Overwhelmed.
That word doesn't quite sum up exactly how I'm feeling. All day long, I sit at work and think about my changing life. I make lists in my head of all the things T and I need to do. I plan and dream of the life that awaits us. And then I get home, exhausted, and all of these great plans are put off for another day, as I get into my bed at 8pm, to get my 10 hours of sleep every night.
I try not to be hard on myself. I continue to tell myself that I have months and months before all of these projects need to be done. Life just feels discombobulated. I have a need to control everything that is in my power to control, and that's what I'm trying to do right now. But I'm tired, and I'm cold, and my head hurts. . . and it is just more fun to lay in bed and watch TV than to work on these projects.
But all day long, my head spins.
Daycare for 2 infants in my city will cost about $2,500 a month. How will we afford that? I still need to work, T needs to work. . . so yes, we will need to think of something for our children.
How am I going to work out maternity leave, especially when I don't know when our adoption will be complete and T and I will be able to travel to get our son. Will I need to take two maternity leaves? One in July? Then one when the adoption is complete? Will my work even allow that?
Must organize our house so it feels like it has more space. Organization is the key to happiness! We'll need to organize all the kitchen cabinets to make space for baby stuff, we'll need to buy some shelfing for our pantry that we've never used since we bought our house, cause there was never the need for that space. We'll need to clear out the one bedroom we currently use as an office, and move our office to our lower level family room. We need to clear out one guest room, and move the guest room to our lower level bedroom. We need to paint. We need cribs, and dressers. We need a plan.
Oh my gosh. . . We are having two children. We are not prepared. How are we going to afford this? How are we going to adjust to this? We don't have a bath in our house. Instead, we have an oversized shower. How will that work with babies? Will we have to bath them in the sink? But what about when they get bigger? Will we need to transition them to showers at the age of 1?
Ahh. . . Yes. The constant thoughts running through my head. I thought I'd let you into the madness and sheer panic currently going on in there. And, if you have any suggestions, I'm all ears. :-D
20 comments:
This is so much to think about. I would be overwhelmed as well! The organization and house projects you can tackle over the next several months - and hopefully you can get some friends and family to help? As for figuring out how to pay for daycare, I'm not sure I can help you there. We have no idea how we're going to do it and we'll only have one! You might look into a nanny or a nanny-share (with another family) because with two kids it may be less money. And the maternity leaves - at what point will you feel comfortable talking with your employer about that? It might ease your mind to be able to learn about the options sooner as opposed to later, but I know the timing of the adoption will be key. Hang in there - it will somehow all work out in the end. It always does, even though we might be sure that it won't!
It does sound so overwhelming!
As far as childcare goes - can you look into finding a nanny? It usually doesn't cost any more for two children than it does for one.
When my parents first started out, they were in a tiny apt in New Orleans and they did baby baths in the kitchen sink! My sister slept in a drawer they took out of their dresser, and they just made things work as best they could. Babies don't need a lot of stuff - they just need lots of love :).
Good luck with all the preparations!
Leah,
Take a deep breath and Breathe :)
You are overwhelmed and that is understandable. However, Rome was not built in a day :) Your mission to be responsible and make everything perfect and be organized is noble. But, in the grand scheme of things, we aren't perfect no matter how hard we try and though we think we are in control, we realy aren't. Take things day by day and work through them "together" Be good to yourself and just ENJOY this moment :) Give your body the rest it needs.
As for child care, perhaps you could think of using a nanny or someone who could come to your home and look after the children. Often times you can negotiate a fair rate/salary per week that is less than that of day care. Just a thought, as you will do what is right for you. Talk with work and see what you can negotiate...after all life is about negotiations.
Many hugs to you and these blessings could not have landed on a sweeter person.
It sounds like a lot to think about, and I won't lie, your life is going to be in serious upheaval once either or both of those babies come home. However, you work it out. Things calm down as you get into your routine, which WILL take time. Just find peace in those crazy moments that your life will get back onto a track after a little while.
As for the maternity leaves and daycare, I would start exploring options now. Hopefully your employer will work with you.
I wish I had some stellar advice, but that is all I have.
You know it will work out, and it will, it just might take longer than you'd like. But once it is worked out, life is so much better than it was before kids.
Oh, as for the bathing thing, I LOVE the little baby tubs you can buy at Tar.get that has a seat for their butt. When they're too big for that, you can buy an inflatable baby bath. That's what I'm doing and it works great.
Oh, Leah! Your head sounds strangely familiar...like mine these days! I won't have the two infants at the same time, but still at 14 months apart I'm dealing with so much of the same stuff especially the house organization!
I agree with Kelly, you should start talking with your employer or HR department soon to help ease those fears. As for daycare, start researching in-home daycares and nannies to compare costs. It might be a better solution for you. If worst comes to worst you could even consider hiring a couple of different in-home providers (a pro and a college student part time or something) to help cut costs.
As for the bath - how big is your sink? We gave Colt sink baths for a long time! So don't worry about that right now...worry about it in a year or two when they've both outgrown the sink and then maybe you can put a small pool or inflatable tub in the shower. Then maybe remodel and add a tub later.
You're doing the right thing!! And it WILL work out. Get a pack-and-play or a bassinet now, and that's all baby needs at first. Cribs, painting, decorations can all be done after they are here (though I recommend getting it done before).
Welcome to motherhood!!
It looks like you've got some great advice already.
Sleep - get it while you can! If you're able to sleep for 10 hours every night, than I say - go for it. I didn't sleep well later in my pregnancy... leaving plenty of time for organizing and 'nesting'.
