More Details

When I wrote the previous post I had just gotten off the phone with our adoption agency, and was on hold with Delta, so I didn't have much of a chance to give the details.

Basically, I was working from home today, when my adoption agency popped up on my caller ID. Now, they have a strict policy to only call when ABSOLUTELY necessary. Otherwise, they email. They have this policy so parents don't get all worried when they call, or if parents are still waiting for a referral, they don't get all excited for nothing.

The first thing our contact at the agency said to me is that Khalil is fine. Whew. That is obviously first and foremost. But then she told me our embassy date had been switched from September 30th to October 14th. (enter tears) Through the tears, I gathered that the reason for the date change is because the embassy employees can't get to the paperwork in time, and a lot of this reason is because they are physically moving buildings, so their office will be closed for a week. I also learned that the embassy date changing is VERY unusual. Our agency did everything in their power to not have the dates change, but the date was still going to change. Every family in our travel group is affected by this change.

So, I got off the phone and called my Mom immediately because this obviously affects her too. I was nervous to make that call. People who don't understand adoption as well as those of us actually adopting, expect things to be smoother. But I learned quickly with adoption that things change constantly. And the biggest lesson I've learned. I AM NOT IN CONTROL OF ANY OF THIS. So, my Mom couldn't believe it and we conference called our airline. I was way too emotional to do the talking, so my Mom did. They were going to charge us a huge amount to change our tickets, and I don't expect my Mom to pay any more money, so I plan on paying for her ticket change amount as well. My Mom "busted balls" and we got a supervisor on the phone, and we ended up being able to change our ticket for less than we were originally quoted. So, that was good news. Although still expensive. If there are any well off people reading my blog who would like to chip in a few dollars, feel free. :)

So, our tickets are changed, and I'm praying our embassy appointment stays October 14th and doesn't require another change. That would really suck, but there are no guarantees with any of this.

So, now that the plane tickets are taken care of, I need to talk to my HR department about the new dates I'll be gone, talk to the nanny, talk to the FMLA guys, and there are probably others I can't think of right now.

I know two weeks doesn't seem like much, but in the adoption world, it is a long time. I feel like I've been waiting for Khalil forever, so two weeks longer just breaks my heart. Here we are, ready for our son. Khalil is in an orphanage ready for his family. It's always about the paperwork. I do take comfort in knowing that Khalil is well taken care of though.

The hardest thing for me and leaving for 9 days is the anticipation of leaving Scarlett. I know once I get to Ethiopia, that although I'll miss her like crazy, that I'll be fine. But anticipating leaving has been killing me. And now I have 3 more weeks of anticipation. I.Just.Want.To.Go.Already.

My way of processing things is to first be emotional, and then to process things and try to find the deeper meaning. That is where I'm at right now. Trying to find reason for the delay. Maybe we needed more time to prepare? Maybe Scarlett needed to be the only child for a little longer? Maybe Khalil wasn't ready for such a massive change? Whatever the meaning is, I know there is one.

I've been worried that I wouldn't bond to Khalil immediately. That I wouldn't feel the same way about him that I do Scarlett. After getting the phone call from our agency about the delay, I realized just how deeply I love my son, and that there was never any reason to worry about how I would feel about him. I love him like crazy, and although I've never met him, my heart is longing to hold him.

Maybe that was the deeper meaning in all of this.

If you know me, you know I'm pretty proud. I rarely accept help, and I hardly never ask for it. But, I've received messages from a few people asking if they could donate money to our adoption costs, specifically the cost of changing our airline tickets. T and I talked, and decided to put a donate button on the top, left-hand side of my blog. If you would like to adopt to our adoption fund, we will gladly accept donations, and promise this is a safe and secure way to do it. You just click the donate button and go from there. And please do not feel obligated to give any money. You have all been more support to us than we could ever have dreamed of.