The Day You Came Home

I was reading my friend's blog yesterday and it really hit me hard.  She was talking about pieces of the puzzle she is trying to put together for her Ethiopian born son, and a sadness came over me.  Right now, we are in the middle of dealing with the terrible 2's, sleep issues, tantrums, etc, but these things are easy compared to what we will deal with in the future.  In the future, there will be a lot of questions by my son.  And I just don't have the answers.  To hardly any of them.  We know so little of his story, and it kills me. 

Every year on my birthday, my Mom emails me about the day I was born.  From what the weather was like that day, to who babysat my older sister while she and my Dad went to the hospital.  To who was working at the hospital that day.  To what was on TV.  Everything.  Sometimes the gravity of the things I won't be able to tell Nur kill me.

I know I need to refocus my energy on the things I can tell him.  It's the only way to make this situation more positive.  So, for the first time, here it goes. 

October 16th, 2010 was the day we were scheduled to leave.  There was a certain melancholy in the air that day.  I was so excited to be going home and having my entire family together for the first time, but I was sad to be leaving Ethiopia.  I was sad to be leaving the people I had met, and sad to be taking you away from all you knew. 

I was also feeling very anxious.  We had a very long trip ahead of us.  And I wanted to leave NOW.  Instead, we had a flight leaving the Addis Ababa airport at 10:30pm  We didn't even have to be at the airport until 8pm.  My longing to be home was intense. 

You woke up at your usual time of 6:30am and you had slept with me that night, cuddling in bed, with the sound of wild dogs fighting below.  Grandma Su and I got you dressed, and we headed down for breakfast, where the other American families, now our friends, were also congregating to eat breakfast together.  We had a nice meal of eggs, bread, and pourage, and then we headed back to the room to get packed.  Grandma Su and I had so much packing to do.  Somehow, in the 8 days we spent in Ethiopia, we managed to accumulate a lot of stuff. We didn't know what to do with you.  So, we put you in your crib with a couple of toys, and turned the TV on.  Only one TV station came in, and it was very blurry, but you were so content.  Everytime I would walk into the room, you would smile your million dollar smile at me.  We had only known each other for a few days at this point, but in your eyes, you seemed to recognize that I would be someone significant in your life. 

The other American families started bringing their stuff into our room. We had to be checked out by noon, but we didn't leave for the airport until 8, so we needed a place to hang out during that time.  So, we all chipped in and decided to share a room for the last few hours in Ethiopia.  We all went downstairs, and had our last Ethiopian meal.  We sat outside on the patio, and it was another beautiful, Ethiopian day.  Every day we were there, it was about 80 degrees, and sunny, with a light, gentle wind.  After lunch, we all took turns settling our bill and saying goodbye to everyone.  I brought you around to the staff so they could all say goodbye to you. 

After lunch we all congregated in the one hotel room.  It was naptime, but there were too many people around to attempt naps.  We continued to pack, ran to the local internet cafe, got all of our documents together, and played with the other babies.  As night time was upon us, I put you in warm pajamas for the long trip home.  About 10 minutes later, you pooped all over your pajamas, so I put you in another pair.  Here you are, sitting with your friends, waiting to leave for the airport.

It was finally time to leave for the airport.  It took two large vans to bring us all, mostly because we all had a lot of luggage.  You sat on my lap and we traveled in the dark towards the airport.  When we got there, there were people in the parking lot begging for money.  I know longer had any use for my birr, so I gave it all to a begger before entering the airport. 

We went through security very quickly.  We then checked in for the flight where I fought hard to get us bulkhead seating.  We secured it for our flight from Amsterdam to Minneapolis, but unfortunately, all the bulkhead seats were full from the flight from Addis Ababa to Ethiopia.  At this point, it was past 9pm, and you were so exhausted.  I don't blame you.  I was exhausted, but you were just a little baby.  We sat at the gate for what seemed like forever, and finally, it was time to board the plane. 

Once the plane was in the air, one of our new friends Chuck told us that you could sleep in the bassinet as his daughter was laying comfortably at his feet.  You were the smallest and youngest baby traveling home, and I gladly took him up on that offer.  Your mama was too tired to even think of taking pictures, but there you were, sleeping soundly in a bassinet, while I looked out the window as we flew over Alexandria Egypt.  The lights below us were so bright as we sailed above the Mediterrean and left the continent of Africa.  I dozed in and out of sleep.  It was the middle of the night, and by about 5am, there we were in Amsterdam.

The Amsterdam airport is usually so busy, but at 5am, it was fairly quiet.  We had about a 4 hour layover here, and this is where we said goodbye to the other families.  They had other flights to catch home, and we were the only family traveling to Minneapolis.  We found a family room with a crib, and we played in there for a while.  Your Grandma Su was starting to feel very sick.  I felt horrible for her.  Her ears were really hurting bad, and she did not look good.  We decided to eat at McDonald's.  Imagine us, with a ton of bags, holding a baby, and trying to carry food.  It wasn't pretty.  The layover seemed like it was taking forever.  I just wanted to be home.

It was finally time to board the plane.  This was my first time traveling with a child, and I realized all the special attention I got because of it.  We got to go to the front of the line and board the plane.  We had bulkhead seats, and you took a nap in the bassinet.  You were sleeping so soundly, but then the flight attendant made me pick you up because you had to be strapped in while we took off.  We were sitting with a young Ethiopian Mom and her young son, who screamed the entire 9 hours to Minneapolis.  You were excellent.  You sat on my lap so well, and we watched the TV screen together.  You took many naps on my chest, and everytime I had to use the bathroom I brought you with.  Your poor Grandma was fading fast.  She looked miserable and barely had a voice.  I've been on some long flights, but to this day, the flight from Amsterdam to Minneapolis on that day, felt like the longest flight ever experienced.

We landed in Minneapolis, and when I got the okay to turn my phone on, I quickly did, and was so relieved to have a working phone! One of the hardest things about being in Ethiopia was how unreliable the technology was.  Your Baba and I would often get cut off on the phone and we'd have no power for hours.  There were some days where they internet in the entire country was down.  And now, I had a working cell phone! I quickly texted your baba that we landed.

We had to go through customs, and we had to go through an aisle especially for new citizens.  You and I stood in front of the customs agent, and handed him the sealed envelope that I was instructed over and over again not to open. . . under any circumstances.  I answered a few questions for this nice man, and then he told me congratulations, and we were on our way. 

We collected all of our luggage, and walked towards the elevators.  I had been through the international entrance at this airport, many times, and I knew that as soon as we got out of the elevators, our family would be there waiting. 

The elevator doors opened, and there everyone was.  Your Baba was holding your baby sister Scarlett.  Grandpa Paul, Your Nana and Gidu, your Aunts, and Uncles, and Cousins.  We walked through the doors and your Baba quickly grabbed you out of my arms, and I grabbed your sister.  I just cried.  There was such a buildup to this very moment.  I waited so long for you Nur, and I waited so long for us all to be together.  Everyone looked at you, and hugged and kissed you, and welcomed you with open arms into our family.  It was a short gathering, as we were all so tired.  Your Baba had brought the double stroller and we put you in it.  Your first stroller ride.  I held your sister, and I remember her feeling so little compared to you.  You were afterall a grownup 10 month old. :)

We got you and your sister in the car, and I remember looking back at both of you.  Sitting so nicely in your careseats, and I was thinking, this is the first day of the rest of my life.  And it truly was.

I will love you forever Nur.