Potty Training

Nur and TT are both 2, it seemed like the time was right to try!  I also want to preface this post with the fact that potty training is one of the things I have dreaded most as a parent.  I know it must be done, but it always has seemed like so much work.  But, I decided that this would be the week.

TT has been showing many signs of readiness from the age of about 16 months.  But now she is over 2 (26 months to be exact) and she is showing even more signs.  When she wets her diaper, she takes it off and asks me to change it.  She stays dry for more than a couple hours at a time.  She has the verbal skills required to communicate and really understand commands.  And she has become very interested in the whole potty concept.  Nur on the other hand shows no interest.  But. . . having kids 7 months apart, I'm always trying to get them on the same schedule. . . even though it may be rushing one of them, or at times, holding another one back. 

So last weekend, I got the entire bathroom ready for this endeavor.  I put two potty chairs out.  I put up calendars for both Nur and TT, I started a potty training jar of treats.  M&Ms and dum dum suckers) and I got stickers.  I'm still not sure how I feel about candy incentives, but I know how my kids operate and I thought it would help.  I had a lengthy conversation with the nanny about the action plan and about consistency.  I needed to make sure T and I were doing the same thing as the nanny. 

Monday, we started the potty training.  By about 9am, the nanny and I had shared many text messages and agreed that Nur just wasn't ready and wasn't interested.  I had a feeling he wasn't ready, and really, my end goal is that he is ready by fall 2013 so I can enroll him in preschool.  That gives me a year.  I know boys generally aren't ready as fast as girls, and I don't want to push him and get him discouraged.  I'll keep watching the signs of readiness, and when that happens, I'll revisit the potty with Nur.

TT was interested right away.  I quickly realized that the best way to handle potty training with TT was to keep her bare butted.  So, we would put a dress on her, with no diapers, etc.  I also quickly realized that I couldn't sit in the bathroom with her.  The girl wanted her privacy!!!  By Friday, TT was going around the house in just a shirt or dress, no diaper or pants, and anytime she wanted to go potty, she would go into the bathroom all on her own, and take care of business.  She would then show me her pee pee, throw it in the big toilet, and cheer!  She would then ask for "Num nums."  Saturday morning, TT and I went to get big girl underwear. . . which is actually pull ups.  I tried to put them on her, and she has no interest.  So, we continue to stick close to home and leave her butt bare.  And if you can believe this, she hasn't had 1 accident.  Not 1.  She is going around the house totally unprotected, yet she makes it to the bathroom every single time!!!  She is doing so much better than I expected, and the fact that she is doing so well makes me realize that she's been ready for a while. . . I just didn't put in the time or effort to make this happen. 

So, we are off to a great start!  We still haven't tackled when we leave the house.  Currently I slap a diaper on her, and if she wears a diaper, she thinks she can go pee pee in it.  We also haven't tackled night time or nap time.  Not sure how we'll do that.  She's still in a crib.  What if she has to go pee pee in the middle of the night?  Is she supposed to yell to me that she needs to go?  I guess we'll figure that one out. 

Truly, we are in no hurry, and I'm just happy with the progress.  As long as both kiddos are potty trained by fall, I'll be happy. :)

Updates, Updates

Sunday school went much better this week.  All week, I worked with Nur on his behavior.  Not sure if this was a parenting fail, but I actually went out and bought him some of the magnet trains that caused his bad behavior.  (I know, I know. . . )  But I wanted him to learn that sometimes things don't do what we want them to, and we don't need to cry about it.  Instead, we need to try again, or ask someone to help.  I also wanted him to know that sharing is nice, and that we can all take turns.  Oh, I was hammering in these messages, and they seemed to click, because yesterday was much more smooth. 

