My entire adult life, I've been focused on education and career advancement. I love being a student, and after finishing my Bachelor's Degree, I took a couple years off, and then went back for my Master's Degree. The main point of this education was because as I previously mentioned, I REALLY love being a student. But of course another part of the education was for the sake of promotions and things like that.
I guess you could also say I'm a bit of a feminist. I fight hard to be at the level (if not higher) than my male counterparts. I fight hard to be taken seriously in the work force and to prove myself. I'm also a bit of a non-traditionalist, and I think that is evident in T and I's marriage, as we don't have the "classic" male and female roles.
I know many women who make the decision to stay at home with their children, and I've always questioned that. My logical self wondered, how will they ever get back in the work force when their children are older? I mean, that is a huge employment gap on a resume. . . Not good! I also always thought that I would be way too bored to ever be a stay at home parent. I didnt' see me living the life of staying in my mommy clothes (aka. . . sweats) all day long. Instead, I like waking up and putting on my suits and stilletos. It's empowering to me.
So, where is this post going? Well, now that I am an "expectant" Mom, I think I would very much like to stay at home with my child. (GASP!!!!!!!) I think it would be wonderful to wake up to my beautiful child everyday, and know that I didn't have to rush him through a morning routine, and then drop him off at daycare for the next 9 hours. I'd love to spend the day with him, watching his milestones, teaching him new things, organizing my home, and maybe even cooking T dinner when he got home from work. (Okay, that last statement may have been pushing it)
I'm constantly amazed how priorities and outlooks changed. Adoption has definitely changed me. My priorities in life have completely shifted. My viewpoints have shifted. My perspective has shifted.
I am also pretty sure that staying home won't be an option for me. . . not if we want to live the comfortable life we currently do, but my perspective on staying home has changed.
What are your thoughts on being a stay at home Mom? Are you one? Or is it something you'd ever consider?
24 comments:
I think I would like to be a stay at home mom...or at least work only part time. What attracts me to being a SAHM is exactly what you described- getting up and knowing you don't have to rush off to work, etc. I also think it would help me keep up with the cleaning around here!
At this point in our "trying", I have a really hard time hearing moms say they are bored with being at home... I'm sure I have a pie-in-the-sky view of things, and I'm sure it IS nice to get out of the house to go to the library or Y, but I think people who get the chance to be SAHM's should really appreciate the opportunity instead of complaining that they're bored or that their baby doesn't interact enough for them :-P
Again, I'm sure my perspective is a little off ;-) Ask me again when I spend every waking hour with a 10lb. person who can't talk!!
I pray that maybe some doors would be opened for you that might at least let you cut back your hours once your little one gets here!
It does seem like it would be wonderful to be a SAHM. I think that if one wants to do that and is able, then she should go for it. The reality for me is that I won't be a SAHM...like you, if we want to continue to live the life that we do (and adopt a second time), I have to continue working full-time. I like that I contribute to our family life financially. Also, I really can't see me staying home full-time. It's not really me. Now, ask me this in a few months and I may answer differently! I think that a nice balance would be working part-time (3-4 days a week) and fortunately, I have that option at work. But maybe down the road....
I've been through the exact same thought process as you. I used to think I wouldn't want to stay home, and now it's all I think about. But, like you, I don't think we can swing it for me to stay home. But we're thinking about how we can both adjust our work schedules to have more time at home with our child.
I grew up with a SAHM, and I never thought that I would want to follow her footsteps. I have always like the interaction with the world and with people too much, and the idea of staying home with a child made me feel a little shut off. As I get older though, my priorities are shifting as well, and I think if we are ever blessed with a child, I would love to be able to shut out the busy hectic world and focus on family.
Personally, I always want to be a SAHM. Next month it will be two years since I worked and....I can't believe it! That time seems long, but it passed so fast. And I enjoy every moment of it. We had to make sacrifices for me to quit working, but it was so worth it. So rewarding! I was lucky enough to marry a man who had a SAHM and he supported my decision to stay at home with ours. To me, this is the best and most rewarding job in the world.
But on the other hand, I do miss my career. I miss adult conversations! I respect mothers who continue working. It is a personal choice. Whatever the mother's decision is, whether to work or not....that is whats best for her and her family.
I also have had similar thoughts. I attended a women's college and I have a couple of graduate degrees, but now that I am finally expecting, I really would love to stay at home with the baby. For at least a year. This is not really an option for me, unfortunately. So I have to figure out how to balance what I want with what really needs to happen.
