My Modern Family

Have you ever seen Modern Family? I have only seen a couple of episodes (I must admit my TV watching days are over) but I love the concept. The look of families in America are changing. And it's a great thing. We are becoming a more diverse nation, our families now have many cultures within it. I love my modern family. It's a family I never would have envisioned, but it's mine, and it's beautiful.

My equal partner in life. . . T. He is a first generation American. His parents moved here a few years before T was born from Egypt. He grew up speaking Arabic in his home, and taking frequent trips to Egypt to visit his relatives. He grew up on Egyptian food. I didn't know what kind of Baba T would be to our children, but he's wonderful and hand's on.

He adores Nur and TT, and it makes me adore him even more.

He sings to our children in Arabic. . . songs his mama sang to him. He exposes them to all of the delicious Egyptian cooking he grew up with. Through T's family, our children are exposed to the religion of his family, Islam.

The pride I see in T's eyes every time he looks at our children is amazing. He has brought so much love, culture and richness to our family, and he is so loved. The way Nur and TT look at him melts my heart. I can tell they are as in love with him as he is with them.
And then there is Nur my firstborn, yet my second child. Confusing, I know, and something I will no doubt be explaining my entire life. :)

I have always wanted a son, and I couldn't have asked for a better one. Everyday, Nurs personality shines through more and more. I'm quickly discovering that Nur has a great sense of humor, and I have a feeling he will be quite the jokester.

He draws people in, everywhere we go. Yesterday at the grocery store, a group of black women had to stop us to get a better look at what they called our chocolate son. They couldn't get over his beauty. His eyes. His deep, dark, and beautiful skin. They finally left us by exclaiming, "God is good!" I agree.

And Nur is so darn smart, I can literally see his mind spinning when I speak to him. He has learned so much in the little time he has been home. He can now clap his hands. He can now feed himself little bites of food. Sometimes he misses his mouth, but it's still a huge improvement! And when he goes to bed, he no longer cries. He just passes out. . . tired from the busy days we have in our life.

He is our African prince. A beautiful Ethiopian boy that although I do not deserve, I am able to call him my son.

Everyday, I think of Nur's birthmom. I hope she always knows how loved her son is. I hope she knows we are doing the best we can to love and nurture the baby she gave birth to. I hope she thinks I'm doing good enough.

And then there is TT. I've never known a sweeter baby. Although she is only 4 months old, she is already kind and loving. We affectionately call TT our Caramel baby. She has beautiful skin. A mixture of my paleness and T's tanness. :)

She also has quite the sense of humor on her. In fact, we were at the hospital over the weekend visiting someone, and everytime a doctor would walk by in a lab coat, she would burst out laughing, like it was the funniest thing she had ever seen. She laughs constantly. She can be in pain (she was experiencing tummy issues last week) but then laugh a moment later. She has a wonderful demeanor about her.

She also likes to laugh at her brother, and so far, has shown no jealousy when Nur is getting attention. In fact, I can be sitting there tickling Nur, and TT will be laughing at me tickling her brother.

TT is our half Egyptian, half everything else beauty. She is smart, and kind, and right now, goes by the nickname Sharky because of her desire to put anything and everything in her mouth. And watch out if your fingers ever graze her face. She will grab them and try to stick those in her mouth as well. And she's quick, so beware!

TT is a wonderful gift from God. She is our princess, and we love her so much. I am so lucky to call this beautiful person my daughter.

And then there is me. A small town girl, enjoying city life with my blended and modern family. Where T is the fun Baba, I am the nurturing Mama. I'm the one who loves cuddling with my children and giving them kisses. I love to sing to them all day long, and enjoying singing all the songs that my Mom sang to me. I also like having dialogue with Nur and TT, even though they probably have no idea what I'm saying. When I'm feeding Nur and holding TT, I do my daily prayers with the kiddos. "Please pray for my Dad and brother, and all the people who are deer hunting, that they may be safe." "Please pray for K who has a very important surgery today." "Please pray for Nana and Gidu, Grandpa and Grandma." I love bringing my Christian upbringing to the table. I love teaching my children peace and tolerance. Everyday I try to nurture their little personalities. I try to nurture their culture. I talk to Nur about his homeland. I talk to TT about her background. I talk about how my life was growing up. I talk about the trips to the cabin "up north" that I can't wait to take with them.