My youngest brother does photography on the side, and for TT's birthday, he gifted her with a photo session.  Yesterday we took the kids to the local rose gardens for some photos.  I always get nervous with pictures, because my kids (TT especially) can be a disaster when a camera is involved.  In fact, you can hear TT yelling, "No pictures" many times a camera is involved.  Well, the day leading up to photos was a disaster.  TT fought her nap, and then passed out on the couch for about 30 minutes, and then woke up in a terrible mood.  I got her looking all cute in a new dress, and then another proud mama moment, I popped a little sucker in her mouth.  We got to the rose gardens, and she was a ham!  Smiling for the camera, kissing everyone for photo opportunities.  Smelling roses.  Yes. . . adorable.  (And Nur. . . he was his usual upbeat self)  I think my bro got some great photos, although I won't know until I get a disc with them.  Shortly after the photo session, TT crashed, and the rest of the night was miserable.  But. . . we got the golden photos, and that's what matters!  Oh, and there was an Ethiopian wedding going on at the rose gardens.  Amazing!

We are starting potty training today! (Don't you love how I start on the day the nanny comes so she can do the majority of the work? I'm evil! HAHAHA)  I got the bathroom all ready.  We have potty charts.  Two potty seats.  Calendars. Stickers. A potty jar full of incentives.  I try to keep my kids on the same schedule.  This meant that TT went down to 1 nap before she was ready all because Nur was ready and I wanted them to nap at the same time.  And I have many other examples.  Well. . . The nanny and I have already been texting this morning, and we just don't think Nur is ready, and we don't want to discourage him or for him to feel disappointment in himself.  So, we are thinking about just working on TT for now.  I need Nur potty trained by the fall for preschool though.  I guess I still have time.

And these are some happenings in our household on this brisk Monday morning.

What is Normal

I often times wonder that with my kids.  I just don't know what normal is.  In so many ways, TT is my first born child.  Yet Nur is older, and in many ways, is more advanced than TT.  As he should be due to his age.  And then there is also considering my kiddos personality into the mix.  They are their own people.  They are growing into themselves, and both have very unique attributes. 

So, what is normal?  Something that has been happening in our lives in the past few months has me wondering.  Let me paint the picture for you.

This Sunday was the first day of Sunday School.  I am the kids' teacher every other Sunday, and it was my off week, but I still decided to stay in the class just to get my kids used to their new surrounding.  And let's be honest. . . my kiddos don't have the best history of separating. 

We walk into the Sunday School room (after a week of preparing the kids the best way I could) and TT insisted I carry her.  She clung to me and got real scared.  I expected this.  Nur tried to wimper for a second, but then saw the toys, and walked away from me and seemed very comfortable.  I immediately breathed a sigh of relief.  Two cryers would have been really difficult for just me. 

Nur saw a train table and was fascinated.  The trains were magnets, and he quickly lined up a train of about 10 cars.  He slowly and meticulously moved the train around the tracks.  Studying them intently.  No interest in any of the other kids, which isn't that abnormal for Nur.  But every time the train would derail, he would scream, and cry, and have a total tantrum. . . and nothing me or anyone else would soothe him.  He was out of control.  And it was a cheap little train set.  It derailed A LOT!  So, for a few minutes, he would be fine, then the train would derail, and he would scream!!!  And I know I'm his mama, so was most likely noticing this more than other people were. . . but trust me. . . it was bad, and did not go unnoticed.  By anyone within 500 feet of my boy. 

Red flags.

Is this behavior normal for a 2 year old?  Is it normal to not be interested in interacting with other kids?  Is it normal to meticulously line up train cars?  Is it normal to be able to line up about 50 toy cars, all in a row?  I'm not going to lie. . . sometimes I'm wondering if my Nur is on the autism spectrum. 

I plan to address this with the Early Intervention people we have seen.  I plan to ask his pediatrician.  But I wanted to hear other people's thoughts.  I don't know what's normal.  I just know Nur's behavior seemed off.  And it takes a lot for me to say that.  I am raising 2 two year olds afterall. 

A Day in the Life of Mom - Weekend Edition

In March (yes, 6 months ago) I wrote a post titled A Day in the Life as Mom - Weekday Edition found here and I thought it was finally time to do my weekend edition.  I documented today, from the moment we woke up until bed time, in hopes that I will never forget.