I love being a SAHM. While some people have certain dreams and life callings in their careers, I have ALWAYS felt like my life calling was to be a SAHM. I feel incredibly lucky that we are financially able to do it, too. Granted, we pinch pennies - no cable, no credit cards, no car payments, I cut coupons and we always shop around for everything before buying.
I don't understand people who are SAHMs who say they are bored. Between daily cleaning, laundry, meals and baby care, my day is always packed. And that doesn't include my to do list of other things that need done like errands and bills and yard work, etc.
Though I am definitely a homebody, I try to make it a priority to get out of the house for some social time: We go to the library for storytime, go for walks and take the dog to the dog park with friends, do play dates sometimes. Starting next week my neighbor and I are going to start getting together once a week for dinner. My parents watch Kasen twice a week so I can go to the gym. Once he is older, I'm going to find some volunteer stuff we can do so that he can learn that there are different lifestyles and that we should help the less fortunate. We're batting around the idea of homeschooling, but even if we don't go that route, we still plan on doing a lot of educating outside of school. There are millions of things for him to learn and every little thing you do throughout the day has tons of different learning angles to it - all which take time to do!
Bored? What's that mean!?
Anyway, I don't think it's for everyone. I am a homebody so I'm sure that helps. Would we love an extra income? Sure! I'd get me a minivan, buy my husband his pole barn so I could have my garage back and start investing money like crazy. But we would rather sacrifice those things at this point in time for me to be able to do this.
As far as what to do if I ever do go back to work and have this huge gap on my resume? Easy - I can list all the volunteer stuff we'll have been doing and homeschool stuff if it applies. I also have a Shaklee business (http://shaklee.net/carriebarta) that I'm slowly working on getting up and running in my spare time. (ha! spare time!)
I never thought I would be a SAHM either, but I absolutely LOVED it!! Once I had my girls, I couldn't even imagine going back to work (and it wasn't even an option until now). We weren't sure we would be able to make it financially, but we made it work, and they were the best years ever! It was worth every sacrifice we had to make. Every family has to decide for themselves, but I am truly blessed that I had the opportunity to spend each day with our daughters. I now work part time (at their school!) and love that as well.
I'm so excited for you to get your son! I can't wait to find out what country he will be from. One of my good friends just adopted a baby boy, and she is absolutely in love with him!
I've always wanted to be a SAHM...like it was my true career destination. :) I think that's another layer of why this waiting is so hard, because not only am I waiting to me a mom, I'm waiting to be a SAHM. It was interesting to read your perspective shift!
I've always wanted to be a stay at home mom...or work part time while they're in school. I guess because that's what my mom did most of my life?
I am a SAHM. I really enjoy it. I think balance is a really important part of everything. I feel very blessed to stay home with my boys, but it can become overwhelming very quickly if I do not have some quiet time to myself every week. On Sat. I try to sneak out for a two hour block just to have a little "me" time. I am never bored. The days are just too packed for that. I always knew I would want to stay home. We do pinch pennies, don't go on elaborate vacations or eat out much. But it is totally worth it. :)
I cannot WAIT to be a stay-at-home-mom. I know this can be a controversial topic and can really get heated so please, I'm not trying to offend anyone at all... But to me, the most important thing in the world is being there for your children. Not that you can't still be there if you work, but I mean, all the time. And yes, that sounds tiring, and yes, I'm sure everyone has a day here and there where they just want to "do something else." But I cannot even imagine missing my child's first step, or first word, or first anything because I valued my job over those things.
Yes, the pay difference is difficult, but paying for childcare is quite a chunk of money as well! And what we're doing right now is just living off of Matt's salary so that it's not such a shock when I'm not bringing home a check as well. Yes, that means we can't go out to eat every week and I may have to wait for some shoes to go on sale, but those things are totally worth giving up to me.
And I think if you were to stay home, you wouldn't really find yourself bored... There's plenty that always needs to be done.
I could go on and on about being a SAHM, but I'll spare you! You have to do what is best for YOUR family. And for mine, it's being a SAHM. You'll know what to do when the time comes and whatever you chose, you guys will make it work, I'm sure of it!
I'm pretty sure you know my stance on it after my post from last night. I guess you and I are on the same page right now.
I think in our case, our inability to think we could ever be at-home moms was coming from the same niave girls who thought we would be pregnant within the first couple cycles at the infertility clinic. And maybe the latter is what is contributing to our newfound desires to stay home with our children. But you're right, it is amazing how our perspectives on what our goals for life change when children are seriously taken into consideration. I think it takes almost being or being a parent to realize how much your priorities and wants change.
I am like you, I climbed the corporate ladder and worked my tail off to get here. The thought of giving it up was unfathomable... until my daugher was born.
