were things I hadn't heard until my adoption was complete, but I couldn't turn a deaf ear to the things I was hearing. The negative comments were coming much too often, and I have to believe there is validity behind the comments.  It makes me so sad, and honestly a bit sick to my stomach.  T and I set out almost 4 years ago to adopt a son from Ethiopia.  We felt passionately about it and couldn't wait to become parents through adoption.  Many people had given us a recommendation for an adoption agency, and after talking to them on the phone the first time, I got a great impression about them, and submitted an application for adoption. 

I look at my Nur, and I feel so much love.  I cannot imagine my life without this boy of mine.  Honestly, I barely remember my life without him in it.  My hope is that he was a true orphan.  I can't shake the stories I'm hearing about child trafficking that has and is occuring in Ethiopia.  If the trajectory of this beautiful child's life was going to change forever, I sincerely hope it was the wish of his birth parents, and not the cause of unethical practices by my former agency.  That would be a very hard pill to swallow. 

Adoption can be a wonderful thing, but it must at all times be done with the greatest amount of ethical behavior.  Adoption must be a last resort, and not something to add to the economy of a struggling country.  And at the heart of adoption, we must always keep the children front and center, because this is who it is truly about.





The Funny, The Cute, and Everything Inbetween

Sunday, we got a lot of snow in Minneapolis, so it was an inside day.  Out of boredom, TT and I decided to play beauty shop which involved her playing with my makeup, while I did her hair.  I've been curious since the beginning of time what TT would look like with straight hair.  I got out my flat iron, and found out for myself.

T and I laughed so hard.  My baby girl has long hair!!! She kept running her hands through it, and kind of liked it.  Within two hours, it once again looked like this.

I was happy to know TT will have some versatilty with her hair as she gets older. 

Sunday, my kiddos' Sunday School class sang in front of the church.  It's a big church, with a lot of people, and I highly doubted my children's emotional intelligence to be able to pull it off.  Sure enough, TT sat with me in the front pew, but Nur? He was all about it.  He got up in front of the church, and once the music started, he went to every child, and even the conductor, to shoosh them and tell them to be quiet.  I couldn't stop laughing. 

Last night, the four of us were sitting around playing together when I smelled an awful odor.  TT then yells, "Nur, quit tooting! It's icky!"  TT, I completely agree!!!

Nur has been all about me lately, and on Saturday, when I finally get to be with my kids all day, Nur happily exlaims, "Mama stay with me all day!"  He ended up saying it about 20 times that day.  And every night before bed, TT grabs my cheeks and says, "Mama stay tomorrow."  I feel so bad that by the time she wakes up, I'm already out the door.  I love my kids and want to gift them with time. I do my best. 

This weekend, I let the kids empty their piggy banks and we all went to a toy store and I let the kids pick out a toy.  Nur picked his out within 5 seconds.  Some sort of tractor and play doh toy.  TT looked a bit longer, and then decided she wanted a Little People's castle that came with Snow White and Cinderella.  We go to pay, and I handed the cashier a bunch of crumpled up $1.00 bills, and put the toys in a bag.  TT started freaking out cause she wanted her money back.  Yeah, she's a bit young to realize the price of things apparently. 

These are some random happenings in my life currently.  Happy Tuesday!

One More, Mama

I love music, I grew up with music, which included singing a round of Dona Nobis Pachem every evening while doing dishes, and as soon as my Nur and TT arrived, music became a constant in our lives.  As the kids have gotten older, music and the songs we sing has evolved quite a bit.  I used to sing each child two to three songs before bed, and somehow that has evolved.  They both have their favorites and our routines, and the list of what I sing my kiddos before bed keeps growing.

Tonight was just another bedtime.  The kids go to bed at 8pm, and I have a very guilty pleasure on at 8pm on Monday nights.  (Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, I know, right?) And at times, I want to rush the routine. You know, because I have total nonsense to watch on the TV. Our night time ritual involves brushing Nur and TT's teeth before bed.  Then my little Nur stands on the bathroom counter, and says, "Away in a Manager Mama?" I sing Away in a Manager, and then he asks, "Forever?"

I'll love you forever

I'll like you for always

As long as I'm living

My baby you'll be.

"Jesus Loves me?"  "Goodnight?"

Goodnight, my someone,
Goodnight, my love,
Sleep tight, my someone,
Sleep tight, my love,
Our star is shining it's brightest light
For goodnight, my love, for goodnight.

Nur then looks at me with his big brown eyes, and says, "Ok.  Goodnight Mama. I love you."  Every night.  I then kiss on my little man and T takes him to his room where they have a ritual of their own. 

