Forever Yours

My dear TT,

I wanted to write this letter because before I know it, you're going to be a teenage girl.  And one thing I remember about being a teenage girl, is that most don't think their moms are very cool.  In fact, most try to distance themselves from their moms as much as possible.  I always thought my mom was cool.  I hope you'll always feel that way about me.

I am yours TT.  Through and through.  I am your security.  Your cuddler, your abundance of love and hope.  You are never more than a few feet from me anytime we are home.  You follow me to my bedroom and "help" me get undressed.  You follow me into the bathroom.  When I cook, you want to be right there helping me.  The other day, as my eyes were closed in the shower, rinsing out my hair, I looked down, and there you were standing in the shower with me, bare-naked, and ready to get your hair washed as well.  You come with me to the store, to take the garbage out, and you would come to work with me if I let you. 

You think the world of me.  Everytime I get you dressed or do your hair, you want it to look just like mama's.  Everytime someone offers to do something for you, you prefer that I help you instead.  When I clean, you want your own towel to help me dust and scrub the floors.  Everyone tells you all day long that you look just like your baba.  And you do look just like your baba, yet you are my clone in so many ways. 

Often times, you'll come up to me and kiss me, and wrap your little arms around my neck, and give me a tight squeeze, and say, "I love you mama."  And in that moment, I know I'm doing something right.  I can feel the love you have for me radiate your entire being, and just for a moment, I feel like everything is right in the world.

I love you at this age. I love that I am so fully yours.  And I hope you realize that that never needs to change.  Everyday, I am forging a healthy relationship with you, and when you are older, I just know you are going to be a bright light in everyone's world.  And instead of your teenage self being embarrassed about your entirely too hands-on mom, you will look at me and know that I'm always on your side. That from day one, I have wanted nothing more than your happiness and fulfillment in life.  Your dreams are my dreams, and I want nothing more for you than to dream big, and always know that you can do anything you want in this life.  I also want you to know that you come from a strong line of females, and that we are all, always on your side.  No matter how difficult life gets, and no matter how alone you will feel at times, I want you to know that you have a mom who loves you more than life, and prays for you every minute of every day.

You are mine, and I am yours. 

Looking Back

This time of year, I often become nostalgic about my journey to Nur.  I think of the rollercoaster of adoption, I think about the highs and lows of the process, the fear, anticipation, and just down right excitement to have my family together. 

Two years ago, I was fortunate enough to have a lot of people comment on my blog, and to give heartfelt opinions about some serious choices I was contemplating.  Last night as Nur and TT, T, and I, sat and watched Tangled before their bedtime, I flipped open my laptop and read some old posts. 

I remember this period of time like it was yesterday.  I had just given birth and was dealing with some major baby blues.  The day TT came home from the hospital, we received news about our court date in Ethiopia.  T was for sure going on the first trip alone, and we were contemplating who would go on the second trip. I wrote about my original plans here, and ultimately, a decision was made by this post.  My favorite part of going back and reading these posts were not the words I wrote, but of all the genuine comments and opinions received.  I've read those comments many times in the past few years. 

I've always tried to live life without regret.  I do believe that everything in life is a learning opportunity, and I believe that the circumstances we face in life are best dealt with a positive attitude and understanding that things will play out the way they are supposed to.

Two years ago, I was a new mom.  I didn't know what I was doing half the time.  All I knew is that I wanted baby TT with a parent at all times, and that meant T and I would split our trips.  It seemed like the most obvious solution at the time.  I couldn't see past it.

The other night, I was watching "What To Expect When You're Expecting."  Anyone who has seen that movie, knows that there is an Ethiopian adoption story in it.  It was a good enough movie, but the scene towards the end where Jennifer Lopez and her husband are about to meet their Ethiopia son, and she says, "Are you ready to meet your son," I about lost it.  You see, I do live life with some regrets.  And one of those regrets is that T and I didn't go to Ethiopia to bring our son home together.  The truth is, is that TT would have been just fine spending a week at the grandparent's house.  Or perhaps, although it would have been difficult, TT could have come with us to Ethiopia.  As silly as this may sound to people, I constantly mourn the fact that T and I were separated when I met my son for the first time.  When TT entered the world, we were side by side.  It should have been that way with Nur. 