I love my family, and I wouldn't change a thing. I love the diversity we all bring to the table. I love that we represent Ethiopia, Egypt, Norway, Sweden, England, Ireland, and Germany. I love that we are the American dream. I love that the 4 of us all are unique, but we share one very important thing. . . our love for each other.

A Lovely Encounter

The other day, when I had to bring Khalil to the doctor's office to have a chest x-ray taken, a man approached me as I was checking Khalil in.

"Is your son Ethiopian?" The man asked with excitement.

I told him that my son was in fact Ethiopian, and the man went on to tell me that he is Ethiopian too. We weren't at an international clinic or anything, so it was quite exciting to find another Ethiopian. Ever since falling in love with adoption, I also fell in love with all things Ethiopia. It turns out this man is from the VERY same region that Nur is from. Amazing!

The man then started speaking Amharic, Nur's first language to him. Nur's eyes got really large. It was the cutest thing ever. The man said something in Amharic to Nur, and then Nur started giving the man high-five.

The man looked at me and with pure joy said, "I just told him to give me high-five!"

It was a wonderful encounter, and as we get more settled, I look forward to other opportunities to aquaint ourselves with more of Ethiopia right here in our city.

And speaking of the chest x-ray, I think I mentioned it was all clear. And what that tells us, is that Nurdoes NOT have TB. Wonderful news. However, his doctor called me a couple days later, and although Nur doesn't have TB, his doctor is still concerned that his blood test was positive for exposure, and wants to treat him anyway.

Of course I agree. Treating him means that he will hopefully never get TB, which is a very serious disease. But the treatment. Antibiotics for 9 MONTHS. Yes, you read that correctly, 9 MONTHS. And because of his extended stay on antibiotics, he will need to get his liver checked monthly.

I would do anything for that son of mine, and hopefully he tolerates the meds very well.

A New Chapter

I'm back at work today. :(

I decided a while ago that I would return on a Friday. I figured that would be easier for me. I have the next 8 hours to get through, but them I get to go home and see the kiddos and enjoy a weekend with them before thinking about next week.

My two maternity leaves are finally over, and it feels so weird, and a bit sad. When I found out I was pregnant with TT, I realized, holy crap! I'll be taking two leaves! My company only allows 12 weeks a year for babies, so I had to split the leaves between my two children. Not ideal at all.

TT was very sweet to her mama, and knew that I was extremely sleep deprived and not looking forward to returning to work, so she decided to sleep from 7pm last night until 5:30am this morning. That's my girl! And I was glad she woke up, because it gave me a chance to feed her, sing to her, and tell her all about our day. I love these moments with my children.

And Nur is always sweet to his mama when it comes to sleep. Nur is my sleeping in boy, so he was still sound asleep when I left for work in the dark. I'm so sad sitting here at work thinking about Nur getting up and me not being there. His baba will still be there, and he'll have the nanny to play with all day, but it still breaks my heart. Can you say a total NO NO in terms of attachment? Believe me when I say I didn't have a choice in the matter. I need to work outside of the home at this point in our lives. All I can hope for is that someday we find a way for me to stay home. I truly enjoyed every moment, even the HARD ones being at home with my babies.

The maternity leaves are officially over. I'm officially a full-time employee with no more extended absenses scheduled. I'm just one of the millions of mamas out there trying to bring in money for the family, raise two healthy and happy children, and trying to find time to be a wife as well. And not to mention keeping the house somewhat presentable. I don't know how people do it, but I guess I will find out.

Here is TT and I this morning before I left for work.

The Hard and the Oh So Worth it Moments

Everyday poses challenges for me. Here are some of the biggest challenges I've come across thus far.

Bedtime! Oh my gosh! It's awful! It's hard!!! You see, nighttimes are the only time that T and I get to spend an ounce of time together. And well, we are really craving time together right now. So, we try to put the babies down together. I hold and feed one, T holds and feeds the other. Well, either Nur or TT always protests. And one of their protesting, means the other one is up. Obviously, we should put them together separately, but we miss each other! And right now, Nur is definitely the better sleeper. TT passed out around 8 last night, but then was up at 9, needing to be fed again, held, and soothed back to sleep. No biggie, except she didn't get back to sleep until 11:30. This mama is tired!

