The Inevitable Comments

I want to preface this post by saying, I feel so loved and supported by all, and it's the best feeling in the world. I hate to use my blog as a place to complain, because I am so happy and blessed in my life. But it is also a place I try to educate people. This is really the main reason I started the blog in the first place. To educate people about the adoption process. Most of the time, I'm just preaching to the choir, afterall, I'm guessing the majority of my blog readers have adopted or are planning to adopt.

Moving on. . .

When announcing our pregnancy to people, the first inevitable question we were asked was, "Are you still planning to adopt? This question I fully expected, and it didn't bother me at all. Afterall, many agencies won't even let you adopt if you are pregnant. So, I expected the question and was fine with it.

But the second thing most people sayd was the inevitable comment that bothered me. This comment was (and is) being made constantly. Almost.Every.Single.Time. The comment most people make is that all one has to do is adopt and then they'll end up pregnant. Or I'll tell people I'm pregnant, and they'll just laugh and say I told you so. I told you once you started the adoption process you'd get pregnant. (Really? You knew? Because I was almost 100% positive that I'd never have a biological child, so I'm so glad by your certainty) Or the stories people tell me. Because almost every person I've shared my pregnancy news with knows of someone who adopted and then got pregnant. As if that was the only thing people struggling to get pregnant needed to do. Yes, just adopt people, and then you'll get pregnant.

Yes, I have heard this comment no less than 5,435 times. And I know people mean well. These comments are coming from wonderful, supportive people who have been nothing but great to me. But the comment does bother me, and it's frankly, just not true. I've researched the frequency of this happening, and it's actually very rare. So rare in fact, that when it does happen, it's been known to make the news.

And I don't doubt that many people out there know someone who adopted and then got pregnant. But don't make the assumption that the person was adopting just because they couldn't get pregnant. People adopt for all sorts of reasons. T and I were going to adopt regardless of our fertility. It was always part of our plan.

People started making this comment to us before we were even pregnant. They liked to tell us that as soon as we started the adoption process, we'd get pregnant. That comment equally irked me. I was 100% okay with not getting pregnant. I was 100% in for the adoption, and that was the most important thing. People just assumed we were only adopting because we couldn't get pregnant.

I want to end this post by saying again that I know people mean well. But the comments people make stick with me, as I'm sure they stick with other people who have heard those comments. Always try to be aware of the comments you make to people and how those comments affect them. I know I'm guilty of making unintentionally hurtful comments. Everyone does it, and in most situations, it's simply a learning opportunity.

(As I finished typing this post, the Director of my department approached me. He wanted to offer his congratulations, and he shook my hand. He then said, "I have a neighbor who couldn't get pregnant, couldn't get pregnant, and then they adopted an adorable little boy, and bam, she got pregnant." AHHHHHHHHHHHH. That is me screaming!!! I certainly haven't discussed my fertility with my Director. Why do people make assumptions that people only adopt because of infertility? It's a really scary assumption to make. Okay. . . fuming. . . must go eat chocolate to calm nerves)