Waiting Well

For the first time since I began this adoption process, things are completely out of my control. Let's be honest. . . things were never really completely in my control to begin with, but I could control a lot of the process. I could control how quickly I filled out paperwork, wrote letters, made doctor's appointments, and all of the other things I had to do to get on the wait list.

For 4 months, I attended adoption classes and filled out the necessary applications and paperwork. For 4 months, I felt like I was controlling the pace of all of this to some extent.

Yesterday T and I received an email from our adoption agency letting us know that our Dossier had arrived. The adoption counselor also attached a what's next document to the email, and reading it, reminded me that the little control I thought I had, is now completely gone. The control freak inside of me is very apprehensive about all of this.

All of our paperwork will be in transit to a far away country sooner than later. Now foreign governments will be controlling all aspects of this adoption. There is nothing for me to do. There is no more paperwork to be filled out. There are no more adoption classes. No more Social Worker visits.

Now, all I do is wait.

And wait.

And then wait some more.

My goal is to wait really well. I want to be patient. I want to be calm. I want to trust that our referral call will come in perfect timing. As I wait, something my wise Mother said to me many many years ago keeps coming back to me.

Leah - Don't wish your life away.

I need that constant reminder. I think we all have a tendency of looking forward to the next thing instead of being appreciative of where our lives are at in this moment.

I am going to try really hard to appreciate where my life is right now. Because the referral call WILL come, and once our baby boy is home with us, our lives will forever be changed. So today, I am going to appreciate the many things that there may be a short supply of when baby boy does finally come home.

Every night, I get 8+ hours of mostly uninterrupted sleep.
T and I have so many date nights, where it's just the two of us.
On weekends, I can sleep in as late as I want.
I never have to cook or prepare food for anyone except me. If I want takeout everyday, I can have takeout everyday.
Right now, I have a big closet all to myself in the guestroom.

The list goes on and on, and these are the daily reminders I need because eventually, T and I will be a family of 3, and life will change. I know it will change for the better, but I don't want to waste the next few months not appreciating these things, because someday, I'll be sleep deprived and overwhelmed (in a good way) with caring for another human being.

T and I have a long wait ahead of us, and I hope and pray that I will wait well.

Do you wait well?

Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Thousand Word Wednesday

Because there are always too many words floating through my head, I had to change-up the wordless Wednesday thing a bit. :-D

The picture below is our first baby gifts. Yay! :-D The blanket is from my sister. She said she saw it and couldn't refuse. . . it having a monkey on it and all. And then my Mom got us the Baby's First Year book. I looked through it, and some of it made me sad because we will miss some of our baby's first year. I guess I'll just have to edit the Baby's First Year to contain the first year with us.

And that blanket is the softest thing ever. I can't wait until we see our son wrapped up in it.
:-D

This is the Day

This is the day I have been anticipating for a really long time. On June 25th, when T and I handed in our adoption application, I dreamt of this day. Then on July 14th, when T and I attended our first adoption class, I remember the instructor telling us the whole Home Study and Dossier process can take anywhere from 2-6 months.

That is why I am SO happy to have mailed in our Dossier! It took about 4 months from when we first handed in our application to mailing in our Dossier.

Before I mailed the documents, I double and triple-checked that everything was there, and in order, and notarized clearly. Then T and I headed to UPS and shipped the documents, along with our next adoption fee. It was the BEST feeling ever!

Here I am with all of the documents waiting to get mailed. :-D

So. . . What's next?

Well, now I hope and pray that I don't get a call from the agency saying they need an additional document, or they need something more clear, etc. And it wouldn't be out of the ordinary if that happened, because it happens all the time.

Assuming all the documents are up to par, my agency then mails a few of the forms to Washington DC, to the State Department, and to the Embassy of the country we are adopting from. They stamp the documents with additional approvals. This process can take 2-3 weeks, and then DC will mail the documents back to my adoption agency. Once the agency receives those documents, the documents are then shipping thousands of miles away to our country of adoption. Once received, we are OFFICIALLY on the waiting list!!!

All adoption agencies do things differently. Some are considered on the waiting list once the documents arrive in DC, but it sounds like my agency doesn't consider us on the waiting list until the documents actually arrive in our country of choice. I don't mind. We are ALMOST there, and that is a wonderful feeling! And assuming our agency doesn't come back to us and need additional documents, we are officially done with the paper chase that has taken us 4 months.

