This weekend will involve packing and preparing for T's trip to Ethiopia on Sunday. He is nervous (You'll hear more of his thoughts when I publish his guest post next week) and I'm sad that he will be experiencing this himself. I mean. . . the emotions of meeting our son for the first time, I can't articulate how special and important this is for our family. I can understand how nervous he is. More than anything though, he's excited.
T and I were driving home last night with Scarlett in the back seat, and he said that he hopes Khalil holds out his arms to him when he arrives at the orphanage to meet him. I told T those expectations are a bit high. Yes. . . we've been dreaming of this boy for over a year, but he doesn't know us, and that is something we must realize and accept. I take comfort in the fact that he will know us though. We will bond and he will know us as his parents. . . in time.
T is also very sad to be leaving Scarlett. He's a wonderful father and it's so obvious how in love he is with his little girl. I'm sad for him that he's leaving Scarlett, but I promised him I would talk about him constantly and we'd even call his cell phone just so we can hear his voice on his voicemail. I know how he feels though, as I ponder leaving Scarlett to go back for the second trip. In a perfect world, we'd never have to leave our children, but I know both Scarlett and Khalil will love us forever, even if we have to leave them both from time to time.
T is also sad that he'll have to leave Khalil. Our orphanage only let's the parents visit for less than 2 hours, and they suggest we don't visit him in the orphanage daily while in Ethiopia. They don't want Khalil to start bonding with us yet. . . afterall, T will have to leave him there after a few days. They really don't want the bonding to occur until the 2nd trip, when we can take him in our arms for good.
And then there is the separation between T and I. I'm less nervous about that one. We've been separated many times by continents before. Early on in our relationship, T went to Egypt for a month with his father. It was the LONGEST month of my life. Then I went to Norway a few years later to visit girlfriends and T stayed at home. I'll miss him like crazy, but it will be okay.
I have no doubt that he is going to have the experience of his life. Although T has been to Africa many times, he's never been to sub Sahara, so I know it will be a whole new experience. I'm glad that he's traveled so frequently however, because I think going to Ethiopia will be a less of a culture shock than it would be for some. . . although I still think there will be shock involved.
I love you T, and I wish you the safest of travels on this most important journey. And I assure you Scarlett and I will be well taken care of while you are away.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
My Funny Girl and Other Musings
I wanted to start off with a pic of my girl. This is how she sleeps. What a little poser! :)
I just want to thak everyone who took the time to comment on my last post. I really appreciate all of your different perspectives on the subject of whether or not I should go to Ethiopia for the 2nd trip to pick up Khalil. I read and pondered each and every comment, and I am just so appreciative of all the different perspectives that were presented.
It's basically all I've been thinking about the past few days, and I think I've reached a decision. I have been very torn over my head and my heart. My head is telling me one thing, but my heart is telling me something else very different. I'll share my decision soon. The only reason I don't want to share today is because it may change in the next hour, day or week. But I will share.
In other news, one week from TODAY is our court date! WOW!!! I really can't believe it! ONE WEEK! In just one week, T will be standing in front of a judge in Ethiopia, and the decision will be made if Khalil will officially and legally be OUR son. Very exciting, and very overwhelming. I just pray for no complications at all.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
The Best Laid Plans
I'm a planner and a bit of a control freak. (Shocking, I know!)
When I found out I was pregnant on October 30th, I started planning like crazy. I wanted to make sure that I would be able to deal with a pregnancy and adopting, because it was very important to T and I that our adoption plans were not halted.
Then Ethiopia changed their laws which would require us to travel to Ethiopia twice. Again, I rolled with the punches and planned like crazy for how this would all work out. It was decided that T would travel to Ethiopia for court, and then I would travel with my Mom to Ethiopia for the embassy appointment and to bring Khalil home for good. In theory, this all sounded like a great and managable plan. A plan that would allow both T and I to see Khalil's birth country, and a plan that would assure one parent would be home with Scarlett the entire time. Yes, a good and fool proof plan, right?
When I would tell people the plan, many people would just laugh at me, and say, "We'll see if this remains your plan once your daughter is born." I always laughed right back and explained to them how my children are equally important to me, and that my baby girl would just have to be without her mama for a week while I pick up Khalil.
