Composing My Thoughts

Yesterday my brain was mush.  I was scared for my little girl, not 100% confident in the diagnosis received, and anxious to wait for more answers. 

You see. . . I'm not loving her diagnosis of Androgenetic Alopecia.  What that diagnosis tells me, is that they couldn't find anything else wrong with her, but there is absolutely no doubt that Scarlett has lost hair and had thinning hair on top of her head, so there is definitely something going on.  They were able to rule out a few things, which I guess is progress in terms of making a diagnosis, but we didn't get a definitive answer.

Going into this, I was almost 100% sure that Scarlett was pulling her own hair out.  She has a hair fixation.  She is always pulling her hair and twisting and twirling it.  I wasn't going to be happy with that diagnosis because that's a hard habit to stop, but I was going to live with it, and work on finding another way for her to soothe herself.  I was so sure that's what this was.  Well. . . the biopsy she had done completely ruled that out. 

You see. . . Androgenetic Alopecia is really just a fancy name for Male Pattern/Female Pattern Baldness.  Which to me, just means, Your daughter is losing her hair, and we don't know why.  If this was a 30 or 40 year old man with that same diagnosis, there would be no need to look further.  When you get older, you may lose your hair. That's  normal. I googled this condition, and yes, it's very common in older men and women.  And once in a while, it can even present itself in the early teen years.  But I couldn't find anything on this condition presenting itself on a 1 year old.  Nothing.  When her doctor called me yesterday, she even said that she didn't feel comfortable giving this diagnosis on someone Scarlett's age, prescribing her some Rogaine to help the hair grow back, and sending her on her way.  Why?  Because when someone this age has this, there is something behind it.  There has to be.  Right?

So, on February 2nd (a week from today) I will take Scarlett to see an Endocrinologist at the University of MN.  Chances are, they will want her to undergo a CT or an MRI.  That scares me a lot.  Not only because Scarlett will once again have to be sedated, but because of what they are looking for.  They are looking for tumors that would throw off Scarlett's hormones.  Tumors.  That freaks me out.  I've been reassured that the main growths would be on the pituitary, and that these are usually benign (non cancerous) but I can't help be scared. 

Nothing is good enough for my children, so in addition to the appointment at the UofM next week, I will also be bringing Scarlett to the Mayo Clinic the following week.  Mayo ranks #1 in the country for Endocrinology (as well as many other things) I want/need a second opinion.  However, when I take Scarlett to Mayo, they will have her start right back in Dermatology.  That's a little annoying, but at the same time, maybe they'll completely disagree with the UofM's diagnosis and set me on another path.  Or best case scenario, they'll review the biopsy results and blood work and say, "It's because of this, and all her hair will grow back soon and she's perfectly healthy."  All I know is I'm feeling in my gut that a second opinion is the way to go. 

As a parent, I think all of our worst fears is that something could happen to our children.  I've never loved anything so much as I love my Khalil and my Scarlett.  Oh, I love Taher too, but the love I feel for those kids of mine is something fierce.  Right now, I'm simply trying not to get ahead of myself.  Chances are, this is NOT life threatening.  Chances are, something small, or not at all is going on.  I have to keep reminding myself of that, because when I let my mind go towards the what ifs, I feel positively sick.