A Friday Post of Everything

THANKS

I just want to thank everyone for the sweet comments you left me. Thank you so much for keeping T and I in your thoughts and prayers. Thank you for taking the time to follow my story, and for commenting on my posts. It means so much to me that there are so many out there that are happy for us.

REFERRAL DAY

The universe has never been so aligned in all of my life. First, we get the call that we have a son. That joy alone would be enough to carry me through. But then on top of that, we found out we could still possibly make the cutoff date and only have to travel to Ethiopia once. Then I got home from work and had a huge package waiting at the door. In the package was a gift for both Khalil and Baby Girl. The same night, Taher and I just happened to have tickets to the MN Twin's Game, which was so exciting because they are in a brand new stadium. I had bought the tickets months ago, and the game just happened to be on referral day! We took our seats, which were very good. I knew they were going to be good as I had spent quite a bit on them as a surprise to Taher. About half way through the warmups, I realized that we were in the wrong seats. At this point, we were about 20 seats from the field, but then I realized we were actually in the 5th row, right behind the Twin's dugout. Yes, in actuality, our seats were even better than I had thought. The Twin's ended up winning in the 9th inning. I've never had a day like this, and I am so completely aware of how unworthy I am.

31 WEEKS PREGNANT

I missed my pregnancy post of the week. I am 31 weeks. (Now officially 31w2d) I have my midwife appointment today and pray things are still going well. And here are my pregnancy pictures of the week. . . from the Twin's game. (I swear, this pink shirt isn't the only one I own) :)

GUILT

I feel guilty for so many things. I have major mama guilt. Like how am I going to give two babies the attention they need and deserve? Am I doing either of these children a disservice by having them both at the same time? Is there enough love to go around? Was I thinking about baby girl enough on referral day or was too much of my attention going towards Khalil. It isn't fair that T and I received our referral when there were people waiting longer than us for theirs. I feel for them. I know how hard waiting is. It isn't fair that people have lost their babies, had difficult pregnancies, had issues with their adoption. I am feeling constant guilt.

UNWORTHINESS

I am SO aware of how unworthy I am for all that I am receiving. I've been in a constant conversation with God since Tuesday letting him know that I realize how unworthy I am, and that I hope he doesn't take this away from me.

BALANCING LIFE

I hate my pessimistic attitude, but every time things go well for me, I wait for the ball to drop. I'm waiting for that to happen right now. I feel beyond blessed to have a referral of a beautiful baby boy, and to be pregnant with a baby girl. What's going to go wrong? No one's life is this good, right? Something bad needs to happen to balance things off. I'm scared of what that bad thing will be. I can't lose these children. I love them both so much. So much.

So, these are my thoughts. My mind is a bit everywhere, as you can see. I'm just so grateful for the gifts I've been given and so aware that there are people who should be receiving these gifts before me. Not for one second will I take any of my gifts for granted. I am so very thankful.

HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE! I hope to have an update on Monday from the adoption agency. We should know by then if we squeaked by with only having to travel to Ethiopia once.