Ethiopia. . . Part II

I woke up on October 11th with great anticipation.  Today I would meet my son!!!  Everyone else in my travel group had met their children, as they traveled for the court hearing.  But this was my first trip so this would also be my first meeting.  Unfortunately, we weren't able to see our children until the afternoon, so we spent the morning going to a little market called The Post Office.  It's a great place to shop for Ethiopian treasures. 

It was finally time to head to Tokoul Orphanage! I didn't know what I expected, but what I experienced was so different.  We were in Addis Ababa, and before I knew it, we were turning on an unassuming dirt road, and before I knew it, I saw the sign for Tokoul, and the famous blue gates.  

All of the families were put in a room, and we waited for our children to be brought to us.  We waited, and then waited some more.  Okay, it was probably only about 10 minutes, but it seemed like FOREVER.  We finally all went outside as the weather was warm and beautiful.  And finally,  the children started getting carried out. . . one by one.  And I still waited.  Wouldn't you know that Nur was the last child to be brought out?

I held him and snuggled him.  I was overcome with emotion.  Let's just say I had spent many months working on all required to bring me to this very moment, and the emotions overcame me. He avoided eye contact with me, and none of the goofy faces I made could get a smile, let alone any emotion out of him.  Nope.  He clearly had no idea who I was, and wasn't real sure why I was holding him.  I know they take such good care of these children at the orphanage, but Nur just lacked spirit.  It's actually hard to look back and to think this is the same boy.  He is SO different today.  Here is the first day I met my son.

I remember thinking at first that he must be comfortable with me to be able to fall asleep on me.  (Shortly after this photo, he passed out) But the truth is, is that I think sleep was his defense mechanism.  He must have been so scared and confused this day. 

For two hours we got to visit our children, and then it was time to say goodbye.  Well, not really goodbye. . . more of I'll see you tomorrow!  I was strangely okay with leaving him too.  I wanted him to have the time he needed to adjust.  He definitely wasn't ready to go with me that day.

That evening, we went to an amazing restaurant.  They served traditional Ethiopia food, buffet style, and had dancers.  The dancers performed dances that depicted all of the different regions of Ethiopia.  It was amazing!  I couldn't take my eyes off the dancers.  The moves, the rhythm, the spirit! This white girl was jealous! ;)

We enjoyed this dinner with a group of French people who were also staying at our guesthouse, and were there for court.  It was a wonderful evening.

The next day we got to visit the orphanage again!  But not before we did some siteseeing around Addis.  You see, some people on our trip brought dresses to hand out to people, so we decided to go to a church where people congregate.  We pulled up, and there were hundreds of people.  I think all of us in the van were second guessing this decision, but we all got out of the van anyway.  We were handing out dresses, and before we knew it, we all got separated from each other and were getting mobbed.  I was trying to get back to the van, and an old, toothless man groped me, I then shoved him, and ran for cover. We all got in the van, and the people outside started shaking our van.  Our driver was finally able to get us out of that situation. Another wonderful learning moment. :)

And then it was to the orphanage.  Nur was a little more open this day, and I was even able to feed him a bottle.  On this day, he was willing to look into my eyes.  And I melted into his deep brown eyes. They are beautiful!

Our travel group. Lifelong friends I hope. :)

 Everyday, I would walk from the guesthouse to the local mall which had an internet cafe. T tried to call daily, but I also tried to hop online to get updates. Everyday, T would send me pics of TT and updates. Oh, how my heart ached to have my entire family together again. Here are some pics T sent me while I was away. (holy baldy!)

And the next day. . . October 13th, I would take Nur out of his home for the past 8 months, and into my arms forever.  Another very emotional day.

Ethiopia

I arrived home from Ethiopia on October 17th, 2010.  I believe I wrote one blog post about my trip.  One blog post that contained probably 1 or 2 pictures, and a quick overview of the experience.  It wasn't enough.  Here's the thing. . . life was harder than I expected when I returned home.  Much, much harder.  I didn't have time to get on the computer.  Heck. . . I didn't even have time to shower or eat, let alone blog.  But now I've been home for 4 months.  Each and everyday, the fog of my mind is lifting.  Each and everyday, the memories of the experience are also fading.  And that just isn't fair to K. 

So, 4 months later, I'm going to talk about the experience.

I left for Ethiopia on Friday, October 8th.  I've never woken up with so many emotions in my life.  This was the day that I would be leaving on a journey to meet my son.  This is the day I dreamed about since starting the adoption process.  TT woke up at her normal time that day, around 5am.  I fed her, and held her, and breathed in every scent possible.  I told my 3 month old baby how much I loved her, and that she may be confused by my absence for the next 8 days, but that I loved her, and that I was bringing home the missing piece to our family.  My heart literally hurt, and I kept saying to myself. . . how do I do this?  How do I leave her? A couple times that morning, I thought. . . I can't.  I just can't do it!  And then Nur would pop in my head. My beautiful baby boy. I needed to get him home, and I knew there was only one way to do that.

