2009 in Review

Taher and I were sitting around the other day, and he mentioned that he can't wait until 2009 is over with. I was surprised to hear that. I thought it was a good year, and I told Taher that. Taher couldn't believe that I thought it was a good year. . . afterall, it was a year that tested and tried us more than any other year. Yet I still think it was a GREAT year. Here we are, at the end of it, and we are sitting in our cozy living room having a conversation about it. We have our health and we're happy.

I was surprised that Taher and I saw our year so differently. I have excellent memory. It isn't as if I have forgotten about the year we've been through. I haven't. But I think when you're faced with adversity, it gives you the greatest opportunity to truly shine. And this year was full of adversity.

The year started off with Taher and I seeking help from an infertility Doctor after not being able to conceive for almost a year.

Then the year involved us hearing from a Doctor that we are "healthy" and we have no "known" issues.

The year continued with Taher and I trying a few expensive and invasive medical tests and procedures. Many tears were shed when we continued to get the disappointing news that the medical procedures did not work.

The year involved our Doctor telling us that there is really nothing more that he can do for us, unless of course we want to spent obscene amounts of money for more medical procedures.

The year involved changing visions. It involved a lot of sadness, and a lot of healing. It also involved a lot of acceptance, and a lot of letting go.

It is not an exaggeration when I say it was the most difficult year I've ever experienced. The entire year was a rollercoaster of emotions. I was giving myself 6 shots a day at one point in the year, only to have the procedure fail.

The year tested the strength of our marriage, over and over again, but if anything, the pain we were feeling helped us to rely on each other even more.

The best part of the year was when I decided that my happy ending was going to look very differently than I had originally thought. My happy ending wasn't going to involve me getting pregnant. Instead, my happy ending would be choosing to move on. And that's just what I did.

After our last failed treatment in July, I spent a few days crying and feeling sorry for myself, and then I picked myself up and vowed never to look back. I vowed not to be sad about circumstances that I had no control over. I was not going to be sad for one more day about the fact that Taher and I wouldn't have biological children, or that people were getting pregnant around me left and right, or about the fact that our family would look very differently than most. I was going to be happy.

I began healing.

In the meantime, Taher and I were already deep into the adoption process. Something we have ALWAYS wanted to do. . . long before we had the knowledge that we would have difficulty conceiving.

2009 will always be the year that I chose happiness, and that Taher and I chose adoption. How could that ever be considered a bad year?

I can't remember a year with more opportunity for growth. I also can't remember a year where I shed so many tears. But the tears taught me so much. I would never take back the tears. Because without them, I wouldn't have had so much growth.

At the end of 2009, out of the blue, I decided to take a pregnancy test. The 100th or so pregnancy test I took in 2009. I was fully expecting the same result I've always seen, but this time was different. This time, I saw the most beautifully positive pregnancy test I ever laid my eyes on.

Yes, 2009 was the year that Taher and I realized that we weren't expecting one child. . . we were expecting two. 2009 was the year that my dream of always having a child biologically, as well as adopting a child came true.

So, I will have to very respectfully disagree with my husband when I say, 2009 was one of the best years of my entire life.