I Know When My Son is Coming Home

Ever since beginning this adoption process, that has been the question we've been asked over and over again.

"When will you actually have your son home?"

If I had a dollar for every time I have been asked that, well, then this adoption would be completely paid for. :) And it's a great question, but one I've been unable to answer because of so many variables that go along with adoption.

But yesterday we received word from our agency that our embassy appointment. . the last and final appointment of this endeavor is September 30th!!!

We are so happy to finally know, and inshallah, that is when we can bring Khalil home! :)

As you know, I have decided to make this trip to Ethiopia, and my Mom is sweet and generous enough to make the journey with me, and T will be a single parent for the week I am gone. Our agency is suggesting we arrive either September 24th or September 25th, and the earliest we can then leave Ethiopia is the evening of October 1st. Ethiopia requires at least one week in the country when picking up the child. My plan of course was to go for the shortest amount of time possible, so we could get Khalil home, and so my time away from Scarlett was as limited as possible? Well, guess what? Minneapolis to Addis Ababa isn't the most popular flight, therefore, the flights are a bit limited. Right now, it's looking like I'll have to leave on a Friday, and come back on a Sunday. 9 days away from Scarlett. 9 days. My heart is breaking inside just a little.

I don't know how I can have so many emotions at once. I sit hear in excitement and anticipation to not only get to meet my son, but to get to bring him home. FINALLY!!! We will be a family of 4. I can't wait. Yet my emotions are also scared. When I say goodbye to Scarlett before my trip, I will not only be saying goodbye to her, but I'll be saying goodbye to her as my only child. Yes, I know I'm already a Mama to 2, but Scarlett is the only child in my custody at the moment. She is currently the center of my world. That will shift. Will the shift be okay with her? Is she just simply too young to care? I know people with multiple children say that the heart just grows even bigger with the addition of children. But can I give both Scarlett and Khalil the love and attention they deserve? Can I stomach being away from Scarlett for 9 days? Do I even have a choice? I had mentally prepared to be away from her for 5 days. But 9? Really? Will she know I'm still Mama when I am home? Or will she be looking at our nanny as her Mama? Am I completely irrational and going off the deep end? (Don't hesitate to tell me I am)

Life is really coming full circle for my family. We will have Khalil home either October 2nd or October 3rd, depending on the flight situation. Do you know what I was doing last October 2nd? I was flying to Ireland with T. A trip I booked to try to heal from the infertility mess that had become my life. A trip I booked to get away with my husband and heal from the thought of never having a biological child.

And here we are. . . it will be exactly a year later. Married. . . with 2 children. Makes me wish I had had more faith during the entire journey.