I also spent the morning of October 8th taking some video of TT.  I never wanted to forget her on this day.  And when naptime rolled around, I couldn't put her down, so she napped on me.  I wasn't going to put her down until I absolutely had to.

My Mom arrived to my house with my sister and my niece, and we still had a couple hours before leaving for the airport.  T and TT were going to bring me to the airport, but I think at this point everyone was concerned about my stability, and it was decided that it would be less emotional for me to just hitch a ride to the airport with my sister, mom, and niece.  And before I knew it, it was time to go.  My sister, mom, and niece went out to the car, and let me have a private moment with T and TT.  I tried to hold it together, but the tears started.  I held TT so tight and told her I loved her. I said my goodbyes to T and walked out the door.  T and TT waved as we drove away. My sister rubbed my shoulder and told me she was proud of me.  I felt torn. 

We got to the airport, and I enjoyed a couple of mind-numbing pints with my mom, and before I knew it, we were taking off.  I shut my eyes and sobbed.  I was so full of conflicting emotions, and so aware in that moment just how far this plane would be taking me away from TT.  And at the very same time, I realized that this plane was bringing me to Nur.  Conflicting emotions.

When my mom and I get together, we like to consume all sorts of junk food, so we spent the flight over the Atlantic eating candy, chocolate, chips, drinking wine.  Let's just say when we arrived in Amsterdam, my mom wasn't feeling the best.  Me. . . I just felt tired.  And, oh Europe, how I love you and missed you! And Amsterdam. . . you are one of my favorites of all!  We spent our time going in shops, eating, and resting, and before we knew it, it was time to go to our gate.  I quickly met a couple other families from our agency that I had been conversing with over email and telephone.  It wasn't hard to pick us all out. . . we were the white folks boarding a plane to Addis Ababa Ethiopia! :)

Our flight had a layover in Khartoum, Sudan.  Here, some people got off the plane, and our plane refueled.  We tried to stretch our legs, but were forced to stay seated.  My mom at this point was feeling very poorly, so I had a flight attendant bring her some Sprite to help.  She didn't look good, and we were in the middle of the desert in Sudan, our plane wasn't running, and it was HOT.  A couple hours, we took off.  Next stop. . . Ethiopia!!!

We got through customs in Ethiopia fairly quickly.  We purchased our visas, and we had drivers there to meet us.  It was all very organized.  By this time, it was Saturday October 9th, around 10pm.  We drove in the dark to our YGF Guesthouse, and I could see shadows of mountains in the distance.  We were all so tired, but upon getting to the guesthouse, we learned dinner would be served.  We all got a second wind, and the other American families who were with us all sat down and broke bread together.  And had some wine and beer.  We all talked about our travel adventures that got us to that day, and because the next day was Sunday, and we weren't able to see the children yet, we planned an outing for Sunday, and decided we would go to the countryside.

 A market on the way to a church we were going to visit.

 A church built underground.

 Children in Ethiopia love "Ferengies."  Aka. . . foreigners.

 The trees we sat under as we enjoyed a picnic lunch in the country. I can't even explain how surreal it was to be sitting underneath trees in Africa. 

A wedding we stumbled upon.

 Handing out pens to all of the local children.

Sunday, October 10, we all got in a van and headed to the country.  Ethiopia is a BEAUTIFUL country. It is also a country that has extreme poverty and hardships.  Yet everyone we met this day in the country, no matter how little possessions they had, were the happiest people I had ever met.  I quickly felt a little disgusted by how many worldly possessions I have.  How many completely unnecessary things I own.  These children came up to us with cow dung up to their elbows.  Our driver, Katamah, translated, and they wanted us to see their house.  The reason they were covered in cow dung was because they were insolating the mud walls in their home.  This family lived in a small hut, slept on the floors with their animals.  And I'm not talking a dog and a cat, I'm talking a cow and a goat.  They lived in a one room hut.  Yet they had everything they needed.  If you ever hear me complain about how I don't have enough possessions, I'm giving you permission right now to SLAP ME.

It was a wonderful first, full day in Ethiopia.  And the next day, I would be entering the blue gates of Toukoul Orphanage, and I would be meeting my son.  Here is a pic of me at the end of the day. 

Missing my one baby, and in anticipation of meeting my other.

Parenting an Adopted Child

During the adoption process, T and I attended many classes on adoption and how to build a lifelong bond.  We heard extreme measures that other adoptive parents were making.  We heard stories of the child not being left without a parent for the first year.  We heard about bed sharing for months and months.  We heard about mothers wearing their babies for 6 months straight, only taking the babies off when absolutely necessary. 