I still have people reach out to me via my blog who are in a similar situation as me.  Have a young biological child, getting ready to go to Ethiopia to meet their new son or daughter, and they are asking my opinion about what to do.  I always say, keep your family together if you can! Bring your biological baby as long as it's safe, and as long as you realize the extra work that will entail. Go experience this with your husband.

I wish I would have.  And ultimately, at the end of the day, we are all together, and that is what matters.  But in all honesty, I would do things differently today if I could. 

Two Years Later

Two years ago, I was in Ethiopia meeting my son for the first time.  Everyday, my Mom and I would walk to a local mall to get on the internet to update our family and friends back home.  I still have those emails my mom wrote two years ago.

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Oct 10, 2010

This place is amazing - we woke up to the prayer call near our hotel this morning.  Toured the countryside all day - that was an experience.  We went inside a hut where 6 children live - one bed, a stove, dirt and dung floor - thatch roof - and get this the animals sleep inside with them.  Their parents were gone working so they let us in.  They take the manure every morning and spread it up the walls to keep the bugs out.  Wow. Last night when we got here they had dinner waiting for us - lasagna and soup - it was 10 pm and we could hear dogs barking, a cool breeze and we had been awake 24 hours - we were exhausted.  The weather is pleasant - we are very tired.  The other families are all from AZ - nice people. Leah cries once a day for TT. Tomorrow is the big day - we will let you know.

 

Love you all.

Su/mom

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Oct 11, 2010

We are having a wonderful time here.  It is Tuesday - 2:00 p.m. - 8 hours ahead of MN.  Leah misses her TT and T terrribly and I only wish we could pull them out of my suitcase.  Nur is an amazing child.  He sat up for Leah yesterday and wimpered when she set him down.  He loves to be held and watch what is happening around him.  He is darling and very cute - all the staff at the orphanage loves Nur (his Ethiopia name) and say he is a happy child .  He is of course a little overwhelmed with Leah and I and will take time to acclimate.

 

Our time here is spent drinvinng from one place to another. 

Addis is very poor and traffic is terrible - lots of diesel fule in the air.  We are staying at a hotel near the airport and it is nice - marble floors, high ceilings great food and the staff is wonderful.  We spent our first day here touring the countryside as we could not go to the orphanage on that day.  The poverty is amazing - people live in huts with dirt floors, the animals sleep indoors at night so the hyenia do not eat them, the children all sleep in one bed that consists of a hard pile of dung and dirt covered iwth blankets and their clorthes that they wear.  They are barefoot and smile all the time.  One of the couples on our trip brought ink pens and the children loved them.  Education is very valued here and there are schools int he countryside - if a child does well in school they may have an opportunity to go to university.  We handed out pens and quickly were mobbed by all around us.  Monday we went to the orphanage and met our wonderful grandson/son Nur and he was kind enough to let us hold him and Leah gave him one of her famous masages and he fell asleep.

 

One of the families with us brought dresses from a church group that are made out of old pillow cases.  These were to be given away.  We went with our Ethiopian tour guide and driver to go to churches and give away these dresses - well guess what the poor went crazy and actually hit us and got angry.  They have all the clothes they need and do not want to drag around more 'stuff' what they need is food.  We got out of there fast and our guide said she would never do that again. 

 

We went to an Ethipian restaurant last night and had a wonderful meal and listened to good music and saw a great stag show of dancing and singing. 

 

Today we met with the lawyer who is helping to arrange all the paper work and visas that are needed to leave the country.  We will go to the US embassy on Thursday and get Nur's passport.  We then drove out to the orphamage for older cildren 2-7, special needs and HIV positive children.  There were 189 and they all smiled.  I spent a lot of time touching the children especially the special needs children - I kissed them all sang them a song and stroked their faces - they all smiled.  We gave the orphanage all the dresses we had left, pens and one guy brough Keen shoes for the children.  This was a wonderful experience and it is good to know that there are people who take such good care of these needy children.

 

I love Ethiopia and hope that someday I can take my grandchildren on a trip here.  The dollar is strong here and I am constantly reminded of how much I have been blessed.

Love you all,

We are on our way to see Nur and tomorrow we take physical custody!!

