Looking Back

This time of year, I often become nostalgic about my journey to Nur.  I think of the rollercoaster of adoption, I think about the highs and lows of the process, the fear, anticipation, and just down right excitement to have my family together. 

Two years ago, I was fortunate enough to have a lot of people comment on my blog, and to give heartfelt opinions about some serious choices I was contemplating.  Last night as Nur and TT, T, and I, sat and watched Tangled before their bedtime, I flipped open my laptop and read some old posts. 

I remember this period of time like it was yesterday.  I had just given birth and was dealing with some major baby blues.  The day TT came home from the hospital, we received news about our court date in Ethiopia.  T was for sure going on the first trip alone, and we were contemplating who would go on the second trip. I wrote about my original plans here, and ultimately, a decision was made by this post.  My favorite part of going back and reading these posts were not the words I wrote, but of all the genuine comments and opinions received.  I've read those comments many times in the past few years. 

I've always tried to live life without regret.  I do believe that everything in life is a learning opportunity, and I believe that the circumstances we face in life are best dealt with a positive attitude and understanding that things will play out the way they are supposed to.

Two years ago, I was a new mom.  I didn't know what I was doing half the time.  All I knew is that I wanted baby TT with a parent at all times, and that meant T and I would split our trips.  It seemed like the most obvious solution at the time.  I couldn't see past it.

The other night, I was watching "What To Expect When You're Expecting."  Anyone who has seen that movie, knows that there is an Ethiopian adoption story in it.  It was a good enough movie, but the scene towards the end where Jennifer Lopez and her husband are about to meet their Ethiopia son, and she says, "Are you ready to meet your son," I about lost it.  You see, I do live life with some regrets.  And one of those regrets is that T and I didn't go to Ethiopia to bring our son home together.  The truth is, is that TT would have been just fine spending a week at the grandparent's house.  Or perhaps, although it would have been difficult, TT could have come with us to Ethiopia.  As silly as this may sound to people, I constantly mourn the fact that T and I were separated when I met my son for the first time.  When TT entered the world, we were side by side.  It should have been that way with Nur. 

I still have people reach out to me via my blog who are in a similar situation as me.  Have a young biological child, getting ready to go to Ethiopia to meet their new son or daughter, and they are asking my opinion about what to do.  I always say, keep your family together if you can! Bring your biological baby as long as it's safe, and as long as you realize the extra work that will entail. Go experience this with your husband.

I wish I would have.  And ultimately, at the end of the day, we are all together, and that is what matters.  But in all honesty, I would do things differently today if I could.