I knew we were never going to be that extreme, but I did have my vision in place for how we would work on attachment parenting when Nur got home.  I planned to only have T and I provide for his every need, such as bathing, eating, changing, sleeping.  I planned to wear him as much as possible in my baby b.jorn.  I planned to sleep in the same room with him for a while.  Yes. . . I had many plans during the adoption process.  And yes. . . many of those plans changed when K got home. 

Let's begin with the fact that instead of being in Ethiopia with T like originally planned, I traveled there with my Mom.  Let's just say it was too much for just me to take care of his every need while in Ethiopia.  I did most of it, but my Mom changed many diapers and helped out with many feedings. 

Then we got home, and there I was with a 3 month old and a 10 month old.  I did my best.  I really did.  But when someone would come to the house and offer to help, I took it. Sometimes it was someone else giving Nur a bottle, or changing his diaper.  I would be pumping to feed my children (I gave Nur breastmilk also) and someone else would be with Nur. 

T had to go back to work fairly quickly after Nur and I returned home, so there I was with two babies.  And yes, I tried to carry Nur around as much as possible, but TT, my 3 month old, was colicky and also required a lot of holding.  So there I was, with a carrier on my front, and a borrowed carrier on my back, walking around the house with two babies.

T and I even tried to sleep with Nur for a while when we got home.  It lasted about a week.  None of us could sleep, Nur included.  We slept with Nur between us, and everytime T or I would switch positions, Nur would wake up.  Or everytime TT cried, and I left the room to go feed her, Nur would cry.  He was up no less than 10 times a night.  We'd rub his back and soothe him back to sleep, but we were all waking up crabby and sleep deprived.  So, about 5 days later, T and I decided Nur needed his crib.  Guess what?  He slept ALL night. Not a peep from him.  And he woke up happier, as did we. 

And staying home with him for a year straight and never leaving him with anyone.  BIG FAT HA!  If you've been following my story, you know that I was allowed 12 weeks of maternity for the year, and seeing that I had two children in the same rolling calendar, I had to split my maternity leave.  So yes, after a month home with Nur, I had to leave him with the nanny.  And yes, it killed me.  The guilt was awful, but there simply wasn't any other way.  So yes, after bonding with him for a month, I left for 8 hours everyday. 

So yes, as you can see, I didn't follow the rules.  At all.  I intended to. I read so much on the importance of really showing the adopted child who is Mom and who is Dad. I heard stories from other adopted parents of what they were going to do to help bonding.  One woman quit her job to stay home.  Another woman wouldn't allow anyone to make eye contact with her newly adopted child.  And another adopted mom would bring her child everywhere, even places that children don't usually go. 

Me?

I parented my adopted child exactly how I parented my biological child.  When he cried, I soothed him.  When he was wet, I would change him, or allow someone else to change him if they offered.  When he was hungry, he was fed, but not always by me.  When it was bedtime, he went in his crib, getting his back rubbed until he fell into a deep slumber.  And when he would act out, I'd always wonder. . . is this an adopted child thing, or is this just a normal toddler thing?  And I don't know, and have stopped trying to psychoanalyze ever cry as much. 

Here is what I do know.  Nur knows me as his Mama.  Nur knows T as his Baba.  He knows us.  He prefers us.  When I get home from work, he crawls to me excited and puts his hands up so I hold him.  When someone else is holding Nur, he reaches his arms out to T and I.  And when T gets home from work, he grins from ear to ear.  He loves his Baba.  He knows his Baba. 

And if our circumstances had been a bit different, I would have been more deliberate about some attachment parenting.  I honestly think we are doing the best we can with our situation, and now I realize there is more than one way to do this.  I look at Nur, and I know he loves us, is so happy, and feels safe with us.  And at the end of the day, that's all we can really ask for.  And I'm definitely not saying how we did things is the right way. I have no doubt there are other adoptive parents reading this and gasping, but we did what we had to do to survive, and I think we have two kids who are very loved and wanted.

Surprising Aspects about Being a Mom

I am constantly surprised by my feelings now that I'm a mom. I amazed at how my story has played out. I never in a million years thought I would be raising children 7 months apart.  I never thought I would have a biological child and an adopted child.  And in the process of trying to have children, our story continued to change.  At first we were adoptiong only.  Then I was pregnant and we were adopting.  I have no doubt that the way my story has played out has dictated some of my feelings. 

I wanted to talk about my feelings post motherhood, because I am learning to have grace with myself.  I'm learning that everyone bonds to their children differently, and this is just how it is happening with me.  I'm realizing that I don't need to beat myself up about it.  It is what it is.