5:30am - I hear TT crying.  I look at the baby monitor and she is standing in her crib.  I go in her room, and she is very upset.  Not sure why.  I calm her down, then bring her into bed with T and I.  She passes out.

7am - There is a little girl in my bed!  She sits up and tells me that TT is all done with night night.  She then crawls out of bed.  Shortly after, Nur is awake, and our day begins!

It's breakfast time!!! On the weekends, I will usually let them watch you tube videos.  I've created a playlist of all of their favorite nursery rhymes. 

 Nur insists on peanut butter toast every morning.  Today he also wanted oatmeal. 

 TT is not a morning person. (She is a lot like her baba in that regard)  She needs to be up for at least 30 minutes before she'll have any food. 

Our after breakfast activities vary.  First thing, is to get our kiddos dressed and ready for the day!

TT is really into picking out her own clothes, and today she was all about this outfit.  And then the process of detangling her crazy hair begins.  And it's a process.  A lot of detangler, and then a lot of combing through it. 

 At this point, I give TT her usual talk.  "TT, 2 year olds only use nukis when they nap, so Mama is going to take your nuki and put it in your crib.  You can have it again when you go night night."  Then the sobs begin. 

 Then TT tries to climb into her crib to get the nuki. 

 Then I say forget it!!! I'm going to choose my battles today, and a nuki isn't one of them.  TT is happy. . . albeit a bit embarrassed by her previous behavior. 

The it's time to get the boy ready!!!  Nur has quite the lotion routine because we don't want him to be ashy.  With the skin regime we are currently practicing. . . pretty sure Nur has the softest skin in the world.  Seriously, I've never seen or felt better skin!  Our routine is in the evenings, we lube him really good with aquaphor.  In the mornings, Johnson and Johnson will do!

Nur likes to be helpful.  And sometimes, when the lotion touches his skin, he acts like it is acid burning him.  Today he was fine though. 

 And then the clothes came on.  Nur isn't particular about how he dresses.  And this makes me happy.  I hope to be making him the fashionable boy that he is well into his teenage years.

Our Saturdays vary greatly.  Today we did some playing in the morning. 

Nur is in love with his Baba.  IN LOVE. 

 Reading books.  And it was a chilly MN morning.  Hence the robe.  And yes. . . I shouldn't allow this picture to be posted.  Oh well. 

Then it was time to be productive.  We got the car washed, and the kids thought that was a lot of fun. 

Then the 4 of us went grocery shopping and the kids "helped" put away groceries.

By this point, it was almost lunchtime.  I prepared some food, and it was time to eat.  I made grilled cheese, hard boil eggs, strawberries, and green beens. 

 Nur is always ready to eat and comes to the table willingly. 

 TT always plays hard to get.  T finally got her to the dinner table for her lunch. 

 And even though we grocery shopped. the only thing T could find to eat for his lunch was cereal.  Poor man!

 Around noon, it was time to put the kids down for a nap.  A lot of times during naps, I will clean and be productive, but today, I was off to the salon.  You can't perhaps tell by this photo, but I needed a major color touch up. 

 Off to downtown I went!

Here is the building I get my hair done at.  The tallest building in Minnesota.

Once that was done, I headed home!  TT was already up from her nap, and shortly after, Nur was up to.  After naps, we all headed outside for more playing. 

 My new hair.  Can't really tell much from the photo, but trust me. . . It's better. :)

 We try to eat around 5pm every evening, so we went inside to make dinner, and the kids played some.  TT is a star drummer.

I made spaghetti, bread, strawberries and edamame.

 

 TT was not too interested.

 Nur on the other hand ate like a champ. 

 After dinner a lot more playing.  We played inside, then outside, and just had a fun time doing nothing real exciting, yet the kids and T and I were engaged, and they were laughing and having fun. 

 Oh, and remember when I mentioned laid back weekends?  Well, we had some chocolate ice cream after dinner.  The kids were in heaven.  :)

 Then it was time for pajamas.  The kiddos love picking out what they'll wear to bed.  TT opted for her Egyptian galabaya, and Nur wanted his bears.  These are the two favorite selections at the moment. 

