Questions Answered

1. I thought when adopting from overseas, it took years, not months?

Every country is different in terms of their timelines. When T and I went to visit adoption agencies to find out the best option for us, we realized just how different some countries were. China was by far the longest wait, and we learned the wait for a Chinese baby was over 3 years. That quickly ruled out China for us! I'm not sure why their wait is so long. My guess is that it has something to do with the fact that you can really only adopt girls from China. Because of the restriction China has on how many children each family can have, many baby girls are put up for adoption. I also think the wait is long because China is probably the most popular destination for people wanting to adopt. We also learned that domestic adoption of a white baby can take up to 6 years. Then there were certain countries like the one we choose that take a lot less time. This is because it's somewhat of a newer country, and also because there are a lot of orphans in this country. Also because there are both boys and girls available for adoption. It really varies greatly depending on what country you want to adopt from. When our adoption is all said and done, my best guess is that the entire process will take a year, to a year and a half. We started the process in June, and then June until November involved getting an approved homestudy and filling out a lot of paperwork. We weren't on the waitlist until November, 5 months later. Once we get our referral, we will then wait a few months for a court date before we can travel to pick up our son.

2. Regarding the 99 Things post, why did you have to ride in an ambulance?

My stupid heart got stuck in a bad rhythm, and I had to take an ambulance to the hospital and they gave me some meds to get it back in the normal rhythm. That 10 minute ambulance ride was spendy! I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. ;-)

3. With regards to heritage, do you have plans or ideas as to how you will handle your son's heritage, and national history?

This is such a wonderful question, and something that T and I think of constantly. It is SO important to us that we honor our son's heritage, and at the same time, we are also trying to bring in my husband's unique heritage, as well as some of my heritage. It starts to get really complicated when we think of all the heritages that will be in the mix! The first step T and I have taken is trying to learn about the birthcountry of our someday son. The more we know, the more we can teach him. I know I haven't come right out and said it on this blog, but I'm pretty sure everyone knows, we are adopting from Ethiopia. We are lucky that the Minneapolis community we live in has a huge East African population. T and I plan to seek out those neighborhoods and restaurants for our son. We are also building a network of other adoptive parents who have or are adopting from Ethiopia. We always want our son to see other people that look like him. We also plan on going back to Ethiopia when Khalil is older. Luckily, it's a short flight from Egypt.

When we travel to pick up our son, we plan on buying Ethiopian art and other things to put in our home. We really strive to be a multi-cultural family, and we want Ethiopia to be a big part of who we are as a family. T and I also plan on celebrating Ethiopian holidays along with the American holidays and the Muslim holidays that we already celebrate.

More than anything, we want to have dialogue from a very young age. We are going to strive to be open and honest. We always want our son to have so much pride in his homeland. And if anyone has any other ideas, I would love to hear them. I'm always trying to brainstorm ideas on this topic.

My friend starts IVF this month. Do you have any advice on what I should do? Say? What would you have wanted your friends to do?

Thank you so much for asking me this question. IVF was the most stressful experience of my life. That probably sounds crazy to some people, but if you've ever been through it, you'll probably agree with me. It's stressful! What was hardest for me while going through IVF, is I really wanted to be open with the people closest to me about what I was going through. Therefore, my closest friends and family knew the days I had to give myself shots, knew the days where I was going to have my eggs retrieved, and knew the day I was going to get a blood test to tell me if I was pregnant. Well, my IVF experience didn't work out, so a lot of times, I was given bad news. It was very difficult when I would have calls, emails, and texts from family and friends asking the results, when I just wasn't ready to give them. I needed time to mourn on my own. So, as a friend, I would just let your friend know that you are always there for her, and that you will only bring it up if she does. I had some friends who did that with me, and I appreciated it so much. It gave me time to process everything before feeling pressure to articulate it to the people who knew what was going on with me.

And my other advice is to simply be a friend. Be empathetic. I had people in my life who thought that I had mourned long enough, and just needed to get over it. Well, we all get over things at a different pace, and some people never ever get over infertility. Just let your friend know you care, and that you are sorry for her hurt and pain. Have compassion, but not pity. Sometimes just having a friend tell me they were sorry for my pain made all the difference in the world.

If anyone else has questions they would like answered, I'm always willing to answer them. :)