When I gave birth to TT, I felt initially detached.  I was in quite a lot of pain.  I had a lot of anxiety because of her heart rhythm issues during labor.  When she was finally born, I just sat back and crawled into myself a little.  I think I did it mostly to control the pain aspect of childbirth.  I was tired.  Not only from the labor, but from the pregnancy.  From the anxieties of worrying if I would have a baby at the end of the pregnancy.  The first night of TT's life, I sent her to the nursery for the night.  I needed sleep.  I was tired.  The next night, I sent her to the nursery again.  But in the middle of the night, a nurse brought her into my room, and said she has been crying non stop and needed her Mom. At first, I was slightly annoyed.  I needed sleep.  Couldn't the nurse figure this out?  I picked TT up from her bassinet, and she immediately stopped crying.  I immediately started crying.  We looked straight into each other's eyes, and I sobbed.  I sang her songs, cuddled with her in my hospital bed, and I held her so tight.  I loved TT immediately.  I loved her the minute I saw the positive pregnancy test.  I loved her the minute she was placed on my chest after the birth.  But in this moment, I fell completely in love.  I was her Mom, and she needed me so much.  And I never ever EVER wanted to put her down.  I had never felt love like this.  It was a happy love, but a love that had me crying for the next month because I had never felt such intense emotions.  This was the defining moment where I realized that I am in charge of TT.  I am here for all of her needs.  And in that moment, I realized I would do anything for this sweet baby girl.  Deeply, madly in love. So, I first loved TT on October 30, 2009, when I had a positive pregnancy test.  But I fell truly in love the day after her birthday, July 7, 2010.

I loved Nur the moment T and I started the adoption process.  I prayed for Nur, for his birthparents, for his birth country.  But I didn't know who I was loving.  I just knew I loved this little boy.  Then came May 4, 2010.  The day T and I received our referral for Nur.  This was the first moment I was able to see his beautiful face.  Yes, my love for Nur intensified that day.  I'll never forget meeting Nur for the first time.  His nanny brought him to me at the orphanage, and for the first time, I was able to hold my son.  He was soft, gorgeous, and absolutely perfect.  He was also scared and emotionless.  I remember sobbing. For the first time, Nur was in my arms.  Not some picture on our fridge and on my computer desktop.  And altough I loved him, I didn't feel bonded to him.  I didn't know him.  He didn't know me.  I didn't know what his cry meant.  I didn't know what his facial expressions meant.  My hold and touch didn't soothe him.  To him, I wasn't Mom.  I was just a woman giving his attention.  As far as he was concerned, I was just another nanny at the orphanage. 

Nur has now been home for 3 and a half months.  The same age TT was when I left her to go to Ethiopia to pick Nur up.  3 and a half months.  For me, I've realized that bonding is a process.  I've also realized that love is sometimes learned.  I felt bonded with TT almost immediately.  I feel like I had 9 months to get to know her while I was pregnant.  And more than that, she had 9 months to get to know me.  To know my voice.  Nur and I were thrown at each other. I didn't know Nur.  And more importantly, he didn't know me.  Through this though, I've learned to not be so hard on myself.  I can't control the emotions I feel.  Until someone walks in my shoes, and has experienced what I've experienced, no one can just me.  I've even quit judging myself. I've learned grace. 

I am in love with Nur.  It wasn't immediate.  I'm sorry.  It just wasn't.  Not only am I in love with him, but everyday, I feel like our bond is getting stronger.  Is my bond the same as it was for TT after 3 and a half months?  No.  It just isn't.  It's different.  It just is.  This weekend though, T and I brought Nur to his first gym session.  It's a class for kids, 10 months old to 18 months old and they play and learn.  Well, T was holding Nur's hand, and helping him walk.  They were walking around a parachute as a song was playing in the background.  I was holding TT off in the distance, watching this activity.  As T and Nur walked around in circles with the other parents and children, everytime Nur would pass me, he would smile and look at me, and shake with pure joy and excitement.  And there I was, sitting with TT on my lap, and tears in my eyes.  This was my son.  At his first gym session in the US.  There was my Ethiopian boy hanging onto his Baba's hand, hanging out with little kids, smiling at his Mama and his sissy.  I couldn't believe the emotions that came over me in that moment. 

This is my family.  We're not perfect. I'm not proud of every emotion I have.  But Nur is my son. Just as much as TT is my daughter.  And although the road with him and emotions and bonding has been a little longer, I do love him.  I am in love with him.  And in the 3 and a half months that I've known Nur, my love has grown, and I never want to imagine a life where he isn't my son.

I wanted to post this because so many adoptive parents beat themselves up.  But the truth is, is we don't know how we'll react to our children.  But give it time.  Because if the love doesn't overwhelm you immediately, I have no doubt that it will overwhelm you eventually.

Because I am overwhelmingly in love with my children.  Both of them.