 Then it was time for our Saturday evening movie.  Today the kiddos selected The Jungle Book!  We watched the movie, the kids loved, it, then it was time to brush teeth, and at promptly 8pm, it was night night time. 

Might not feel like an exhausting day, yet here I am, at 8:15pm, and I'm exhausted!!!  Looking forward to sharing a bottle of wine with my husband, and watching our favorite show at the moment called, "The Killing."

And here is a day in the life. 

Life With My Babes

I recently found an old phone I used to use when Nur and TT were younger.  I activated the phone again, and had forgotten all the videos and pictures I had of my kiddos.  I sat for what felt like hours looking at the old photos, and watching the videos, and having a hard time remembering Nur and TT being that little!  My first thought was, "How did we survive those difficult days?"  But we did, and we are now living in an easier time in so many ways.  Sure, we still have difficult moments, afterall, I'm raising two 2 year olds.  But mostly, life has found a peace and a calm. 

With September came the start of the new school year for the kids.  We used to go on Saturday mornings, but now have opted for Thursday evenings.  Last week was the first week, so the kids were a little unsure, but they did pretty well.  T had soccer last Thursday, so I was on my own.  But, he injured his knee, so will join us tonight.  Thankful he'll be with us, not for his knee injury however.  The kids did pretty well with separating.  They both cried a little, but the teachers were right there with them.  When I came into their room when it was time to go, they were both playing really well.  TT then noticed I was there, and she just started sobbing.  She was trying to be so brave and not cry, but she was a little scared and missed me.  I told her that she didn't need to be scared, cause I would always come back.  Now for a week, TT has been telling me, "TT go to school.  No crying at school.  Mama come back."  I'm constantly amazed at what these kids comprehend. 

Me being the big joiner that I am, decided to sign Nur and TT up for Sunday School at our local church.  Then I started worrying about their attachment issues, so I decided I could make this easier by volunteering to be a Sunday School teacher!  So, I start that this Sunday.  I went to my training last night, and I think it will be good for the kids.  They will be in a room with about 20 other 2 year olds, and I'm hoping it will be an opportunity to meet people and make lifelong relationships.  The church is so much different than the church I was raised in.  We are expecting 500 kids at Sunday School on opening day.  I don't think my hometown had 500 members. . . or even close to 500 members. 

Life continues to move along.  Nur amazes me daily with his vocabulary, and his caring nature.  He is all about please and thank you, and giving hugs.  He is also about independent play, and continues to love playing with his cars and trucks.  He is such a happy child.  The other night, T and I put him down for bed, and we could hear him giggling through the monitor.  He was just laying in his crib, and kept breaking out in giggles.  It was precious.

TT also amazes me.  She can be very sweet, and she is very determined to learn everything possible, and can often be found going through her closet and trying to put her shoes on all by herself.  She'll then show me the finished product, and is so proud of herself and her accomplishment.  She has become an excellent eater, and can often be found eating veggies with T.  She is a sensitive soul, and I try to always remember that.  She flatters me daily by copying everything I do, and she'll tell me, "Just like mama."  There is no greater flattery in this world than having my daughter want to be like me. 

Life is moving along, and my kids are continuing to grow into real people, and everyday I'm amazed by the transformation that I see in them. 

So I'll Never Forget

These are the crazy things my 2 year olds are saying these days.  Let me tell you. . . 2 has it's challenges, but watching my children grow into kids that can communicate, and watching them become little people is the most amazing thing I've ever experienced.

