We all have them.
For me, a certain song will bring me back to senior year of high school, on the basketball court. Or a particular smell will take me right back to Egypt.
After a really difficult and emotional weekend, triggers are heavily on my mind. I'm really trying to pay attention to Nur's triggers and what will set him off in a hurry. And unfortunately, I've realized one of his biggest triggers is being in the presence of anyone but his immediate family of T, TT, and I.
Let's talk about Friday night, shall we?
We went to T's parent's house for an Eid (Muslim holiday) feast. We got there, and all was going well. Then T's brother and family showed up as well, and it started to get to be too much for Nur. TT on the other hand, feeds off other people and loves the energy that people put off. Nur on the other hand, doesn't do well at all in groups. I could see the meltdown happening. And once something triggers Nur there is no going back. It started as a whine. Then it became an all out screaming and crying. T and I tried to remove him from the situation. He calmed down for a moment, only to see the group once again and start all over. And unfortunately, when he acts like this, people think they need to offer solutions. Maybe he's hungry (he had just eaten. . . a lot), Oh, Nur is just trying to get attention. (Are you kidding me?) T and I finally just left the Eid celebration early.
The next day (Saturday) was bad as well. We got to school every Saturday morning and Nur had 3 major meltdowns. I had to bring him down the hall and he was screaming like he was being tortured. It was ridiculous and embarrassing. We finally just left school early. . . screaming child in hand. I love Nur so much, but I do feel my blood pressure raise when he acts like this. I try to be sensitive, but I just simply don't understand the behavior.
So, I now realize that groups are a big trigger for Nur, what I don't know is how to deal with it. Nothing calms him down. Do we just not socialize? What about the holidays coming up? And how do we deal with the comments that are utterly ridiculous? There are so many frustrations going on and so much regression seems to be occurring.
7 comments:
I'm sorry you're having that issue with Khalil. I don't have any words of wisdom as anxiety is just that and it's not just easy to overcome. And kids aren't always "just trying to get attention"! As parents you know when they are and when they are legitimately upset. Praying you find a way to help him ease out of this or that it's just a developmental phase that he will eventually grow out of. And praying for your sanity, with his tantrums and people's comments and suggestions (oh yes! He must be hungry I just forgot to feed him for three days! WTH?!?).
I'm so, so very sorry. This has to be heart-wrenching and frustrating as his mother. And everyone offering their solutions certainly doesn't help. I hope that things turn around quickly and that you all find some rest and peace in the meantime.
I don't know if this will be helpful or not, but my daughter has had colossal tantrums in the past. The difference is, she's nine. While it is easier in some respect because we can communicate and talk to her, it is equally as embarrassing, as someone her age should not be behaving in this manner. I am pretty sure her trigger is school, and I think her classroom does not foster a good environment. But, her frustrations erupt at home too. After she spent two hours having a tantrum and crying herself to sleep, we decided to take her to a psychologist. I don't know if they treat children as young as Khalil, but maybe you and your husband could get some tools and techniques to help. My daughter just had a physical at the end of the summer, so we know that her physical health is good. After just two sessions, I have noticed a difference in my daughter's behavior. Maybe start a conversation with your pediatrician and she was s/he thinks. I understand your frustrations, as I have felt them myself. I hope you are able to find a solution soon!
I feel like I have no advice on any of your posts lately! I hope he gets better as the holidays get closer!
I really don't have any good words of wisdom, but that is good you are aware of K's triggers. It seems like little kids understand so much. Maybe before you go out with him, you can get eye to eye with him and explain where you're going, who will be there, etc. Maybe by helping to set expectations, he will do a little better. I really don't know how to work on this, but that is just a little suggestion. Good luck. Heather
I definitely relate to this post. I think large groups can be triggers for Ezra too. For Ezra it seems to be more of a noise issue. If there are a lot of people in a small space then it just gets loud for him. The summer was nice because so many gatherings were outside or at least outside/inside combos so if I felt like it was too loud inside then I could just take E outside. It is confusing too though because we have had some situations where I thought for sure Ezra would find it too loud and stimulating but he did fine. And I felt like we had major breakthroughs. But then other times he didn't. So he isn't very consistent. I am trying to remain hopeful and calm but Thanksgiving but am definitely a little nervous since it is so hard to know how Ezra will be feeling about noise on that particular day. Toddlers are tough anyway and some of this sensory stuff just makes it tougher!
I would say keep trying to bring him out and socialize but once he starts to have a meltdown especially in the beginning stages remove him and go back home to what is comfortable for him. I know it's a pain but it sounds like what is best for him right now. Just remember that this won't last forever!! Viktor used to do this until we had the baby and he HAD to stay with family. For some reason that seemed to cure him. Now when we go to family's house he runs all over and feels very comfortable.
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