 

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Oct 13, 2010

Good morning - today we pick up Nur!  3:30 p.m. This is a great day.  I think Leah and T are trying to decide between K or Nur as a first name - they can change it once back in US.  The way I hear the people at the orphanage talk about Nur makes me realize how much they love him and how much his name (light) fits him.  He is soooooo cute and has such a sweet personality.  We laugh about how his cousin will chase him and want him to play - he should be ready by the time he gets home.

  

Here are my key words for stories I need to tell when I get home - hut (sleep with animals), cannot give away clothes, passing on the road (cars can pass anytime from anyside), a big fat rat, happy children in orphanage, monkey loose in the neighborhood, fighting dogs that need to die, vodka on the roof, missing home.

 

Leah has been amazing on this trip - all my children are amazing but what she has gone through is tough, missing TT and T, meeting Nur, pumping, no sleep, constant decisions to make and just really wanting to be home to have her family together.  As grandpa Bob would say - Bravo Leah!

 

Love you ALL & miss you terribly

mom

 

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I tried to journal as much as possible while in Ethiopia, but I didn't do as well as I would have liked, so I treasure these email updates my mom wrote while there.  It brings me back in an instant.  I can't believe it's been two years.  I can't remember what life was like before the light of Nur entered my life.  So much life has happened in the past 2 years. 

 

Feeling very grateful that this human being has accepted me in his life so willingly and openly.  I love my little man. 

 

 

Cousins

Cousins are those childhood playmates who grow up to be forever friends.

I feel so fortunate that Nur and TT have such wonderful cousins in their lives.  There is something about cousins.  They share a bond of being from the same family, of knowing all the idiosyncrasies of a family.  They have the joy of sharing the same grandparents and getting to enjoy many holidays together.  They are in each other's lives from day 1, and it's an incredible bond that is hard to break. 

My kids have wonderful cousins in their lives.

First we have the big girl cousins from T's side of the family.  I also had the big girl cousins growing up.  These girls are so incredibly special.  TT went through a stage where she looked just like the oldest girl, and now she is going through a stage where she looks like the youngest girl.  These 3 have strong Egyptian features coming out in them.  Nur and TT look up to them so much.  They love going and watching them play soccer, and they watch their every move and then try to imitate it.  They get so excited when these big girls take an interest in them.  When they showed up at TT's birthday party this summer, she screamed with delight, and then ran to the door to embrace them.  We love those cousins!

And then there are my sister's children.  Her oldest is only 2 weeks older than Nur, and 7 months older than TT.  Her youngest is just 14 months younger than TT.  These four are going to be partners in action.

TT and her cousin C are inseparable.  They love each other (and fight with each other) like they are sisters instead of cousins.  When we aren't with them, my kiddos are asking for them.  When we do see them, C and TT drop everything they are doing and run to each other and embrace.  And baby J, who is now 1 and not such a baby anymore.  Nur's only male cousin, and I know they are going to love being life long friends together. 

I feel very very blessed that my kiddos have these 4 cousins to grow up with, to learn from, to teach, to play with and laugh with.  Cousins. . . what an amazing gift.



The Things They Do and Say

Nur.  "Mama. I'm the king of the jungle.  RARRRRRRRRRRR."

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TT. "We go to church school today Mama? Play with Charlotte?" 
Me. "Yes, church school today."
Nur.  "No crying at church school.  Share toys. Be nice."

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So, have you ever heard parents say that their child basically potty trained themselves?  You smile politely, all the while trying to keep your eyes from rolling back into your head?  Well, we started potty training TT two weeks ago.  In 2 weeks, she's only had a couple accidents.  She refuses to wear pull-ups, so we went and bought her big girl underpants.  She goes into the bathroom and takes care of business all by herself.  I've even put her in undies when going to school, and she has stayed dry, and asked to use the bathroom.  And the biggest success. . . we were on a 15 minute car ride the other night, and halfway through it she told T and I that she needed to go.  She held it until we got to our destination.  Now if someone could give me tips on how to get her poop trained and nighttime trained, we'll be 100% trained.

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The other night, I was holding TT, and I told her I loved her.
TT.  "I love you more mama." 
Completely melted my heart.  And granted. . . she probably said this because she heard it in Tangled, but whatever, I'll take it!