I really thought I had it all figured out. But the one thing I didn't account for was my emotions. The entire pregnancy, I built an attachment to my baby girl in my belly, but I also kept her at an arm's length. You know. . . just in case something went wrong. When she was born and I finally was able to hold her and look in her arms, I fell completely in love. . . to a degree that I didn't think was possible. My heart absolutely melted and in a heartbeat, she became my life.
And in that instant I realized. . . I didn't think I could leave her for a week to go to Ethiopia.
I told T this, and he said he would gladly go back for the second trip, and my Mom said she would gladly travel with Taher to bring Khalil home. So, I've received no pressure from outside sources. There IS a way around this that will allow me to stay home with Scarlett. But, I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself. I should go to Ethiopia. I know my Mom will have a much more fun trip with me if I go. I know I'll always appreciate seeing where Khalil has lived the past few months and visiting his home country.
But logistically, I don't know how my heart will allow me to leave Scarlett for a week. I don't know how I would manage to continue breast feeding her, which is very important to me. Sure, I could store up breast milk for her for when I'm gone, but how will I manage to continue pumping while I'm gone? Pretty sure there is no where to plug in a breast pump in an airplane. And I've had bad luck with adaptors/converters in different countries, so I'm not sure if the breast pump would work so well in Ethiopia. And I'm just not ready to be done breastfeeding, especially since I'm guessing we'll be in Ethiopia in September, and Scarlett will only be 2 months old by then.
My Mom and T keep reminding me that a decision doesn't need to be made immediately, and I realize that. But. . . It's on my mind constantly, and a part of me wishes someone would just make the decision for me. Because I know whatever I decide, I'll beat myself up about the decision.
When I found out I was pregnant on October 30th, I started planning like crazy. I wanted to make sure that I would be able to deal with a pregnancy and adopting, because it was very important to T and I that our adoption plans were not halted.
Then Ethiopia changed their laws which would require us to travel to Ethiopia twice. Again, I rolled with the punches and planned like crazy for how this would all work out. It was decided that T would travel to Ethiopia for court, and then I would travel with my Mom to Ethiopia for the embassy appointment and to bring Khalil home for good. In theory, this all sounded like a great and managable plan. A plan that would allow both T and I to see Khalil's birth country, and a plan that would assure one parent would be home with Scarlett the entire time. Yes, a good and fool proof plan, right?
When I would tell people the plan, many people would just laugh at me, and say, "We'll see if this remains your plan once your daughter is born." I always laughed right back and explained to them how my children are equally important to me, and that my baby girl would just have to be without her mama for a week while I pick up Khalil.
I really thought I had it all figured out. But the one thing I didn't account for was my emotions. The entire pregnancy, I built an attachment to my baby girl in my belly, but I also kept her at an arm's length. You know. . . just in case something went wrong. When she was born and I finally was able to hold her and look in her arms, I fell completely in love. . . to a degree that I didn't think was possible. My heart absolutely melted and in a heartbeat, she became my life.
And in that instant I realized. . . I didn't think I could leave her for a week to go to Ethiopia.
I told T this, and he said he would gladly go back for the second trip, and my Mom said she would gladly travel with Taher to bring Khalil home. So, I've received no pressure from outside sources. There IS a way around this that will allow me to stay home with Scarlett. But, I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself. I should go to Ethiopia. I know my Mom will have a much more fun trip with me if I go. I know I'll always appreciate seeing where Khalil has lived the past few months and visiting his home country.
But logistically, I don't know how my heart will allow me to leave Scarlett for a week. I don't know how I would manage to continue breast feeding her, which is very important to me. Sure, I could store up breast milk for her for when I'm gone, but how will I manage to continue pumping while I'm gone? Pretty sure there is no where to plug in a breast pump in an airplane. And I've had bad luck with adaptors/converters in different countries, so I'm not sure if the breast pump would work so well in Ethiopia. And I'm just not ready to be done breastfeeding, especially since I'm guessing we'll be in Ethiopia in September, and Scarlett will only be 2 months old by then.
My Mom and T keep reminding me that a decision doesn't need to be made immediately, and I realize that. But. . . It's on my mind constantly, and a part of me wishes someone would just make the decision for me. Because I know whatever I decide, I'll beat myself up about the decision.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Life These Days
A post with a little bit of everything. . .