What If Things Were Different

(All pics removed)

T and I were sitting around our living room recently, playing with the kiddos, and I asked him if he ever thought about what life would be like had I not gotten pregnant, and only Nur was our child at the moment. This is of course something that is hard and painful to think about, because I DID get pregnant, and there IS a TT, and because of that, life is SO much better.  But it is something interesting to think about.  My observations if we only did have Nur as our child, is that life would be easier, that's for sure.  At the moment, Nur is the easier child to parent.  I think this is mainly due to his age, and nothing else, because I sure don't consider TT high maintenance.  She's the only 6 and a half month old I've ever parented, so things we go through with her, I'm assuming are just normal things for a baby her age.  I've also never parented an almost 14 month old, but Nur is at an easy stage, that's for sure.

So, let's discuss these kids of ours!  Nur continues to do so well.  I can't believe he's the same child that T met in August, and I met in October.  Not only does he look different, but he acts differently.  Here is a photo comparison.

Nur in August

 Nur in January

He has grown SO much!  He's gotten so much more hair, and somehow in these months he's turned into less of a baby, and more of a toddler.  I'm so happy with his development, but this is all going TOO fast. And because he now has so much hair, I went and got some special hair products, and I love what we got! It really brings out his curls. 

Nur continues to love food, and I can't wait for his 15 month appointment in March to see where he is at weight-wise.  Just looking at him (and holding him!) he is definitely getting heavier, and he's getting longer.  He eats anything.  Lately, T and I have been trying to cook more and give him that food mashed up instead of baby food jars.  The only problem is, is that we don't cook much, but we are working on that.  I would say his favorite food at the moment is sweet potatoes.

Nur still doesn't have any teeth, but by the amount he drools, I would say we are close to seeing some.  Of course I've been saying that since August, so we shall see. 

Nur also loves us.  I mean, he really loves us! I know I shouldn't sound surprised, but I didn't know what to expect with bonding and attachment, but it's going well, even though T and I basically broke every rule there was.  I get home from work first, and Nur sees me, and claps, and screams, and then crawls over to me and whines until I pick him up.  And he is SUCH a cuddler.  Sometimes he just wants to be picked up, and he puts his head on my shoulder, and we just cuddle.  Such a sweet boy!

And he is learning so much!  He loves to push on his toy walker, and walk all over the place.  He still isn't an independent walker, but I think it's only a matter of time.  He loves playing rough with his Baba. . . too rough for this Mama, but he just sits here and giggles.  He continues his Early Intervention 0-3 PT Therapy twice a month, and his therapist is always so impressed by his progress.  Nur is such a smart boy, and I can't imagine life without him.  He's definitely a member of our family. :)

And TT.  I also can't believe how much she has grown.  This is also happening TOO fast!

TT in August

 TT in January

TT has also started eating baby food and not just formula, although I have to say she is a very finicky eater, and I'd have to say she comes by that honestly.  So far, she prefers fruit more than veggies. Although she is still getting the majority of her calories from formula. 

TT LOVES pulling hair and sucking on people's faces.  Weird, I know.  I had the brilliant idea to cut my hair after the babies arrived thinking it would be easier.  Now I'm growing it out so I can tie it back again.  Seriously, I had to resort to wearing this hat to protect my head.  But, she somehow manages to find the baby hairs on the back of my head and pulls those. 

TT now can sit all by herself, although sometimes she falls over.  But I think she is getting better at it every day.  She loves sitting on the floor and playing with toys, and she loves hearing the sound of her own voice.  Oh, we love our baby girl. 

TT is a bit of a mama's girl at the moment.  At times I think I've created a monster.  She whines when I don't hold her, even if I'm in the same room as her, and as soon as I pick her up, she is happy.  Maybe I did create a monster, but my babies will only be little once, so if they want to be held all day, everything else in life can wait. :)

The best thing about Nur and TT is their interaction together.  I love seeing these two play together!  I think they really love each other.  Really. . . they do. :)  When TT naps in her bedroom, Nur will sit outside her closed door and babble to her.  I think he misses her when she naps.  They play so well together, although Nur likes to steal all of TT's toys.  He's at a stage where he wants whatever someone else has.  But TT holds her own, and they can often times be found pulling on the same toy.

TT is the typical younger sister, and is always "harrassing" Nur.  He is so good natured though, and allows it. 

 A lot of times, these two just look at each other, babble, and then laugh.  I know they aren't really twins in the sense that they shared a womb, but they have twin talk and a twin bond, that is for sure. 

 Life just wouldn't be the same without both Nur and TT.  And although this isn't how we planned things, we are both so grateful that this is how things worked out.

I'm going to leave these pics up for a week or so and then take them down.  Apparently goog.le images has some of my pics, and I'm not sure how it happened, but I don't like it, so I'm taking extra precautions.

