In just 1 more month, I'll be in Ethiopia, picking up Khalil, and getting read to bring him home. I've never experienced so many emotions at once.
I'm excited to have Khalil home. I've been dreaming of this day for what seems like forever. How is it that I can't remember life before dreaming of Khalil? I can't though.
I'm scared to have Khalil home. Having 1 baby is hard. Having 2 babies? I CANNOT EVEN IMAGINE. Scarlett is going through a rather fussy period right now, where she will cry and I don't know why, nor can I console her easily. I'm tired, yet I have a feeling I don't even know what tired is. Multiply all of this by 2. That will be my life.
I'm uncertain that I will immediately feel bonded to Khalil. We all have this picture perfect view in our heads of meeting our children for the first time, and love overwhelms us, and we live happily ever after. Well, in real life, it doesn't always work that way. I've read many adoption stories where the bond took a bit longer. . . for both the parent and the child. Will I feel an immense amount of love for Khalil immediately? Will it take some time?
I feel sad that no one will be able to take care of Scarlett when I'm gone as well as I take care of her when I'm here. Will she feel comforted? Will someone sing her her favorite songs and walk her endlessly? Will she know I'm coming back?
I feel relieved that we've come this far. Adoption is by far the hardest thing I've ever set out to do, and I'm almost at the end of it. The paperwork end is in sight.
Most of all, I feel hopeful. I am hopeful that Scarlett won't feel jipped having to share the attention of her parents. I'm hopeful that Khalil will fit in perfectly, and that he is meant to be my son. I am hopeful that he and Scarlett will grow up together and be the best of friends. I'm hopeful that the adjustment into our family will be a smoothe one, and that T and I will quickly adjust to having 2 children.
The hope is definitely what is getting me through this period of uncertainty.
See you at the Embassy 1 month from today!
16 comments:
I can understand you feeling so many emotions - this is a huge time in your life! Praying for you and your family in the days ahead!
2 babies (heck, any level of multiples) is hard word. It's tough and sometimes I have to take a moment and just let the stress out (especially when both are melting down at the same time). But it is rewarding and, as Mommy, you will figure it out. Some days you will cry yourself to sleep thinking that neither is getting enough of you. Some days, you wont be able to sleep because the overwhelming cuteness of whatever they are doing is too much. But it is a wonderful, meaningful life, and I cant imagine anything else.
Good luck!!!
not going to say it won't, b/c i'm SURE it will be hard! but praying the transition time isn't too hard for you. i think once you're home and can get into some form of a day to day, things will ease up. hoping so!
Oh Sweetie....think back when you were 8 months pregnant with Scarlett, your excitement, your concerns, your questions about your ability to be a good mother. I like to re-read some of those pregnancy posts, then read later posts to marvel at how far you've come.
Well, you're 8 months pregnant again and feeling those same anxieties, especially since you don't want to leave Scarlett. She is so young, she will never remember that someone didn't sing her her favorite lullaby. She will never remember not having Kahlil in her life, so their won't be any jealously. You life will be just as you've dreamed....You, T, a baby boy and a baby girl. And animals. You're blessed.
I'm looking forward to reading all about your trip. I'm REALLY looking forward to re-reading all the early posts when your precious family is a year old. It will be amusing for you too, because you will see how easily you all conformed.
Take good care. God gave you these babies, relax and enjoy them.
Much ♥, Lilly
I understand your emotions. ( in my own way). Having my 2 babies has been a huge challenge. but, I underestimated how big my heart can be. My life is complete, I hope you are able to feel that completeness.
Lots of changes coming soon...hoping everything goes very well for you and your family.
Take it all one step at a time.
Normal fears and concerns. You will be fine, Khalil will be fine and most of all Scarlett will be fine. It will all work out. I am so happy for you!!! :)
It feels like you have been on the adoption path as long as I have known you. I can't believe it is finally getting time to start this new chapter in your lives and close the door to the adoption path. Its been amazing and wonderful, and the best is yet to come.
Wow, I can't imagine two babies either! You'll do great though, I know it!
1 month will pass before you know it!
In my head it sounds like something worth trying. I hope it doesn't sound odd here. I was just thinking, reverse your kids. Think of Scarlett waiting for you in Ethiopia and K as being the one at home. Right now with S your having trouble consoling her. But you know your her Mama and she loves you. K is a baby and when he cries YOU are his Mama and he loves you already, He is grown in your body too, right above your womb in your heart. I know its going to be amazing to read about your meeting with him. No matter what happens during it because your son will be born and its a birth story and they are all different no matter what. Not one birth story is exactly like another. I am so excited for you to have him home. xoxo, Kandi Ann
Sending lots of prayers up for a smooth transition into a family of four! I know that Kahlil was meant for your family, and even if it takes a little while to adjust, I know it will turn out so perfect you will wonder why you ever worried! Praying for a safe trip for you as well. And that Miss Scarlett starts feeling better and not so fussy! Poor baby, and poor mommy! Lots of love to you and your sweet family!!!
Keep your head up girly!!! Can't wait to see a picture of your lil man!
i remember leaving eli with a sitter when i had to go back to rotations when he was 6 weeks. i was so sad thinking no on could care for him as well as i. truth was, he did fine, and it got easier for me. you will make it, and try not to let your missing her ruin your time there. good luck....it's coming fast.
My first two babies are less than two years apart, and even that almost pushed me over the edge at times. But already at 7 and 5 years old, they are best friends, and it will work out for your sweet family as well.
And you will love K the moment you meet him. T was completely taken with him and I know you will be soon!
I love this journey you on and know that, as hard as it is and will be, you will have two amazing children...and I know you will cherish all of it (even when things are crazy). I continue to be so happy for you and will be praying for the difficulties that may lie ahead!
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