1. I have a couple friends traveling to meet their children right now. I am SO excited for them!!! One is in Ethiopia for a court date and she got to meet her son for the first time! Wow! And another is in South Korea meeting her son for the first time! It's so fun to be watching these stories come full circle. So many of the journeys I have been following since my journey began are coming to an end. Or I guess I should say one chapter of the journey is ending, and another beginning.
2. T leaves for Ethiopia in less than a week. He and I have A LOT to do to prepare for his trip still. We have paperwork to fill out, forms to get notarized, bags to pack. Yes, a LOT to do! I'm not looking forward to being a single parent for the week, but at the same time, I'm so excited that T is going to Ethiopia, meeting OUR SON, and finishing another crucial step in this process. T is planning on bringing a video camera and taking video of Nur. I honestly can't believe that in a week, T will be meeting Nur. It's just been such a long time coming. And it's finally going to happen.
3. Right now, I live my life in 2 hour increments. I feed TT, then she usually dozes off, while I run around the house and try to accomplish things, and about 2 hours from when the previous feeding started, TT starts stirring and it's time for feeding again. I often wonder if babies get bored. I mean, I try to engage her as much as possible when she's awake, but she isn't real interactive yet. We go on walks, she sleeps, and the other day, T and I took her to the Minneapolis sculpture gardens, where again, she slept. But. . . we did manage to get some nice pictures.
Life is good, but it's also overwhelming at times. I'm learning a lot about myself. For example, I always thought I loved change. And in most aspects of life, I do. But I'm having a hard time adjusting to the major life changes occurring in my life. Everything is different, and it's taking me a while to adjust. My emotions have definitely balanced out a bit, which is great, because the first few days, I was a hot mess. I'm hoping everyday, I start feeling better and become more myself.
1. I have a couple friends traveling to meet their children right now. I am SO excited for them!!! One is in Ethiopia for a court date and she got to meet her son for the first time! Wow! And another is in South Korea meeting her son for the first time! It's so fun to be watching these stories come full circle. So many of the journeys I have been following since my journey began are coming to an end. Or I guess I should say one chapter of the journey is ending, and another beginning.
2. T leaves for Ethiopia in less than a week. He and I have A LOT to do to prepare for his trip still. We have paperwork to fill out, forms to get notarized, bags to pack. Yes, a LOT to do! I'm not looking forward to being a single parent for the week, but at the same time, I'm so excited that T is going to Ethiopia, meeting OUR SON, and finishing another crucial step in this process. T is planning on bringing a video camera and taking video of Nur. I honestly can't believe that in a week, T will be meeting Nur. It's just been such a long time coming. And it's finally going to happen.
3. Right now, I live my life in 2 hour increments. I feed TT, then she usually dozes off, while I run around the house and try to accomplish things, and about 2 hours from when the previous feeding started, TT starts stirring and it's time for feeding again. I often wonder if babies get bored. I mean, I try to engage her as much as possible when she's awake, but she isn't real interactive yet. We go on walks, she sleeps, and the other day, T and I took her to the Minneapolis sculpture gardens, where again, she slept. But. . . we did manage to get some nice pictures.
Life is good, but it's also overwhelming at times. I'm learning a lot about myself. For example, I always thought I loved change. And in most aspects of life, I do. But I'm having a hard time adjusting to the major life changes occurring in my life. Everything is different, and it's taking me a while to adjust. My emotions have definitely balanced out a bit, which is great, because the first few days, I was a hot mess. I'm hoping everyday, I start feeling better and become more myself.
Friday, July 23, 2010
The Whirlwind that is Life
On days I write a blog post, I usually don't have time to comment on other people's blogs, which I love to do. (And even though I'm not commenting much right now, I am reading, I promise) And on days I take the time to comment, I run out of room to blog myself. Such is life.
Life is good. It's busy. It's a crazy adjustment. I am still trying to figure everything out right now. I'm trying to navigate through my new reality, but I'm also trying not to get too comfortable in my new reality, because this reality will become a different reality in no time at all.
Next week my goal is to be a better blogger because I have A LOT to say. (Surprised? Probably not. Hee hee) Next week I want to touch on T's trip to Ethiopia that is just around the corner, preparing for Nur to come home, talking to TT about her older brother, having children, maintaining a sense of normalcy, and I want to share super cute pictures of course.