Daycare - I second (third?) the nanny idea. It would be so nice for you if your kids could stay in their own home and then you wouldn't have to pack up 2 infants every morning.
Maternity Leave - yikes, I don't know. I'm lucky to be in Canada where we get 12 months... is your employer aware of the adoption and pregnancy?
Bath - for a while we bathed our daughter in a tupperwear bin on the kitchen table. You'll find what works for you!
Good luck!!
I would be overwelmed too! I would just take one thing at a time. Tackle one project then move on to the next. As for finicially,I believe God will provide for you. He has given you two blessings and he will be there beside you throughout this whole process. Of course, keep writing about your feelings on your blog so we can hopefully help you through it. That's what blogger friends are for!!
I'm a list person too - always helps me feel confident that everything is being covered. But you are in a whole different category of list needs! But in a good way :) I wonder how the maternity leave works - seems to me you should get 2!
Thank you so much for you sweet words on my blog. I'm praying for you right now. When we adopted our daughter we had no notice...you can read all about that...but I serve a big God and He can do all things. He will not give you more then you can handle I promise. I felt like at times it was to much for us but we made it and so will you!
Wow, I'm overwhelmed just reading your post - you got me thinking about all the things that I've been worrying about lately too. Once Ella comes home we'll have two kids under 2...we currently have a nanny (we're in a big, expensive city too) and we will be asking her if she'd watch to kids. I'm not sure how much more we'll need to pay her...my mom currently watches my son twice a week, but she is stopping this soon, and we'll need to pay our nanny to pick up those 2 days too. We estimate for 2 kids to have a nanny 4 days/wk (I stay home mondays) we will pay $500/wk, $2000/mo, plus we will pay her sick/vacation time during the year. UGH! Not sure how we will manage either...but I prefer having them at home during the day at this young age...I may explore daycare when they're 3yo.
I'm sorry you're feeling overwhelmed, but it brought a smile to my face that you called it the best kind :) I 11th the nanny suggestion...
..or maybe you could find a stay-at-home mom who wouldn't mind babysitting.. that is what one of my friends did- she knew someone from her church who stayed at home, and so my friend let that person watch her two kids- kind of a win, win- my friend didn't have to pay normal day care costs, and the stay-at-home mom got some extra income...
Will be praying for you! One step at a time :)
As far as day care goes, I think you live in the Twin Cities, right? Check into in-home day care in one of the suburbs. Perhaps it will be a little more of a drive for you, but I have two young children in day care here and it's only $1300/mo.
To anonymous. . . Thanks for the suggestion regarding home daycare. T and I have looked into that, but the only issue is most home daycare (which you are right, is much more affordable) makes you pay for 5 whole days. We aren't sure if we want the kids in daycare 5 days, cause we have a mom-in-law who could do a couple day. I really appreciate the suggestion though, and keep them coming! I've heard some great ones, and appreciate you all taking the time. I definitely feel less overwhelmed. :-D
I am also feeling overwhelmed so I don't have any grand suggestions but I'll keep you posted if I have any lightbulb moments. :) Hang in there! I'll be thinking of you!!
Just do as those babies will be doing and take small baby steps. I would start by having a heart to heart talk with your boss and find out what your options are there. You can't plan if you don't know. Bathing in the sink will work for quite awhile but... you might want to look into options on getting a bathtub. Those little ones tend to not like showers and love to splash in a tub. I'd check on trying to find a grandmotherly sort who is willing to come to your home. It will all work out in the end.
you don't NEED all the stuff they market for babies...a lot of it i found is stuff i never used. target has a inflatable duck tub that could be used til at least one, maybe more. we liked it....it would fit in a big shower. craigslist has lots of baby stuff if you check often...cribs, etc. for way less than new. at least a lot of your stuff will be able to be used for both children. if you're not opposed to garage sales....you'll find great baby stuff for less in good condition if you look a little. not sure how to get around the daycare thing...our kids go to new horizon 3 days a week, but it's not inexpensive even for that. it will work out - some companies have a program where you can sock $5000 a year into an account (pretaxed) and use it for daycare expenses. not sure if you can use it for a nanny though. that has helped us a lot.
Wow, that is ALOT (and I'm sure more will come!). I hope you are able to enjoy the process and everything will fall into place :)
Just reading all of your list made me a little overwhelmed just thinking how much we still have to do for one. Wow Im amazed how much more daycare is where you live and I thought we were paying a bit for daycare.
I know everything will work out for you two and somehow the money issue will work it out. God wont give you more than you can handle I do know that:)
All I can add to this is "God will provide, and HE will never give you more then you can handle."
My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years and have 5 children (with another one coming in 25 days). He is the only one with an income (DOD civilian, works for Army, so the income is not the greatest). We moved 2 years ago and it was my 17th move.
Being a Mom never really was in my plans sine i was a career woman (or so it thought), and wanting to be a flight nurse and go into disaster areas after my graduation from college. I watched two of my colleagues go to Africa one day after graduation (I was so jealous), but God had other plans for me.
Becoming a mom to two in a short period of time can be an overwhelming thought, but things will be fine. My grandma had 12 children and then her husband died, she had to hold 2-3 jobs (washing dishes, waitress etc) to support her family and she managed it (that was back in the 50's).
Try not to worry to much, things will always fall into place. Praying for ya.
"Casting all your cares upon Him, for He careth for you". (1 Peter 5:7)
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