Each week, I receive emails from people asking how it is that I was able to adopt while being pregnant. Many people say that they thought Ethiopia didn't allow that, or their agency didn't allow that, and therefore they want to know what agency I am using. I thought I would dedicate this post to answering these questions as well as I can. Or people tell me of a friend who was adopting and got pregnant, and had to stop the adoption.
Ethiopia places NO restrictions on being pregnant while adopting. One of the reasons I was drawn to Ethiopia as a place to adopt is because they place very little restrictions on the adoptive parents. You don't have to be religious, you can be fairly young and adopt from that country, you can be a single mother and adopt, etc, etc, etc.
If you know someone who was pregnant and couldn't adopt from Ethiopia, it is because many agencies are the ones who put restrictions on people. It is agencies that decide you must be a certain religion, it is agencies who say that there must be a certain age difference between your biological children and your adoptive children, and it is agencies who say you absolutely cannot be pregnant and adopt.
T and I purposely stayed away from all agencies who had religious criteria, or who wouldn't allow a woman to be pregnant and adopt. We felt like anyone who wanted to adopt should be able to. . . assuming they would be fit parents. And in the back of our minds, we always hoped we'd get pregnant someday, and we didn't want that to be an adoption deal breaker, because we also really wanted to adopt.
So, after a lot of research, we chose Dove Adoptions International. We have had an extremely positive experience with Dove. We feel like they are a very ethical agency who has the child's best interest in mind. They communicate with us frequently, and they have really been accurate about their general timelines. If we adopt again, we will definitely use Dove.
Dove allows women to be pregnant and adopt. We started the adoption process in June 2009, and found out we were pregnant in October 2009. I waited until I was out of my first trimester to notify Dove of my pregnancy, and T and I were met with many congratulations. The only thing we had to do from an adoption perspective was update our homestudy announcing my pregnancy. Piece of cake.
Are you adopting currently? Do you know your agency's policy on being pregnant and adopting?
I hope this post was able to answer some questions. :)
9 comments:
I will also add that for those at least in parts of Canada (e.g., Ontario) and perhaps elsewhere, it is government policy that there must be 18 months between children coming into the home when adoption is involved (even if one of those children arrives by birth). This is not law, so there is occasional flexibility depending on special circumstances, but an agency would not be able to complete an adoption in this case without specific government approval.
Leah, I am totally with you. We are working with Dove to bring our son or daughter home and have had a great experience with them for the past 11 months. We were definitely looking for an agency that didn't have restrictions on getting pregnant while the adoption was in progress. We aren't pregnant now and probably won't be but we love that we don't have to be scared or stressed should that happen! Thanks for sharing your story, perspective and experiences!
Thanks for the info, Leah. I have often wondered which agency you and T were working with! (mental note made!)
We're adopting but from Korea, and Korea places restrictions - if you get pregnant your Dossier goes on hold until your biological child is 6 months old then you can pick up where you left off.
I didn't realize until I found your blog that Ethiopia allowed it. I didn't really research it because we're not interested in being pregnant again but it's good to know if I meet someone who is interested in pursuing both pregnancy and adoption.
Thanks for sharing that information! I am like you, I think people should be able to adopt if they can be good parents. I've read about some that dictate how often you should be attending church, and that you must both be members of the same church. My husband and I don't attend the same church, so that wouldn't work for us! And I know how great you and T are going to be and to have a sister immediately--well bonus! I think Kahlil will REALLY benefit from having a sister at home to mimic, the results of that kind of relationship can do more than some therapies can! I'm praying for your family as it grows! (And I'm going to look into DOVE!)
I used Dove too - love love loved them. Wasn't pregnant, though. :-)
P.S. Can you have T post on here while you're gone, just to give us little updates? We'll all be so excited and curious while you're gone!!!
We are adopting from Korea, and this post hit home. I actually had a dream last night I got pregnant and we had to stall the adoption. We are of course not trying, but it does make me sad if we happened to, I would be heartbroken for the loss of our Korean child. I am so glad you can do both.
I completely agree with you...no willing and able parent should be knocked out of an adoption because of pregnancy. We couldn't believe some of the restrictions we found when researching for our adoption. I still don't understand why they make you have a child in your home for 6 months before you can even begin to adopt again, especially when some adoptions take 2 or 3 years!
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