Scarlett Letters

Dear Scarlett,

Today probably seems like just another day to you. You'll get to spend the day with Mama, eating "yum yums," going for a walk, swinging, and watching Mama clean, but for me, I woke up sad. I have two days left of maternity leave. 2 days. And then I'm back to work.

I have such mixed emotions about it. I take so much comfort in the fact that you are going to be well taken care of. Your Baba and I did our due diligence in finding care for you, and I know you are going to love your care. But I'm going to miss you, and I struggle with the fact that the best place for you is with me. But, I must work for the money.

I'm convinced that being a Mom is just one big guilt trip.

It's also September. This is going to be a monumental month in all of our lives. In 22 short days, I will be going to the other side of the world to pick up your brother. When I leave, it will be the last time you will be my only child living in our home. When I come back with Khalil, all of our lievs will be forever changed.

A part of me just wishes I could leave tomorrow. I don't want to spend the next 22 days feeling guilty about leaving you. What kind of Mother leaves her child for 9 days when she is only 2 months old? I struggle with that DAILY. But in my short time as a Mama, I've learned that being a parent is about making difficult choices, and the choices are always about what is best for the children. I wouldn't leave you if I didn't trust that you'd have the best care in the world while I was gone. And I wouldn't leave if I didn't think that Khalil needed his Mama more than ever. He needs me. You need me. And you are both two of the most important people in my life, and I will always think of you two in every decicision I make. That I promise you. While I'm gone, you will have Baba, Nana and Gidu, and Aunty taking care of you. But your brother. . . He has no one right now, and he deserves all the comfort and love in the world. And your Grandma and I are going to give him that. Soon. Very soon.

I know you will be confused when I'm gone, but I promise you in the grand scheme of things, I will only be gone for a blink of an eye. And when I return, I will bring your older brother. I have no doubt at all that you two will love each other for the rest of your lives, and that you'll never remember life without him. I have no doubt that he will enrich your life greatly, just as you will enrich his.

And I promise you that when I return, I will still be your Mama. . . forever and ever. That will never change.

I love you Lil Miss Scarlett. And although life will sometimes take me away from you, I am always here for you. Always and forever.