I often times wonder that with my kids. I just don't know what normal is. In so many ways, TT is my first born child. Yet Nur is older, and in many ways, is more advanced than TT. As he should be due to his age. And then there is also considering my kiddos personality into the mix. They are their own people. They are growing into themselves, and both have very unique attributes.
So, what is normal? Something that has been happening in our lives in the past few months has me wondering. Let me paint the picture for you.
This Sunday was the first day of Sunday School. I am the kids' teacher every other Sunday, and it was my off week, but I still decided to stay in the class just to get my kids used to their new surrounding. And let's be honest. . . my kiddos don't have the best history of separating.
We walk into the Sunday School room (after a week of preparing the kids the best way I could) and TT insisted I carry her. She clung to me and got real scared. I expected this. Nur tried to wimper for a second, but then saw the toys, and walked away from me and seemed very comfortable. I immediately breathed a sigh of relief. Two cryers would have been really difficult for just me.
Nur saw a train table and was fascinated. The trains were magnets, and he quickly lined up a train of about 10 cars. He slowly and meticulously moved the train around the tracks. Studying them intently. No interest in any of the other kids, which isn't that abnormal for Nur. But every time the train would derail, he would scream, and cry, and have a total tantrum. . . and nothing me or anyone else would soothe him. He was out of control. And it was a cheap little train set. It derailed A LOT! So, for a few minutes, he would be fine, then the train would derail, and he would scream!!! And I know I'm his mama, so was most likely noticing this more than other people were. . . but trust me. . . it was bad, and did not go unnoticed. By anyone within 500 feet of my boy.
Red flags.
Is this behavior normal for a 2 year old? Is it normal to not be interested in interacting with other kids? Is it normal to meticulously line up train cars? Is it normal to be able to line up about 50 toy cars, all in a row? I'm not going to lie. . . sometimes I'm wondering if my Nur is on the autism spectrum.
I plan to address this with the Early Intervention people we have seen. I plan to ask his pediatrician. But I wanted to hear other people's thoughts. I don't know what's normal. I just know Nur's behavior seemed off. And it takes a lot for me to say that. I am raising 2 two year olds afterall.
11 comments:
When my eldest nephew was two, he would take his (huge!) collection of matchbox cars and line them up meticulously in rows. Then he'd drive them, one by one, over to the other side of the livingroom, and line them up again. He was fascinated by them, and continued to be for a couple more years -- until he reached the age when he was old enough to transfer his love to legos.
He's now 7 1/2, and happy, well-adjusted, and "normal", in so far as that applies to anyone. So, this behavior is certainly within the unexceptional range for two-year-olds.
My boy did something similar, also with train tracks. We eventually got past it once I gave him another response. (I told him that when that happens we say uh-oh, and then try to fix it or ask for help.)
Boys are a very different animal than girls are. Boys are not as interested in social interaction and sometimes will stay in parallel play for quite a while. Boys are more interested in exploring their surroundings than other people. Boy toddlers have all these big emotions and they do not have any way to deal with it. I have read "The Way of Boys" by Anthony Rao several times now. It gives a lot of info on how boys mature and a few strategies on how to deal with it.
But it never hurts to ask a professional for help. They may also have some strategies to deal with it. I would love to hear what they have to say!
I don't really know the answer, but I can tell you that I've had those moments with both of my boys.
Matthew at one year old would stand for literally an hour and line up train cars, to the point where I would say "Yikes, this is not normal". Just rearranging the order of them, pulling them all off, and doing it all over again. He is 3 1/2 now and it has really only in the last six months that he's started interacting with other children. He used to act like they weren't even there. In his case...it turns out he's bright. Really bright. Learned to read last week bright.
Nathan did a few things like that too, lining up cars over and over, and I asked his speech therapist about it. She said most kids go through a phase when they are like that and every parent worries about it!
Still, that said, if it is something that you wonder about, I say definitely ask somebody about it. It is always better to ask than wonder. And if something is going on, I always think it's better to know and deal with it, and get them help as early on as you can.
My son lines up all his magnet train cars (maybe 20 of them?), too. And if he's having an off day, if he's trying to do something and it's not working out, he'll keep crying and saying "I'm TRYING to! I'm TRYING to!" Like if the trains kept derailing. Not a big freak out, but still. If Nur was having an off day and/or feeling frustrated that things weren't going according to plan, I can understand the freak outs.
