*** Please vote on the poll I added to the sidebar. Trying to get ideas for a middle name for Khalil, and all of these names are possible options. All of these are family names. Paul is my Dad, and Robert and Oscar were my beloved grandpas. And of course you've all probably heard Taher's name a few times. ;-)***
Most of us bloggers about adoption seem to be women. I'm hoping T will do a guest post eventually to give his thoughts on growing our family through adoption. (T - If you're reading this, hint, hint)
Here are my thoughts about T and the majority of those adoptive dads out there. They are amazing and unique men. No doubt about it!
The past couple of years I've become much more spiritual in my life. I've been looking for deeper meanings in everything that I experience. It's definitely enriched my life in ways that I could only imagine. It stopped me from being a victim of my circumstances. I SO needed that in my life.
At times, I would look at the infertility that T and I experienced and say WHY ME??? WHY US??? Now I take comfort in knowing that the why us is because we could handle it. I'm convinced that most could not. As I listen to people in my life fret about issues that I consider to be the small stuff, I have to bite my tongue instead of yelling, try experiencing infertility? I dare you!
Anyway, back to why adoptive dads are AWESOME. When it took T and I longer to get pregnant than I would have liked, Taher showed no hesitation when I brought up adoption. Taher's reaction was of course he wanted to adopt. I've always wanted to adopt. Let's do it! His willingness to grow our family in a non traditional way meant the world to me. I know many couples who struggle to get pregnant (hello - I am a blog reader after all) and the woman is usually ready to move on and starts talking and thinking about adoption, but the man still needs his biological child. He still needs to pass on his genes. He can't imagine raising a child that has no biological link to he or his wife. So, while this man is unable to move on, the woman suffers, and her road to motherhood becomes even longer. I see this situation all the time, and everytime I see it, it breaks my heart.
Adopting isn't always an easy decision for people. It takes a brave and confident person to adopt. It takes so much security. When I read blogs from wonderful women who are adopting, I know that they have wonderful partners right along side with them. It is the security in adoptive parents who are able to let go of their dream of a biological child and realize that families are created in many different ways.
I feel extremely grateful that T was open to the idea of adoption. I think it takes such a strong an unique person to adopt. I really do. And I'm confident that T and I struggled with getting pregnant because there is a little Ethiopian boy that may or may not have been born yet, that was meant to be our son. . . and we were meant to be his parents. A little boy that we may not have ever met had we gotten pregnant immediately. I wouldn't change our circumstances for anything. Our circumstances are what opened our hearts and minds and put us on the path we are on today. And without the wonderful man by my side who shared my same visions and dreams, I would not be where I'm at today.
12 comments:
My husband was 100% on board with our adoption from the beginnign too! I feel very, very lucky!
You turkey, I guess I'll b doing some writing soon!
I couldn't agree with you more!! I know several couples that continue to go through IVF even though the woman is ready to stop because the husband really wants a biological child. I have thought many times how lucky I am to have a husband that has a heart for adoption. LOVE this post!!
Excellent post! Peter is very pro-adoption. It is one of the reasons I fell in love with him. Well before we were married, we knew we would adopt.
As hard as infertility is, I am always glad we went through it too. It has made me appreciate everything about motherhood so much more. I am glad that you both walked away with the positives from it as well.
It is awesome that T is so supportive and on board right along with you. I am sure it makes the whole process so much easier.
It is SO much easier when your husband is with you and not pushing for something else. Sounds like you and I were lucky ones because we have that in our husbands!
I think my husband was completely open to adoption from the first, but he still believes we'll get pregnant. I sort of do too, I guess, but the difference is that I don't need to wait to be proven wrong before we get the adoption process started!
I guess it's different b/c we're not pursuing any treatments like IVF, so we don't have to make the decision to stop like most couples.
I can't wait to hear from T! I love the posts from the husband's perspective :).
It's amazing how much infertility changes your perspective on everything and how much it shapes your journey.
It is awesome that your husband was so on board with adoption (mine wants to exhaust all options first). I hope your hubs will do a guest post!
Having not experienced anything as difficult as infertility or losing a baby, all I can say is that those who join you in these experiences are amazingly strong and the men by their sides are blessed with a strength of their own. I applaud you!
Looks like it's a toss up between Robert and Taher so far! :) Is there a significance to any of these names (well, Taher is obvious)? Are the others family names, too? Just curious!
I think I may have shared this with you before, but my husband is very much in the camp of exhausting measures for a biological child first. And this is so strange to me because both of our families have histories of very non-traditional ways of growing. I've always been drawn to adoption in a way I can't understand or describe. It's just there. It's one of the reasons why I follow your adoption process--even though we're not there or even considering it with any serious intention right now--because I just have a feeling that it's in the cards for us. And I mean that in a very good way.
Okay, Taher: get writing! :)
A supportive husband is definitely a blessing! I'm so thankful that we both have one! :)
That is a blessing! I guess both my DH & I are on the same page about pursing all our options for a bio child at this time, so that's a blessing, too, that I had never thought about until reading this post. It would be difficult to be at a point in one's journey were you and your spouse wanted to go in different directions.
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