An Update of Everything

Because I've been taking  a break from blogging, I have all sorts of new things to blog about. (You may want to read this post in installments. It has the potential of being long!) If I can find the time, I plan to update this blog every month or so. That's my goal at least! I've thought about just quitting all together, but I think I have the time to update every so often. . . and I've noticed I definitely feel less pressure when people have low expectations of how often I'll update.  Ha. :)

(I started this post mid November, and just finished now.  Hopefully the info is still current)

Nur UPDATE

Nur's adoption was finalized!  This was a very exciting day in our lives.  Just a little background.  T traveled to Ethiopia alone in August.  TT was less than a month old, and I was still healing from the birth, so there was no way I could be at our scheduled court hearing in Ethiopia.  Because of that, I signed a power of attorney form for T, and he showed up on both of our behalfs.  Because of that, Nur entered the US on an IR-4 visa, meaning that when we arrived, we had to readopt him.  If I had been at court in August, Nur would have come over on an IR-3, meaning he would have been an American Citizen the moment we landed on US soil.  So, after we got Nur home, we started the readoption process.  And in early December, we walked into the courtroom, testified in front of the judge, and the adoption became final, and Nur became a US citizen.  It was a joyous day!

For the special occassion, we got Nur a new blue blazer, tie and dress shirt.  Is he handsome, or what?  And not to take away from his baby sister.  She's pretty darn beautiful herself. :) And I must say we were pretty humorous in the courtroom.  We walked in, and TT spit up EVERYWHERE.  Their cousin C was walking around in her little Ethiopian dress.  And Nur was blowing bubbles.  We seem to make a spectacle everywhere we go. :)

At the courthouse before were were told absolutely no pictures.  Apparently, not everyone at court is there for happy reasons like us.  There are also kids there in really difficult situations.

The day after Nur's adoption was finalized, Nur turned 1! Also a joyous day!  Throughout the adoption process, T and I really kept hope that we would have Nur home for his 1st birthday.  We really wanted to help him celebrate.

We gave him a little cake, and quickly learned our lesson that our son will no longer have cake. . . until perhaps his 2nd birthday. :)  Yes, Nur was up ALL night after eating cake. We were exhausted!

His birthday was wonderful.  We kept the celebration small, and only invited family over to celebrate, and Nur did such a great job interacting with everyone.  We put him in a traditional Ethiopia outfit to honor his heritage. 

The theme of the party was futbol.  Cause, well, I'm married to T. . . who is absolutely obsessed with the sport.  Need I say more? :)

That's right Nur! You are 1!!! This is right after we all sung to him.  He was so funny! He just looked at us with the most peculiar grin, probably wondering why we were all looking at him and singing this weird song he had never heard before. 

Nur received so many wonderful gifts! He loves to play, and will play for hours with T and I on the floor. And he loves toys that make noise and talk to him.  It just fascinates him! 

TT enjoyed Nur's birthday part also.  And Nur is so kind to his little sister and shares toys with her.  They are starting to interact so much.  I love it!

Nur has made leaps and bounds since coming home. Everyday I'm amazed at all the new things he is learning, and everyday, he lets us see his personality more and more.  Some of the things Nur is doing now is, he can feed himself little finger foods.  We used to have to feed him everything, and when we would try to teach him, he would throw a fit.  Now, we place food on his tray, and he happily puts them in his mouth! His hand eye coordination has improved SO much, and he now has that whole pincher grasp down.  His absolute favorite thing to feed himself. . . ger.ber puffs.  He LOVES them.  LOVES THEM.

Nur has also become quite mobile!  We have him working with a PT specialist, and it's really helping him build strength! Every day, he learns something new! He has mastered crawling now.  He also can go from a laying down position to a sitting up position, something his PT wanted to see.   Just today, he pulled himself up on furniture, and by the time I post this, I guarantee there will be more.  His PT specialist (Who is through early intervention) is sure that Nur will test out and be completely up to speed by the end of summer.  She said he is pretty much a 9 month old in terms of development.  Considering that is only 3 months behind his age, I'm pretty darn impressed with that!

Even his looks are changing!  His cheeks are getting chubby, and we love it!  He's really starting to fill out more!  Not only that, but his hair is starting to come in so thick, which is causing us to wonder what we'll do with it. Right now, we are just letting it grow, and it's beautiful and soft.  Nur loves to eat, and we love to feed him.  Everytime we feed him, I feel like we are a step closer to getting his weight up there where the doctors want it to be. 

Nur is an absolute joy to our lives.  Everyday, I am learning new lessons about life from him, and everyday I am completely humbled to be his Mom.  Being a Mom is a blessing, and at the same time it's hard.  The love I feel for my children is the same, but everyday I am realizing that my parenting techniques have to be different for each child. Nur is adopted.  He did come from an orphanage.  Because of that, I do need to alter my parenting techniques.  This is all a learning process, and I just hope I'm doing this all good enough. 

