The Judgmental Mom

You would really think that moms would have grace with other moms.  Afterall, no one knows just how hard being a mom is besides actual moms themselves.  Yet moms are judging each other constantly. 

I recently read a blog post titled "Right vs Wrong."  The Mama blogger who wrote the post was talking about how she breastfeeds, uses cloth diapers, does a delayed vaccination schedule, etc, and how she really thinks that is the correct way to parent.  If that is correct, is the way I'm doing things wrong? 

I personally think we all make choices that are best for us and our families.  I was a cloth diapered baby, but I have chosen disposable for my kids.  And you know what? Neither one has ever had a diaper rash.  Ever.

I breastfed for 3 months, then went to formula. Not by choice.  The well simply dried up.

I vaccinate. . . when my doctor tells me I should.  I did research, and for me, vaccinating was the way to go.

Sometimes I let my kids watch You Tube videos on the computer for a bit longer than I was planning to because while they watch videos, I am getting a ton done around the house.

When I'm having a tough mommy day, it's possible I put my kids down for their naps earlier than I usually would.

At times, on those hard mommy days, I've even lost my temper.  I felt horrible about it, I really did, but I'm not perfect. I don't claim to be. 

Sometimes I don't feel like I'm feeding my kids the healthiest meals.  I try, but Scarlett went through a "I only like chicken nuggets phase," and well, I wanted her to eat, so chicken nuggets it was!

I am not the parent of the year.  But who is?  We all choose to parent differently, but at the root of parenting, as long as we have our children's best interests in mind, as long as we love them unconditionally, and provide for them, and give them safety and comfort, I happen to think we are all winners. 

We all make judgments.  I know I do.   Even though of course I hope people don't make judgments on me.  Saturday Nur and TT had their 2nd week of school.  They were both being angels.  I mean, ANGELS.  There was a boy there who wasn't there the 1st week, and he was being an absolute terror.  During circle time, he was running around the room screaming, and his mom was holding him.  I made my judgments. I was annoyed.  I even exchanged glances at T.  This boy was at least a year older than Nur . . surely he should be better behaved then that!

Then the parents separated.  We sat in our room, away from the kids, and went around the table and discussed how our week was.  The naughty boy's mom's turn was up, and she started sobbing.  She is a single mom.  Her child is dealing with a lot of sensory issues, but no one is taking these issues seriously, and some medical professionals don't even know what sensory issues are.  Her son was kicked out of his daycare for repeated biting.  She finally found a resource who specializes in sensory issues, and is going to start OT this week.

I felt bad for my previous judgments.  We are all dealing with things, and sometimes being a mom, feels like the weight of the world is on our shoulders.  We all struggle with things, we all advocate for our children, we all want the best for them.  Sometimes that translates to the outside world, and sometimes it doesn't.

Grace.  I need more of it.  We all need more of it.  Because whether you cloth diaper, breastfeed, bottle feed, vaccinate, or whatever choice you are making for your family, you ARE a good mom because you are putting in the effort to even make these decisions.

I know I have my battles.  I have a son that melts anytime we are around someone.  We are judged because of it constantly.  I've even had a family member say, "What is wrong with your son?"  I want grace for me and my situation, and I will extend that grace to others. 

I love my children more than words will ever be able to express.  Sometimes they behave, and people think I must be the best mother ever.  Sometimes they are terrors, and I can imagine what people are thinking.  I do my best.  We all do our best.  Let's let that be enough.