That is a WONDERFUL feeling.

Is it too Early to Nest?

Because that's what I felt like I was doing all weekend. Maybe it's because it was cool and rainy out all weekend. . . Or maybe it's because we are needing ONE document to mail in our Dossier packet. Whatever the reason, this was a weekend of nesting.

First, I decided the closets in our house needed major organizing. First I started with T's. Right now, he and I have our own closets because all of my stuff is in the guest room. . . aka, the future baby's room. Well, his closet was a disaster! Sorry for throwing you under the bus T! ;-) After organizing his closet, which even involved some color coordination, I went on to the hall closet. This is the space where we keep linens, medicine, lotions, etc. Equally a disaster. I went to a local dollar store and found these great plastic, stackable organizers, and went to town. This is a closet that I try to not even look in because it's been a complete disaster area. After organizing everything, I realized we had about 3 of everything! I'm sure we look in the closet for stuff, can't find it, and then go out and by it. I'm mad I didn't take any pictures of the finished closet, because it is so darn organized! And now that it is so organized, it looks like we have SO much more room. 2 closets DONE!

After that, T and I decided to blow off the football game on TV, and head to Ikea to look at baby furniture. It was a smart idea going during the game, as Ikea wasn't as packed as it usually is. (A few years ago, T and I made the rule of never going to Ikea on the weekends because that place gets extremely over crowded) We found a lot of great baby items and got a lot of ideas on how we want to decorate the baby's room. I didn't see my dream crib at Ikea, but no worries, I ended up finding the PERFECT CRIB at Tar.get. It's gorgeous! The best part is that the crib converts into a toddler bed, and eventually, it converts into a full-sized bed. This may be the only bed we'll have to buy for the monkey. :-D

So, it's official. I'm definitely nesting. I am hoping and praying that the final document arrives today so I can overnight it to our adoption agency. I'm trying not to be anxious, but I'm losing that battle so far. ;-)

Did you do major nesting when you were expecting?

If you haven't done so already, you should join this week's raffle! You won't be disappointed, and this will be yours! The raffle ends Thursday at 5pm.

Bursting at the Seams

That's how I feel anyway.

T and I are officially waiting for just ONE document to come in the mail, and then we can mail in our Dossier. Of course the document we are waiting on is completely out of our control. (This adoption stuff has really been teaching me important life lessons about control and letting go) I'm hoping and praying we can submit the Dossier next week. I know that once we're on the wait list, things will only get harder, but I still want to get to that point. Then I won't feel guilty buying our monkey things. It will just feel more real.

The document we are waiting on will come notarized, so T and I decided that we would take the stack of papers (times 3 copies) to the bank and have them all notarized. Well, we got the banker from hell. She was very rude, managed to get all of our documents severely out of order, which took me a good hour to put back in place when I got home, and her commission expires January 31st, 2010. Even MORE incentive to hurry up and get these documents mailed.

Not only that, but when we got home, I started stressing about all the documents. Is the notary seal clear enough? Did we fill things out correctly? I'm nervous for the agency to receive all this paperwork and then come back to us and see things need correcting.

We are ALMOST there though.

In other news, I am bringing back the raffle tomorrow, and I have a wonderful handmade item by a fellow blogger that I will be raffling. Be sure to check in tomorrow and be sure to tell your friends. :-D

Adoption in the News

A couple of weeks ago, my local paper ran a large, two part series, on adoption. The first part of the story can be read here, and the second part of the story here.

The story wasn't one of those happy, fuzzy, warm stories about the gift of adoption. Instead, it focused on the dark and corrupt situations that can happen during international adoption. I cannot tell you how many people called me when they read the article, saved the paper for me, or asked me if I read the articles. The story featured in these articles is heartbreaking. My heart goes out to the woman who wanted to be a Mom, prepared for it, bought clothes, cribs, and set up a nursery, only to end up not being able to adopt those children.

I did read the articles, and what I read was scary. T and I's adoption agency has done a really good job at preparing us for the downside of international adoption. I am also very happy to say that before we choose an agency, we did a lot of research. I cannot tell you how happy I am that we did. One of our agency finalists is one of the adoption agencies mentioned frequently in these articles. I was initially drawn to this agency because of their size (very small agency) and because of the wait time to get matched with a child was very small. . . probably the shortest time I've seen of any agency. The woman mentioned frequently in these articles is one I shared many phone calls and emails with. Everytime I had a question, this woman would email me back immediately or give me a phone call. It seemed like a good agency.