Then it is TT's time.  I alligator wrestle her to get a diaper on (if you've never wrestled an alligator, I volunteer you to try on my daughter) She then starts her stalling tactics.  "I need to say goodnight to baba." "I need a drink of water."  Then finally, it is time for her songs.  Her list of must sings before bed keeps growing, and growing, and growing.  First, she always asks me to sing, "You are my Sunshine."  Verses one and two. . . naturally.  This is our song.  Anytime it comes on our internet radio, TT will drop everything to run to me yelling, "our song" and embrace me. After that, it is "Goodnight."  (see above) She then asks for "When at night" which is from Hansel and Gretel.

When at night I go to sleep

fourteen angels watch do they keep

Two to whom is given

to guide my steps and soul to heaven

"Jesus loves the little children, mama" "Jesus loves me?" "God is so good?" And my new favorite that TT can't go to bed without hearing, "Take me out to the ball game, mama."  I then put her in her crib and say goodnight, and always, without fail, as I open the door, she has just one more request. 

Some evenings, the bedtime routine goes on for 30 minutes.  Last night as I was holding TT and singing her these songs, I had a realization that someday, she'll want nothing to do with my song, or letting me rock her to bed every night.  Someday, Nur will roll his eyes as I break out into song, and I have no doubt that he'll think I'm super uncool.  Last night as I rubbed TT's back, and smelled her curls against my face, and felt her chest moving in and out, I realized I want to slow time down, not speed it up.  Real Housewives of Beverly Hills will be there when I'm done with the bedtime routine.  My kids are at an age where all they crave is more of me.  Sure, that sometimes means I sing the same song 25 times a day.  But I will miss this someday.  Someday, I'll look back at when my kids were 2 and 3, and I'll want so badly to step back in time. 

I hope I remember how precious this time is everytime one of my kiddos asks for just one more.



A Ball to Remember

This past weekend, TT and I left our boys at home and went to a Princess Ball in our city.  I told TT about two weeks before the ball that it was happening, and she was so excited! She kept telling everyone that no boys were allowed.  This actually was not the truth, but we did decide to make it a mama/daughter outing, and it is one I will never forget.

TT chose to wear her Belle costume, and she was definitely the "bell of the ball."  We did her hair in pigtails, and she wore a beautiful crown and sparkly shoes.  I felt like I was getting my little girl ready for prom. (and it's cold in MN, hence the turtleneck under the dress)

I never know how TT is going to do in public venues.  She tends to get overwhelmed by crowds and people in her space, so I was a little nervous that this event would overwhelm her.  We got to the ball, and there was a red carpet that welcomed us indoors.  I took TT's coat off and she started doing her princess spins.  We walked into the dance area, and there was Cinderella herself! TT just stared and stared at her.  I knew she wanted to talk to her, but I also know my TT is on the shy side and gets comfortable with situations at her own speed, so I didn't force it.  Finally, TT worked herself up to meeting Cinderella.  She took off her crown, and walked over to Cinderella, and handed her her crown. This scene totally melted my heart. 

The ball was full of little princes and princesses, and an awesome DJ.  TT had her snack at a table, and then we hit the dance floor. 



The scowl isn't because TT wasn't having fun, it was because she didn't want her picture taken.  "No more pictures mama!" Okay, I may have gone overboard.

We invited TT's cousin and best friend to come, and we were so glad she was there also. She was also Belle, and these two could have danced all night.  I must say, I don't know where TT gets her rhythm from. This girl can seriously dance.  All night, she was right by Cinderella, and even held her hand a couple times.



I loved watching TT watch Cinderella.  Her big brown eyes followed her every move.  Hands down one of the best parts of being a mom is my children's innocence, and watching the world through their eyes.  I could have just stared at TT all night as she stared at her surroundings. 



If it's even possible, I fell in love with my baby girl even more that night.  I love the girl she is becoming. I love her free spirit and her innocence, and her desire to take in the world around her.

And just like Cinderella's ball was over at the stroke of midnight, our ball was over at the stroke of 7:30pm. TT and I went to the car, and I buckled her into her carseat, when she told me she needed to go potty.  In that moment, I was very glad that I carry a spare in the back of the van.  She and I crawled in the back, I hoisted up her Belle dress, and she went potty.  I buckled her back in to the carseat, and threw out the urine, where it almost turned to ice before hitting the ground.  But for that hour and a half, life was magical.  

Food and Toddlers

One of my biggest stressors as a parent is feeding my children.  I want to give them good and healthy meals, and I want to have the time and energy to make home cooked meal.  But, I will admit, I have a horrible diet myself.  I always have, and was told that when I got older, I would start eating healthier, but, I'm 33, and I still eat quite poorly.  (aka, I don't eat veggies, at all.  Very limited meats and fruits) So, teaching my children to eat healthy when I am a poor role model for them has proven challenging.