Noah will also line up other things, like little cars, little animals, etc. all in one big straight line. I think that's totally normal.
Also, not really wanting to play with other kids his age is normal. Noah plays really well with older kids (age 3 and up), but tends to find kids his own age boring. They normally don't talk as well as he does (or at all), and if they're even 1 or 2 months younger they seem a LOT younger than him. An age gap of a few months seems MASSIVE at this point. He'll hand them toys and stuff, but they're pretty useless for playing with.
It wouldn't hurt to mention it to your doctor if you're really concerned, but he all of Nur's behaviours sound perfectly normal to me.
While it wouldn't hurt to mention it to the EI people, I'd be really surprised if they had concerns with Nur's behaviour.
I certainly think it is VERY normal for a boy of his age to be more interested in toys that playmates.
My daughter had a Noah's Ark playset and I remember her lining up all her little animals.
This sounds completely normal, but if you are concerned you should talk to your pediatrician.
My son is almost 3 and did this a lot in the past year, but he is growing out of it. He also has just started more cooperative play instead of parallel play. I think as language develops the emotional outburst reduce.
I've found a couple of books helpful: "Touchpoints" by Dr. Brazleton. He gets into more detail (but easy to understand) about the different stages kids go through. "Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child" by Gottman is helpful in communicating and supporting your toddler (and child) in their emotions.
Hang in there, momma. You're doing great.
My guess is that it is completely normal at that age. As far as the screaming when the trains fall over...I know that by 2, we expect the little ones to start using words to tell how they feel, but I think that is still pretty advanced in a lot of situations. I am constantly telling Emma to calm down, take deep breaths, and use her words. Like yesterday, she totally freaked out - I mean hysterical - when I went to get the mail without her.
As far as the lining up of the trains, I know several nephews and all of them are very into building things and putting things together. While Emma would never sit and build something with Legos for an hour, my nephews can and do. It could be that he has a very type A personality and this is just the way it is manifesting itself early on.
All of that caveated by the fact I pretty much know nothing! Never hurts to add it to the list to mention at your next appointment.
You've been reading our journey with Bobby, but even with that in mind, I see other 2/3 year olds and they have the same behaviors as he does and their parents arent concerned in the least. So, as much as folks are looking to see red flags and diagnose early because earlier help is better when a child does have a concern (and doesnt hurt if they dont), I think that sometimes normal or abnormal is just what we are used to (or not used to) when we see it.
That being said, there is no harm in talking about it with EI and if therapists help, then it's well worth it. IT's been wonderful for us.
LB also likes to line things up occasionally. I have seen several other boys do that! My best friend's son lines up all his musical instruments at least once a day. LB also gets frustrated with his toys. I think at this age their brains are ahead of their bodies. So he envisions the toy being able to do something but then when he doesn't have the motor skills to do it he gets frustrated. Recently, LB was desperate to dribble a basketball the way his dad does. But he is only 2 and dribbling is not easy. He would scream and get mad when he couldn't do it. But so much depended on his mood that day, some days he would practice dribbling and wouldn't get frustrated and other days it was a bad scene. I am like you and am always questioning whether or not LB's behaviors are normal and then I'll see another kid do it or read in a book that it is normal and feel so much relief!
Leah, I also think his behavior is normal, and lining things up does not mean he is on the autism spectrum. I've heard many other similar stories often involving little boys and cars or trains. Children also learn at different times when to start playing together versus playing alongside one another, so I think it is normal that he is not interacting that much with other kids. Certainly mention it to your pedicatrician and the EI folks, but it sounds like he is a normal, healthy little guy. Heather
Here's my two cents ;) those behaviors are all typical, more typical for a chil who isn't in constant day care, even though he has a sibling, we all know that's a different interaction. Boys are not social the ways girls are especially at that age, and he has TT, so he doesn't "need" other relationships.
If he is losing words, decreasing interactions with you, T, or TT, then I'd be concerned. But those don't seem to be the case.
All that being said, I'm much more of a check it out sooner than later person, so certainly ask your pediatrician (though many of them are wait & see types), your EI people, and therapists. I always prefer a second opinion, hence my having had C seen by PT & OT when she started walking because her gait was strange.
Still, I'm guessing this is all normal and you're just a good worrying mommy like me! ;)
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