I received so much wonderful advice during the adoption process, but one of the best things I heard was to remember that Nur is still a baby. . . even though I have a baby even younger than him.  And everytime Nur tests my patience, I try to remember just that.  He IS a baby.  A baby who has been through much.  A baby who deserves all the love and patience in the world.  And I know I'm not a perfect mother to him, but I try my hardest, and I have no doubt that Nur feels the love coming from T and I. 

TT UPDATE
And then there is TT.  She also has been a complete joy to our family.  She is changing so much daily, and I also feel so lucky to be her Mama.

I've started TT on baby food, although I must admit, she isn't very interested, at all.  At her last doctor's appointment, she was in the 36% for weight, so I am trying to plump her up a bit.  She is learning all sorts of new things, such as rolling over.  This girl absolutely hates her tummy, but lately I've been putting her on her tummy, she makes herself into an airplane, and then she rolls over to her back.  The first time I saw her do this, I screamed with excitement, and I think it scared her a bit. Oops!  When I put TT down in her crib, she wakes up in a whole different position.  I don't see her move in the night as I'm sleeping as well, but she must be doing a lot of wiggling around.

TT can be on the shy side, and it takes her a while to warm up to a crowd.  If someone is holding her and she doesn't feel comfortable, her bottom lip comes out, and you know it's a matter of seconds that the tears will be coming.  When we are home as a family of 4 though, there is no shyness to be had!  She plays, and plays a little rough!  Remember how I mentioned earlier that Nur's hair is really growing?  Well, TT's favorite thing is to grab his hair.  And naturally, he doesn't like it.  TT is also obsessed with this blow up soccer ball we have.  Seriously, everytime the ball comes around her, she screams at the ball, and then when we take the ball away, she's calm.  Then the ball comes back, and she screams again and tries to attack. (Future soccer star perhaps?) She also interacts with Nur quite a bit.  He's more softspoken, and she gets in his face and just screams and talks to him.  He never knows what to make of it, and he'll just look at me like, "Is this girl for real?"  It's so much fun to see our children interacting.  I think they are really used to each other now, and I have no doubt that TT has no memory of a life without her brother. 

TT also loves to laugh.  I can get her laughing so hard, and it's hilarious.  She also likes to talk a lot.  In the mornings when it is just the two of us getting ready because the boys are still asleep, she likes to scream.  I constantly hush her so we don't wake anyone up.  Yes, a bit futile hushing someone her age.  And I'm not going to lie, I love the sound of her voice. :)

TT may be the worst napper ever.  Although I hear she naps great for the nanny.  ERGH!  But for T and I, she would much prefer to be up.  I think it's because we are so cool and she likes to hang out with us. :)

TT is sweet, kind, and adorable.  She has been such a joy to our lives, just as her brother has.  We are beyond blessed. 

THE ROUTINE

We have a schedule worked out for the most part.  I wake up with TT in the mornings.  She gets up anywhere from 4am to 5:30am.  I feed her, and then I bring her into the bathroom with me as I get ready.  She has this fun little bouncy thing she plays in, and we talk, and laugh and hang out while Mama showers, puts on some makeup, does my hair, and gets ready for the work day.  Nur is usually still sleeping at this time.  At about 6:15, I wake T up for his day. He showers, and I play with TT and get her dressed.  I then leave the house around 6:30am for my work day.  Nur usually wakes up around 7, and T feeds him breakfast and takes care of TT until the nanny shows up at 8am.  Once she shows up, T leaves for the day.

At the end of the work day, I rush home to relieve the nanny.  I usually get home around 4pm, and the kids are usually just getting up from their naps, and it's usually time to feed them both. I put Nur in his high chair, and feed him dinner, while at the same time, holding TT and feeding her a bottle.  We talk (mostly me) about our days, and I sing songs to them.  They both LOVE music.  After they've both eaten, it's time to go to the living room and play.  I usually put on pand.ora radio for all of us, these days it's usually my Christmas Music Station, and we play on the floor until T gets home. 

T then gets home, and the 4 of us play on the floor together.  There are so many fun and educational toys that our kiddos have, so we try to incorporate some learning into our fun!  Around 6pm, we do baths, get the kids into their pajamas, and then we go to our lower level and play.  You see, we have upstairs toys, and downstairs toys. :)  We play for about 30 minutes, and during this time, T and I may enjoy a sandwich or pizza or something like that.  (Must admit, we aren't doing a ton of cooking these days)  At about 6:30-6:45pm, we bring the kiddos upstairs, do a final diaper change, get bottles ready, fill up vaporizers (that help with the constant colds both Nur and TT have, and double as white noise) and start the bedtime routine. (Nur currently wears 2 diapers to bed. . . seriously necessary! And no worry people. . . he doesn't have a diaper rash. His bum is very healthy)

Once the kids are in bed, we pick up a bit, perhaps finish eating dinner, perhaps do a load of laundry, sometimes cuddle and watch a movie, and sometimes, we go to bed too!  And then the next day, we repeat.

