Adopting Domestically

Here is a post from Debbie, at Always and Forever Family. Debbie and her husband adopted domestically, and she provides some insight on that experience. Thanks so much for writing this guest post for me Debbie. I really appreciate it. :-D

I remember telling someone that I didn't think I could do a domestic adoption because it feels more real, like you are taking someones child. You see we originally started out wanting to adopt a toddler boy from Russia. For nearly two years we dreamed of that blond hair, blue eye little boy. We were just waiting to be able to submit our dossier. But God had some other plans for us. After waiting nearly two years we decided to pull out of the Russia program and go domestic and now we have our beautiful brown skinned girl at home with us.

It wasn't an easy choice though. We were scared. We were scared of the birth parents more then anything. That's one of the reasons we picked Russia. But our hearts began to change and we started to learn a little more about domestic adoption. We decided that we would stick with our agency and just join their domestic program. Only problem was they only did open adoptions. But we had already paid what was more then half of the domestic fees by that point with our Russian adoption so we knew we couldn't leave the agency. We knew we needed to learn and become comfortable with it.

We attended the workshop and seminar. We read books and attended monthly meetings with our agency. All the while we were learning the benefits of domestic open adoption. We learned that it really is best for the child. That if we can provide the answers that many adoptees have just by getting over our own fears of birthparents then it is well worth it.

It was learning those benefits and also knowing that we would gain so much adopting domestically (like medical history and at the very least the name of the birth parents) that made us decide to adopt domestically.

My advice to anyone considering domestic adoption:

• Patience: Once you submit your profile you no longer have any control at all. In most international adoptions you are on a waiting list. Doesn't generally work that way with domestic, unless the birthmom doesn't take part in choosing, even with semi-open adoptions.

• Understanding: That even when you are told you weren't chosen but someone else was that their dreams just came true and yours will to when the time is right. The first no is always the hardest. But for me after that first no I was able to let go a little of the control I wanted to have realizing then that I had none.

• Compassionate understanding: When you are told an expectant mother (she's not a birthmom until she's relinquished her rights) will be looking at your profile that it's very hard on her. Pray for her while you wait to hear what her decision is.

• Trust: If you enter into an open adoption, trust your child's birthparent.

Other adoption advice I would give regardless of where you adopt from is to have a few people that have adopted close to you that you can talk to when you are having a bad day. That's what makes the bloggy world such a great place.