I cannot even tell you why T and I decided on a different agency. Maybe we have a little bit of luck on our side? After we signed with our agency, we learned that they are hague accredited. I wasn't specifically looking for that, but once again, I had luck on my side.

Adoption is a really big deal in my home state of MN. Minnesotans adopts the most children than any other state in the country. I'm really proud to be from a state with that wonderful statistic. Because adoption is so common in this state, this article received a lot of attention.

As with everything in life, there are no guarantees. T and I trust that we are working with a good and reputable agency, but things can always go wrong. We are paying all of this non-refundable money, and tomorrow, the country we are adopting from could close their doors to international adoption. There are many unknowns, and at times this whole process can feel very risky.

Daily I try to let go of the things I can't control. And I know I can't control the stability of international adoption. I just hope and pray that the it stays stable so T and I can bring home our little monkey.

Adoption Fears

When Taher and I started to ponder the idea of adopting a child, there were a few fears I had, and continue to have. These are separate fears from the daily worries of, will I fill out all the paperwork correctly? Will we be able to afford this adoption? Will we eventually get placed with a child? Although those are daily fears, I also have many fears completely unrelated to the adoption process.

This summer, my Mom and I were driving home from our cabin. . . Just the two of us. I had already discussed with she and my my Dad the possibility of us adopting, but Taher and I hadn't filled out an application yet, nor had we made up our minds 100% that we were going to adopt. I felt extreme emotion about adopting, afterall, adoption is no small decision. The choice to bring a child into your life, whether through childbirth, or adoption, is always a HUGE decision, and one that must be explored fully.

A while into the conversation with my Mom, I just started sobbing. I then asked her, "Will you love this child the same as you will love your other biological grandchildren?" I didn't ask the question to insult my Mom and her ability to love, but instead, it was a legitimate concern of mine.

I remember her response very clearly. She spoke with the certainty and clarity that only Mothers can.

"Leah, are you really worried about how your Father and I will love this child? Because you don't need to worry about that. Are you instead worried if you and Taher will be able to love this child the same?"

Through the tears and emotion I was feeling, I thought long and hard about what my Mom just asked. Taher and I have also talked about this, and we are both 100% sure that we will love this child as our own. This will be our child, and we are fully convinced that no other child will ever be loved as much.

I do still worry however. My sister is currently pregnant, and is expecting a baby girl in about 6 weeks. And on Taher's side of the family, we have two nieces. Although none of us know what my sister's baby will look like, my nieces look so much like family. They are a perfect combination of their Mother and Father. They even have a little of their Nana and Gidu (Arabic for Grandfather) in them. It was easy and instant for everyone to love them. For 9 months, we all watched M's belly swell. We all were very used to the idea that she had a living being inside of her. It is the same way for my sister S. We watch her belly grow. We feel her little girl kick. We prepare.

Taher and I's experience will be so different. We are nearing 4 months of our adoption paperwork. This is about the point that many women start showing a bit. My body remains unchanged. I won't go to a hospital to give birth to my child. Instead, Taher and I will travel thousands of miles away, to a country we have never been, to meet our child. Our families will see us leave MN as two people who are not parents. We will then arrive back to MN as parents, with a child in our arms. This child will not look anything like us. This child will not look like his nieces. This child will not look like anyone in my hometown, will not resemble his grandparents at all. This child will not be a newborn who sleeps the majority of the day. This child will not resemble my aunts and uncles or cousins.

Instead, this child will already be a few months old. He will already have a personality. He will look completely exotic to everyone.

Adoption IS different than a biological child experience, and I realize that. I just hope and pray that everyone in our lives will love this child as if I was giving birth to him. Deep in my heart, I know they will. Taher and I have wonderful families who love and support us. But I still have these fears.

Even though I haven't met this child, and even though there is a possiblity that this child hasn't even been conceived yet, I already feel protective over him. I want him to be surrounded by the love that I was surrounded by growing up. I want him to be a member of our family. I don't want him to be Leah and Taher's adopted son.

I simply want him to be Leah and Taher's son.