We eat breakfast at our house around 7:30-8am, depending on wakeup times for the day.  Right now, Nur likes peanut butter toast and a bowl of cheerios, and TT likes to eat a nutrigrain bar, and perhaps also a bowl of cereal.  They both like a glass of apple juice first thing in the morning.  Juice was one of those things I had every intention on being very strict about, yet they drink a glass (or more) everyday.  They also both take a vitamin every morning for breakfast. 



We do a snack around 9:30am, and TT's favorite snack is a pickle and a cheesestick, and Nur's is some sort of cracker.  Then we do lunch anywhere from 11 to noon.  As I stated, I'm not a big vegetable person but I try to make sure the kids get some at every meal.  The problem is, is they don't love a lot of different types of vegetables, and that is most likely due to me not giving veggies to them at a very young age.  Their favorite are green beens and edamame, and TT will also munch on carrots.  Nur still has many texture issues, and doesn't do good with foods where he really needs to bite down.  We also try to do a fruit at every meal, and some favorites are strawberries, apples (cut up with no skin for Nur), rasberries, peaches, and pears.  Then comes the main course.  Nur loves anything with a red sauce, and TT won't touch it.  TT wants meats at every meal.  She LOVES meat, any type.  I've been buying rotisserie chickens for her and getting her chicken that way.  Cause I clearly don't know how to make meat.  I mean, I can cook ground up hamburger or a chicken breast, but that's about it.  I try really hard not to become a short order cook, but I struggle because Nur and TT want very different main courses. 



Dinner is around 5pm, and I try to give the kids a large variety of foods.  Sometimes, they flat out refuse to eat what I make, which makes me stress that they are going to be hungry later.  I've heard people say that it's too bad if they don't eat what I make, and I get that, but they are only 2 and 3.  I really don't want them to go hungry.  Some things I do for dinner are chicken enchiladas, homemade soup, hard boiled egg, spaghetti, meat of some sort (again, just for TT).  And to be completely honest, some nights it's mac-n-cheese, grilled cheese, chicken nuggets, french fries, or anything that I know will get eaten and that there will be no complaints.

The kids also still drink whole milk.  Most pediatricians say that after 2, kids should have a more reduced fat milk, but my kids are both hanging on at 20% on the weight scale, so I've decided to keep them on whole a big longer. 

I try to make sure my kids get a variety of foods, and I try to make sure they are getting the right amount of calories on a daily basis, but I will never be a mom who home cooks all the meals, or has my children eat green or organic.  I would love to be that mom, but I think the first step would be for ME to be that type of eater, and I would say I'm pretty set in my ways.

My kids are happy and healthy children, and I remind myself of that when I start to stress about food.

The Winter Months

See this picture of my TT?  That is how I feel most winters. From approximately December 1st until about March 1st, there is no going outside to play.  It's cold in MN this time of year.  I mean really, really cold  (I think it's about -20 today, if you really care to know)  As Nur and TT get older, our winters are getting better.  I'll never forget our FIRST winter.  Now that was an awful winter.  I had a 6 month old, and a year old child, who were very difficult to entertain. 

The picture above? Yes, that is our very first winter.  Also affectionately called the longest winter of my life, and sometimes, I just call it HELL ON EARTH. 

Things have gotten a bit better, but I'll be honest, most days, my kiddos don't get outside.  At all.  T and I despise the cold, we have a nanny who comes into our home, so there isn't a reason they leave every day, and, it's just not safe to be outside in this cold.  So we spent A LOT of time indoors. 

Here is how I'm currently keeping my two loves busy.  One, we have Curious George sessions in the mornings and in the evenings, right before bed.  Pre-kids, I was going to be very strict on TV watching.  And don't get me wrong, it's still not a free for all.  But when they wake up, we do allow a little TV watching, and right before bed.  Let me tell you, this winter, the kiddos wake up around 7:30.  Their first winter, mornings startedat 5 to 5:30am, so this in itself makes things much easier. 

We play a lot of dress up and pretending.  And because TT has the more dominant personality, poor Nur also is a princess many days. 

We are really into trains right now, and spent hours at Nur's train table.  Nur loves when I play with him, and loves building BIG trains. 

 

We read  ton of books!  Nur is really into tractor books, and TT is really into Clifford, Fancy Nancy, and her all time favorite book is called, "Please Baby Please."  We will sit for along time jus reading and reading. We love to play play doh, and draw pictures.  We love to sing songs and do actions for all the different songs, we love to prctice the alphabet and numbers, and play with "pretties."  We build forts, and play in caves.  Oh, and all this only takes an hour. :)

We try to get out of the house whenever possible.  The kids go to school once a week, and Sunday School every Sunday.  There are some local indoor play places that we frequent, and we try to get the kids involved in diferent activities when we can. 

MN winters are no joke.  If my wonderful family didn't live here, I'd move to a warmer climate in a heartbeat.  But here we are, in -20 weather,and trying to make the best of it.