T and I just hit our 3 months of when we started the adoption process. June 25th, we mailed in our adoption application. A joyous day in our lives. When we first handed in our application, our adoption agency told us that the paperwork process can take anywhere from 2 months to 6 months OR longer. When I remind myself about that timeline, I know T and I are in good shape. Our homestudy is complete (We are just waiting to get the final copy mailed to us), we are making a lot of process on our Dossier, and CIS has our I600A and we are waiting on approval.
For most expectant mothers, getting out of the first trimester is a wonderful thing. The risk of miscarriage goes down considerably, hopefully the first trimester pregnancy symptoms start to disappear some, and hopefully the energy level starts to return.
Although there are some similarities between a pregnancy and adoption, I imagine there are mostly differences. I've never experienced pregnancy, so I can only speak to adoption. I keep asking myself, "When will this feel real." "When will it feel like I'm actually going to be a Mom?" Besides this blog, my family, and my friends, I haven't really announced our adoption to many people. With pregnancy, the fact that a mother is expecting becomes obvious after a while. There is simply no way to hide the expanding belly. But with adoption, there isn't the weight gain. In fact, if anything, I've lost weight since beginning the adoption process. (Must be the happiness and contentment it gives me)
I know that I'm expecting in some ways. I mean, T and I will be parents. That is what the mounds of paperwork are for. That is why we keep getting our fingerprints taken, keep filling out financial information, keep writing checks to the agency. This is all so we will be parents.
Yet, it still doesn't feel real. I'm hoping once our Dossier is approved in our adoption country, and we are officially on the waitlist, that it will finally feel real. At that point, T and I will start making purchases for the baby. We'll start thinking about the nursery, and daycare, and things of that nature.
Days like this, it's hard to trust that at the end of this we will welcome our child home.
12 comments:
I understand what you are talking about..and to be honest with you first get that child in your arms it still might not feel "real" for a lil bit! Its just unreal to go from all the paperwork, home visits, writing more and more checks, and then bang you have a baby you have been wanting but it seems so unreal that they are finally in your home!!
I know what you mean! People like to say, "Oh, but you're expecting too!" But it doesn't REALLY feel like it. I can't feel a baby, I can't see him growing, we don't feel we can buy anything yet... It's just different. We aren't buying anything until we are close to a referral (we have a longer wait time than you, probably, since we have to wait to send our home study) because we don't want to buy things a year and a half in advance! Plus we want to pay all our fees in the mean time. So without baby stuff around the house, you're right, it doesn't feel real. Hopefully it will feel real SOON!
I hear you!! I do have to say that for me getting on the waitlist was a huge hurdle to it all feeling real and believing that we will be parents someday. But I am not 100% there yet. I am thinking Mandy Jo is right in that it won't feel 100% until the baby is in your arms. But I think each step (waitlist, referral, court date) will feel like we are inching closer and closer. That is what I am hoping for at least. :)
It must be hard for it to feel real right now without the physical changes of pregnancy. But I have a feeling it will feel real soon enough.
Kelsie
Well, Consider the writing of checks for the adoption part of your Labor pains :) paying out that much money from your pocket is almost as painful :P I think I'd rather give birth lol!!
I'm so excited for you and T!! :)
I am following your journey.. and although I don't know much about the adoption process... I am wishing you the best of luck and hopefully everything goes by really quickly!!!
It really is true that you are experiencing a different type of "pregnancy." Going through all of the preparations, the expectations, the hopes and dreams.
To be honest, the first few days of my daughter's life, it didn't feel real. Even the pregnancy never felt real. I knew it would result in a baby that I would love and raise, but it was always surreal. It still is. I guess it is because we go through so much to get to the point where we are parents. I still have days where I just stare at my daughter and am afraid to blink just in case it has all been a dream.
It is awesome to watch you hit all of the milestons in the process. Just think, this time next year you will probably have a baby. :)
The time will be here before you know it and like pregnancy, the pain, discomfort and waiting memories will disappear as soon as you have that baby in your arms.
While it is a longer process in some ways, you are totally an expectant parent and, some day (hopefully soon!!!) you will bring your child home. And it will be as wonderful moment! I dont know when it will feel real. Some days, motherhood still doesnt feel real to me... I felt like a mom that first time I conceived, but I've never brought a baby home. Even now. I'm hoping once Bobby and Maya come home the realness will set in. But right now, I feel like I'm in a dream state.
It must be hard to get excited with so much to do, but I think it will feel real for you once you are on that wait list. :)
Lisa
I have experienced both, and I would say that for me, getting our I171H back in the mail felt like the "positive pregnancy test", that our referral felt like our 20 wk ultrasound (altough better, because we got a real picture) and although we're not there yet, that the travelling part will feel like the "hospital visit". Hang in there...It is harder in a lot of ways because it takes longer and there is no "due date" but a lot of preganancies don't feel "real" until at least 20 weeks, either.
Hey--wanted to let you know I switched domains, and I wanted you to be able to find me! I'm now at lifeandadoption.blogspot.com
So excited for you and your journey.
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