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At the playground last night, I told Nur it was time to go.
Nur.  "5 more minutes Mama?"
Well, I couldn't argue with his stellar negotiation skills.

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Nur. "Mama. I born Ethiopia."

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At T's Muslim parent's house last night, TT goes up to her Gidu (grandfather) and starts singing, "Jesus Loves me. . ."  I laughed so hard.  I'm going to make sure these kids are well-rounded.  At the same dinner, the call to prayer went off, and T's mom started praying.  She covered up her hair with a scarf, and TT was very interested in what she was doing.  I told TT that nana was praying.  TT put a napkin on her head and said, "I'm nana!"  We all busted out laughing. 

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We have new neighbors in the house directly behind us.  Our yards are separated by a chain link fence, but TT has since discovered that these new neighbors have a little girl living there.  TT calls the girl, "friend."  Anytime we go to play in the backyard, if TT sees this little girl, but TT and said "friend" run to the fence.  The girl doesn't talk much, but the other day, TT told her an elaborate story.
"TT go potty toilet.  Then TT get big girl underpants.  And num nums!" 
TT was SO excited to share this with her friend. :)

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2 can be a difficult age in so many ways.  The tantrums.  The bi-polar behavior.  The lack of listening.  And the list goes on.  But honestly, this is my favorite age so far.  I love watching my children become real people.  I love no longer having to guess what's on their mind because they now have the words to express themselves.  I love how many things they learn each day.  They are really developing little personalities, and I love watching them grow into the people they will be.

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The other morning, T had to bring our car to the shop to get fixed.  I told the kids that Baba was going to get the car fixed.  The next argument had me rolling.

TT.  "Baba getting car fixed."

Nur.  "No.  Baba go to work."

TT.  "No Nur!  Baba get car fixed."

Nur, screaming at this point. "No TT! Baba work"

TT, getting visibly upset "Baba get car fixed!"

Nur, starting to whine. "No TT.  Baba getting car fixed."

TT, smiling, knowing that she won another argument against her brother.

Nur, sitting there confused as to how TT got him to change his argument.

Happy Tuesday friends!

Life

Warning: This post will be all over the place cause well, life is all over the place.  My brother recently took some photos of my family, and I wanted to share a few of them.  We went to a local park with a beautiful lake, and rose gardens, and fountains.  I had beautiful fall clothes picked out for the occassion, but then we got a rare 90 degree day in the middle of September so I had to pull some summer clothes together.

 Nur and TT amaze me with their love for one another.  How different their stories would be if they didn't have each other.  This weekend my parents were in town and they took TT in a car with them while we stayed back with Nur and got ready to leave.  T, Nur and I all sat on the couch, and T said out loud, "Nur, you were almost our only child."  I was also thinking it.  How different life would be.  I am grateful for a million different reasons that I have both of these loves. 

 Nur has really grown into himself in the past few months.  He is so smart, and in the words of my youngest brother, he has never met a 2 year old as articulate as Nur.  He is so kind and loving.  He is goofy, and loves to play rough like most little boys I know.  Nur is also so verbal.  He talks constantly, in sentences, and I'm always floored at how much this boy comprehends.  The other day, I said something to him about Ethiopia and he said, "Nur born in Ethiopia."  I've told him that many times, but never realized he was comprehending that statement.  I can't wait to bring him back to Ethiopia someday.  With a stop in Egypt to visit all of our family.  Can't wait for that day. 

TT is in that bipolar stage of being two.  She is high, and then low, and it can happen in a matter of 5 seconds with no warning whatsoever.  When she is happy, she loves to cuddle, and be silly. She talks constantly and is so articulate and verbal.  She loves to dress up, and I'm getting a bit tired of all the laundry I'm doing from 5 wardrobe changes a day.  (May need to put a lock on her closet door. Ha) She's very into princesses, and looking in the mirror, and wearing pretties, and putting on her own shoes.  She is such a girl, and such a delight. 