While I was home sick yesterday, I had the opportunity of watching my daughter figure out how to crawl up the stairs on her own. I was so excited for her, while my heart broke knowing days like that are rare because I work. I would love nothing more than to be home with her all day every day.
Chelle - You actually inspired this post, after I read yours this morning. We are on the same page. :-D
Jenny - I don't think it needs to be a controversial topic. Although I know you're right. . . It does sometimes turn into one. I think to each her own. Right now, the idea sounds wonderful to me. Unfathomable. . . yet wonderful. :-D
I'm glad everyone's so nice about it here! I have read on a TTC discussion board I used to be on where someone posted a similar topic on SAHM vs. working moms and some ladies got SO upset and defensive! It was RIDICULOUS! Like I said before, when it comes time to make that decision, you and T will both know what's right for your family!
Hi Leah, I found your blog while perusing the adoption blogroll. I'm in the process of getting my MA and plan to teach online once I'm finished, in order to continue being a stay-at-home-mom. I just wondered if you had considered that possibility--anyone with a Master's Degree can do it. A good friend of mine (and stay-at-home mother of two) teaches eleven(!) classes and makes great money. If you're interested, check out www.higheredjobs.com. The site lists tons of job openings by state.
Good luck with your adoption!
Summer
Arizona
I am a stay at home Mom, I have been for the past 5 years. There are times I think it was a mistake to leave my job and be a full time mom. On the other hand the medical needs of my children are what lead me to be a full time at home Mom. In fact I even Home schooled my youngest for a year to get him regulated on medicine he needed.
Now I am wanting to get back into the work force, but having a hard time finding anything. Maybe it's bad timing after the economy problems, but I should be able to get a job at the local grocery store. So far no luck. Which makes me go back to, Did I make the wrong choice to stay at home to be a full time Mom?
I decided to take some courses to help fill the gap and make my resume's look better than blank for the past 5 years. I still think I'm going to have trouble after the babies are born, finding a job.
You described me in this post.
I've always been that push-ahead feminist.
And then my desire for children started. And I want to be a SAHM from the bottom of my heart.
Not sure if I'll ever be able to do it fully. I'll always need to bring in some income, but I'm at the point now where I want to work from home or something, so I can be with my future babies.
Thanks for writing. I find strength when other women like me feel the same way.
Being a stay at home mom has always been my dream. But then I've never actually had a career or gone to college so I suppose I don't have that challange or drive like you do. But I never wanted it either.
And we would sacrifice and give up anything in order for me to stay at home. I did for the first 10 months and with our next child I'll make sure I can stay home at least the first year again. Of course I was lucky and my old office took me back so my gap didn't matter. Next time (if there is a next time returning to work) it will be different.
Priorities and visions are constantly changing. That's a fact of life.
Child three had me deciding to stay home with my children. I really sucked at it! I missed the other challenges. I missed the money - we liked to eat. After 18 months, I returned to work and we were all much happier. It helped, though, that our baby sitter happened to also be a very good friend. Her husband worked nights and was home during the day. So they had the best care possible and a male role model around all the time.
I don't think there is a right or wrong - it is just a matter of doing what is best for the whole.
Hey girly! I am making adoption rocks bottle cap necklaces! If you are interested in hosting a giveaway for me let me know! my email is thepoptopshop@yahoo.com
I'm a SAHM mom for this year; then I'll be back at my teaching job in the fall. We know it's going to be a tougher year. After all we've gone through to adopt Zoe, though, me staying home is what makes sense to us. (Not to mention that it is an option at my job; I know it's just not an option to take a year's leave for many people.)
I really like it so far. I miss my coworkers and certainly my students, but it's okay. I'm loving being here with my daughter. (And I'm never bored -- there's way too much to do to be bored.)
Hey friend:
Sorry to be away for so long. I am much like you, in that I thought for sure that career, even after motherhood, was a priority for me. However, once our beautiful daughter arrived, and I spent the first three months of her life at home with her, it was agony to go back to work. My partner got to stay home with her for two years, which was a miracle for us as a family. However, if the roles had been switched, I would have stayed home in a heartbeat. Any change in day to day living would have been welcome for the opportunity to watch her grow, change and evolve.
It is my dream to be self-employed, so that when I have kids, I can work on whatever schedule works for me and my family!
My husband is well on his way to self-employment, so we are really hoping that we will BOTH be able to be around while our kids are growing up! That is the dream scenario...but, even if I can't, at least one parent will be around all the time.
I have total respect for SAHMs. I think that to each her (or his) own. Nobody can tell anyone else what is right for his or her own self or family.
Post a Comment