Feedings. Nur and TT are on very different feeding schedules, mostly due to the fact that Nur eats baby food while TT is just on formula. When I feed Nur, TT sits with me and just watches and plays. But when it's TT's turn to get fed, Nur freaks out! Even though he just ate and has a full tummy. He just can't comprehend that someone is getting food and he's not. I get his frustration. I mean, I'm sure babies weren't fed in front of other babies at the orphanage. I'm guessing they were all fed at the same time. But here's the thing. I can't leave Nur in a room without me, so he needs to sit by me while I feed Nur.

Holding and giving TT attention. This is really hard right now. Nur is at an age where he seems to feel jealousy. When TT gets held or gets attention, Nur freaks out a bit. He will wimper and hold his arms out to me. I try to oblige, but well, she's not even 4 months old yet, and she also has high needs right now. And when they both cry at the same time, I try to soothe them both, but I always feel like I'm making a choice.

Anxiety Issues. Nur still has a lot of anxieties. A lot are surrounding feedings. Others are that I always must be near, and touching him. We are still working on trust and will be for a while.

But the OH SO WORTH IT MOMENTS far outway the hard moments. Nur and TT are really starting to interract. It's wonderful. Nur is making SO many improvements daily! When he first got home, he wouldn't bear any wait on his legs. None! Now he will stand up with support. He's getting so strong! Also, I've been trying to teach him how to clap, and today he clapped. I was one proud mama! :)

And here is a glimpse into our lunch time. I put TT in her bumbo and set it on the table and she plays with her FAVORITE toy Sophie. (Thanks M and A for that gift! Brilliant) She sits there and smiles, laughs and plays, while I sing silly songs. And here is Nur eating. Today's menus was turkey and gravy. Yum Yum!

What's In a Birthday?

When we received Nur's referral back in May, he was originally given the birthday of December 3rd. But then when Nur was looked at at the orphanage, the pediatrician on staff didn't agree with the December 3rd birthday, and said that he was most likely born in January, so he was given the birthday of January 3rd. Every piece of information we received from that point on, listed his age based on a January 3rd birthday.

Well. . . wasn't I surprised when I received Nur's birth certificate while in Ethiopia and it said December 3rd. I'm not sure why, but I felt crushed. One, because I don't believe it. There is no way that Nur is almost 11 months old. No way. And two. . . I felt like I immediately lost another month of his life, which didn't seem fair.

Upon returning to the US, T and I took Nur to an international adoption clinic in Minneapolis. I told the pediatrician about the mixup, and she agrees with a January birthday. She explained that obviously Nur is small due to his circumstances, but she in no way believes he was born in December, and thinks January is much more accurate.

So, we contacted our adoption agency to ask what changing his birthday will entail. Well, it entails A LOT. We'd have to contact a lawyer, fill out a ton of paperwork, and pay more money. We'd have to get letters from doctors supporting the claim of a January birthday, which our local pediatrician already said she'd write, but still, it involves a lot of paperwork to make it possible.

We aren't exactly sure what to do. We don't want the December 3rd date to come and go before figuring this out, because that may be the date we are stuck with. We really feel more comfortable with the January date, but don't know if we have the resources to legally get it changed. I just keep thinking if we keep the December date. I've always looked forward to celebrating my child's 1st birthday by letting him indulge in cake. Well. . . because he won't truly be a year yet, there will be no cake for him.

I don't know why this is bothering me. I don't want to indulge too much of Nur's story, but I will say that we will never know what day he was truly born. All we know is that he showed up at the first orphanage February 1st.

T and I don't know what we are going to do, but I do want to get it figured out quickly so if we decide to just suck it up and keep December 3rd, that we will be ready to have a huge celebration at that time.

Learning Nur

Starting with a 10-11 month baby is very different than starting with a newborn. He already has a developed personality. A personality that I have no doubt is some nature, and a lot of nurture. He's a real person. Not that newborns aren't, but I remember after TT was born, she didn't really develop a personality until she was about 6-8 weeks old. Nur . . He came to me with a personality, and everyday, I am getting to know him better and better.

Some interesting things I've learned about Khalil:

1. He hates being alone, even for a split second.

2. He is a total cuddler, and is content as can be as long as he's being held.

3. He LOVES to eat. He sucks down 8oz of formula in less than 5 minutes and loves his baby food. His favorite kind seems to be sweet potatoes at the moment. He's never seen food he doesn't like.

4. Going with the food theme, he always cries when the food is done, or if we don't feed him quickly enough. He would eat until he threw up, but of course we don't allow that. So after we feed him, he'll scream, but we pick him up and then he's over it.