As we get into a routine more and more, we are finding that we have a little bit of alone time.  Recently, T offered to take both kids while I went to the mall.  (I texted about 5 times in the 1 hour I was gone) Then later that day, I agreed to take both kids, while he went to his cousin's house to play video games.  We try to give each other a break here and there as much as possible.  But, we rarely get breaks cause, well, being alone with two babies isn't the easiest thing in the world.

US. . . AS IN T AND I

And then there is T and I. Definitely not as interesting as our kids, but I thought I'd update on us as well. Let's just say, life is busy, hard, and tiring, yet fulfilling. These aren't complaints. . . just truths. And the truth also is that I wouldn't change our situation for the world. We love our children more than words could ever express. But yes. . . It is a lot of work, as we knew it would be.

Everyday, T and I struggle with spending quality time with each child of ours.  I know for me, I try to have special alone time with each child.  My mornings I have alone time with TT as I get ready for work.  After work, I try to bring Nur to his room while T is with TT and share a moment with him.  I usually just smooch him, hug him, change his diaper, and tell him how much I love him.  Yes. . . I would like a lot more time a lone with both kids, but it's difficult right now to find that.  I think as they get older, that will become easier. 

We also haven't left our children with other caretakers yet.  Well, we've left them with my sister for a couple hours while we shopped for the kids, but that's about it.  I would love to go to a movie with T, and I think Nur is ready for us to leave for a couple hours, but asking anyone to watch two babies is a lot to ask anyone.  They are both in diapers, they both have high needs, they both can get fussy.  I don't know, I just don't feel comfortable asking anyone such a huge favor yet.  And no one is really offering either, so I think we'll just wait until they get older.

Somedays, I really struggle.  These days are usually after a night of little sleep.  Somedays this all feels like too much.  I don't always know how I will continue.  I break down a bit.  Other days, I look at us with complete amazement that WE ARE DOING THIS, and we aren't doing half bad.  I can go from one extreme emotion to the next in little to no time.  I know there are people out there with twins.  I know there are people out there with a lot more children than I have.  And wow. . . do you amaze me.  All I know is that I struggle at times with all of this.  And when I struggle, I then feel guilt, because I have two babies.  We are at a wonderful point in our lives.  A time I never want to forget or take for granted. 

ATTACHMENT
One of the biggest obstacles of adopting a child is forming an attachment.  We've been home for over 2 months now, and I think we've really made leaps and bounds in this area.

I will say this. . . I wouldn't change the timing of our story.  If I changed it, there wouldn't be a Nur, and there wouldn't be a TT.  But I will say this.  Having children 7 months apart, getting pregnant during the adoption process, adopting out of the birth order, and bringing home a 10 month old when we had a 3 month old at home, has probably hurt the attachment in some ways.  When T and I were just adopting and not pregnant, we had all these wonderful ideas about no one else holding Nur, or feeding him, or changing him, etc.  But, anytime we go somewhere, someone jumps at the opportunity to do all these things for him, and we're usually too tired, or too badly needing the help to object. 

Despite the difficulty, I do think the attachment process is going well, and I think we've made leaps and bounds the past couple of months.  Nur used to SCREAM if anyone left the room for even a second.  Now, he happily plays with his toys, and when I enter his view 5 seconds later, he smiles at me. Or, now that Nur is mobile, he just follows me, which I love. Nur definitely knows who mama and baba are.  He will reach his arms out to us when someone else is holding him.  I feel like he definitely prefers us. Nur knows his sister well, and I don't feel like there is any jealousy or anything like that.  They are both fixtures in each other's lives, and I think they actually like each other. :)

Nur rarely cries between bites of food anymore or when finishing a bottle.  He knows that there will always be food. . . something I fear he didn't know before.  His sleeping habits have improved, and now when he wakes up, he doesn't cry bloody murder, he just makes his voice known so we know he's awake.  He used to scream when he woke up, which was never a great transition from sleeping to being awake. I mean, can you imagine waking up screaming?  Not a great way to start the day!

Nur smiles more.  He talks more.  It's as if he has made the choice to let us in.  I feel like this choice was made out of trust.  I know this is still a work in progress, but I definitely think he trusts us so much more than he ever has before. 

There are things that I wish we were doing better.  There are times I wish there was more of me so I didn't always have to feel like I was making a choice between Nur and TT, but for the most part, attachment is going really well.  We are a family, we all love each other, and daily I will work to make sure Nur knows he is as much a member of this family as everyone else. 

So, that is our lives at the moment.  I'm off of work this week, so I had time to post about it. :)

I hope you all have a very wonderful NEW YEAR!

Next Update

A new update will be coming in either late December or early January.  I'm going to try to update every couple of months if possible, and so many things have been happening, that I hope to update you all then.