Growing up, I loved children! I was a babysitter to many kids, and mostly, I LOVED babies. I've always been such a baby person. Really, is there anything more adorable in this entire world than a baby? And as much as I'll always look back on baby TT and baby Nur with fondness and adoration, mostly, those early days are plagued by a lot of stress and uncertainty.
I look back on those days, and remember how difficult TT could be. She would cry constantly, and T and I would walk her back and forth in the hallway until our heals were black and blue. She'd finally go to bed at 11pm, only to wake up 2 hours later. Most days, I was up at 3:30am with her, couldn't get back to sleep, and then would head to work blurry eyed. Nur had trouble sleeping, so I would kneel by his crib and rub his back, counting in my mind how strokes I had rubbed his back. (I usually counted to 350 before I thought he was finally down) Then I would literally crawl out of his room, only to get to the door, and have him pop up and start screaming. Meanwhile, the girl in the room down the hall, would only nap in her swing until she was about 7 months old. So, I would kneel by her swing, as it was moving, and would bottle feed the moving target, until her eyes got heavy, then I had to smoothly remove the bottle, and insert the nuki, in hopes that she wouldn't wake up. Then T and I would go in front of the TV, and try to spend quality time together, and one of the kids would wake up screaming.
I was really tired those early days, and I second guessed everything I did as a mom.
So, I am 99.99999% sure that there will not be a 3rd child anytime soon. (aka. . . ever) People say that once your children get a little older, you forget how difficult the early days were. Well, I haven't forgotten. I'm not sure I'll ever forget.
The truth is, is that I love this age. I look at Nur and TT and think to myself, "You are growing too fast! Slow down!" But then they grow some more, and I love the new age even more. Sure, I look back at their first birthday pictures, and nostalgia takes over. Oh, they were so little, and so cute. But I still love this age more.
I love how irrational this age can be at times. Like our conversation at dinner last night.
Nur. "Mama, I want milk." So I go and bring the boy some milk, and he completely melts down.
Nur. "I wanted the blue cup mama." Boo hoo hoo. I just had to smile and laugh. Then TT wanted a pickle, so I nicely went and grabbed one. She started hysterically sobbing.
TT. "I wanted the big pickle mama."
I even don't mind that they both always want to play with the same toy, and our play time right now is me standing in the middle of these two so they don't fight.
My most favorite part of the day is the moment I walk through the door. The kids are usually waiting at the window for me to come home from work, and the moment I walk in the door, they both scream, "mama!" They then shower me with hugs and tell me about their days. These stories are often hilarious, because they are mostly false. Yesterday, TT told me she went swimming outside. Let me tell you, no one is swimming outside in Minnesota right now.
They both sponaneously hug my leg and tell me they love me so much. TT tells me I'm pretty and wants to dress like me, Nur is always asking me to sing his favorite song. (Away in a Manger) TT spends her days pointing at objects that I have forbidden her to touch, and looks at me and says, "Mama, I touch when I am older." Nur is always bringing me our globe, and pointing out the continent of Africa, and then he goes down to even more detail to show me Ethiopia. TT is always drawing pictures, and then finding magnets and putting them on our fridge.
I LOVE THIS AGE. I love discovering new things on a daily basis through the eyes of my children. I love that they can communicate almost all ideas to me, and I'm no longer guessing why they are crying or cranky. I love that they are a bit more independent and I can sit down (in about 5 minute increments) and flip through a magazine. And as much as I love this age, I'm also looking forward to all the ages that come next.
So, I think a family of 4 is the perfect size for us, and I don't see that ever changing.
Happy Thursday! :)
5 comments:
Yep. This. Every word.
When I had convined myself that conceiving was no longer in the cards for me, I felt exactly the same. This age (3) is such an interesting one and the twins are doing sooo much and, selflishly, I have some of "me" back. When I found out I was pregnant and the shock began to wear off, I looked back on the early days of sleep deprivation, etc and thought "wow... I guess those days are NOT over". I'm happy and excited, but nervous too because, like you,I still remember and it was NOT always sunshine and rainbows! But, wherever our family building ends, I think we (at some point) try to find peace in what we have. At least, my mom tells me this is true and I'm trying to believe her! :)
And the pics of the kiddos? Freaking adorable as always! :)
I know what you mean about the age. It is funny how when they are babies you think you never want them to grow up, but my mom told me something very wise as I feared the passing of each stage, and that is each stage is just as much fun as the last. Its true. I never spent time looking back on the previous stages and being sad that they were over because I am always enjoying the current stage just as much.
If I had had my druthers, I would have had my kids back-to-back. But I can honestly say I am so glad they will be 4 years apart. I haven't forgotten the difficult days of a baby, but I am glad Little Bean is grown enough to be independent enough she won't rely on my to meet her every need. I always knew this baby would come along when the time was right, and I honestly think the timing is perfect.
P.S. We went to London for Christmas for the fun and experience of it. We don't live close to my family, and we'd rather not spend it with Hubs', so London seemed like a great alternative!
You described most Mom's with new babies but you had two pretty close together so I can only imagine. Nothing wrong with admitting and only wanting the two children. Just be sure that's what you really want. I sort of regret not having one more.
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