5. He loves to look out our big bay window and watch the vehicles go by. He looks so excited everytime a car passes.

6. He has a great sense of humor, and loves getting a reaction out of people. He coughed the other day, and I said, "Oh my!" Then he continued to fake cough for about 5 minutes because he loved doing something that gave a reaction.

7. He doesn't seem to like sharing attention. When I hold TT, he holds his arms out to me and cries. When it's her turn to get a bottle, he feels jipped that he's not getting one, even though he just downed a huge bottle. (I think this is orphanage mentality where everyone is on the same schedule for everything)

8. He loves playing with T. They are great buddies.

9. He hates getting his diaper changed. I don't know if it's the actual diaper changing, but he hates being on the changing table, and almost always cries. I haven't figured out why yet.

10. He is a thinker and observer. He loves just studying a situation.

11. When Nur is scared or unsure about something, he puckers up his lips.

12. He loves giving high five. Whether it's to my hand or my head.

13. He has the softest skin ever. It's incredibly soft!

14. He loves shaking a rattle, and does it very methodically.

15. He loves emblems on shirts, and will put his face right up to a shirt to study it further.

Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This

Have you ever had a day as a parent where things just felt right? You were really clicking with your children, you felt optimistic about the fact that you were being a good Mom, and you actually had the thought that you could pull this off?

I've had those days, but yesterday was not one of them.

Nur was a bit on the needy side yesterday. He has every right to be needy, and I try to meet all of his needs, be there for him for comfort and love. But yesterday, nothing I did was enough. Oh wait, something was enough. He demanded to be held. . . constantly. If he was my only child, I could hold him constantly. But he's not.

I was only alone with my two kids for about an hour yesterday from the time the nanny left from the time T got home from work. When I'm alone with the kids, I try to engage both of them. I put music on, lay a blanket on the floor, and get the toys out. I sing songs to my kids. Usually they like it. Well, it wasn't good enough for Nur to be able to see me. He had to be held by me. Then I had to put him down for a second because I wanted to snap a picture of him in his adorable outfit. He cried bloody murder. You would have thought I was torturing him. Then I would lift him up, and get the biggest smile in the world. Then I would set him down thinking he was okay now, and again, he would cry bloody murder.

Then there was bedtime. Nur was exhausted. You could see it in his eyes. I gave him a bottle and rocked him to sleep and sang goodnight songs. He was passed out. I put him in his crib. He lasted 2 minutes. Then he screamed until T and I went and got him and put him in bed with us. I fell asleep with Nur kicking me in the back, feeling guilty that TT got about 2 minutes of my time the entire day. I know that she had 3 months with me alone. But to go from a lot of time with mama to no time at all, she's starting to wonder what is going on.

TT then got up at 1am. I fed her, and she was clearly in pain. Constipation no doubt. She went from soley breast milk to solely formula. The stress of Ethiopia, and not having time to keep up with my milk supply caused it to go away. . . completely. I took a look at things down there, and let's just say she has a lot of compacted poop. I just went to the pharmacy, and as soon as TT wakes up from her nap, I will be inserting a suppository up there. Poor thing. So, TT never went back to bed, so we just hung out until about 3am, when I hear Nur crying. I go into the bedroom, and T is stripping the sheets because Nur peed through them. I threw the sheets in the washer, and put a new set on, and laid a towel down which is now what Nur will sleep on. He and T then went back to bed. But TT was still in pain, crying, and bearing down. I finally stuck my finger up there which was able to provide a little support. I must say I've never done THAT before. I then bathed her and held her, which she needed.

So yeah, I'm not going to lie. . . I'm feeling a little defeated right now. I want to find a way to give Nur comfort and support. But I want him to be able to sit and play with me in view, without needing to be held. I want to find a way to have special time with TT as well. I'm feeling so guilty about how little attention she is getting. I want Nur to trust me, and I know that will take time.

Yesterday, I lost my patience and was frustrated. I was feeling like a failure, I was feeling like there wasn't enough of me to make both of my children happy. I was annoyed by Nur's neediness, and then I was feeling extremely guilty for even feeling annoyed. I mean, he's had a rough life. Geez. . . I need more patience than I displayed yesterday. I need a constant reminder that things will get better and that he has every right to be insecure. Every damn right in the world.

Yesterday was not a good Mom day.