 

She is also emotional and irrational.  (obviously traits she got from her Baba. Ha) This morning I could hear her playing in her crib.  She was playing so nicely, that before I went into to get her, I got dressed in my work clothes.  A crisp white shirt with black pin-striped pants.  I thought I looked very nice if I may say so myself.  I walked in her room and turned on the light, and she started screaming and freaking out.  "Mama!!! Take your shirt off.  No Mama! No work!!! Take pants off."  Holy moly.  Unfortunately, we have similar episodes with TT about 5 times a day.  This too shall pass.  

TT is starting to like her Baba a little bit more.  She hasn't quite realized that she can love Mama AND Baba at the same time, so she is always taking turns.  Last night after work she was all about Baba.  "No Mama.  Baba help me.  You stay with Nur."  

 Mostly though, TT is still a Mama's girl.  This girl is connected to my hip and she always tells me she wants to be just like Mama. 

 Life is. . . life.  Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing this life thing well enough.  But then I look at my kiddos.  My two, two year olds.  (One little boy who is almost 3)  They are so happy the majority of the time.  They are both so smart, and so full of love.  In these moments, I realize that T and I are doing pretty well.  Life may feel hectic, because it is hectic, but it's life, and we are living it, the best way we know how. 

Potty Training

Nur and TT are both 2, it seemed like the time was right to try!  I also want to preface this post with the fact that potty training is one of the things I have dreaded most as a parent.  I know it must be done, but it always has seemed like so much work.  But, I decided that this would be the week.

TT has been showing many signs of readiness from the age of about 16 months.  But now she is over 2 (26 months to be exact) and she is showing even more signs.  When she wets her diaper, she takes it off and asks me to change it.  She stays dry for more than a couple hours at a time.  She has the verbal skills required to communicate and really understand commands.  And she has become very interested in the whole potty concept.  Nur on the other hand shows no interest.  But. . . having kids 7 months apart, I'm always trying to get them on the same schedule. . . even though it may be rushing one of them, or at times, holding another one back. 

So last weekend, I got the entire bathroom ready for this endeavor.  I put two potty chairs out.  I put up calendars for both Nur and TT, I started a potty training jar of treats.  M&Ms and dum dum suckers) and I got stickers.  I'm still not sure how I feel about candy incentives, but I know how my kids operate and I thought it would help.  I had a lengthy conversation with the nanny about the action plan and about consistency.  I needed to make sure T and I were doing the same thing as the nanny. 

Monday, we started the potty training.  By about 9am, the nanny and I had shared many text messages and agreed that Nur just wasn't ready and wasn't interested.  I had a feeling he wasn't ready, and really, my end goal is that he is ready by fall 2013 so I can enroll him in preschool.  That gives me a year.  I know boys generally aren't ready as fast as girls, and I don't want to push him and get him discouraged.  I'll keep watching the signs of readiness, and when that happens, I'll revisit the potty with Nur.

TT was interested right away.  I quickly realized that the best way to handle potty training with TT was to keep her bare butted.  So, we would put a dress on her, with no diapers, etc.  I also quickly realized that I couldn't sit in the bathroom with her.  The girl wanted her privacy!!!  By Friday, TT was going around the house in just a shirt or dress, no diaper or pants, and anytime she wanted to go potty, she would go into the bathroom all on her own, and take care of business.  She would then show me her pee pee, throw it in the big toilet, and cheer!  She would then ask for "Num nums."  Saturday morning, TT and I went to get big girl underwear. . . which is actually pull ups.  I tried to put them on her, and she has no interest.  So, we continue to stick close to home and leave her butt bare.  And if you can believe this, she hasn't had 1 accident.  Not 1.  She is going around the house totally unprotected, yet she makes it to the bathroom every single time!!!  She is doing so much better than I expected, and the fact that she is doing so well makes me realize that she's been ready for a while. . . I just didn't put in the time or effort to make this happen. 

So, we are off to a great start!  We still haven't tackled when we leave the house.  Currently I slap a diaper on her, and if she wears a diaper, she thinks she can go pee pee in it.  We also haven't tackled night time or nap time.  Not sure how we'll do that.  She's still in a crib.  What if she has to go pee pee in the middle of the night?  Is she supposed to yell to me that she needs to go?  I guess we'll figure that one out. 

Truly, we are in no hurry, and I'm just happy with the progress.  As long as both kiddos are potty trained by fall, I'll be happy. :)