Does Race Matter?

T and I attended an adoption class this weekend at our agency. The content was wonderful. The woman who led the session was adopted as a baby, and now as an adult, she has adopted. Many wonderful topics were discussed, but my favorite was the race discussion.

Back in the day, when someone of a different race was adopted, the adoptive parents often didn't talk about the difference in race. Their rationale for this was that color truly doesn't matter, so why bring it up?

But. . . Does color matter? Should color be talked about? Should our differences be discussed?

During this discussion, we played a little game. All of us were given many beads, all of different colors.

White - Europeans and/or Caucasians

Black - African American or Pan African

Red - Native American

Yellow - Asian

Brown - Multi - Cultural

Then we were asked many questions, and asked to place a bead representing the race on a plate. Here were my answers.

What race are you? White bead

What race is your husband? Black bead

What race is your doctor? White bead

What race is your dentist? White bead

What race are the majority of your friends? White bead

What race is your neighborhood? Black bead

If you worship, what race is the majority of the people you worship with? White bead

What race is the majority of your family? Brown Bead

This game in race was very eye opening. As I looked around the room in this adoption class, I quickly noticed that T and I had the most colorful plate of beads. The majority of the room had a plate full of all white beads. . . and the only non white bead, was of the child they were planning to adopt.

In a perfect world, all races would intermingle. No one would truly even notice race. But, we aren't living in a perfect world. We are living in a world where color DOES matter. It IS noticed. I don't want our son thinking white is superior. I also don't want our son to struggle with never seeing someone who "looks" like him. And although T and I do a good job at living a diverse life, through this game, I realized we have areas we can improve. Perhaps we'll search for an African Pediatrician, or dentist. Perhaps we'll actively search out other families who have adopted from the country we are adopting from. (We are already actively doing this one)

I want my son to know that it's okay that he looks different than us. I want him to know that he's beautiful, as all races are beautiful. I want him to live in a completely multi-cultural world, where no race is completely dominating the space.

I know some people still say we should all be colorblind. But realistically, we aren't. And our son is going to notice that he doesn't look like his parents at a really young age. But I still want him to know that he's beautiful. I want him to know that he can grow up to be anything he wants to be. I want him to grow up and know that he doesn't have to be paler to make it in this world.

It was a great class, and it really got T and I thinking about so many things. It made me realize that although adoption is such a wonderful thing, when one decides to adopt a child of a different race, it is important that you change your life a bit. It is important that your child doesn't stick out in a world that looks so differently than him. Adoption is so much more than the costs, and the love of the child. It is truly about ADOPTING everything about your child, including his race.

And on a side note. . . The MN Vikings really let me down. But, they are always their worst enemy, and I'm not surprised. Actually, I'm grateful that I can be disappointed in a football game. My life is obviously very blessed that I can waste an emotion on a game. But. . . hopefully my heart rate will drop soon so I can get some sleep. :-D