Since the day I brought this child of mine home, I've seen some behaviors in him that I questioned. I would bring these behaviors up to people, and was often met with a common response that adoption no longer plays a role in Nur's life and that his behaviors are all very normal. I'd kindly nod my head and smile, and then make a mental note that that person, although loved and valuable in my life, is not someone I can talk to these sorts of things because they truly don't understand.
Even though many in my life brush off my concerns, I still wonder about certain things on a daily basis.
"Did Nur do this because of this?" That is a question I ask myself daily. And am amazing thing happened over my Christmas break. Other people finally started listening to some of my concerns, and even mentioned that they see some things in Nur also.
So next week, I'm going to face my fears, and bring up to Nurs pediatrician something that I've been worried about almost since day one of meeting my son. I'm going to ask my pediatrician if he thinks it's a good idea to test Nur to see if he is on the Autism Spectrum. I think he is, and perhaps the pediatrician will agree with me, or perhaps he'll agree to have him tested, and maybe even perhaps he'll assure me that he isn't. Either way, it's something I need to start saying out loud now. It's something that I've been worried about, and as Nur continues to get older and smarter, and more adaptable, there are still some behaviors that make me think that we could be dealing with something that isn't adoption related, and something that is at least worth looking into.
Here is the thing I've learned about parenting Nur. My love for him only grows deeper and stronger as the days pass. Early on, I sometimes struggled with attachment, but those struggles are long gone. Perhaps I couldn't have dealt with the Autism Spectrum Disorder early on in our attachment process, but I'm more ready to deal with it now. Because I love this child of mine so very much, and whatever he is struggling with, or not struggling with, I love him fiercely and perfectly, and I know I will work hard to get him the resources for these things.
Here's hoping that I'm wrong! But if I'm not, we'll get through this as a family.
15 comments:
My friend had her biological son tested last summer. They found him to NOT be on the spectrum, but he does have some sensory issues that they will be addressing. I'm sure that you know that early intervention is key, and having him evaluated will either put your mind at ease, or get him help and services that he needs to continue to thrive. Either way, he will be a success because of his loving mom and dad!
I think getting your concerns off your chest to your pediatrician will be a good thing no matter what his/her response will be. Thinking of you and sweet Nur!
I have read your blog since before you got Nur named as your son. Being a teacher and taking many continued ed classes, one thing that has been repeated over and over is that many times the pediatrician will brush your concerns off. If you really feel there is a concern, you may need to have him tested on your own. It is a hard thing to admit but getting the help needed is the best thing. Many school districts will give help after their 3rd birthday,(even do a screening) you would need to contact your school district. Good Luck and I will be watching to see what develops.
I think it's great your going to address this and then hopefully you will have more information and be able to go from there. If he is on the spectrum that would be there adopted or not. My 12 year old is high on the autism spectrum so much that not everyone agrees with it.
No matter what happens, if you want to talk I'm here. Bobby was diagnosed as autistic (PDD-NOS) based on a psych eval conducted by the school district. We arent 100% if he is an ASD child or simply a child with developmental and speech delays, but we are rolling with the diagnosis because it gets him the services he needs in school. If you need anything, or just want to chat, feel free to email me.
My brother has 2 kids on the autism spectrum - one with sensory issues and one that is more pure autistic (um, apologies that I'm probably not using the right terminology). There are great therapies to address a lot of the issues. But, obviously, I know the ideal would be to get reassurance that there isn't truly an issue. Either way, Nur is very fortunate to have a loving mommy ready to meet his needs.
I agree with Anonymous- you may have to push hard to get testing. One thing I have learned in the medical journey with my son is doctors a lot of time are NOT as aggressive as they should be in identifying problems and connecting the dots. The good news is if he is on the spectrum there is so much support and interventions available- ASD moms are the strongest I know!
It is hard to figure out what is going on with our kids sometimes, isn't it? I do think adoption adds another layer. I didn't understand (or really believe) this until I walked through it myself. I will say that the older my boys get the more confident I feel about knowing what things are adoption related and what are not, but it is still tricky. I think you are so smart to address it, seriously. If you have concerns, I would not hesitate to do more investigating. You will only help him in the long run! I hope you are able to get some answers for your sweet boy.
best of luck Leah, thinking of you and Nur.
I know how you feel! When Sierra was sick all those years I was convinced it was because we didn't know anything about her birthfamily and their medical history. Best of luck to you! Some reason when you post I don't get an email anymore:( I need to see if I can get that fixed! <3
Good for you for seeking out advice for something you see in your son. No matter what the results are, I know you will help him the best way you can. I'll be thinking of you and wishing you the best!
Wishing you and Nur much joy and peace as you take this next step! xo
I'll be thinking of you! But I think you're going to be a-okay no matter what... your love for your little man is so clear and pure.
If you are worried, I would definitely get him tested just so you can put your concerns to rest. Hopefully he isn't on the spectrum, and anything they do find, they can work through. No matter what happens, he couldn't be in a better home with a more loving family. Good luck friend.
I think the great thing is that you are having the testing done and you're going to get the advice of his doctor. I agree with contacting your district to have him tested if the doctor does not offer you the support you need.
I can see where you might wonder sometimes what role adoption plays in certain behavior type issues. I'm sure that as our children grow up will still be wondering that at times...
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