I hope everyone is having a wonderful Friday, and thanks for sticking with me through this major life adjustment.
Life is good. It's busy. It's a crazy adjustment. I am still trying to figure everything out right now. I'm trying to navigate through my new reality, but I'm also trying not to get too comfortable in my new reality, because this reality will become a different reality in no time at all.
Next week my goal is to be a better blogger because I have A LOT to say. (Surprised? Probably not. Hee hee) Next week I want to touch on T's trip to Ethiopia that is just around the corner, preparing for Nur to come home, talking to TT about her older brother, having children, maintaining a sense of normalcy, and I want to share super cute pictures of course.
I hope everyone is having a wonderful Friday, and thanks for sticking with me through this major life adjustment.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
A Day in the Life
These past two weeks I've been trying to establish some sort of routine. I haven't been real successful and realize that routines are hard to have when your baby screams of hunger every two hours.
Right now, I am feeding TT about every 2 to 2.5 hours, and my days consist of figuring out what to do between those feedings when she is for the most part pretty sleepy.
Do I sleep?
Do I sweep and vacuum?
Do I get on the internet?
Do I eat?
Do I shower?
Do I run to Tar.get?
Do I do the bills?
Everyday I set goals for myself and everyday I manage to accomplish a couple of them, but not the whole list. A lot of times, I forgot about the list all together, and spend TT's naps holding her and watching her sleep and dream, or breathing in her oh so fresh baby scent. I also spend time staging photo shoots while she's awake because I can't get enough of her beautiful big brown eyes.
I'm also starting to feel more normal everyday. I love being her mama, and I know she isn't going to be this small for long, so I'm trying to memorize every little squishy feature of my daughter.
She has brought so much joy to T and I's lives.
Monday, July 19, 2010
What's Next
A lot of people have asked us what's next? What happens after court? So, here is how it goes to the best of my knowledge.
T leaves very soon for our August 5th court date. When T is in Ethiopia, he'll get to visit Nur for a couple hours at the orphanage every day. He can't wait for that! :) Assuming we pass court on August 5th, Nur will officially be our son. So. . . why can't we just bring him home then? Well, that would be a lot easier, but there is a lot of paperwork that then needs to be filled out at the US Embassy in Addis Ababa that will allow us to bring Nur into this country.
.
So, once we pass court, all the court paperwork will go to the US Embassy. The estimate is that once we pass court, we'll get a court date within 6-8 weeks. (Again. . . only an estimate) The Embassy appointment will allow us to bring Nur to his forever home. (And Nur. . . we apologize ahead of time for our nasty MN winters)
We are hoping to have Nur home sometime in the middle of September to the end of September. This is just our best guess, and it could be a little before that, or a little after, but I think our estimate is pretty accurate.
So, potentially, we could be just two short months away from meeting our son. Crazy, right?
Everyday I talk to TT about him. I'm not sure if her 2 week old brain understands a thing I'm saying, but I'd like to think she is happy to meet this older brother of hers. :)
T leaves very soon for our August 5th court date. When T is in Ethiopia, he'll get to visit Nur for a couple hours at the orphanage every day. He can't wait for that! :) Assuming we pass court on August 5th, Nur will officially be our son. So. . . why can't we just bring him home then? Well, that would be a lot easier, but there is a lot of paperwork that then needs to be filled out at the US Embassy in Addis Ababa that will allow us to bring Nur into this country.
.
So, once we pass court, all the court paperwork will go to the US Embassy. The estimate is that once we pass court, we'll get a court date within 6-8 weeks. (Again. . . only an estimate) The Embassy appointment will allow us to bring Nur to his forever home. (And Nur. . . we apologize ahead of time for our nasty MN winters)
We are hoping to have Nur home sometime in the middle of September to the end of September. This is just our best guess, and it could be a little before that, or a little after, but I think our estimate is pretty accurate.
So, potentially, we could be just two short months away from meeting our son. Crazy, right?
Everyday I talk to TT about him. I'm not sure if her 2 week old brain understands a thing I'm saying, but I'd like to think she is happy to meet this older brother of hers. :)
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