TT - Me do it big self!  (Translation - I'll do it myself because I'm a big girl)

Nur - My do it!!!  (Translation - I'll do it myself because I am clearly a big boy)

Nur - TT timeout! (Translation - Mama, I know you didn't see what just happened, but TT just hit me over the head and deserves punishment)

TT - Baba at work.  Making monies.  (Translation - Baba isn't home right now, and not home always means at work)

TT - Jungle Book?  Lion King?  Caillou?  Juice?  (First words out of her mouth most mornings)

Nur - Sleep good mama.  Num nums.  Peanut butter toast. (First words of his mouth most mornings)

Nur and TT - Choo choo trains.  Grandma!  tracks.  No scared choo choos! (Translation - I saw a train with grandma and the train was on railroad tracks, and Grandma said we didn't need to be scared)

TT - Mama girl.  TT Girl.  Nur boy.  Baba boy! (Translation - Mama and TT are girls, and Nur and Baba are boys)

Nur - Baba silly!  (No translation needed, right?)

TT - TT Scared  (Hmm. . . not sure what she's scared of)

TT - Me no like night night.  (Translation - I'd rather stay up and watch TV all night with mama)

Just a few of the adorable things that come out of their mouths on a daily basis. 

When Reality Hits Like a Ton of Bricks

Every night before bedtime, T and I let the kids watch a show.  Monday night, the kids selected Lion King.  We were sitting on the couch, the kids watching the movie, and me watching the kids.  I love to see the pure pleasure on their faces.  A movie they have now seen 50 times, still brings them joy every time.  I sat and stared at TT, her nuki half way hanging out of her mouth and she had a permanent grin on her face.  Then I looked at Nur, sitting erect, with his hands crossed in his lap, and so much hope on his face.  He must have felt my stare, because he turned to me, and with the biggest grin, said, "Hi Mama.  Nur watch Lion King!"  I smiled back, and when he turned to watch the movie, I just lost it. 

The tears started pouring down my cheeks.  I'm sure all adoptive parents have similar moments.  Those moments where you second guess how you're doing raising a child who isn't genetically linked to you.  Moments where you think of your child's birthparents, and what they are doing at that exact moment.  Wondering how often they think of the son you share with them.  Wondering if they think you are doing a good enough job bringing him up. 

The enormity of adoption sometimes smacks me in the face, when I least expect it to.  Most days I live my life like any other mama to two young children.  I try to keep my kids safe, happy, fed, well rested, entertained, and mostly, LOVED.  My family doesn't look odd or unique to me. . . it's my family, and it's all I've ever known since becoming a mama.  Nur is my 2 and a half year old son.  TT is my 2 year old daughter.  I know them both better than anyone knows them.  My love runs deep.

But then there are days when the emotion of the past 2 years catch up with me.  I panic.  I think about going half way across the world to bring my son home.  I think about that 3 month old TT who was left without her mama for 8 days.  I think of Nur, who must have been so scared.  His circumstances devastating, moving from one orphanage to another, before meeting me and being brought on a plane to a foreign place, with odd looking people, who spoke a different language.  I panic that I'm not doing enough for him.  I panic that I'm not being enough for him.  I'm scared that before my very eyes, he is losing his culture completely.  I panic that the African Americans in my community will never accept Nur.  I see how they look at him, and then at me, and try to process it all.  I thank God that he is still too young to put certain pieces together.  Perhaps that will afford me some time to put some pieces together first, so I can better articulate these pieces to him.

A few days ago, I brought my kids over to my sister's house to play with her kids.  We were all playing outside, when an 8 year old African American girl rode her bike up to us, got off her bike, pointed at Nur, and said, "Whose black baby is that?"  My sister and I fumbled with our response to this inquisitive girl.  I explained to her that I am his mama.  "Well, where does he live?"  I explained that he lives with me, just like she lives with her mama.  She didn't get it.  "Well your husband must be black?"  I explained that no, he wasn't.  That Nur is from a country in Africa.  Ethiopia.  Adopted.  For life. "Well where are his parents?"  I explained that I'm his mama, and that Nur's baba was still at work.  She got in Nur's face and wanted him to hug and kiss her.  She couldn't understand his rejection. . . afterall, they are the same race.  I pray that someday I'll have the ease of explanation.  Because right now. . . I don't explain it well at all, not to an 8 year old, and not to grown adults. 

Adoption will be part of my family's story for the rest of all of our lives.  I'm not sure the enormity of it will ever go away.